There are signs of one last child in our nest, but he is rarely seen. I continue to cook for 4 and enjoy leftovers and less cooking.

I have adapted to two children gone, but with 3 dogs, there is still enough of a mess to clean up after.

My husband has taken up my interest in antiques, collecting, yardsales, and flea markets. We spend a lot of quality time together pursuing our love for the hunt.

I recently signed up for a book club that begins in September. That may be a good option for you. Or you could come over and help clean my house. :)

Kim

The cooking for two...and now for one, since my husband has a job now that keeps him away for 2 weeks at a time, was the only problem I had.

My daughter left to go to college and never moved back home, altho she was here for a couple of summers. She's happy. I'm happy. I see her fairly often tho, because she just lives in Houston, about 45 min. away. She emails me when she wants to ask a cooking question or something like that.

I have so much to do...I never get caught up. Also I was childless for the first 15 years of my marriage so it wasn't much of an adjustment to go back to that.

Last August my youngest left the nest and I must say it was the hardest time of my life. I had been a stay at home mom for 25 years and now had to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Funny, there are thousands of books on preparing for and raising a child, but nothing on what happens to us moms when they leave the nest.

While I am now doing fine with the emotional aspect of it, I too find myself trying to get out of the "automated" mode. I still find that I shop and cook for 4 and tend to buy snacks and goodies that the kids like. It's hard to remember back (pre-kids) when it was just my hubby and I.

I often think about getting a job, but I too have physical limitations (Brain tumor survivor) that will make it very difficult. I am an avid gardener, so I spend quite a bit of time enjoying that. I have 2 close friends that are going through the same thing, so we commiserate together.

I find that I also clean the house (daily) on automated/robotic mode, with rooms that are never used.

Can't wait to read what others have to say, I need some help :)

The cooking part is easy - do you have a casserole program at a local church or senior center? Our church and others in our community have a casserole program. One day a week we can drop off frozen casseroles and they are delivered to seniors, shut ins or anyone else who is unable to prepare a hot meal.

The emotional part is harder. But if you can find something to keep you busy it will get easier. Do you have any hobbies or are there crafts that you'd like to learn? Join a gym, book club, take golf lessons, volunteer to help at the school. Our school matches adults with children who need extra tutoring, especially with reading.

I too have adjustment problems and it has been many years of empty nesting. We still live in the house where the kids grew up, and we are staying put here for several reasons, but mostly because we feel that they like coming home to visit not only us, but to enjoy the comfort of the large home they grew up in and the community they know.

I have seen other empty nesters downsize, and they find that when the kids marry that it is too expensive for the young marrieds to put their families up in hotels, so they don't visit often. We have replaced one married child's twin bed with a king, and put her twin in another room so that we will be able to comfortably accommodate as many young parents and grandchildren as possible as the years go by.

I even took a few years to crochet a large banquet tablecloth for the dining room table with all the leaves in it for family holiday meals. I started that when the first child got engaged, knowing it would take a few years to finish if I wanted the luxury of being able to put it away now and again and not work on it for long stretches.

I have to say that at first you go through a stage of they run home to get things, do laundry, and have a pleasant family meal if they are close enough. Then they become more independent until they marry and have kids. As settled marrieds, they like to visit, share the grandchild, and have grandparent help with them too.

I had gotten involved in many community non profits. Recently I gradually cut those out and find the needlework I love to do is a real help in whiling away time where I want to do something. I still don't like to clean. And I think I will eventually return to gardening with more time to do it.

We have been empty nesters for 2 months now~~I cried all night long the first night had to take 2 Xanx. My DS was my heart having him gone I thought would break it. I adjusted really fast :) My DH retired about 2 months before the boy was out so I had to adjust to now having him home and my sweetheart boy gone. I was also recuperating from my hysterectomy. As soon as I was able I started back to my yoga classes I do them 4X's a week and that helped me alot. I will be back to my partime job at the end of this month so that will help also.

