my stepdaughter is a manipulative teenage her father doesnt see
stepmammame
15 years ago
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imamommy
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agostepmammame
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
10 yr old stepdaughter won't sleep in her own bed.
Comments (13)mistykate, I agree with the others that this is not typical behavior for a 10 year old but not necessarily that it's a crisis. It sounds like something from Supernanny which I find a very helpful show. Not that it's important but kids in other cultures around the world co-sleep with parents for a lot longer than we expect in the USA. Before I would take SD to the pediatrician, I would ask the pediatrician first what they thought. My DS7 went through a phase of "ghosts" "men in black coats" "monsters in the closet" (this one came straight out of the Monsters Inc. movie) although he was a lot younger then. DH and I made a big ceremony of throwing out these "invaders." I'm sure it's different for a ten year old. I'm not trying to be flip but check out Supernanny. Plus a good incentive plan, movie tickets, special treats etc. for each night she spends in her own room with her sister....See MoreI think I hate my Stepdaughter
Comments (12)Brenk, I don't even think that your post should be "I think I hate my Stepdaughter" because your feelings towards her admirably transpire nowhere in what you write other than in the title of your post. This is a very serious and dangerous situation. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this, especially during your pregnancy (as if that and then taking care of a 1-year-old wasn't enough already!!!). Biologically "linked" or not, if one of your children is harming another one of your children, what would you do? What would you do with your husband if he weren't listening to you then? I think it's clear you would make sure everyone be safe, right? A woman I met many years ago said that relationships are like wagons: sometimes the man pulls the wagon, other time the woman does... It sounds like you have to pull this wagon because your husband's judgement may simply be clouded by the guilt of it all... I can't tell you how many times I have had to have the same discussion over and over again with my husband, sometimes making decisions without his "consent" simply because there were pressing issues at hand. Talk to CPS for advice; do you have a counselor or a therapist you can talk to? Anyone that little girl can work with? You are in such a delicate point of your life, the last thing you need is stress like this. Find someone by you to give you support... Personally, I am not a fan of the idea of sending the little girl away, I think that sending the wrong message (you screw up, we ship you off); but as other posters have said, I think she needs to hear a message. Also, if you see something off about the little girl, then I take it all back and I say pack and leave ASAP.... but from what you write, it doesn't sound like that. And you know what? You may be too strict on that little girl, but for pete's sake, you are pregnant!!! You have a babe on top of that to take care of!!! It's a miracle that your fuses haven't blown completely. Not that losing your cool is OK, but it happens and you need some support. Chances are, you may be more strict than your normally would be because you have no back-up and you are doing the enforcing for 2! What helped my husband hear what I had to say when we had "issues" is that I told him that the problem was mine and that I needed his help because I couldn't handle everything. Nothing about how I felt about the kids, nothing about how he was an absentee parent, nothing about how insane or dangerous I thought the children's behavior was (we had our interesting patches too), but all about me. I don't know, I suppose he felt as if he could "save his damsel in distress", but something clicked and he stepped up to the plate. I don't know if it holds any value for you, but I will keep you in my prayers....See MoreI was the snotty teenage stepdaughter
Comments (7)Did you ever contact your 2 ex-stepmothers to explain things to them? or heaven forbid, apologize for destroying their marriages? When I was reading your post, honestly I wished that I had the courage that your stepmothers had to end their marriages to your father. Recently over the past year, both of my step-children, who are now adults, have changed considerably, and with absolutely no explanation, have wanted to be a part of our family, and have wanted to have a friendship with me. It's just such a tragedy that it took so many years. I am exhausted from all the conflict, all of the nastiness. It destroyed all of the joy that we once had in our marriage. My husband and I are congenial roommates, with a good business relationship, and a friendly companionship. The one time great romance--has long ago crumbled from the constant pressure from his children. Everything was a battle--EVERYTHING. My husband says that I shouldn't ask any questions, but now that they are in serious relationships, would it be okay if I treated their fiancees the way that they treated me? I'm sure that their entrance into serious relations is part of what caused them to change their tunes. And I am being a warm and gushy dutiful wife and step-mother, and acting like nothing was ever any different--my stepdaughter wants cooking lessons and shopping trips, and weekend visits with her boyfriend, etc. And I smile, just like I should. But I have cried millions of tears, and if I had been a little stronger, I would have left them all a long time ago....See MoreSpoiled Stepdaughter who lies, steals and manipulates
Comments (6)Wow, thanks for your input. This is EXACTLY how I feel. The divorce decree says that they will provide for their children's college education -- it does not say they will pay ALL of it. And, they saved her whole life and invested to accumulate a lot of money for her and now it is gone (her mother controlled the spending, so I'm sure a bit of it went for a pretty dorm room too....). The kicker is that she chose this college when she was refusing to speak to her father -- so she never considered the cost of the education. And, she had a chance at a $10,000 scholarship that she didn't bother to return paperwork on AND took $7000 out of her college account to pay for her senior year of high school at the new, more expensive school that her mother put her in when they ran away. As for the law, it does say that father's should pay but that it doesn't have to be a really expensive school and it says that there is an expectation that the child has a relationship with the parent that is actually "parental" (i.e., he has say in things and can set limits for her -- neither of which is true). I guess the bottom line is to really take a firm stand . . . but I'm not sure what that means! Do we tell her she is on her own and that she should transfer if she can't afford it? (BTW, her mother inherited a lot of money and has a stock account from which she could easily write the check to pay for the last 2 years, so I'm sure she wouldn't transfer anyway). We make a good living, but we certainly don't have that kind of money laying around to pay for her -- it would involve us taking loans in order to pay for this and she simply does not deserve it!!! Right?! (I know it's right, but I am also now viewed as the evil stepmom, so I guess I just need reassurances!!!!) Maybe it is time to take the hard stand. Thanks again for your input! It helps to see things through someone else's unbiased eyes!...See Morefiveinall
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