I'm sorry for your loss, I think everyone who loves their pets as much as the folks participating in this forum understands your heartbreak and hopes things will get better for you. If bringing another animal into your world will help you heal, there isn't anything to feel guilty about. The fact is, is that there are so many animals in need of love, it would be doing something very positive in honor of your Guero.

I think all of us have felt to some extent the "guilt" or "betrayal" of getting another dog after losing one. I have lost a quite a few over the years and it is always hard, sometimes, it is just devastating, but one thing I have learned, is that a new dog never replaces the dog that is lost, it's just impossible. You learn that each dog has its own unique quirks and personality and the relationship is always unique with each dog. So if you go into getting another dog (and I have always found building that new relationship helps so much to get over the grief) knowing it will be different, not expecting the new dog to be the same, to act the same it really works out. You are not replacing your dog, you are moving on to a brand new unique relationship with another dog, and in this way you honour your old dog, and the new dog as well. When I get a new dog after losing one, I try to find one that doesnt look at all like the previous dog because I dont want to make comparisons, although most of the dogs Ive owned have found me and been in need of a home so theres very few I have sought out.

It sounds as though this is your first loss of a furry friend and that is why you are stuck. You will go though this a number of times in your life if you own dogs, it never gets easy, but you learn to accept it. Owning dogs and the love and companionship they give is worth the heartache we go through in the end when we lose them, but since their lives are so much shorter than ours, it's just something we all have to deal with. It sounds like you have a lot of love to give to another dog, and there are many dogs out there who need that in their lives. It wont be the same, thats not to say it will be better or worse, but it will always be different and that is the way it is meant to be.

I found over the years the best way to help me to start healing was to open my heart and my home to a another dog that is in desperate need of both. As already stated by trancegemini, it wont be the same, you can never replace Guyton nor would you want to. You have so much love to give, I think Guyton would be so proud of you and would want you to be happy again. I can still remember my first dog I had and its been over 40 years since she passed and I have so many memories in my mind of her. I wish you the best, keep us posted. Hugs Christine

I'm so sorry for your loss.

We have had 4 dogs. They were very happy dogs and gave us more

Love than you can imagine. When the first one died I hurt so bad. I never

Knew I could love a dog so much. You must feel this way.

Ask yourself now, wouldn't your puppy that has passed want you to

Love again. Hugs jo

It took me three years after I had to euthanize my last girl!

I wish I had embraced the message in the below sooner - I know my old TONTO would approve of my new WILLOW!!!

When
humans die, they make a will
To leave their homes and all they have
to those they love.
I, too, would make a will if I could write.
To some poor wistful, lonely stray
I leave my happy home,
My dish, my cozy bed, my cushioned chair, my toy.
The well loved lap, the gentle stroking hand,
the loving voice,
The place I made in someone's heart,
The love that at the last could help me to
a peaceful painless end
Held in loving arms.
If I should die, Oh do not say,
"No more a pet I'll have,
to grieve me by its loss"
Seek out some lonely, unloved dog
And give my place to him.
This is the legacy I leave behind -
'tis all I have to give.

Vicente, let us know how you are doing.

We care very much.

Hugs

Hello. Thank you all for your help and support. I really appreciate the fact that you took time to read my post and reply to it.

Unfortunately, I don't feel good. The guilt doesn't stop affecting me and I feel lost. I can't find a way to feel in peace and the crises I have got have been very difficult to deal with.

Talking about El Güero, I took him to a home this afternoon where he is going to be in a trial period. I hope he finally finds the loving home he deserves so much.

My other problem is that I can't find a good Psychiatrist and Pshychologist. I called a Psychiatrist on Tuesday night because I was feeling terrible and she was very cold and insensitive. She told me she didn't help people with emergencies and that all her appointments were filled. I really can't believe the lack of empathy that many doctors have towards people that need help and how annoying and jerks they can be.

The positive aspect is that your answers were very kind and I really appreciate your help and support. They are very valuable to me since I can't count on my family.

Regards,

Vicente

Vincente,

Ask your medical doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Your medical doctor should know which mental health professionals in your area are best, and the referral should help get you an appointment sooner. If you tell us your location, we may be able to help you find a mental health resource that is available for emergency situations as well as ongoing therapy.

Laurie

Hi Vicente,

I haven't read all the replies, but I did read all of your post and just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I felt everything you are feeling after we lost our first dog.

I spent a lot of time after his death on a pet loss forum. One thing I learned from listening to all those stories is this: No matter what happens, no matter how we lose our pets, there are two common threads: First, it is always incredibly painful if you loved your pet. It's very comparable to losing a family member; and second (and very important to realize), no matter how it happens, we always think of a way to blame ourselves. Accidents, sudden illnesses, long term illnesses, stolen - I think I must have heard dozens of stories of all types, but the end result is that the owners always blamed themselves. Even when it was very clearly not their fault. We want to be able to control everything, and sometimes we just cannot. It is very hard for us to accept.

