grandpa on my father's side

11 years ago

I was only 6 when my grandpa died. He was a quiet man, that
actually played with us kids. But there is really nothing
outstanding I remember about him.

Grandpa had chickens, and bunnies, and a huge veggie garden. Or,
at least, it seemed huge to me as a kid.

Grandpa and my dad were butchering doves (which an uncle of mine
raised) the day he died. This was also my youngest sisters birthday.

Had a heart attack, while on the john that evening.

I distinctly remember dad bending down over the coffin... looking
for a sign of life. A breath, a movement, something.

Then during the service so many relatives cried... and then I was
appalled at the fact, we were supposed to drop a shovel of dirt on
the closed coffin in the grave.

YIKES, what about bugs?

That was the day I knew, I would never want to be buried. It was
years later, when I found out about cremation and decided this was my
option.

Featured Answer

chisue

11 years ago

last modified: 11 years ago

The most moving funeral I have attended was beautiful for its stark simplicity.

A friend had died suddenly of a heart attack. He had been vacationing with his family at a nearby resort. He was in his late forties, seemingly fit, a former Marine, with no hint of heart troubles. He and his wife had been separated for a few years, but had joyfully resumed their marriage.

Following Jewish tradition, the burial was as immediate as possible. It was a graveside service. The widow was inconsolable, weeping, barely able to stand between their two young adult children. Many of the people attending were in something like shock themselves. This man was our age.

At the conclusion of a brief service, each family member took a shovel of dirt to put into the grave. The rabbi invited all attending to do the same, as a last personal favor for and tribute to the deceased.

Nothing in this pretended to be anything it was not. The reality was raw, immediate grief. This was Death. However, by being recognized for exactly what it was, it was also comforting because of the reality. It allowed for an end and the beginning of healing. There was no 'viewing', no funeral 'parlor', no service in a place far from the grave, no casket borne away to be interred by strangers. This was the ceremony. We were the celebrants.

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Comments (8)

vicsgirl
11 years ago
As a child of (maybe) 9, I attended my only Grandmother's funeral. Seeing her "laid out" spooked me so much I decided on cremation for myself. I've told my kids, bury my ashes in the backyard.
ruthieg__tx
11 years ago
Me too...My husband and I have discussed it and we both know what the other wants.
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stacey_mb
11 years ago
Beautifully said, Chisue.
marilyn_c
11 years ago
I agree....I like that, Chisue. I attended a shrimper's funeral many years ago. We had known him since he was a kid. His mother and father were alcoholics to the extent they never owned anything of their own. His older brother had died of a heroin over dose and his two younger brothers came to live with us for awhile....which didn't work out. They were 10 and 11....pretty good kids but both addicted to cigarettes and I was young and idealistic and I thought I could turn them around. It didn't work out but they were sweet boys who love me to this day. Anyway, this guy married at 16, had two daughters, owned his house and boat and did pretty good...excellent...all things considered. However, his wife left him and he moved onto his boat. He started drinking heavily, and one morning, my husband went to the boat and found him in the water between his boat and ours. He was pulled out of the water, put on life support but it was to no avail. At his funeral, the preacher didn't know him and basically, his message was....this guy is going to hell and all you rag tag shrimpers sitting out there in the congregation, that is likely to be your fate too.

It upset me so much because someone...me, for example...should have stood up and said, "Yes, but let me tell you about Danny" and said all the good things about him....how much he had accomplished considering where he had come from. But I didn't. And I have always regretted it. And no one else did either. I decided right then and there, when my husband or I die, we will be cremated and no service. My husband is much loved by so many people....I can see having a private service...in memory for him. I don't think I even want that. Now, if I could be buried here on the place....I would like that. I have a friend who was buried on her family ranch in a plain box that would deteriorate over time. She had the money to have an expensive monument but that wasn't what she chose.
User
11 years ago
My plan is to be cremated and my ashes scattered on my pet graveyard.
redtartan
11 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
My husband and I both intend to have our bodies donated for science. If that doesn't happen both of us wish to be cremated. My husband jokingly said to just flush him down the john. When I am gone I hope there is no big fuss. I don't want a funeral, just an informal gathering of family if they need that closure.

My dad's father died in 2010 and my dad actually took pictures of him in the casket. That's just weird in my books. My dad didn't understand why I didn't want to go up to the casket to say my goodbyes. My dad is kinda weird like that.
OklaMoni
Original Author
11 years ago
I have a pact with my cycling buddy Mel. Whoever is left, takes the ashes of the other one on a bike trip to scatter some here and there.

If Mel goes first, my kids have the request from me to dump my ashes on a nice down hill, but they don't have to be on a bike... I just love the downhill part of cycling.

My kids also have the request of no funeral per say, but to have a party to celebrate the day.

Moni

grandpa on my father's side

chisue

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vicsgirl

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grandpa on my father's side

chisue

Comments (8)

vicsgirl

ruthieg__tx

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stacey_mb

marilyn_c

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OklaMoniOriginal Author

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