All you can do in such a situation is to enjoy the absurdity of it. It sounds like a scene from a Barbara Pym novel!

Now wait a minute, guys ... I LOVE books, but I also confess that I watch "Idol" and "DWTS." (Blush.) And I like tea, and also coffee. And I really enjoy some TV dramas, but I also get a kick out of some sit-coms.

But I understand about the "friends who don't read" dilemma. I have my book group, but only one other person in the group seems to love books the way I do.

So, I also really appreciate having RPers to talk with.

I choose my friends for many reasons. Some of them are readers, some are not. It does enhance a friendship for me to know that this friend shares my love of books, but it is not a requirement.

Provided, of course, that we have something in common!

Rosefolly

Carolyn,
Sometimes I think I am imaginary...
RP is a special place full of special people.

Not all of my friends read, but I confess that I am closer to the ones that do. If someone sat at my table and professed a hatred for reading and/or books, I doubt I should have been as polite as you were at your own table!

I love you guys, too.
PAM

The woman's remark about "hating books" reminds me of something Shirley Jackson wrote in her memoir Life with Savages. (She's also known as a writer of horror stories.) I'm paraphrasing because I don't have the Savage book at hand, but it goes something like this: Jackson was selling her book-filled home. A potential buyer toured the house, expressing approval on some parts of it; but this person also said, "Just think of all the room this house will have once it's rid of all these books." Jackson didn't say anything until she showed the person upstairs: "I think the bedrooms are nice sizes, but of course they would be bigger if you get rid of the beds."

I know lots of people who read, but I think I know many more who do not. I have an almost instantaneous bond with the former, but the latter take longer to cultivate a friendship with. I'm a weird fish to most of them, it seems. So, it's a pleasure to visit friends here at RP who don't necessarily equate bookishness with strangeness.

BTW, I really don't like tea, although I can drink it when it would hurt feelings if I didn't. I never know when to be honest about my dislike of tea and when just to be polite. Usually if the host has it already prepared and takes for granted that everyone will partake, I drink it -- trying not to taste it. But I have had hosts who later chewed me out for not admitting up front that tea is not my cuppa. Sigh. You'd think after forty-something years I would have solved this dilemma.

Hey, nothing wrong with imaginary friends in my book *vbg*

Many of my friends are readers, some are not, and certainly very few read as much or as widely as the folks on RP. I just love discussing books and everything else here with all of you. As one of my neighbors used to say, we are all simpatico.

However, hating books AND tea ... I might understand a dislike of one or the other, but both?

Carolyn, I have been mulling over how to answer this.
I suppose, if truth be told I have almost no friends who are serious readers. They may have a book 'on the go' by the bed but probably couldn't tell you the plot, name of the characters etc. In my own family only my Mother had been a reader and when she and my Father married and moved into his father's house the first thing she did was buy a bookcase for her old favourites, to hoots of mirth all round (it had cost too much). Apparently the only reading matter was a copy of Johnson's dictionary and a set of The First World War in Pictures (10 vols) bought as part of a job lot in a sale.

Do any of you find yourselves itching to recommend (or otherwise) some book a customer is browsing at in the library/bookshop? At our local mobile library . . . now reduced to 15 mins ONCE a month . . . there is only one other punter and she must get fed up with me suggesting books to her. Our tastes are quite different, she reads 'light' stuff and I go for things with more depth.
This is why I enjoy RP and hate it when it seems to go into a decline. I don't need a site where there is an invigilator who tells us off if we go 'off topic', or sub-sections for types of literature or marks/stars out of 10. RP and the friends I have made, even the imaginary ones (who is Sheri chatting to up that tree?) make a tremendous difference to someone who is cut-off from any form of literary life. Sorry if that sounds a bit pompous . . . and I don't have a problem with tea; but then I'm English.

Ah, Vee, that conversation remains a bit vague in my memory ... but I thought I was under a hedge? My recall of the event is understandably sketchy *vbg*.

We should have another virtual garden party here someday, and perhaps I'll stick to tea.