There is no time limit on grief. We adopted another puppy about a month later because I found that I could not stand the silence in the house. That didn't stop my grief for our first dog, though. I cried for about a year.

It does get better - it is not going to hurt this badly forever. I promise. This is what you have to focus on. It won't mean that you love or miss them any less. We have to eventually allow our hearts to begin to heal so that we can go on. And it's important that you go on, so another dog can someday benefit from the love and caring you would obviously provide. There's another dog out there who needs you very badly. Maybe it's El Guero, maybe it's another dog. Believe me, when it's time you will know. You will have so much love to share with this dog, and he or she with you.

Hang in there. I know it's tough right now, but you can do it.

I understand your loss. I cried for months after I lost my favorite cat, Missy Cat. Do you have a priest or a pastor you can talk to? Maybe you can volunteer at a local animal shelter. They always need help with dog walkers, people to love, pet and talk to the animals. May God Bless You and help you through this.

Vicente, we are all here for you. We are reaching across the miles to help you.

Do you live in a city where is a hotline for you to call and talk to someone?

Let us know where you are.

Jo

Hello,

Thank you very much for your support and and nice words.

I live in Morelia, Mexico. Unfortunately, there are neither hotlines nor petloss support groups here. I called a US hotline last week and a doctor whose last name is LaFarge helped me. The problem is that it is very hard to find people that can really feel your grieving and how big the loss of my dog is.

Kind regards,

Vicente

you found us! most, if not all of us here, have felt the sting of losing a beloved pet. each time seems worse than the last but that is only because the most recent loss is so fresh and we think we cannot move forward. but we always manage to do just that. think of the lovely times you had with guyton and how much love he gave to you and you gave to him. look at how lucky you were to have each other. our time together is never long enough.

i have great danes, all from rescue. my most recent dane, as well as others, was a senior when she came to live with me. so many people tell me i am crazy to adopt a senior dog that may only have a year or two or three left but the way i see it is this...even if my time with them is short, i can give them the love and kindness they deserve in their golden years and while the losses have broken my heart into a million pieces, i would not give up my time with them for all the money in the world.

you will recover from this loss, as we all have, and you will be able to move forward. it may take many weeks or months and even years down the road, you will feel sadness at times but you will also be able to remember guyton with fond memories. as i found out when i lost the love of my life to cancer, it never gets better. it only gets *different*, grief becomes more bearable and ceases to be a way of life.

(((hugs))) to you in your sorrow. we have all been there.

nina :)

Hi Vicente,

I also lost my dog this Monday and I understand your pain. I think the kindest people are on the Pet Forum. Many have commented and helped me in my grieving with their soothing words. For you, this is a nice place to visit when you feel so sad and I could not put it better than Nina before me. There is a lot of wisdom in what she wrote and just take the time to reread it slowly. She says it all.

Take care of yourself!

Hello Nina and Marielle,

Thank you very much for your support and nice words. I really appreciate them.

My grieving has been horrible and I really don't see a way to heal and get over the guilt I feel. I have sadness and anxiety attacks. I am lost and very sad. The moments with my little dog were great, but now that he is gone, I really realize how important he was in my life and the enormous gap he left. His absence feels terrible. I feel very bad and guilty. I think about the moment in which he died over and over again and imagine what could have happened if I had done something different.

Thank you very much again for your help and congratulations for the nice things you do for dogs. It is really great to give senior dogs a chance to be happy in their last years. They deserve it a lot.

Regards,

Vicente

oh believe me, i can relate to your feelings of guilt. not so much when it comes to my animals but even now, almost 8 years later, i relive my husband's death almost daily. i ask myself so many times, what could i have done differently? what if i had talked him into going to the doctor sooner? what if i had DEMANDED he have himself checked out? there are as many "what ifs" as there are hours in the day. however, we cannot live our lives wondering. what's done is done and we can't change it. we can only put those thoughts in the back of our minds and go forward with our lives. it gets a tiny bit better each day.

don't beat yourself up because you are still grieving. i will grieve for the rest of my life but i have reached a point where the good days far outnumber the bad and that is mostly because of my dogs. sounds silly to people who have never loved a dog but it's so true.

