I want to bring up something that no one probably wants to consider, but should be considered, considering it is a reality with the elderly and the handicapped. Note: I am not implying anything...but if she is so resentful of you, and she is cold and indifferent to your sister, how do you think she treats your sister when no one is around? Is you sister able to communicate with you? The small gifts may be given to make your step mother look good in your fathers eyes. They may be to cover guilt. Or they may be perfectly innocent and come with good and kind intentions. I don't know, but consider all possibilities. My guess is that she adores your father, but resents the burden of your sister. And perhaps she is deeply bitter and resents your happy carefree life, while she struggles with the hard reality of caring for a totally dependant person, who is not her own offspring. (It is hard enough when it is your own child/sibling whom you love dearly, let alone when it is the enormous burden of being the caretaker for someone you do not love, but resent. Possibly even despise. She must wish that she was free as you are to enjoy her life and husband as you do with yours, without all of the responsibilities. A marriage with just your dad, able to go out to dinner alone together on a whim, enjoying a social life on a whim with friends, travel, hobbies/interests, and having her home all to herself whenever she wants. That is probably where the resentment and bitterness comes from. Perhaps she feels that you should be the full time caretaker of your beloved sister, (even though that may not be possible right now) and that she wishes that she and your dad had the carefree life of a normal marriage. Even when you are able to care for your sister one day, I would not expect her feelings towards you and your sister to change. As you read the step parent forum, you will find so many who describe their husband as wonderful. They adore their new spouse "BUT" hate his children. This seems to particularly true when the new wife gets pregnant with "their" child. The new wife then wants to push his children out of her "nest", and resents everything about them. (Read the forum). It sounds as if she wishes she had your dad all to herself...only you and your sister do exist, and she resents it. Like so many women on this forum, they are marrying a man that "first belonged" to another family with children. They want to pluck him out of his role as a father, move him to her nest and make him a father to her own children, and push his children further and further away, until she finially has him all to herself...hurting his chilren in the process. This she actually does to the man she professes to love. Anyway, you sound like an incredibly kind and loving person. And forgiving. Understand that her feelings towards you are probably not personal...but instead it sounds as though she is not the kind of woman who is able to embrace another womans children as her own, even if they did not come with the caretaking your sister needs. All you can do is help her and your dad in any way you can. I wish the best for you.

Happy Birthday sweetie!! Mom sorry but it goes down hill from here before you realize it you will be shedding tears like me when she goes off to college! Hugs and Daughter love your momma hug her.....when you leave it will be hard on her and it goes soooo much faster then you think.....Stacy

" mean and hurtful comment. I honestly get the sense that your family is not close " Sorry, it was not intended to be hurtful but rather my honest reaction to what struck me as a rather different tradition that you follow. Different is fine, I was simply struck by the practice of having individual souvenirs of that nature, it's not something we do. Perhaps my approach toward that was passed down from my parents, who similarly weren't into familial mementoes. Your "sense" is 180 degrees off the mark. I think we're extremely close, significantly more so than what I see of our friends and their families. And many have so remarked to us, observing how much more frequent it seems to them our contact is with our kids, than they have with theirs. Happy Birthday to the celebrants.

Im so glad the party was a big success. We threw a big party for my mom’s 80th, amall family party for the 90 th and just a few of us when she turn ed100. Im so glad we did it. I know you are too! Better to celebrate while they can enjoy rather than later when they cannot.