I too have had a hard time with the shopping, I also hate to cook~~I told my DH he will do 3 dinners I will do 3,then we will go out once. I am also changing our eating habits to a much more healthy diet I bought alot of junk food for DS.

I think I am really liking this empty nest of ours, I have had a child under my wings since I was 18 '41' years total!!!!! My DD was 12 when I married my DH so this is our first time really alone after 29 years of marriage.

Now it is my time :)

taigen. In time you will adjust, maybe even find out you like your empty nest.

My empty nest came when my DH and I moved 200 miles from the home our kids grew up in. They were both just out of college with new jobs, so they stayed behind. Not only was there now just DH and I, but I had no friends or connections to a new community. I too have/had some physical limitations. First thing I did was find the local library and volunteered some time. Then I got a part time job as a sales clerk in a small store that did not involve much physical work. When that became too much for me I went to a nursing home and explained my limitations and volunteered for anything they thought I could do. They found lots of ways that I could help. One that I enjoyed most was reading to some of the patients. Another was assisting the activities cooridinator with craft projects. I even took supplies home to get them ready for another day's project at the nursing home.

Cooking and shopping for 2 instead of four was a challenge. But after a few months, I adapted to buying less of perishables, but after 10 years I still fret if I don't have 2 or 3 of everything in the pantry. I do still cook for 4. We like leftovers and it gives me a break to have them in the fridge on days when I am not at my best.

taigen, I forgot to tell you about the most interesting thing I did to keep busy after moving away from my family. I enrolled in night classes for medical assisting. DH was working the 3 to 11 shift and the nights were really lonley. So I took these classes 2 or 3 evenings a week for 2 years. I had no intention in using this education to get a job, but anything medical had always interested me. I had a blast learning and as my DH said, "it kept me off the streets".

I'm really glad I started this thread...thanks for all the replies. I knew I wasn't the first or only person to go through this.
I haven't heard of any casserole program but I will look into it. That is one of the learning curves I guess, when you are used to cooking for 6 you tend to over buy and over cook...then are stuck with left overs for the week! (Although sometimes left overs are better than the first day haha) Maybe meals on wheels or something like that.
In regards to time....I have so many hobbies but none of which seem to interest me right now. I am an artist by nature, always painting, making things. I have my gardens and ponds etc. I think I am looking for something different, I just don't know what it is right now. My physical limitations stopped me from continuing yoga at a class but I still do some at home. Maybe once all the programs etc. start up for the fall I will find my right "nitch" (sp?)
Thanks again for the ideas...keep em coming :)
P.S. I just looked at the main index for garden web forums and was surprised that there is no forum for empty nesters to reach out to one another. Lots of other subjects, not that one though.

Our nest may be empty...but the bird drops in at dinner time about once a week. I always have enough ready to add to dinner to feed our very welcome guest.

OMG I would SOOOO love an empty nest - DS came home with a baby so I will be at least 80 before my nest is more or less mine. I love my guys dearly but there are days...

Taigen, I appreciate your position -- the cooking for 2 issue and the physical limitations as well.

Since it's only been a little over a month you are still transitioning to 'it's just the 2 of us' mode.

As for the cooking for 2 adjustment. Use the Google search engine and type in:
cooking for two cookbooks
There's several cookbooks you might find within your library system. Many times, if your local library doesn't have a copy it can be borrowed from another branch.
There are also a few websites where those search words supply something for you to try. However, you can still make up your favorite recipes for 6 -- learning to make use of your freezer section can be a real boon to days when you don't feel up to cooking. Also, making a grocery list based on 2 and buying NOTHING which is not on the list helps break the automatic habit of buying snacks, etc. you don't need or want.

I agree with others in looking for new hobbies but I particuarly want to suggest being a volunteer. I don't think there is a field out there that isn't looking for volunteers. Getting and keeping busy with something new is a great way to get out of the automated mode.

Your library itself...many have children's reading hour or story time and they need adult readers. Your library might even have what ours has which is a library auxiliary which collects books throughout the year and puts on a twice-a- year book sale to raise funds for the library itself.

