I've read some of her earlier books and they were just average, IMO. But this one I will definitely seek out, for its topic. I have already tried to find out if libraries in my area have it on order, but they do not, unfortunately.... See other thread on Didion I just pulled up.

I too would like to read this one. It's very sad that her daughter died this year,not long after the book was published.

I finally got this from the library and read it all at 2 sittings. I found it quite powerful, in terms of her detailed analysis of the stages of grief. It should help many, as I am sure "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis did. I know there are some who feel this should be off limits because of the privacy issues. However, remember that Didion and her late husband were both writers by profession. She chose to deal with her loss the only way she knew how. I respect her for it and can identify with it.

Veronica, did you ever read "Widow" by Lynn Caine? Very much along the same themes, written several years ago.

I don't feel that it should be "off-limits" necessarily-as you say, she wrote it and allowed it to be published. I jsut, personally, do not feel comfortable reading the bare bones of a stranger's grief. I do, however, know a widow for whom the book was a great comfort-and another who couldn't read it because it hit much too close to home. They are at different stages in their grieving process...the more recent widow was the one who couldn't read it.

Not only did the book win a National Book Award, but it's a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle award. So I should think any library would order it in, if you requested it.

Brenda

I read this book last month for a book group (hee, great for the holidays....:) Some mixed emotions about it. I agree that she does a very good job of showing how grief works, how her mind and body reacts to it, and how she starts on the very long road to 'the new normal' as a friend calls it.

But some things bothered me. I have not read another book by her, but I understand that she is very intellectual and exact. Even tho I was aware of this, I was rather surprised at the cold writing. She seemed removed, distant. Not that she wasn't experiencing emotion, but that it didn't come through on the page, at least not for me.

I also wondered about her relationship with John - they obviously were intertwined both personally, professionally and socially, in a way that many couples are not. Yet they could not talk about death, even tho she knew he was ill. He apparently tried to bring it up, and she couldn't. How would it have been different for her if she did? Probably not, but its sad that she had difficulty with the idea.

I also wondered what her relationship with her daughter in such a interdependent relationship. She obviously loved her - but something was missing.

>She mentions that when she was young, grieving was an open and accepted part of life...and people were very supportive. Today, people expect the bereaved to get over it, and do their grieving in private, and with support groups.

Really? I didn't notice that, I may have to give it a reread. I see its just the opposite. In my parents day you did not ever ever talk about death, dying, mourning, even with your own family. Now - people are much more likely to express their emotions (granted, I've had a few deaths of family and friends in the last few years and I am just basing my obserations on what I saw through that process) I do find it interesting that people will talk about sex willingly whereas death is something else entirely, tho its more open than in the past.

The 'off limits' part I find interesting. She has written about a most private year for public perusal. I don't really think there is much 'off limits' at this point. I did find it interesting in my book group, how uncomfortable everyone got if someone criticized the book or her (not in a mean way at all, just bringing up a critique). Obviously some folks felt strongly that there should be no negative discussion.

It is interesting to here her interview. Terry Gross, who I normally don't like, interviewed her on NPRs Fresh Aire program last month. Very good interview, and you can listen to it on their website.

Finally - I want to ask something but I don't want to make a spoiler. Does this forum accept HTML codes? Can I do a 'white' post?

I have not read the book but I have read reviews and will read it--when I can work up the courage. Someone who writes a book about their grief experience, with a sincere heart and not to cash in, is performing an act of mercy for others. As others have said on this thread, grief is one of the few life experiences that must remain unspoken in our society, except for a very brief period after the loss. Yet how many carry grief and loss day after day and year after year, alone and unsupported. If Joan Didion's book helps others, as I hope writing it has helped her, it will serve a purpose far beyond its literary value.

