grandpa on my father's side

11 years ago

I was only 6 when my grandpa died. He was a quiet man, that
actually played with us kids. But there is really nothing
outstanding I remember about him.

Grandpa had chickens, and bunnies, and a huge veggie garden. Or,
at least, it seemed huge to me as a kid.

Grandpa and my dad were butchering doves (which an uncle of mine
raised) the day he died. This was also my youngest sisters birthday.

Had a heart attack, while on the john that evening.

I distinctly remember dad bending down over the coffin... looking
for a sign of life. A breath, a movement, something.

Then during the service so many relatives cried... and then I was
appalled at the fact, we were supposed to drop a shovel of dirt on
the closed coffin in the grave.

YIKES, what about bugs?

That was the day I knew, I would never want to be buried. It was
years later, when I found out about cremation and decided this was my
option.

Featured Answer

chisue

11 years ago

last modified: 11 years ago

The most moving funeral I have attended was beautiful for its stark simplicity.

A friend had died suddenly of a heart attack. He had been vacationing with his family at a nearby resort. He was in his late forties, seemingly fit, a former Marine, with no hint of heart troubles. He and his wife had been separated for a few years, but had joyfully resumed their marriage.

Following Jewish tradition, the burial was as immediate as possible. It was a graveside service. The widow was inconsolable, weeping, barely able to stand between their two young adult children. Many of the people attending were in something like shock themselves. This man was our age.

At the conclusion of a brief service, each family member took a shovel of dirt to put into the grave. The rabbi invited all attending to do the same, as a last personal favor for and tribute to the deceased.

Nothing in this pretended to be anything it was not. The reality was raw, immediate grief. This was Death. However, by being recognized for exactly what it was, it was also comforting because of the reality. It allowed for an end and the beginning of healing. There was no 'viewing', no funeral 'parlor', no service in a place far from the grave, no casket borne away to be interred by strangers. This was the ceremony. We were the celebrants.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (8)