i know you don't think you could ever love another dog as much as you love guyton but it just might do your heart good to take a tour of your local shelter and see if you can connect with another pup. guyton can never, ever be replaced but offering to open your heart and home to another dog doesn't mean you are trying to replace him. bringing another dog needing a good home into my heart has always helped me heal. it can give you something to concentrate on rather than staying so depressed and at the same time, you will be giving a loving home to a deserving dog! :)

nina, I had no idea you lost your husband, I am so sorry. I was so touched by your post. You are a very brave woman and do wonderful things for your rescues. this forum is a better place with you in it and in fact this world is brighter for it too. Take care lovely lady

trancegemini, you are just so sweet to say that, thank you. :) i'm no superwoman, by far, my grief took me to some very, very dark places the first couple of years after gary died. were it not for my dear son and my animals, i am not at all sure i would have come out on the other side.

something else i'd like to say is this...many times, people say you have to "accept" these moments in our lives. i don't agree with that. while i would love nothing better than to reach acceptance for what i believe is God's will, i know i will never get to that point. i don't necessarily see that as a fault, it's more a personality trait. gary and i were supposed to grow old together, sit on the deck every night and watch our beloved wild birds, build things together, be best friends forever. since that didn't happen, i live with it. still, i will never "accept" it. when people used to tell me, "he's in a better place", it would make my blood boil. there IS no better place than right here with ME. i'm sure Heaven is nice and all that but gary's place should have been with me. i used to think that when i get *up there*, the first thing i'm gonna do is ask God "why???" but then again, i don't think He could give me a satisfactory answer. ;)

so, while vicente may never accept guyton's death and will forever grieve his loss, that still doesn't mean he can't move forward. it takes a lot of determination with some stubborness mixed in but oh yes, i can be done!

onward and upward! :)

More important than stubbornness and determination is purpose. I have lost 3 cats and 1 horse since the end of October. I lost the horse on Thanksgiving Day and one of the cats yesterday on Mother's Day. I am really HATING holidays. Every breath is a labor for me today, but I have to keep breathing because I have a houseful of other animals who depend solely on me for everything, every single day. If it weren't for the demands they make on me and my responsibility for their care, I don't know if I'd survive this onslaught of loss.

Vicente, you must force yourself to assume some sort of profound responsibility that you can NOT escape every single day. That is what will drag you through your grief and depression. Without this sort of purpose, you may lose yourself completely in your grief and depression.

This is not something you will just get over. This is war. You need to fight your way to the other side, even now when you feel as though you don't have a drop of fight left in you. My animals are my emotional army. They push me forward every day, back into the fray.

You need to build an army around you - an inescapably demanding, dependent, and unrelenting army. The army can be made up of living beings (human or non-human), responsibilities, and/or committed activities. Your army's purpose is to keep pushing you forward.

Marching on ...

Laurie

Vicente,

Hope you are doing better.

Haven't heard from you lately.

You sounded better in your last post.

We are here for you.

Josephene

Hello Josephene,

Thank you very much for keeping in touch with me and your words.

I haven't had good days. Some days the pain is strong and other days it's more bearable.

I still feel lonely and desperare very often. It is hard.

Regards,

Vicente

Hi, I came to this forum like Vincent looking for support, I had a little Yorkie terrier over 12 years , he was around 17 , his health overall it wasn't bad he had good appetite, his night vision it wasn't the best, 3 weeks ago I took him for his blood work he was fine, I was so happy seem him aging like , untill 2:28-17 , I asked him to go outside to pee, he never wanted to go in the yard at night he was sleeping in my lap I suddenly grab him I put in the deck with the light on , I was watching him , he started walking around the pool, I saw him coming back I seat in the couch facing part of the pool waiting for him to get in the deck 2@3 min passed he didn't, I rush to the yard I couldn't find him, I never thought he could felt in the pool he knew it for all those years that guilt is hunting me. I never took my eyes away from him, every time at night I open the back door he run to the front door to go outside, I feel like I murder him, he stayed outside because he trusted me, I don't know what happened to me knowing all of that I didn't go and getting inside. I never cried in my life how I k have been for this dog , he slept with me for a lot years, I thought now he was older I was going to enjoy him more. I knew he will die like we all do, not in my watch in my pool , I thought I was super daddy he was my everything.

Conde, I'm sorry for your loss and empathize with those feelings. Seventeen years is a very long time for a dog, what a blessing that you were able to give him such a loving home for so long. I think mother nature tends to determine when it's time for our beloved pets to leave us and regardless of how much you love and try to protect them it can't be prevented, so don't blame yourself; it was just your Yorkies time.

What I hope you will see over time is that by bringing another dog into your world and providing it with a good home, you will be honoring your little Yorkie's life. It will never take your yorkies place, but it will certainly find it's own spot in your heart too. I promise, your little Yorkie wouldn't want you to blame yourself or to be so distraught.