How about volunteering for a thrift shop run by a charity you favor ... work the cash register, stock the shelves, sort and price, taking items home for washing or mending, etc.
Your local animal shelter is also a potential resource -- walking the dogs; socializing the puppies and kittens. Other animal interests might include volunteering in your area's wildlife rehab center or fostering at home.

Nursing or long term care homes usually have an Activities Director on staff even if part time. Call and inquire if there is something you can do there. I had more fun as a result of contacting a nursing home and finding she (the Activity Director) had a male resident who was a voracious reader who missed reading westerns or books about the old days of settlers. I scoured the several thrifts shops for books in that vein. She also mentioned he loved popcorn so on the day I delivered a BIG bag of books I stopped by Wal-Mart and picked up a big bag of pre-made popcorn along with a small bowl he could eat it out of. The charity thrift shops benefitted from my purchases and a senior gentlemen got reading material for a year.

Lastly, think of something you and your husband can do together. How about planning that cruise or vacation you have been putting off? Cruises are wonderful vacations for people with physical limitations. Cruise lines and ships are very accommodating to begin with. and you two can enjoy yourselves after having to only unpack once, eat drink and be merry, while the most exhausting part of each day is planning what to do the next day -- leave the driving to someone else!

Try researching your family roots, and construct your family tree. It consumes a lot of time, but is fun playing history detective, and you'll discover things about your ancestors that you never dreamed about. It will give you a better sense of early American History and how it was lived. It give one a much better perspective on American History. Genealogy can be as engrossing or as light an activity as you want to make it.

As you dig deeper, it will provide ideas for trips to places you never thought about. Suddently, it seems a good idea to become re-aquainted with far flug relatives. As you become more expert, you suddently will find yourself the expert on your family's past.

Expect to spend about 5 years to assemble a reasonable family record going back 200 years. It takes real digging to go back farther that 200 years, and many have found a broken chain (brick wall) at the 200 year mark, so don't be disappointed if you can not go back any farther.
**********

About grocery shopping, I found that it became easier and cheaper. We merely keep a list, enetering things that we should get or like to add. A little holder hangs in the kitchen with a roll of adding machine paper. We add things as we think of them, and when one of us goes to the store, we rip off the list and take it with us.

When we return from the store, any thing that was not purchased is added to a new list.

You are so blessed to still have your marriage. When my two girls left home (within 30 days of each), they also moved far, far away. And my husband left within a few weeks, after 24 years of marriage.

I missed *all* of them so very much.

I still miss the girls. :) I replaced the husband.

The other posters are right. In time, it gets easier and you learn a "new normal."

I'm guessing the reason GardenWeb has no forum for empty-nesters is that the bleak period is so fleeting. Most of us adjust quickly, and adjust well. I'm sure you will, too.

My nest is very empty, as I'm the only one still here. I can only reiterate what some of the others have said about hobbies, work, and volunteer work. If you have a passion, follow it. And if there are some things you'd like to accomplish in your lifetime, get busy now.

Women often miss "doing" for our kids . . . cooking their favorite meals, etc. When I was cooking for a family of five, I loved it. Cooking for one isn't nearly as much fun. I think we can channel some of this need to nurture into volunteer work. It should be relatively easy to find a field that appeals to you.

And don't forget school! If our local universities were closer to me I'd be attending classes. I was approached about enrolling in a creative writing masters program, but the commute would have done me in. I don't know how old you are, but many colleges offer free or reduced tuition over a certain age.

Susan

LOL...hang in there...they'll probably be back...

That's what I always heard...never thought it would happen...(mine came back...lol) Longing for the empty nest again.

Don't really want him to leave (especially not far away) but would like to have a little privacy once in awhile...

As far as cooking...I could never figure out how to cook for two. Unless it was a meat potatoes and veggie meal.

