You are right. Your sister's decisions caused the animal to needlessly suffer, that's a shame. Taking steps to help a dying pet avoid discomfort and pain at the end of life is an act of love of the most difficult kind. They rely on us for this, just as they do for food and happiness during better days.

The vet should have spoken up and recommended euthanasia at that visit two weeks ago. I wonder if s/he said something to your sister? If so and she decided not to take the recommendation for whatever reason, that's even sadder to me. If they didn't, that's a problem of another kind.

I am truly sorry for the cat. Euthanasia is a gift we can give them so that they do not have to suffer needlessly. It is a hard decision but the kindest in the long run. Hugs to you.

Poor kitty:( Your sister is emotionally stunted, not being able to do what is right for the animal due to her own pain. It's a sad situation all around, buy your Mother was right in telling you to not interfere.

You are 100% right. People that fail to hold the pets paw till the very end are abandoning them in the end. True pet lovers would never hurt their pet, as hard as it is, euthanasia is your last act of love for them. Pretty easy to tell when your pet is not enjoying their life any more.

You are right. It is horribly painful to make that last trip to the vet. But sometimes we have to do it. She chose not to for a reason only she understands.

You are right. But at this point the poor cat is dead. Perhaps for the sake of future possible cats, and your relationship with your sister, keep the lines of communication open so that you may continue to attempt to persuade her.

She is not heartless, she was crying that the cat had died, but she does have her beliefs. I hope she will listen to you and perhaps change those beliefs so future cats have an easier death.

I know how difficult this must be for you.

I would be so mad if a vet "changed his mind". I would change vets. I recently put down a horse. I had her former owner throw a fit about it. I don't make that decision lightly, but once I cross that bridge, I don't change my mind. In this instance, the horse was old and had almost no teeth and was having a problem with choking. I had been up with her the entire night before, and I couldn't do it again.

I have no patience with people who can't make that decision and would let an animal suffer instead. I got called cruel on this forum one time because someone let their dog linger and die a horrible death from peritonitis. My sympathy was for the dog. At that point, I had no sympathy for the owner. So, that is why I was called cruel. I have sympathy for the pet owner, but not if they are okay with letting an animal linger and suffer. Because a dog can weakly wag it's tail, does not mean it isn't in misery.

A vet that won't euthanize an animal when clinically indicated, at end of life and or because of an untreatable condition, should be reported to the state licensing board and the state veterinary society. And, absent an adequate explanation, should also be truthfully but pointedly slimed on Yelp. Completely inexcusable.

I know from the stories of training incidents my own kid told me about when in vet school that euthanasia at the right time is the responsibility of the vet and is as essential a technique for treating and eliminating suffering as any procedure or treatment to improve the health of an otherwise healthy animal .

She is probably never going to let another animal suffer like that again is my first thought. I'd err on the side of compassion with her and not bring it up. She will own up to her very human mistake eventually in my experience and learn the lesson that way.

A vet I know suffers horribly whenever she euthanizes an animal. She is wracked with guilt and doubt for quite a while. Maybe that's what happened to your vet gyr_falcon?

My vet told me a week ago that he believes my dog won't make it through the summer. I immediately started crying. My dog isn't in any pain because he is on many medications for CHF and failing kidneys. I can't imagine how hard it will be to put him to sleep. I told the vet, I won't let him ever be in pain. A few times lately he has looked at me with a look in his eyes that tells me he is starting to get tired, very tired and my heart breaks.

I'm so sorry to read this sabbath7. Hugs to ((((you and your dog.))))

We've had two cats, and both times they got sick, we took them to the vet and rather than let them suffer, we had them put down right away. I am not a pet person. The cats belonged to my kids. In all the years we had them, I never cleaned the liter box (the kids or my other half did... ;) ). While I am not a pet person and will NEVER have a cat (dear lord, they stink up a place fast) or a dog (they're noisy and dirty too), I would never allow one to suffer if it didn't need to.

sabbath7 - sorry to hear your sad news.

Maybe this affected me more because my Dachshund is coming up on 15.5 YO soon and I see she is really slowing down. She is on medication for arthritis and incontinence. I know the time for that painful decision could come at any time.

