My thoughts align with SG for the most part, however, I have witnessed post-partum hallucinogenic psychosis and have known suiciders that no amount of self-will training or loving support from others would have prevented. There is a very real need for medicines which manipulate brain chemistry, and fortunately we have progressed in our ability to protect the most fragile in times of severe crisis. I hope that we can all be sensitive and respectful of people who have to resort to urgent pharmological interventions as the most effective and life-enhancing treatment for some types of depression, psychosis and other forms of severe manifestations of emotional distress. By and large, we've come to recognize and accept that brain chemistry and circuitry problems are indeed real physical diseases and that, just as with other diseases, there are various approaches to treating these types of illnesses. But SG's suggestion that it is an industry that is undermining our health is well-founded. Yes, there are appropriate usages for these drugs, but caveat emptor: there are several studies that suggest there is a price yet to be determined in terms of long-term cognitive ability with protracted use of anti-depressants. Consequently, they are currently in disfavor in much of Europe after having been tried, and other more natural treatments are now more routinely explored initially. I don't think these meds are the panacea to be used to mask garden variety discomfort, and I believe that is the segment that is best addressed by SG's approach. I concur with SG and others who suggest that far too many have been persuaded the appropriateness of dealing pharmocologically with the discomfort that is a consequence of simply being human. Grief, anger and other unpleasant emotions serve a real purpose, are often very appropriate responses, and are an intrinsic part of our journey. Often anxiety and difficult emotions are a sign that we really have difficult inner homework to do, and I'd opt for working through the issues whenever possible rather than placating through meds. (I hope readers understand my emphasis is on whenever possible and repeat I'm well aware that it is not always possible or advisable.) My SS, a neurologist, and some physician friends do not agree, and often routinely recommend for themselves and their patients meds to deal with stress and unhappiness rather than undertaking the arduous task of changing the structure of one's life and/or learning healthier responses to challenges. Ergo, it seems we will continue to be less able as a society to go down the path SG suggests. I believe many would be better served by accessing inner resources than by pills, but also know that a requisite foundation of skills, or access to a means to acquire this knowledge, is not within reach for some. Philosophically I can agree with SG that the answers lie within, and wholeheartedly endorse our responsibility to respond with love at all times, but IRL I know some are equipped with damaged circuits through no fault of their own upon arrival as Kkay suggests and others whose circuitry becomes damaged from illness, toxins or accidents, some have been badly wounded experientially, and some just may prefer an easier way out. I'm not sure that SG said there is no physical basis for depression. "Depression/anxiety is actually being stuck, neural-activity wise, in the primal mind of the lower brain." Rather, I understood her comment to signal a real understanding of physiological responses but that we can trigger better responses by substituting different thought patterns, widely endorsed by cognitive therapists and other gurus. SG is quite capable of defending herself, but I know many intelligent, non-cult, independent thinkers, medical professionals and main-stream religious and total non-religious types who concur with this approach. There is no one path to wholeness, and while it is always preferable to rely on inner resources and loving support, it is not always possible. Wholesale dismissal of alternate, non-pharm approaches is not helpful nor is insistence on innate ability to cope with severe illness without intervention. Intelligent discussions of this type can be a wonderful resource for countless anonymous readers in cyberworld who are facing difficulties, seeking solutions and who may need encouragement to face another day.

Yup your MIL sounds about right… right up there with mine lol. not much help but I hope this story can make you feel better since mine is a bit sadder. I have a 21 year old step daughter and my husband ( her dad) and I have a 4 year old son. Both are bio grandchildren . The only two grand children. My MIL visibly favours the stepdaughter so much that every one in the family notices. Heres a bit of background. Hopefully you can relate and maybe feel better? SD is to put it nicely, a twit. Drug addicted , spoiled brat, always had her way and not homeless only because she is in jail for welfare fraud and credit card fraud. MIL has always praised her and bought her whatever she wanted. still does. BIo son is at 4 years old already in grade 1 ( he skipped kindergarten after being labelled gifted) is well behaved , polite and doesn't really ask for much other than lots of attention like a 4 year old usually does :) My MIL picks on him, calls him a nerd, doesnt buy him anything for xmas or birthdays, doesn't call him, and is just generally very mean to him when she does see him at holidays. It so bad that I had to tell my 4 year old that jail is not a good thing. He thought it was because MIL still praises the SD so much. Hopefully your MIL isn't as wicked. After all of this my advice is to just not take it personally and limit the time she has with her grandkids. Trust me it will be much less stressful in the end :) cheers!

O.C.D. definitely has a genetic link, although I'm sure it can also be like breast cancer and occur in people with no known relatives that have it. My sister has had it since childhood, although neither myself nor my other 5 siblings, nor either parent, had it. Although we thought my sister was a rarity, we discovered at family reunions over the years that 6 of our cousins have it, among 42, although only 2 are siblings in the same family. So there is definitely a genetic component within our family tree. When we were kids, O.C.D. didn't have a name, and we all just thought my sister was kooky because of her habit of constantly counting and checking and avoiding certain things. After her first pregnancy it became so bad it was ruining her life, so she confided in her doctor because she thought she was losing her mind. Luckily her doctor had just learned about O.C.D. and got her on Anafranil, which was the first drug used for treatment many years ago. It worked well to help curb her symptoms, but gave her side effects that were just as bad, so she lived for a number of years in agony until they began using anti-depressant medication to treat O.C.D. After trying several, she found one that allows her to live a pretty normal life, and has been on that one ever since. One of her four children also has O.C.D., but in a mild form. My youngest child, now 19, began showing symptoms at age 6, and I dreaded what might lie ahead. Unfortunatley, by age 11 it was really getting bad, but he forced himself to cope without medication because he was hoping if he could get through puberty without any, that his symptoms might abate. However by age 15 my honour roll student was suffering so badly that he could no longer concentrate long enough to read or write for school assignments, so his doctor insisted it was time for medication. He went through several and finally found some alleviation of his symptoms with the fourth drug he tried, which happens to be the same one that works for my sister. So if any of you have kids with severe enough O.C.D. to require medication, please don't give up if the first or second drug doesn't work. My son is a happy testament to the old addage "if at first you don't succeed, try, try, again."