vicsgirl
11 years ago
As a child of (maybe) 9, I attended my only Grandmother's funeral. Seeing her "laid out" spooked me so much I decided on cremation for myself. I've told my kids, bury my ashes in the backyard.
ruthieg__tx
11 years ago
Me too...My husband and I have discussed it and we both know what the other wants.
Related Discussions
....as my father did......
Q
Comments (1)
Stacie - Check out the linked thread. You didn't see it because fathers don't seem to be as popular around here -so far less than half the response of the mother thread - so it's dropped down to page 3. :) Here is a link that might be useful: the other thread
...See More
A Letter From My Father
Q
Comments (9)
Don't you just love this?? After my parents passed I found a box of letters and tapes that my mom and her 2 sisters wrote to each other over the years. Some of these letter are as old as 60 years old when my sisters were babies. The things they wrote about are so funny. Someday I am going to scan them all and send them to my brothers and sisters, then put them on cd's for safe keeping. Times were so different back then and I have so much fun reading about the family and getting a feel for what it was like back then. The cassettes I found are in more recent years when cassettes were the thing to use....they all used to tape to each other instead of writing and I am so glad they did...so nice to hear their voices too! Treasures for sure!
...See More
my stepdaughter is a manipulative teenage her father doesnt see
Q
Comments (22)
I wrote this to try to get help with my family or what is left of it. This is the first time I ever posted anything on this forum. So instead of getting help I am getting feed back based on the notion I am a teenager or the same person that wrote something on a wedding. The real issue is that a young girl of 17 has manipulated her entire family to the point that she is now posting blogs on how the ruin your parents life and get anything you want while you do it. Again she doesn't want to spend time with her father her real mother or anyone she justs wants to do what she wants to do.. She is entering her senior year and has no job doesn't want to go to college her father lost his job and he is going into over twenty thousand dollars of credit card debt to continue to keep her in clothes and jewelry he can't nor never could afford he never made more than fifty or sixty thousand dollars a year. He has no health benefits he depends on me and now that she is living with her grandmother I don't even know if she is eligible to stay under my health benefits. She is dating a drug dealer and there is nothing I can do or say about it. Her father says he believes her when she says he never carries drugs or deals drugs when he is with her. Tell me does this seem odd to anyone? I now don't want her in my home anymore in fear that she will bring this home. So since I last wrote these new developments have changed things If my husband doesn't disciple her and I cant how can I let her be around my children or in my home. I love my husband but I have an obligation to keep my children safe and under the new circumstances having her in my home isn't an option.. MY children informed me she was bring drugs in the house and when my son found out he told her he was not only going to tell us but call the police. I am sure she brings things into my mother-in-laws house she is 65 and doesn't speak much English. So although I love my husband my life may have to be on hold until she is 18 in June. She wants to go out and be discovered she is considering working at Disney a character for experience for acting. That is today tomorrow who knows. If I sound bitter I am. I gave this child love, a home, clothes and anything she could want.Including consistence and rules. I was her only parent five to six days a week. Now she has total freedom because know one knows what she does she can lie and they believe it. The fact that she is writing this on her new facebook which her father does think she has since the time she put up naked pictures of her self.Tells you she is really something If she put this to good I swear she could rival Donald Trump
...See More
Grandpa agrees!!!
Q
Comments (5)
It is sad that BM's own father feels this way about his child and at the same time it is gratifying to the reponsible party to hear their efforts have not gone un-noticed. I am so glad that grandpa see's things for exactly what they are, Mom2! It is a bittersweet kindof feeling. Sadness that the kids have a deadbeat mom but joy that you and DH arn't the only people on the planet who have noticed.....
...See More
stacey_mb
11 years ago
Beautifully said, Chisue.
marilyn_c
11 years ago
I agree....I like that, Chisue. I attended a shrimper's funeral many years ago. We had known him since he was a kid. His mother and father were alcoholics to the extent they never owned anything of their own. His older brother had died of a heroin over dose and his two younger brothers came to live with us for awhile....which didn't work out. They were 10 and 11....pretty good kids but both addicted to cigarettes and I was young and idealistic and I thought I could turn them around. It didn't work out but they were sweet boys who love me to this day. Anyway, this guy married at 16, had two daughters, owned his house and boat and did pretty good...excellent...all things considered. However, his wife left him and he moved onto his boat. He started drinking heavily, and one morning, my husband went to the boat and found him in the water between his boat and ours. He was pulled out of the water, put on life support but it was to no avail. At his funeral, the preacher didn't know him and basically, his message was....this guy is going to hell and all you rag tag shrimpers sitting out there in the congregation, that is likely to be your fate too.

It upset me so much because someone...me, for example...should have stood up and said, "Yes, but let me tell you about Danny" and said all the good things about him....how much he had accomplished considering where he had come from. But I didn't. And I have always regretted it. And no one else did either. I decided right then and there, when my husband or I die, we will be cremated and no service. My husband is much loved by so many people....I can see having a private service...in memory for him. I don't think I even want that. Now, if I could be buried here on the place....I would like that. I have a friend who was buried on her family ranch in a plain box that would deteriorate over time. She had the money to have an expensive monument but that wasn't what she chose.
User
11 years ago
My plan is to be cremated and my ashes scattered on my pet graveyard.
redtartan
11 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
My husband and I both intend to have our bodies donated for science. If that doesn't happen both of us wish to be cremated. My husband jokingly said to just flush him down the john. When I am gone I hope there is no big fuss. I don't want a funeral, just an informal gathering of family if they need that closure.

My dad's father died in 2010 and my dad actually took pictures of him in the casket. That's just weird in my books. My dad didn't understand why I didn't want to go up to the casket to say my goodbyes. My dad is kinda weird like that.
OklaMoni
Original Author
11 years ago
I have a pact with my cycling buddy Mel. Whoever is left, takes the ashes of the other one on a bike trip to scatter some here and there.

If Mel goes first, my kids have the request from me to dump my ashes on a nice down hill, but they don't have to be on a bike... I just love the downhill part of cycling.

My kids also have the request of no funeral per say, but to have a party to celebrate the day.

Moni

grandpa on my father's side

chisue

Comments (8)

vicsgirl

ruthieg__tx

Related Discussions

stacey_mb

marilyn_c

User

redtartan

OklaMoni
Original Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

grandpa on my father's side

chisue

Comments (8)

vicsgirl

ruthieg__tx

Related Discussions

stacey_mb

marilyn_c

User

redtartan

OklaMoniOriginal Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

OklaMoni
Original Author