Yeonassky- it's hard because I am selfish and want him to keep living. I can't handle to see an animal in pain though. When I visited a relative years ago their dog was in pain and I cried in front of them as I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The day I left they put their dog down thankfully.

Caflowerluver- I so understand.

I've never had to lose a pet. My precious Little Lil being my first. Recently she became very ill and was suffering..I knew I would let her go if she didn't begin to recover when she did...I could not bare her suffering..I thought how can I let her go and never have her in my life again..than I looked into her eyes and saw the pain, but I also saw..help me mama..and I would have helped her.

We said good-bye to our beloved Smudge 2 weeks ago. He was 17, and the most gentle, wonderful guy. He developed hyper-thyroid 1.5 years ago and was on medication, as well as an IBD, and was on Prednisone for that as well, periodically. He recently was on the edge of kidney disease. He was getting blood work done a lot (every 3 months), and he never once put up a fuss. The whole team in the clinic just loved him.

He was starting to lose weight and wouldn't eat enough and drank water like a horse, then pee like crazy. He got Stage 2 renal. We knew that he wasn't going to get any better and we made the decision over the weekend. Tuesday we took him in, and when we went in to see him, the techs were both crying, I was sobbing, and it was so emotional, but absolutely the best thing for Smudge.

Did she have anyone there, to go with her to the vet, who could have stayed with her after?

I'm from the farm and we had animals. Many farms that have animals will face the "mercy killing" situation at some time. Its never pleasant, but farm folks know when it is necessary. That was one of the uses of a rifle we kept. It was a single shot, bolt action, 22. It was spoken of to we children as our varmit gun, but deep down, we knew that it had other purposes.

Our dad brought home a puppy for my sister and me. It was tan colored with white feet, a white tail tip and a white blaze on its face. It was adorable and very friendly to we two. We were taken with him. We named him, Tippy, due to his full complement of white tips.

One fine summer day, Dad was mowing the clover patch and out little dog bounded out into the field and jumped in front the mower bar. We heard our little dog yelp with pain. The next image we saw was out Dad carrying the dog toward the backyard, two of its legs dangling uselessly and the pup whimpering with pain. We were poor farmers in the 1940s struggling to eek out a living and there was no extra money for a Vet, plus the Vet was 10 miles away and we did not have a phone nor car. The dog may have passed from shock and blood loss before we could get him to the vet, but had he survived, it would have been a long painful ordeal. There was the question as to what could be done. The Vet likely would have recommended to put the pup down, and there was the reality of no money for this expenditure. Dad gently laid the dog down in some soft grass and put an end to his misery with the 22.

My sister and I decided that he should have a funeral. We placed him in a cardboard box lined with batten cotton. We took him down by the creek where he had cavorted with us and we dug a shallow grave in a sandbar under a willow tree. There, we said a few words and laid him to rest. We gather a few wild blue blossoms to lay on his grave, never mind, these were weeds. To us, these were the finest bouquet in the pasture.

We returned to our house, put the shovel away, and felt that we had given him a proper send-off; The weight of our loss began to lift. We had gained closure. (Young children, although experiencing sadness, can be resilient when permitted.)

I agree that it's selfish to let an animal suffer, and we've had to have (over the course of our adult lives together) three cats put down.

Too bad we think more of our animals and end their suffering, when human beings are made to suffer massive amounts of pain and agony as they die. :(

(((caflowerlover))) If it helps to see her side a bit? Being in the car is highly stressful to animals. And, they know they're going to be killed (yes, I do know this. I see it on a daily basis), so that stresses them. So putting them down (something that is imposed without their say-so) is suffering too. I'm not an advocate one way or the other. I'd have to say circumstances are all that would make me decide one way or another for the specific animal. My last cat, I took to the vet because he was suffering.

@sabbath - We had a cat (best cat ever) who died at 20. One day he was walking down the hall, very slowly, sat down and just looked at me. I could see in his eye that he was tired and he was ready and it was a look I had never seen in his eye before. (He only had one eye, hence the singular version) You will know it as well.

@caflowerluver - I don't know why your sister chose this way, perhaps it's just a very strongly held belief of hers. It seems from how you described her grief that she doesn't do it to be cruel to the animals. Hugs to you both.