I have often wondered how I am perceived by others here. Of course I have my own mental images of the regulars here; many of us have been here for years. I am sure my imaginings are far, far off the mark. Someone I imagine as tall and svelte with a fashionable haircut is probably short, dumpy, and greasy-haired. (No, I am not referring to anyone specific - just an example!) I am probably in at least of couple of people's mind's eye, and wouldn't I like to see that!

Sometimes it seems to me that online people have wonderful lives elsewhere, far removed from the cares of the everyday world. No one else has money worries, job worries, family worries. Everyone online is surrounded by all of the comforts, a loving, supportive family, and has plenty of time to read. Of course this is not true. Well, it certainly isn't for me - I do have some of those things some of the time - but what a fantasy world RP is for me. A large book-lined room with a big fireplace, comfortable chairs and good lighting. Sunlight and comforting darkness in appropriate amounts from the beautiful many-paned windows. Some well-behaved, affectionate pets scattered about picturesquely. An ever-changing cast of smart, funny, well-informed, open-minded people who listen as well as they speak and know how to carry on a conversation. Is it any wonder this is one of my very favorite places, even if it doesn't really exist?

And I almost forgot - everyone's favorite beverage, no matter what that may be. And snacks also!

Well, Carolyn, I can confirm that you are not imaginary!

But yes - I don't get on here as often as I should, but we do seem a nice bunch compared to other forums I've been on.

Most of my friends read; few as much as I do (but then, I'm not a voracious reader compared to some on here!). I think the idea of a house with no books would be appalling - I just can't imagine it.

But I do relate to the point about the space - I had to strip our front room right back to the walls - books removed and bookcases dismantled - so that we could fit a new floor. The room seemed huge, and I was briefly considering the possibility of a bar and a pool table....

Tea? I used to drink it all the time, but now I prefer instant coffee - because it's instant. When I have tea, I quite enjoy it.

Most of my closest friends are enthusiastic readers, both of fiction and non-fiction, and we seem to have an instant bonding when we have discussions. I am baffled by a new friend who does not read at all. She is highly intelligent, well-educated, yet seems to confine her reading to recipes or plant labels. Oddly enough, she aspires to be a writer. I find this amazing, as I don't see how one can write well unless one is a reader. Much of her time seems to be spent in front of the TV, channel surfing. I just don't get it.

I am very grateful for the fellowship at RP and the good suggestions put forth from all of you. As for tea, I am not a big fan unless it is wintertime and the tea is Yorkshire, strong enough to walk....

Funny how many of you jumped on the tea. Just to explain, this is the South and sweet iced tea is the local drink. However, what I had made is called Summer Tea and has 3/4 cup of pineapple juice and 6 ounces each of frozen lemonade and frozen orange juice concentrate, a cup of sugar, a quart of tea made with (gasp) two family-size teabags, and enough water to make a gallon. It is served at a local restaurant, and everyone I've ever known really likes it. I wouldn't have offered regular tea without alternatives, but it didn't occur to me someone wouldn't care for this. Actually, the woman did drink it and say it was good, but she also said it was the first time she had ever drunk tea because she hates it.

I do notice if I visit a house that doesn't have books, but I'm not usually critical of people who are not readers. One of these two ladies, though, is just not on my wave length at all. (She is, however, a gardener.) It wasn't actually an unpleasant afternoon--just mildly funny to me and made me even more appreciative of this site.

As I mentioned when I started posting, I have lurked here for a number of years. I could always count this site to cheer me up. I was actually feeling very down today and (almost) forgot what was eating me while reading this topic.

One of my oldest and dearest friends is a reader (although if I don't read "Revolutionary Road" soon - she may end our decades-long friendship!) and I think she may be the only person in my life who loves books with the same intensity as me. I don't know how I would have got through some parts of my childhood without books so I find it hard to relate to people who don't see books as being a big necessity in their lives.