As far as casseroles or soups...we always had leftovers the next day. I liked that, not having to cook every single day. I hate cooking anymore.

patti

This was my major concern. I will have an empty nest come the 16th of this month, our baby DD will go off to college. On the 17th my DS will come in from Chicago to stay a week and all the other kids live within spitting distance. I still have 3 furbabies at home, a full time job, and my mother, who lives in the next county, to spend ever saturday with. Although I am an emotional wreck already just thinking about it, I've got a feeling that in a few months I will get use to it and won't even miss her. LOL Seriously I have so much other stuff going on in my life that some days I sit back and wonder how I ever managed to get everything that needed doing done. To clean the house and have it stay clean for more than five minutes sounds like pure heaven. I will let you know in a few weeks. After the shock of being empty nesters (a day we thought would never come) wears off, I intend to enjoy every single second.

Someone said there aren't book about this time period in a woman's life--but there are. Amazon.com has 7,479 Results for a search on "empty nest."

I have no idea how good they all are, and of course your own life is different from anything described in a book.

Just wanted you to know it's worth looking, if that would interest you.

Thanks again for all your insights I really do appreciate it very much.
I've had a few move in and out several times over the last few years....guess that is why this last one seems so different. He is the youngest and has watched and learned (hopefully) from the others and I feel his move really is "the last one". I guess I learned from all the others also. I just truly was not expecting to feel this way. I was one who always thought "I can't wait to have my house/life back"....be careful what you wish for they say.
I have always been a volunteer in my community so there is that to go back to. I work part time during the school year and that will help. I paint, woodwork, garden, knit, crochet, stained glass, cake decorate, sew amongst other things....just none of them are filling that empty spot right now. I'm sure in weeks to come things will slowly reach a new "normal".
The cookihng...well hubby works shift work so it will be quite a learning curve to get that one adjusted! LOL I just hate to see good food go to waste, I really need to check in with a seniors watch program or something.
Thanks again all.

Hi again taigen,

Your message includes, " ... I NEVER thought I would compain about that but there is only so much cleaning you can do before loosing (sic) your mind."

I'm confused ... if you're worried about losing our mind as a result of doing a lot of cleaning ... now you have a whole lot less cleaning to do, so I'd figure that you'd be in a lot less danger of losing your mind ...

... so much less worry about the risk of such loss, right?

One less concern in the present circumstance?

Most of my possible suggestions have already been covered, including the possibility of volunteering - I consider our society as we've known it at substantial risk, these days, and we empty nesters/retirees/seniors have time to work at improving it.

How about seeking out other empty nesters, to commisserate with one another, in this "terrible" new circumstance in which you find yourselves? Could a community group, library, local church (or several in an area, working together), facilitate forming such a group?

Maybe write an article about it for your local newspaper, TV, radio ... highlighting, perhaps in rather a humourous fashion, the various issues that you outlined? And this is a good time, as many older offspring are soon heading for advanced education, and the youngies are heading for KG.

If you arranged a contact through the newspaper, etc., if you don't want to provide your personal contact possibility, maybe some others in similar circumstance would come forward and you can meet for discussion and to pursue various areas of interest.

Though it seems as though you have a fairly large number of earlier interests, as things have been recently ... it appears that they are not too appealing, at the moment.

As you said, " ... be careful what you ask for ...." in the midst of your busy life with people coming and going, seemingly endlessly - as people may not like the loneliness when they're (all but one) gone.

Now's the time to get to know one another, once again - even if the counterpart is on the night shift.

Good wishes as you deal with your new reality ... I have confidence that someone who has the various coping resources that you have almost certainly developed over the years, in the light of your various interests, will find her way though without too much difficulty.

ole joyful

P.S. Just one major proviso ... do you figure that your marriage may be at risk?

Quite a few break up when, with the other family members gone, they're "stuck" with one another?

Has your relationship become too boring?

Have you grown apart? Different interests ... few in common? The partner too boredom-inducing? Know what he's going to say before he opens his mouth?

Maybe some fence-mending might be in order, if such may be a risk.

o j

I t does get easier as time passes. I did notice how neat
my house stayed. My son came back in June and its amazing
how he came can turn a house upside down.