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Post Partum Depression Because of Step-Grandmother?

9 years ago

I have a 5 year old boy and a 4 month old girl. I was not married when I had my son and his father and I were not together when he was born. My son and I both went through a very hard time with a custody battle ending with his father only having a small amount of visitation. Now his father's parents are the only ones who care enough to see him and that is only when it is convenient for them.

I met the man of my dreams and got married a little over 2 years ago. My son loves him and now calls him daddy. I had a few issues with my husband's mother but nothing that engulfed me the way things are now. Everything was good, for the most part, until my daughter was born. I had no idea that my life would be turned upside down.

It sounds so bad for me to say this but the way my husband's parent's (they are divorced) act about my daughter makes me sick. I get extremely angry when I see them oooing and ahhing over her. They have never really cared to see my son on a regular basis and spend one on one time with him as much but now they are wanting to with her. I get it, that's their biological grandchild, but my goodness! My son has been through so much and really has only one set of grandparents who truly want to get to know him, spend time with him, etc.(my parents) I want them to be like that with him.

They tell her she is the sweetest thing ever, precious, beautiful, perfect, and I can't stand it....and that is my own child! My mind is constantly worrying about my son. Is he getting enough attention, did they spend more on her, did they come to his sporting events, do they ask about him on the phone, did he get any one on one time with them. It has gotten so bad that I resent my daughter and anytime we are around my husband's parents I feel sick to my stomach. I don't let it show but I am so angry and worried inside

I feel like my mother in law is the cause of my depression. She can be pushy at times or do or say things that just make my blood boil. In the hospital I said that my daughter was so cute and she looked at me saying "Cute?? You mean she is beautiful!!" She has also growled, yes GROWLED at me before when I wouldn't let her hold her when she was asleep. I have told my husband things in the past but he usually gets defensive. Just a few weeks ago she would not spend much time with my son at a festival when she was SUPPOSED to stay with him the whole time while I had the baby. Once she held my daughter she never gave her back even when I said I would take her with my arms out. She just turned and walked away. She had her for several hours. My husband saw the look on my face and knew I was mad. I didn't tell him for a couple of days what was bothering me because it usually does no good. He told me to just tell him and he wouldn't get defensive, he would just listen. I told him that story and then just burst into tears telling him everything else on my heart about the situation.

I would never hurt her but I have thought about what my life would have been like if I never got pregnant with her, or married. Maybe I should have just stayed a single mom living with my parents and son. I also feel like I have to make my daughter sound like she is not the best baby in the world because my husband's mom goes crazy if she sleeps through the night or doesn't cry much during the day. "Oh she's just doing so good! She's just the best baby! She's so sweet! You are so blessed to have such a good baby! She couldn't be any better!" All of that plain out makes me sick. I can't stand her. I never want to be around my mother in law anymore because my anger and anxiety levels soar sky high. I just want my son to feel just as loved and get just as much attention as my daughter.

My husband has even gotten "funny" about things too. He always used to get onto me about keeping my son's school work, old toys, clothes, but NOW he wants to keep every hair that sheds from my daughter's head. That is an exaggeration but still.

My husband did, however, talk to his mom about some things that bothered me and now she's spending a little more time with him. She has been taking him to target or to go get new shoes. It's like she's trying to buy his love. I also feel like everything is fake now. Like their time spent together only happens because I said something to my husband and he said something to her. This has happened before and it is only a temporary fix.

Anyone else in a step family situation similar to this? How do I deal with this because it bothers me and is constantly on my mind. So sorry for how long this is. I could have written a chapter book if I added everything

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