If anyone has a mental image of me, please picture me as blonde, blue-eyed, tall and svelte. I am at least two of those things ;c)

Okay, someone has to state the obvious. How did she know she hates it if she has never had it? The part of me that is still my mother's child is cringing at the idea that someone would speak of hating a food or drink they were being served as a guest, although of course I don't know the context. I am probably being too hard of her.

We should probably have a virtual tea party soon and I also think it is high time for another food thread. Although they may turn out to be the same thing :)

Well I am pretty friendly with most of my workmates, and of course, since I work in a bookshop (lucky me!) they are all readers. One of them reads so much she puts the rest of us to shame, but I try to remember that she has no children, no family in this state, and shops for groceries on line, so that must give her more time *g*
Vee, working in a bookshop gives me the chance to suggest books all the time! Last year we started a display called 'Our Staff Love' where we put out books staff recommend, with a little placard telling the virtues of the book. It has been a great success. I think a lot of customers like to get a recommendation, but don't like to have to ask someone for help.
I think I have encouraged my best friend into reading more, and more widely, and we often discuss books. Another good friend reads, but strangely, we rarely discuss it.
I just love this site. One of the very best things about it is that we are like a group of good friends. We can disagree, but it is always politely and with a thought of the feelings of others. Some of the discussions have been wonderful. Like some of you have obviously been doing, I have been reading the old threads (started at page 55, now at 51) and the parties were so much fun. I also remember our Christmas poems and long, interesting discussions about food.
Long live RP!

Carolyn - Your tea actually sounds more delicious than the cup of hot tea I was imagining.

Siobhan - I had the same thought about a guest making such a comment. Ah well.

Two more things: First - I live in a two-story house and all the books are upstairs, so visitors wouldn't know how much I love to read. Which is too bad; when I visit someone, I like to see what books they have.

Second - In the past I've had to deal with some serious anxiety issues. I found that the only thing that could calm me down when my heart felt like it wanted to gallop out of my chest was to grab a good, absorbing book and get lost in it. For me this works better than deep breathing or imagining myself on a tropical beach somewhere.

I found this place some years ago when I was looking for comments on a book I was reading. My husband, a great reader, had died suddenly and because we had moved for his work, I was for a while cut off from family and friends. This place was somewhere I could visit 24/7 and be welcome. You are such wonderful companions and I cherish your friendship.
Regarding food and drink preferences, I have found that a regretful headshake and murmur of digestive problems or allergies makes for a polite refusal and usually an offer of an alternative.

I would certainly agree that this is a group I treasure. I am lucky that I do know other readers, including but not limited to an excellent book club. Even so, I find this group a wonderful resource and over the years have come to consider the members to be genuine personal friends.

Rosefolly

I have a wonderful book club, and two other friends with whom, when we meet, I get to talk books. DD and I also usually spend a large part of our phone calls book-talking and reacting to each other's Goodreads reviews. Books are my escape, my comfort, and my entertainment. So is this group at RP. The shared interests, the varied viewpoints and the civility are all equally valuable to me. I even pull you in sometimes at school-when we were talking about the volcano, I said to my students..."well, I belong to an international book discussion group online, and one of the other posters LIVES in Iceland!" They were very impressed.

However, in the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that while I do not watch Idol or DWTS, I am a Real Housewives addict. The New York and Jersey ones. Several of them have recently published books....so to speak.....so that is my excuse and I am standing by it! (Also, the clothes are a hoot, some of the homes are to die for, while others feed that "all that money and THAT is what they did" superior feeling,and I love drinking and eating vicariously at amazing-looking restaurants.) And sometimes I read their blogs. Every brain needs a bonbon now and again.

I come from a book loving family (well, most of us anyway) and I can't imagine living in a home without books all over the place.

Books are my solace, my entertainment, my friends. If I'm having a bad day I know I can pick up one and lose myself in it for however long I have available to read. Although I have friends around me, our common interests lie in other things like herbs and gardening.

Thank goodness for RP and all of you! I've read books I would never have considered because someone here recommended them. Even if I don't post as much as I used to, I like to read what has been posted by others.