I'm dealing with that right now. Months ago I was thinking of making an appointment for euthanasia for my 17-year-old cat who was failing. She ate, she pooped, she drank water but was getting skeletal. She was always a small cat anyway and was very thin. But she rallied and a few minutes ago ate a huge portion of wet food. But the day she won't touch food or water, I'll make the sad appointment but I'm glad I didn't six months ago when I first thought of it.

Caflowerluver - I totally agree with you. I would never let a beloved pet suffer needlessly. Unfortunately, not everyone has the same view, but...........I don't think your sister was being mean intentionally. Some people just don't understand it is kinder to let them go.

It's never an easy choice to make...it should NOT be easy! I wonder if the cat actually had kidney failure - blowing up like that would be more indicative of heart failure with fluid in the belly. Dying of kidney failure is really quite peaceful - I know because my husband ended up dying of this, secondary to prostate cancer. Prostate cancer patients have a very incidence of blood clots and he had many. He was put on Lovenox twice and the last time, it caused an abdominal bleed that caused his remaining unblocked kidney to fail.

I would not berate your sister about this. She knows your opinion on the subject, the cat is dead and she's devastated and there is no benefit of continuing the discussion. In the end, it is hers to make, right or wrong in the eyes of others.

End of life decisions for our pets are very difficult. It's so hard to let go and not feel that you've done everything you can.

I don't understand letting an animal suffer if you can help it.

You have to focus on their life, not their passing.

Similar situation as Lily's, but with an 18 or 19 year old cat (former feral we rescued in autumn 2001, 2 or 3 years old at the time). She has renal failure and dental problems. Had a cleaning last year, but at this point is too weak to undergo more procedures. We did at home fluids with another CRF kitty, but it would stress this one out too much. She still eats, though not as much as before, and she drinks a lot. She still enjoys sunning on the porch and attention, but she has declined a lot. I expect we'll have to make the decision fairly soon.

Greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way that its animals are treated

The
question is not, "Can they reason?" nor, "Can they talk?"
but rather, "Can they suffer?"
~Jeremy Bentham

Life
is life's greatest gift. Guard the life of another creature
as you would your own because it is your own. On life's
scale of values, the smallest is no less precious to the
creature who owns it than the largest."
-- Lloyd Biggle Jr.

Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.
-- Albert Schweitzer

Medical Definition of euthanasia.
: the act or practice of causing or permitting the death of hopelessly
sick or injured individuals (such as persons or domestic animals) in a
relatively painless way for reasons of mercy—called also mercy killing.

To not preform your duty as a pet owner to allow the animal a humane death, when it is possible is selfish and cowardly. Our pets give endless amounts of love and compassion and all they require in return is that we take care of them this includes euthanizing them when the time comes. Crying after then fact was of little use to your sisters cat when it was suffering. This is harsh but I believe it is also true.

sabbath7 I agree with blfentin and others. Our pets, or fur friends as I cornily call them, will signal that it's time.

I think that you have to have someone to be with you when you go through that though. You'll need the support. I go numb, don't even cry, when it happens. I make myself tell my companion I love her or him with all my heart but the tears choke me so I can't say all that's in my heart.

When the dam bursts a few days later, look out! I'm a mess for quite a while.

Sorry ((((Lilly)))) and ((((petra)))) for your and anyone else's ((((sick pets)))). I'm keeping a good eye on my calico Juliette as she's 17 and going deaf. :( So far otherwise she's healthy, knock on wood.

I fully understand how difficult it can be to have to face the end of a beloved pet's life. It's extremely difficult. But as a pet owner, I feel you're responsible to the pet and allowing it to suffer needlessly is animal abuse in my book.

I know people going through this situation. I don't agree with their decision but it is their decision too, as long as there isn't outrageous suffering. Well, technically it's their decision period. But to answer your question, you are not wrong IMO.

I only wish it was commonly allowed for people to choose to be euthanized when they reach a point of their choosing (in appropriate circumstances).

It's possible that the vet gave her some sort of pain meds for the cat. My daughter in law's dog got very sick with kidney disease, the dr. agreed that he could live longer for a while and cooperated with us to medicate and give the dog more time. I went over and gave him an iv drip every day and he was taking steroids and something to increase his appetite. In between that he was perky and lively until one day he just laid there and Jill called me and said "will you go with me to the vet" She told the vet to put her dog to sleep and so he did.