I was diagnosed with ADHD with depression and anxiety about 6 months ago, at the age of 60. Your daughter is exhibiting typical ADHD behaviors, the depression is an add-on, not the main problem. (I'm not minimizing depression because it is all that the first responder says it is.) Prozac may help the depression, but it isn't enough to help her manage the ADHD, which will be a life-long effort. Her inability to remember things is typical, as are her poor time management skills, lack of organization and inability to get things done. (Carrying a purse would not necessarily help unless she learned to always put her keys into it. If not, she'd have two things to lose.) She should seek treatment with someone knowledgeable about ADHD. It probably should include medication, but also coaching, counseling and support groups. From experience I can tell you that she is probably trying as hard as she can, but nothing works. Expecting her to manage her life like everyone else does is pointless and a waste of time. She cannot. Her brain is wired differently from non-ADHD people and she has to learn other ways of managing. It will take patience, persistence, support, education and outside help from experts. All of my life I was told that I was just lazy or could do better if I just tried harder. I was told I should be a straight A student because my test scores were so high. I didn't get in trouble in school, but I struggled with organization, getting homework done on time, and class participation. Like many people with ADHD I am very intelligent and capable of hyperfocusing, occasionally, if something really gets my attention. I have raised procrastination to an art form because I just cannot make myself start things and even if I finally do get started, I can't concentrate long enough to finish them. I am easily distracted and sometimes feel my mind drift right in the middle of a conversation. Even when I try to focus, I can't remember details. I have to read sentences and paragraphs 5-6 times to understand them and only a few minutes later cannot tell you about what I read. I have never fit in, even with family, and have few friends. My brain doesn't filter thoughts so I blurt out whatever pops into my head. Tact definitely isn't my strong suit. I avoid social situations because I can't count on not saying or doing the wrong thing. I react to things without thinking first and my angry reactions are often over the top for no apparent reason. Impulsivity and inattention are characteristics of people with ADHD, whose brains cannot organize and filter out the unimportant things from those things that matter. There is never just one thing going on in my head and the noise is sometimes unbearable. Everything is overwhelming and the harder I try, the worse it gets. I have spent my entire life struggling because no matter how smart, talented or capable I was, I just couldn't do what everyone else could. I'd write myself lists and then lose the lists. I'd start washing dishes and notice a spot on the window, so I'd stop and clean the window, and then I'd stop to watch the neighbors dog playing, suddenly remembering I forgot to pay a bill and open my computer, log on and pay the bill. While online, I'd check email and then look up a recipe for something I planned to bake. Before closing down, I'd take a break to play a game of solitaire or 5. Suddenly, 3 hours had passed since I started the dishes and they were still in the sink! Spending is also common. Impulse buying, not paying bills on time, and just generally not being disciplined with money are often present with ADHD. Self-soothing or self-medicating with caffeine, over-eating, alcohol, drugs, etc. is common. ADHD brains need stimulation to stay engaged. This can take the form of external things, like shopping, or internal stimulation, like creating conflicts with others. I could go on forever, but the best thing I can say is to please, educate yourself about ADHD and try to help your daughter learn about it, too. You can't force her, but reproaching her for her failures is doing nothing but reinforcing her own sense of being a failure. Edward Hallowell writes extensively about ADHD. His "Driven From Distraction" is a very good source of information. (Hallowell, like many of the people who write about ADHD or ADD, has it himself.) Melissa Orlov writes books and has an online site about the effects of marriage when one or both partners has ADHD. (It was eye-opening and for someone like me with one ADHD-impacted, failed marriage, truly devastating.) C.H.A.D.D. is a good national online resource with a huge database of information and local support groups. Medication is helpful for many people with ADHD and is the first line of treatment. (It shouldn't be the only treatment.) The first time I took a stimulant it was like my brain snapped to attention. I got ready for work with more efficiency than I ever had. I packed my lunch without opening the refrigerator door and staring into it for inspiration even once! My husband noticed the difference immediately. It helps me pay attention and it quiets at least a few of the voices in my head. Because I can focus, I have more energy and actually get more done. I remember things better and my husband and family can count on me more than they could before. I also see a counselor and have worked with an executive function coach. Both have helped. This week I am going to my first CHADD support group. I would give anything to have been diagnosed when I was a child or even a young woman. Maybe I would have done something worthwhile with my life, and maybe I would have been a better, more consistent parent. I might even have made a success out of my first marriage. Who knows, maybe I would have finished my B.A. while in my 20s, instead of at 60. Certainly I would have been happier. ADHD IS HEREDITARY. CHANCES ARE YOUR DAUGHTER INHERITED IT FROM ONE OF HER PARENTS AND THE ODDS ARE SOME OR ALL OF HER CHILDREN WILL HAVE IT. Contrary to popular belief, it is neither something that afflicts mostly boys, nor is it something people outgrow, and not everyone has the "H" of hyperactivity. To build a life that is not one long demoralizing struggle your daughter needs treatment for ADHD. Your support and understanding will help. If you can remember that behind the defenses and off-putting coping mechanisms she has built over the years, your daughter is probably frustrated over her inability to cope and hurting because she doesn't know why she has such a hard time with everything. For her sake and the sake of her children, I hope she gets help.