Siobhan, I agree; it would be fun to see if anyone matches my mental picture of him/her.

I'm going to be moving and selling (alas) many of my books. I wish I could invite you all to my book sale, as many are out of print works. Some are older works that I inherited from my late parents.

Cece, I had to smile when I read your post. I, too, was an addict of "Real Housewives of NY". I really don't watch much TV, as I prefer to spend that time in reading, but I also adore Stacy & Clinton in "What Not to Wear."

I call "Real Housewives of NYC" my "favourite trash TV." (Don't watch the other RH shows.) As far as "intelligence" goes, Bethany Frankel shows it as "the Greek chorus" (as a commentator called her), making acerbic, witty remarks. And sweet Alex is the calm, sensitive one, who knows when to Shut Up and Listen! When her husband went to Australia for 9 days (his father's funeral), she was shown, in the evenings after work, alone at home reading books. She said that she was contented doing this every night he was away...to the disdain of another housewive, who said (away from Alex, but on-camera): "Why doesn't she get a life?"

Don't you love to see the places they live in? Sonya's townhouse is divine! She seems like such a decent person doesn't she? And she could easily -- w/all her money, glitz, good looks -- have turned into a she-demon.

lauramarie, glad to find another reader who will occasionally indulge in "trash TV." I enjoy Real Housewives of NY as a social commentary and a study of the cultural mores of a certain class of people in a certain part of the USA. I think Betheny is great and she is becoming my favorite character in this. (My favorite used to be Jill, because she has so much Chuzpah and is so funny). I find the houses and the dresses and even the children just amazing to study. I cannot imagine having that kind of money.

I used this to "escape" today, as it was too depressing to listen to the bad news re the oil spill.

I'm sorry if I came across as a TV snob. I'm not at all, but this acquaintance gives the impression that our high school days (we graduated in 1952) were the best days of her life and she hasn't matured much since.

I do think mindless TV has a place in all our lives when real life is either just too much or too boring, aside from the information and entertainment it provides.

I have always wondered whether or not I should retain friends who hate reading !!! LOL.

Books are such a wonderful seasoning to life.

I imagine that friends who hate to cook or do not enjoy wonderful food are as handicapped.
And what about those poor dolts who cannot plant or appreciate a lovely cottage garden over-growing and crowded with blowsy blooms! ?

Hmmm.......I think that I might need some weeding out of my circle !

Who said " I only have a certain number of friends, and until one expires I really don't have room for another!" ?
Sounds like a Dorothy Parker remark!

woodnymph, send all of your books to my house. I will reimburse you for all of the shipping. I am quite serious. Just like I get all of my puppies from the humane society, I feel this deep need to give books a home!

PAM

PAM, I have hundreds of books to get rid of. Lots of trips to the Post Office carrying heavy boxes! Where in PA do you live and do you ever get down to Tidewater, VA? In any case, I would prefer to have your lines of special interest and any titles you are specifically looking for.

As for the Samoyed breed of dog, it is true that they have a double or triple coat of fur. but as for the shedding, all dogs shed in warm weather. Most folks who have Samoyeds think it's well worth it. Just my 2 cents worth. :-)

Not to worry, Carolyn. I think we can all relate to what you meant. It's so much fun to talk to other readers, especially those who share our same taste in books.

I can really relate to this thread: none of my (local) friends are big readers, or if they read, it's not something that I am that interested in, so this is one of the few places where I can talk books with like-minded people. Plus I usually get to learn something interesting about some esoteric topic here, and I love doing that...

Thanks to you all - without you, my life would be much duller. :-)

PAM-what say we grab our daughters and ROAD TRIP! Tidewater is not that far away.........

cece, I am ready... I will fuel up at Costco on my way to meet you - can I pick you up at B&N?

Woodnymph, Tidewater VA? That's only six hours from me. You are a dear... my special interests are books on England, literature, and of course, George Gissing! I am also very much into the martial arts now and anything pertaining to the history/philosophies of China, Tibet and Japan. If I leave now, I can be there before dinner! (Smiling as I type!)

