How do you go from being a mother who your child depended on to someone that no one seems to need? I'm not exactly in your shoes. I'm not single and I have 2 college students, not one. But most of my life revolved around my kids since I was mostly a SAHM and worked part time. The first thing I guess I would say is that my kids both seem to enjoy having me around more now than they did when they were in high school. They both go to college close enough for me to drive up (or down, depending on the college) and have lunch with them. When your daughter starts her freshman year, give her some space and time to get acclimated, and time to start missing you. Then if you are close enough, you may find that she enjoys having you come for short visits sometimes. I find that my kids are around a lot more than I thought they would be, and like to have me visit them more than I thought they would. My other suggestion is to shove those negative thoughts out of your mind after she leaves, and think about positive things. Now is your time to rekindle friendships that you didn't have time for before, or make new ones. Time to take up new hobbies, repaint the house, or whatever you've wanted to do that you put off. Volunteer. There are probably people all around you who need you. And exercise - exercise helps keep the blues away. Every time you think, "Oh how much I miss little Susie, my heart is just breaking", shove that thought out, be thankful you raised such an independent, capable and intelligent young woman, and think about how much you can't wait to buy that new rose bush or take that Italian cooking class, or whatever. One day you will be exercising or gardening or whatever it is that you like to do, and you'll realize the hole in your heart is not so big or so painful. And after she comes home next summer you may even be happy to see her go back to school in the fall and get back the peace and quiet you've grown accustomed to. I know that advice sounds trite and cliched, but it worked for me. Give yourself time to grieve. But keep trying new things or rediscovering old things until you find something that helps fill the hole in your heart.

I wish I cried and got depressed about my kids leaving the nest...oh no...I had to go out and get replacement models...yup, two high maintenance dogs!!! How can a 6lb yorkie and a 8lb chihuahua run a persons life???!!! I am so busy spoiling them, I don't have Time to miss those lovely brats of mine!!!lol! I think a wonderful thing to do...a suggestion...is to look at community courses in your town, and treat yourself to one! Art&crafts, meditaion, whatever...it's a way to get your brain on something new and different! (And it's cheaper than pets!lol!!!) I don't have time to think now that I've met Cindy/Klinger..as she is so busy hauling me off to thrift stores and Mexico all the time!!!lol!!! And of course checking in here with all my other GardenWeb buddies!!! Yup, This too shall pass!! Jane

I can sympathize; I am in a similar situation. My DH had to take a job where he works every weekday, afternoon and night, so I am now home with SS all the time (I work from home during the day on top of it.) My DH didn't have a great deal of choice in the matter (the only other option was to just not pay bills!), he did consult with me prior to accepting it, and he is desperately trying to find another job... but it is still very hard at times. SS8 is a very good kid but even he can be a bit trying when he follows me around talking talking talking; when it's the whole neighborhood gang sometimes I want to pull my hair out. I don't think my DH understands just how difficult it is for me; he had been a single father for several years and a married father for so long before that. I had been living alone in a nice quiet peaceful apartment. DH just loves kids and so 10 screaming kids from the neighborhood running through the house playing pirate and swinging swords is just lovely background music to him; he can sit and read a book and pretty much tune it out. Anyway, one of our agreements is that, since I am watching SS8 every night, I am in complete control during those nights. I can (and do) tell the neighborhood kids when to go home, tell them that that's enough of playing video games and to go outside and play, decide who/if/when friends are coming along if we go somewhere, etc. It is, in my opinion, completely unreasonable to allow a 12 year old to decide whether or not he will have sleepovers and how late they will stay up - if you are the adult at home, you should make that determination if it wasn't decided beforehand. Same with being evicted from your own living room; you are the adult, you decide when enough is enough. Has Lily said that you can't make these decisions? Is she just assuming that you will/are? You have said that you've "tried talking with her". I've learned with DH that if I said something like "Don't you think the kids are being a bit rambunctious?" his response would just be along the lines of "Oh, they're just having fun". I have to use declarative sentences and be quite clear - "I have a big project due and so I will need the kids to be quieter or play elsewhere". To which he was always surprised that I hadn't just told them that. I have also told DH that I will require some time alone on the weekends, time during which I know that no kids will run in and disturb me at all. While I realize that many single parents do not get that luxury, I am not a single parent; I am a married step-parent, and it helps me incredibly with my stress level. So, I think you need to sit down with Lily and have a serious talk. Don't hint or beat around the bush; be quite clear and calm. Explain that this situation is very difficult for you and clarify as to whether or not you are in charge and whether Lily has your back on any decisions that you make. Also explain that you need some time off on the weekends. If her expectations are that she makes the rules and that you are an unpaid babysitter to multiple kids, well, honestly, I'd be looking for an apartment. I agree with lonepiper; it's a bit concerning that she just dumped this on you without your permission.

Linda, I haven't heard back from my friend, so I googled the cooking light recipe - I would use real butter and rum instead of margarine, etc - but here it is: Jamaican Banana Bread Cooking spray 2 tablespoons stick margarine, softened 2 tablespoons tub light cream cheese, softened 1 cup sugar 1 large egg 2 cups all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons baking powder 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1/8 teaspoon salt 1 cup mashed ripe banana 1/2 cup skim milk 2 tablespoons dark rum or 1/4 teaspoon imitation rum extract 1/2 teaspoon grated lime rind 2 teaspoons lime juice 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/4 cup chopped pecans, toasted 1/4 cup flaked sweetened coconut 1/4 cup packed brown sugar 2 teaspoons margarine 2 teaspoons lime juice 2 teaspoons dark rum or 1/8 teaspoon imitation rum extract 2 tablespoons chopped pecans, toasted 2 tablespoons flaked sweetened coconut Preheat oven to 375�. Coat an 8 x 4-inch loaf pan with cooking spray; set aside. Beat 2 tablespoons margarine and cheese at medium speed of a mixer; add 1 cup sugar, beating well. Add egg; beat well. Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt; stir well. Combine banana and next 5 ingredients (banana through vanilla); stir well. Add flour mixture to creamed mixture alternately with banana mixture, beginning and ending with flour mixture; mix after each addition. Stir in 1/4 cup pecans and 1/4 cup coconut. Pour batter into prepared pan; bake at 375� for 50 to 60 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Let cool in pan 10 minutes; remove from pan. Let cool slightly on a wire rack. Combine brown sugar and 2 teaspoons each margarine, lime juice, and rum in a saucepan; bring to a simmer. Cook 1 minute; stir constantly. Remove from heat. Stir in 2 tablespoons each pecans and coconut; spoon over loaf. Yield: 16 servings (serving size: 1 slice) NUTRITION PER SERVING CALORIES 187(26% from fat); FAT 5.4g (sat 1.5g,mono 2.3g,poly 1.2g); PROTEIN 2.9g; CHOLESTEROL 15mg; CALCIUM 55mg; SODIUM 105mg; FIBER 1.1g; IRON 1mg; CARBOHYDRATE 32.2g Cooking Light, MARCH 1997