My last cat died at home in 2014, I'd taken her to the vet because she'd been losing weight and sleeping even more than is usual for a cat (yeah, I know) about a month prior and he didn't find anything wrong with her, said she was simply getting old - she ate, she drank, her gums were nice and pink, still grooming herself...he said just keep an eye on her and make sure she's comfortable, that I should call if anything changes drastically to bring her back in. And so that's what I did. The day she died I'd begun to get worried, she'd been sleeping so much and not doing a whole lot else, went upstairs to sit with her and check her situation/condition out and was right there next to her when she drew in that last rattled breath as I stroked her head. She was very old for a cat (19), and while it hurt my heart (still does) it was so much less traumatic for her death to happen at home with me there next to her that way instead of what I went through with my first cat who I had to bring in to the vet to have her put to sleep - she was 10 years old and we didn't know that she had FIP, likely from her days of carousing and fighting other cats, if I'd known it could happen I'd have been more argumentative and persistent about getting my parents to relent on her being an inside only cat instead of indoor/outdoor. I didn't make that mistake with my last one, I willingly kept her litterbox in my own bedroom while I still lived at home and the cat stayed entirely in my room when I was not there - thus rendering my mom's objections to her being indoor only, moot. I struggled greatly to deal with that first death, feeling that I was responsible for it despite of the things I didn't know because if I had I perhaps could have prevented it, people aren't always rational nor are they always going to react in a particular way that others would consider the logical manner of doing things/response to impending and actual death of a beloved companion. An ex was devastated when his 15 year old German shepherd who was going blind and deaf, arthritic and increasingly incontinent died in the span of time between letting her out into the backyard and his getting out of the shower one day - but many people including myself felt that it was his selfishness about not wanting to let go that prevented him from seeing how hard those last few years of her life had been getting for her, that she was a dog and as such she would never stop trying to please him and knew how very much he loved her just as much as she loved him, and she would have wanted him to be there with her in that final moment but her body was not able to wait any longer. I think that whenever possible - and one should move heaven and earth to make that the case - an individual should be there at the end, that their companion have the comfort of their presence be the last thing they know before their spirit and body part ways. It is hard, it is heartbreaking, but with everything they give us this is something we should give them to show that we recognize how lucky they've made us being in our lives. I do wonder if there are people out there who would want to have their pet euthanized at home but when the time comes they realize just how expensive that can be even without the additional costs regarding their companion's physical remains - if they wish to have private cremations and the ashes returned to them things can get pretty pricey depending on where they live. For a person who may be of lesser means though able to provide their pet with a good life, food, vet care and so on, the discovery that they cannot afford what they would have wished upon their fuzzy's death - perhaps needing to bring the body to the vet or local animal control - that's absolutely going to be traumatizing for someone already grieving. And though there are some options (which often involve surrendering the pet) that people can apply for to get their pet major surgery or other significantly costly treatment for things like cancer; there's also pet insurance they can 'pre-pay'; there's no help to apply for or an opportunity to start paying small amounts or larger ones in advance for the cost final arrangements. So much about the situation is painful, even more when one realizes the facts that their finances dictate.

My dog is 10 now, and I know that one day not too far off in the future she will be so very tired in the physical sense, and will need me to let her go - and while it's a little selfish I do hope that it will be the kind of situation at home with relative peacefulness for me and free from any horrible pain for my dog - even if that means I ask the vet to provide something to ease things until it's time to call and arrange for one of the services in the area who do so to come and put her to sleep.

I've no objection to euthanasia -- in fact, had to do so last year for my 20 year old cat. What I am not comfortable with is taking measures to artificially extend the lives of our pets by, for example, giving them insulin shots, requiring frequent blood draws, trying to treat heart failure and such. I tend to feel that in the end, when those measures are failing, that lengthens the dying process for the poor critter before we recognize that it is time for the final visit to the vet.