CindyDavid -

">She mentions that when she was young, grieving was an open and accepted part of life...and people were very supportive"
When she speaks of the time when death was open and accepted, I think she is referring to a time before your parents' time...when death occurred at home, people cared for their own dying. People knew that children died...women miscarried. It's clean and removed these days.
Support groups are offered as a solution to your grief..."go to few meetings and find closure". "The family just wants closure - deserves closure"
Do you think "closure" ever comes when you have lost someone you love? But it's the psychological buzz word for grief counseling expectatiions. "She needs to get over this and get on with her life."

ginny, I probably did not chose my words well; I was not looking at this book for literary value. My comments were how I felt reading the book, that how she wrote it surprised me, and it gave me a little distance from her - which is probably why it was not as painful to me as it could have been. I did indeed think she did an incredible job with such a personal tragedy. And I think anyone who reads this who has suffered a loss will realize that what they are feeling is universal, that we all go through these times, that they come and go and change, and that there is nothing abnormal about how we experience grief.

> think she is referring to a time before your parents' time...when death occurred at home, people cared for their own dying. People knew that children died...women miscarried. It's clean and removed these days.

Oh, ok - I do remember her saying that. And yes, people died at home, the family cared for the body, and the burial was often nearby the community (I love English graveyards - they feel like the dead are still within the community, not shuffled out of the city limits ) And death happened often enough that it was excepted as a part of life (you just never talked about it. My mom never told me that her baby brother died in the Flu Epidemic of the early 1900s. I just recently learned this from an aunt)

As for closure: I don't any counselor worth her salt would say 'she needs to get over it'. I think the term closure means finding a way to adjust to the 'new normal. And I think what support groups and therapy tries to do (or should do) is help a griever talk through and adjust to this new way of life. I don't think acceptance is possible. My mom died 6 years ago. I still find sights, sounds, smells that bring back the memories and sometimes the pain - tho those times have gotten farther apart.. Another friend lost her daughter last year (she's the one who coined the phrase 'the new normal' for all the folk who keep telling her that things will get back to normal). I doubt she'll ever accept; but I suspect she'll adjust to life without her child - because as she even says, there's not much of a choice.

I thought her research into the physical changes the body goes through in grief fascinating. I've observed that people from other countries and cultures seem to go through grief in a similar way (not the traditions, but the emotions of grief)- This helps explain why it is so very universal.

BTW the interview I posted about earlier was linked in the other Didion thread which was just pulled up.

Cindy

I read this book about a month or so ago. I admit that I was drawn in by her descriptive writing, and there are times that she is most eloquent. At the same time, I will admit that there were times that I felt she was rambling, which is certainly allowed for someone exposing their grief in such a public forum, but which didn't exactly keep my full attention.

I think there were some wonderful portions in the book, but it's not a book I would recommend to everyone. I lost my mother two years ago and could identify with some of her musings. At other times, however, I felt impatient with her, possibly because we are in separate stages of grieving. We all deal with grief in different ways; there's no right or wrong way to grieve, just different ways.

I feel a bit conflicted that the book won the National Book Award. I'm not certain I can wholeheartedly agree, but then I'm not aware of which other books were under consideration for the award.

For your perusal:

National Book Award finalists The only one I have heard of is 102 Minutes, which is on my TBR list.

I also got the feeling of her rambling, but I wasn't turned off by it. Seemed as if she was writing really to herself - and then turned those writings into the book.

BTW, I just noticed that my 'spoiler' has already been mentioned upthread. I did not know that her daughter died after the book was written and had a bit of a hard time with that. The book ends on such a hopeful note. I suspect those who didn't know read it with different eyes than those who did - comments?

Thanks for the link, cindydavid4.

Welcome google is a wonderful thing. BTW - I hate that the gardenweb wouldn't let me use my old user name, which was 'cindy ash'. Just call me Cindy, despite my current user name (David is my DH)

Have just read this a second time and want to give it an accolade. It took such courage and honest to write this, IMO. I think it will indeed help many, as did C.S. Lewis' "A Grief Observed" so many years ago. I urge you to try to read this if you are or have been in mourning. As a widow, I found it cathartic.