PAM

I am surrounded by readers, both family and friends read, even though we may not like the same kind of books. So I was happy yesterday to meet a fellow Janeite in my husband's uncle's wife. I spotted a postcard on their kitchen notice board of Chawton Cottage in Hampshire, Jane Austen's last home. I got so excited because I visited this house in 2007 and have read everything by Jane, even the not so remarkable juvenilia and letters. The old aunt-in-law was excited too, said she'd never met anyone else who was as enthusiastic about Jane Austen's books as she is. We had a very animated talk until I had to leave to catch the plane home. We were a little sorry that we hadn't discovered this connection between us before, the aunt is over 80 and we don't meet very often. I recommended that she check the Republic of Pemberley site, she may enjoy it.

PAM-don't you knit? There is a woman at my church who had a samoyed. She had the dog groomed every month, the hair saved and spun into yarn, and made sweaters for her daughters. No lie.

PAM, CeCe is right. I've seen lovely sweaters spun from Samoyed fur. Pure white, of course, and very soft, from the thick undercoat. When these dogs start to shed it is an amazing sight. You can just pull the fur out in handfuls.

What a wonderful thread. I have to admit, I've been awfully busy since Christmas with the new baby and so haven't posted much, though I've been lurking. I love this forum and wish more of my friends and family were readers. Siobhan, your description of our imaginary space is perfect!

I do think of you all often, as I made a collage of all the bookmarks that were shared at Christmas and it hangs next to my front door. (I guess I should post this under the Christmas Bookmark Exchange thread.) It makes me smile.

Wonderful to hear from you again, Phaedosia! I'm not surprised to learn that a new baby keeps you rather busy. Just pop in now and then when you catch a moment to yourself.

Rosefolly

carolyn -

When I saw this C.S. Lewis quote on the Shelf Love blog that phaedosia posted else-thread, it made me think about this post. It sort of sums up some thoughts about readers versus non-readers.

"Those of us who have been true readers all our life seldom fully realise the enormous extenísion of our being which we owe to authors. We realise it best when we talk with an unliterary friend. He may be full of goodness and good sense but he inhabits a tiny world. In it, we should be suffocated. The man who is contented to be only himself; and therefore less a self; is in prison. My own eyes are not enough for me, I will see through those of others. Reality, even seen through the eyes of many, is not enough. I will see what others have invented. Even the eyes of all humanity are not enough. I regret that the brutes cannot write books. Very gladly would I learn what face things present to a mouse or a bee; more gladly still would I períceive the olfactory world charged with all the inforímation and emotion it carries for a dog."

What a beautiful quote! Thanks for posting it. C.S. Lewis is one of my favorite authors. I like what he wrote above about the creatures. I read that he believed that dogs have immortal souls.

Wonderful quote, Sara Canary. Thanks!

The part about wishing to sense the world -- in whatever way: sight, smell, etc. -- is intriguing (when he's wishing dogs, bees, etc. could write!).

Perfect, Sarah. Thanks.

Literature says nothing to those human beings who are satisfied with their lot, who are content with life as they now live it. Literature is the food of the rebellious spirit, the promulgator of non-conformities, the refuge for those who have too much or too little in life. One seeks sanctuary in literature so as not to be unhappy and so as not to be incomplete. To ride alongside the scrawny Rocinante and the confused Knight on the fields of La Mancha, to sail the seas on the back of a whale with Captain Ahab, to drink arsenic with Emma Bovary, to become an insect with Gregor Samsa: these are all ways that we have invented to divest ourselves of the wrongs and the impositions of this unjust life, a life that forces us always to be the same person when we wish to be many different people, so as to satisfy the many desires that possess us.
Mario Vargas Llosa

Even when reading is impossible, the presence of books acquired produces such an ecstasy that the buying of more books than one can read is nothing less than the soul reaching towards infinity . . . we cherish books even if unread; their mere presence exudes comfort; their ready access, reassurance.
A.E. Newton

So true, on both counts. Thanks for those quotes, carolyn.