Empty Nest Fest
elba1
8 years ago
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shirl36
8 years agobossyvossy
8 years agoRelated Discussions
Getting ready for empty nest next year
Comments (2)How do you go from being a mother who your child depended on to someone that no one seems to need? I'm not exactly in your shoes. I'm not single and I have 2 college students, not one. But most of my life revolved around my kids since I was mostly a SAHM and worked part time. The first thing I guess I would say is that my kids both seem to enjoy having me around more now than they did when they were in high school. They both go to college close enough for me to drive up (or down, depending on the college) and have lunch with them. When your daughter starts her freshman year, give her some space and time to get acclimated, and time to start missing you. Then if you are close enough, you may find that she enjoys having you come for short visits sometimes. I find that my kids are around a lot more than I thought they would be, and like to have me visit them more than I thought they would. My other suggestion is to shove those negative thoughts out of your mind after she leaves, and think about positive things. Now is your time to rekindle friendships that you didn't have time for before, or make new ones. Time to take up new hobbies, repaint the house, or whatever you've wanted to do that you put off. Volunteer. There are probably people all around you who need you. And exercise - exercise helps keep the blues away. Every time you think, "Oh how much I miss little Susie, my heart is just breaking", shove that thought out, be thankful you raised such an independent, capable and intelligent young woman, and think about how much you can't wait to buy that new rose bush or take that Italian cooking class, or whatever. One day you will be exercising or gardening or whatever it is that you like to do, and you'll realize the hole in your heart is not so big or so painful. And after she comes home next summer you may even be happy to see her go back to school in the fall and get back the peace and quiet you've grown accustomed to. I know that advice sounds trite and cliched, but it worked for me. Give yourself time to grieve. But keep trying new things or rediscovering old things until you find something that helps fill the hole in your heart....See MoreI have empty nest/She has child
Comments (6)I can sympathize; I am in a similar situation. My DH had to take a job where he works every weekday, afternoon and night, so I am now home with SS all the time (I work from home during the day on top of it.) My DH didn't have a great deal of choice in the matter (the only other option was to just not pay bills!), he did consult with me prior to accepting it, and he is desperately trying to find another job... but it is still very hard at times. SS8 is a very good kid but even he can be a bit trying when he follows me around talking talking talking; when it's the whole neighborhood gang sometimes I want to pull my hair out. I don't think my DH understands just how difficult it is for me; he had been a single father for several years and a married father for so long before that. I had been living alone in a nice quiet peaceful apartment. DH just loves kids and so 10 screaming kids from the neighborhood running through the house playing pirate and swinging swords is just lovely background music to him; he can sit and read a book and pretty much tune it out. Anyway, one of our agreements is that, since I am watching SS8 every night, I am in complete control during those nights. I can (and do) tell the neighborhood kids when to go home, tell them that that's enough of playing video games and to go outside and play, decide who/if/when friends are coming along if we go somewhere, etc. It is, in my opinion, completely unreasonable to allow a 12 year old to decide whether or not he will have sleepovers and how late they will stay up - if you are the adult at home, you should make that determination if it wasn't decided beforehand. Same with being evicted from your own living room; you are the adult, you decide when enough is enough. Has Lily said that you can't make these decisions? Is she just assuming that you will/are? You have said that you've "tried talking with her". I've learned with DH that if I said something like "Don't you think the kids are being a bit rambunctious?" his response would just be along the lines of "Oh, they're just having fun". I have to use declarative sentences and be quite clear - "I have a big project due and so I will need the kids to be quieter or play elsewhere". To which he was always surprised that I hadn't just told them that. I have also told DH that I will require some time alone on the weekends, time during which I know that no kids will run in and disturb me at all. While I realize that many single parents do not get that luxury, I am not a single parent; I am a married step-parent, and it helps me incredibly with my stress level. So, I think you need to sit down with Lily and have a serious talk. Don't hint or beat around the bush; be quite clear and calm. Explain that this situation is very difficult for you and clarify as to whether or not you are in charge and whether Lily has your back on any decisions that you make. Also explain that you need some time off on the weekends. If her expectations are that she makes the rules and that you are an unpaid babysitter to multiple kids, well, honestly, I'd be looking for an apartment. I agree with lonepiper; it's a bit concerning that she just dumped this on you without your permission....See MoreEmpty nest ....getting used to?
Comments (21)Taigen, I appreciate your position -- the cooking for 2 issue and the physical limitations as well. Since it's only been a little over a month you are still transitioning to 'it's just the 2 of us' mode. As for the cooking for 2 adjustment. Use the Google search engine and type in: cooking for two cookbooks There's several cookbooks you might find within your library system. Many times, if your local library doesn't have a copy it can be borrowed from another branch. There are also a few websites where those search words supply something for you to try. However, you can still make up your favorite recipes for 6 -- learning to make use of your freezer section can be a real boon to days when you don't feel up to cooking. Also, making a grocery list based on 2 and buying NOTHING which is not on the list helps break the automatic habit of buying snacks, etc. you don't need or want. I agree with others in looking for new hobbies but I particuarly want to suggest being a volunteer. I don't think there is a field out there that isn't looking for volunteers. Getting and keeping busy with something new is a great way to get out of the automated mode. Your library itself...many have children's reading hour or story time and they need adult readers. Your library might even have what ours has which is a library auxiliary which collects books throughout the year and puts on a twice-a- year book sale to raise funds for the library itself. How about volunteering for a thrift shop run by a charity you favor ... work the cash register, stock the shelves, sort and price, taking items home for washing or mending, etc. Your local animal shelter is also a potential resource -- walking the dogs; socializing the puppies and kittens. Other animal interests might include volunteering in your area's wildlife rehab center or fostering at home. Nursing or long term care homes usually have an Activities Director on staff even if part time. Call and inquire if there is something you can do there. I had more fun as a result of contacting a nursing home and finding she (the Activity Director) had a male resident who was a voracious reader who missed reading westerns or books about the old days of settlers. I scoured the several thrifts shops for books in that vein. She also mentioned he loved popcorn so on the day I delivered a BIG bag of books I stopped by Wal-Mart and picked up a big bag of pre-made popcorn along with a small bowl he could eat it out of. The charity thrift shops benefitted from my purchases and a senior gentlemen got reading material for a year. Lastly, think of something you and your husband can do together. How about planning that cruise or vacation you have been putting off? Cruises are wonderful vacations for people with physical limitations. Cruise lines and ships are very accommodating to begin with. and you two can enjoy yourselves after having to only unpack once, eat drink and be merry, while the most exhausting part of each day is planning what to do the next day -- leave the driving to someone else!...See MoreEmpty nest kitchen
Comments (17)I'm with funky too. For the most part, you still need a similar type of kitchen. The only things that might change drastically would be: 1) If your original kitchen was designed to keep a constant eye on small children in another room. You won't need that kind of openness to another room unless you are babysitting grandchildren. And even then, you probably won't babysit them as often as you watched your own children. 2) If you totally stop entertaining and your children never visit, so you only ever have two people at most in your kitchen. Then you wouldn't need the seating or extra counter space or aisle width or fridge space to accommodate extra people. Mostly I think downsizing when you are social just means losing a few bedrooms and their associated bathrooms and maybe the yard if it was only really used by the kids for playing. But you still need kitchen/dining/living spaces that are the same or similar to what you have....See Moreplllog
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