If it's been seven years and your husband still doesn't take your part, when do you think he might? Frankly I'm surprised you even married him after 3 1/2 years of such treatment.

Is this guy such a great prize he's worth all this aggro and disrespect? Clearly he's not going to attempt to curb his daughter's behaviour if he think "all teenagers do that".

Is he worth teaching your daughter it's OK to stay in a miserable relationship because that's all you can hope for?

Even if a "family" with a sad Mom and a manipulative stepsister is the only one your daughter has known, why do you think that's OK for her?

I can't help but feel that one day you will pull the plug, then turn around and wonder why the heck you didn't do it sooner.

IMO, if you can't face this situation any longer, you need to sit down with your husband and tell him, "You know, I'm really not happy with things as they are. I am not going to continue like this. If things do not change, and you do not actively work at making them change, then I am out of here." And follow through.

Again, it seems the more common thing is lack of/disengaged parenting by the actual parent! Your SD is playing a game that she thinks she is winning, the only one that can turn her around is her dad and you disengaging is a start.

I did it and it forced my boyfriend to take the bad behaviour in hand as it was no longer directed at me but at him. So far it's working, I highly recommend it. Other than that, being treated like that in my own home... ? Well, if your DH doesn't start acting like a husband and supporting your relationship, like he valued it, I'd consider leaving.

I also dealt with stepchild lying (and a lot of stealing and nastiness to my daughter, who was much younger). The marriage did eventually break down over the stepkids' behaviour. However, it was my husband who left, saying that it was no longer good for his children to have a stepparent who was critical of their behaviour. I was very sad at the time, but things completely turned around in the months that followed our separation. My life, and my daughter's life, improved dramatically, and my husband "drops by" constantly for visits. My daughter and I have a fun and happy home, and I don't blame him for gravitating towards it. It is so nice to live in a home filled with warmth and laughter instead of screaming and tantrums.

My biggest regret now is that I didn't end the marriage sooner to spare my daughter years of living in a house dominated by bad behaviour drama. My daughter is much happier now, and she's loving her calm, happy home. I thought that she would miss the stepkids because she lived with them from age 4, and thought of them as siblings. However, they never contributed anything to the sibling relationship, so she didn't miss them at all.

I know that it is hard to extricate yourself from a family situation that you've invested in. It took me months to come to terms with the fact that my stepfamily hadn't worked out. However, I can't begin to tell you how much better life is without a husband who doesn't care whether you're happy or not, and stepkids who are out of control, and making life miserable for everyone they meet. I used to dread weekends and summers because it meant endless hours of misery. Now I love coming home at the end of the day, and I really look forward to my time off. If you don't, then the time to make a change is now.

'My biggest regret now is that I didn't end the marriage sooner to spare my daughter years of living in a house dominated by bad behaviour drama.'

There ya go.

Ironically, when/if you're out of the picture & dad & daughter don't have a scapegoat, I'll bet their dynamics change a lot.

Take care of your daughter, & take care of yourself & have a warm & happy life.

Love the comments freedom here I come! been with hubby for 8 1/2 years married for 6years always had lots of patience towards the manipulative and lying situations because she was still a young girl but she almost 14 now and I'm straight up done! I have 3 kids to my hubby and I want to give them a happier and mentally healthier mum she called my family mutts and niggers this week because we would not provide her with cigarettes and alcohol somehow he hated me for it without me even reacting towards her he loves me a tonne load I know that but it's time for me to be happy there's only so much a person can take. After all the years of fighting about it and me reading books or hunting advice or trying overly hard I'm all out of crys and kickbacks I hope it's as cherry as you all make it out to be hold on I know it will be freedom! I just don't think I'll remarry again so my children don't have to go through the same thing. I'm writing this 2 years later since your original post please let me know how things turned Out?