Lukkiirish, I really appreciated your kind words, gosh it has been so hard , he was old a happy dog running around, pretty active, I took care of him like a son, his health was so important ,he wasn't a sick dog, he never ever wanted to go in the yard at night, he was afraid of the darkness, I know is gone I don't I ever cried in my life as much as I do for that dog, I do have another dog which I do love a lot , that Yorkie was a lot work even know he was 17 ,lol

conde, i'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog. if you go to the "grieving" forum here at gardenweb/houzz, there is a very, very long discussion entitled "feeling guilty because i miss my dog". so many people posted their stories there and i think you will find a lot of comfort from them (not that you don't here but it's a very unusual thread).

wishing you peace with your memories of your little yorkie. <3

I checked the forum I read some histories pretty sad at the same time I get some comfort.Thanks

Conde. I really appreciate your words and comment. It's been 2 years since my little dog passed away and I haven't got a new one. He was very special and had a very close relationship with my dad and me. Unfortunately, now my dad passed away a month and a half ago and I am running out of close people and beings.

About your loss, I am very sorry and I can relate to your feelings of sadness and guilt. I think it was an accident and you were a great friend to your dog. This is the most important aspect and that should make you feel better and satisfied about the kind of life your dog had and how happy he was. I hope you can find a way to cope with this loss in a healthier way and start remembering your moments with your dog with joy and not with regret, guilt and deep sadness. If you need something, please let me know.

Regards

You're welcome Conde, Vicente is right too, accidents happen, it wasn't intentional and you loved him dearly. It takes time to heal and you will..

Good morning Vicente & lukkiirish, I worked a part time job to have time to take careviof them, I thought now he was older I was able to spend more time with him, he never wanted to be alone, I worked and rush to be with him , I have another female she is more independent. The worst part about all of this is , I wasn't supposed to be that Sunday night home , I had to go for dinner at my brother's house, I got home I asked my friend are u cooking some said no, I said I'm leaving ,he suddenly said I will cook a humberger helper , I new my dogie love , I decided to stay home, he enjoyed his and come over and fall aseep in my lap. I don't know what made me to get him outside in the yard Vicente I'm sorry to hear about your father passed away

In my wildest dreams I ever thought my dogie will drowned in my pool, I was so picky with his safety, I was on top of him all the time he slept with me, breakfast before I went to work etc, The guilt is the one affected me the most I knew his vision at wasn't the best at night, I wonder every day , how I left him walking around the pool, I'm hoping to sell the house soon and move to another place, Everytime I see the pool my eyes get full of tears. Thank you for kind words I hope some people learn from this older dogs are little kids , they fragile, scared.

How are you doing these days? I care 2 know.

hi all, i am new to this forum. my beloved dog akbar, who was my soul mate, passed away peacefully in my arms last july after a long illness. all i do is cry. i have been so anxious and yearning for him so badly that i went out and rescued a puppy 3.5 months after akbar passed away. the puppy is lovable but i cannot bond with her and am going back and forth about rehoming her. i feel terrible putting her through the stress of a move -- and i myself feel heartbroken seeing her go -- but her presence in the house is very painful for me. for the last 10 weeks i have gone back and forth. her presence is painful and i know her absence will be painful too -- saying good bye to another dog! i feel so desperate and just want my akbar back. above all i am so confused and lost. thank you for listening.

I have just lost my beautiful dog, she. was with me for twelve years. I fully understand how you feel because I share your grief, every day. I felt that I would never get over this awful loss of my best friend. We all are given only a short time in this world but to be given time with our lovely friends is a gift and privilege that so many miss. We are the lucky ones, celebrate your lives together and remember the good times with a smile in your heart. No guilt, we are only human and despite our best efforts we sometimes wish we had done things different. Take strength and move on, your dog will be happy to see you happy. My best wishes to all out there who suffer this loss. Take care of yourself.

There is only one thing I'd like to add regarding the about the Story that started this thread. It looks like it's been 7 years so some of the pain has subsided as far as the shock which we just experienced with losing our Dog just days ago. I have depression, ringing in the ears, vision issues, all from the stress. All the advice here was better than i can offer as far as dealing with the guilt and the loss. My issue is the comment about the care while his Dog was in the care of the Vets. First off-the cost. We spent 1400.00 so they could screw around and lie to us about the possible results of meds, therapy, blah blah blah while the dog we loved struggles for every breath from the stage 4 heart failure. It didn't take a genius to see He was dying on the table. I was not happy as far as everything being so expensive and just the lack of common sense that you'd expect from someone in that profession. I t seems like it was all about the money first. They want you to go out and adopt a Pet but they make it so unaffordable that few actually can.

I hope everyone here has found a little peace but I know it will never be the same. I wish there was some way to make these situations better but I've got nothing.

i lost 3 of my best loyal companions every time i listen to a remotely close to sad song i think of them and cry but i know their in no pain but im still deep down extremely depressed.