Your dog/cat/pet can't tell you it's hurting. It can't tell you it has had enough and is ready to go. Last dog I had went down LITERALLY over-night... maybe even less time than that. She was fine when I left (had gone outside and stuff) but about 5-6 hours later couldn't even stand up... or at least didn't want to. A neighbor had to lift her into the back of my car... 90 lb Dobie. Not really old (about 8 yo), no noticeable changes in eating/drinking/pooping/peeing. Took her to emergency animal hospital where they did x-rays and took blood. I am SO grateful to the vet (who I had never met until that moment). She told me I could get a "second opinion" or have explanatory surgery, but in her professional experience... the results would NOT be good. Told me x-rays showed a LARGE mass,,, probably on stomach or liver. She had seen similar things and the results were NOT good... cancer. Dogs can get chemo but it never makes it go away... and costs a fortune. It was REALLY tough making that hard decision with no time to think about it, but I did what I felt was best for a GREAT dog... and let her go peacefully... to end pain.

I get how you feel. I'm totally head over heels about my cat. Suffer....no way! I'll cross that bridge when we get there.

We had to take our kitty in this morning, she really went downhill this weekend. Re-reading this thread helped to reinforce that, no matter how much it hurts, the only important thing is to release them from suffering. And it does hurt a lot, but there is also a sense of relief that she does not have to struggle anymore.

((((Petra)))

This is our little memorial spot that we have set up for Smudge in the corner of the livingroom. Frame of prints of his furry paws, a cast of his feet, his food dish and sympathy cards. Our eyes often stray to it and we think of him daily and miss him; it's only been a couple of weeks.

Oh ((((Petra)))).! So sorry. You did good for your kitty.

Lovely memory spot for Smudge Jasdip. Mine for my Tango gone one year in April is one picture and his favourite toy in a frame on the wall. Parting is hard remembering is wonderful.

Thank you, Jasdip and yeonassky. I am so sorry for your losses. That is a lovely memorial, Jasdip. We buried her in the backyard with some of the others we have buried there and put a little stone cat angel on her grave.

petra_gw - sorry to hear about your kitty. If my post helped, that is good. I wish you well.

Thank you caflowerluver. Reading everyone's thoughts really did help reinforce that we were doing the right thing.

I have a book, mug and placemat of Elvira that I made at Shutterfly. I know the day will come - too soon. I want something I will look at everyday to remember her. I have loved other dogs I have had in the past, but Elvira was my Soul Mutt.

Here is the mug. (imagine it wrapping around.) I drink coffee out of it every morning.

So sorry Petra. As I said above, my Phoebe will be next. But she ate half a can of wet food and used the litter box, so not today, but soon. I wish I knew if she was in pain. She's old and frail but that's not a reason. I have a lot of animals to remember and I do every day. I too buy stone markers for their graves. I have so many buried in my backyard centuries from now when they excavate they'll think it was a pet cemetery.

She was beautiful, if I drank coffee instead of caffeinated soda I would totally get a mug with photos of my Molly Mae similar to yours! She's not gone yet, hopefully we have several years to go (Lord willing) but MANY years ago when I had to put my first kitty to sleep and realizing after how little I had as tangible memories of her I made a concerted effort to ensure that wouldn't be the case with future furry beasts. I have an album documenting all the stages and other mementos for my 2nd kitty who passed at home in 2014 and one for Molly Mae though unfinished.

Lily, if she is eating plenty, that is a really good sign. I really hope she stays comfortable and with you for a long time yet. Please give her a big cuddle from me.

Along the lines of what gyr_falcon posted about having problems with the process of euthanasia, my first experience with it was an absolutely terrible experience. This was at a high-tech vet with all the bells and whistles and I would have expected so much more from them.. They did not make my dog comfortable, nor did they sedate her- it seemed like they just needed to get the job done to clear up the room for the next patient. It was appalling, but I didn't know better.

My vet now is great. I've sadly been through the process 2 more times since and have experienced unrushed, compassionate, and peaceful, though sad passings.

Is it possible that your sister did not know what to expect? Or had heard horrible experiences and felt that her kitty's suffering was not as bad as what might happen at the vet?

I'm inclined to think what someone else said, which is that your sister will probably never allow another kitty to suffer that way. Sometimes it's hard to know what to do in the moment. I spent a lot of time thinking about how to approach the next one after the terrible experience with the dog.

Unfortunately, it does happen over and over again, do that as they say that they can't afford to pay out the amount to have them put down.

I feel that is so irresponsible to let them die a slow death like your sister did to what is supposed to her beloved pet.

Making the decision is the hardest thing to do but its the kindest most beloved thing to do for your pet in having it put down and not suffer.