I know how you feel except I married a man with three kids two 8 years old and one 11 year old daughter from the moment we were married she was needy and all attention from her daddy was hers so much that her brothers were afraid to hold hands with their dad because she controlled him, had a emotional hold. My husband was married to me not his daughter. At the time I didn’t understand it was hard for her share her dad but she came between us and sometimes I wonder if that’s what happened with his first wife expect I don’t allow it to ruin our relationship. I thought she was telling the truth for along time. We started a relationship with my step daughter that I thought was honest but manipulated me in believing in her and she would lie about why she was late after school, she was going to her friends house then homework club and hanging out with a boy that I think started this mess or temptations sexual acts in order to be with boy and kiss boys all I know is because I told her couldn’t date until she 16 she disobeyed and did anyways. She was the one who didn’t want anything to do with her mentally, manipulative mother now she’s apparently been communicating with her for two and half years and has told people I abuse her and control her and cage her up. She tells people these things to get attention her mother played on me and her dad that she better and moving out into apartment and she lied she was still in metal home so her daughter has learned and since then taught her brothers steal and lie and now talk back, her brother have intellectual disabilities on top of that which puts more strain on me as step parent but what changed was when I had baby of my own my husband became a husband in since and he started a better commitment then just bending to his daughters will our baby in Since saved our marriage and my husband also had addictions that She got him started on and it changed once Elizabeth was born he became the man I married if he will. Savannah came between us and we got along but it was difficult road. Our love became stronger and My step daughter sought for attention else where by a guy she became involved with in sex texting and they since he has broken up with her twice and is trying again because I finally gave consent for her to date because she sneaking behind our backs and lying and I knew it was matter of time that she would be pregnant because she was desperate to be with him. He’s not a guy I like but I don’t like secrets and my step daughter also tells our bishop I fight with her and I do not. I used to slap her but I stopped doing that when she called the police over in hope her dad would divorce me and she would have his attention again yes I know one believes me because she’s that good at manipulating people in believing she does nothing but I since learned manipulaters know how to push your buttons to send you over edge. I was already being gaslighted by my step son and I don’t know why but I found since then I tested him and found he has a intellectual mild and a behavioral disorder and I have changed emotionally since he started messing with my mind it’s called gaslighting and now since then I had emotional breakdown and teens used that push my buttons. It’s exhausting, it got worse when I was pregnant because I was more emotional and I didn’t realize I was being gaslighted but my pregnancy changed me I was irritable and emotional and I was tired more from being sick and jaylan stealing and throwing tantrums and kicking me but know one believes me because I’m the parent it’s my fault they act this way. When I came into my marriage I was not only a step parent but I was raising kids who were emotionally abused by their mother and foster care influences and also had disabilities I knew not about our boys except one had epilepsy and the other a learning disability. It was a complete mess and I felt I was teaching them at age 3 and Savannah 5 because they never had rules, responsibility ever and making rules was horrifying to them. Jaylan was angel until third year in spring wood he went off some medication for epilepsy that I didn’t know would arise so many unexpected problems he ether had or developed because of this medication he was on for so long. Jaxson always had emotional problems from the start, things happened in foster care and also his childhood that I could tell made him crazy at times. He use to have tantrums everyday and I worried the d.s.f would take them away after their father fought so hard to keep them my step daughter I thought liked me did not because I made rules in the house. She never had rules even her dad cleaned the house when he was home and took care of the dogs and birds which now he hates animals because ex wanted them. His ex was so depressed and ocd and mentally ill he took care of his has much as he could but in since he was like a single father with three kids and his wife he had taken care of. So when I came into the picture and started changing things my step daughter didn’t want us together anymore and in her mind she believed her daddy can do better or that she liked that her daddy only raise them. If Jesse and I didn’t get married he would’ve lost full custody of his kids and it would’ve destroyed him. Jesse was abused emotionally by his ex and there was definitely manipulation going on ether his ex or his daughter. His boys started learning to lie and steal from their sister and it’s been difficult to break so now everyone my step daughter talks to believes I abuse her and control her and don’t give her privacy but she gets plenty of it and so my husband knows I don’t hurt them. He knows they manipulate me and him but we are their parents and I don’t care if they hate me someone needs to love them and teach them and hopefully later they will see. When I think she’s telling the truth I don’t believe her because she’s kept secrets I found out that make me love her but not trust her.

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Gosh is like you are describing my same situation

I am in a marriage of 4 years and it's on the rocks now. My SD will say things like "Dad was mean and drunk all week" (I wasn't, I was stern about getting dishes done and hadn't had a sip of any alcohol). My wife would be gone for the upteenth time this year for a weekly spa retreat. Every time she leaves, I take care of the kids (16yo SD, 15yo SS). Her first husband was a drunk and beat her so her daughter knows that is a hot button and my wife will believe her over me any day.

Also every time she leaves, my SD will come find me and start to bitch about her mother to me. If I deflect, I'm being mean. If I feed into it and agree with whatever she says to shut her up, she tells her mother that I said those things about her.

Needless to say, my wife and her kids are moving out, this very minute, because of the lies this kid has told to her. She even has her brother in on it because she has info on him that would get him in serious trouble with their mother, even me if I knew what it was. I only heard whispers "Well, take my side or I'll tell them".

Everything used to be great. Once she hit puberty, she turned into a lying manipulative person. I try to go to my wife about it and explain that her child is making up bullshit to make her hate me and I get the cold shoulder.

So I, with great glee, I await the next couple of months where I cannot be used as a scapegoat for her nonsense. She won't have anyone to lie about anymore. My wife finally somewhat agrees with me that she's doing it, but doesn't agree that she's driving a wedge between us. I'm really hoping she'll see her daughter for what she is. I love my wife so much, I love both of my step kids just as much. But at this point, I'm upset that because her mom is never around, this kid makes up bullshit drama to try to keep her mother around more often.

This girl attacked her mom twice in one year. Mom says the daugter started it, daughter says the mom started it. I'm stuck in the middle with DHS over it and have to choose a side. I chose the side of the child because I didn't know better, my wife hates me because she spent 7 days in a mental health institution for it, instead of 7 years in prison. Her daughter wanted to press charges. Once she was gone her daughter quickly asked "How much money are we going to have without mom using it all up?" That is the sign of a sociopath, not just an out of control teen.

She is cold, calculating, and knows exactly when to play the victim to take the heat off of her lies.

So, my marriage is on the rocks, I am to live alone for a year while we work on it. Her daughter even tried to say "We don't want him moving to the same town as us." How controlling is that?

All because I gave them a home, plenty of expendable income, and all the love they needed from a father. Just a shame their mother checked out and treated me like a long term babysitter and in doing so caused her daughter to do whatever was needed to make mom be around more often...

Why didn’t you put some hidden cameras around the house to record what actually happened (or didn’t happen) to prove your case?