Kudos to all our sons as they evolve into wonderful men. Terri, your son has a case of shyness, mine too. Yes, he needs to go in or follow up with a phone call so they can see the handsome wholesome fellow in person. If his name is difficult to decipher maybe he can include a pronunciation guide parenthetically. My maiden name wasn't hard but everyone got it wrong. Meinhart (mine-heart) Something like that, maybe. Sharon I SO wanted to take a photo of my handsome son in his "fancy" clothes, as he puts it. I decided it might be over the top after the fingernail inspection and gum extraction. ;) Thankfully neither of my children are inclined to piercings or tattoos. Daniel loathes pain. Alice begged for months for a navel piercing. I finally relented after 6 months. It still gives me the willies! I wrote a tongue-in-cheek essay about the experience. Advanced Parenting My 15 year old daughter has been pestering me for months to let her get her navel pierced. When it first came up my response was cautionary: I Googled infected pierced navel images to share. "Come here, Alice, look at this gooey one!" "Ew!" I thought it might be a passing notion and best to wait a while and see if she was still hot for a bellybutton ring in a few months. Her best friend, Kaitlyn wants one, too. My thought was that this was a good best friend tandem activity. But her mom is firmly opposed. I called the other mom to discuss letting the girls go together. Nope. Odd, because her older daughter has a pierced nostril. I'm still scratching my head at that double standard. Every few days the subject comes up. "Mom, can I get my bellybutton pierced?" "Sure, honey, when Kaitlyn's mom says she can..." "Mom!" In truth, I'm not all that bothered by the navel ring thing. I'm far more opposed to facial piercing. I'm not concerned about what other people do but I believe my daughter's face is perfection just the way it is. I knew eventually she would wear me down. I wanted her to be certain of the decision. It happened yesterday. We went for a walk together and passed the downtown tattoo/smoke/body piercing joint which was surprisingly open on Sunday. With mock hope she pointed out the store, "Look, Mom, they're open! I can get my bellybutton pierced!" To her astonishment I said, "Okay, go in and see what it costs." My stunned child jumped on the opportunity and in we went. The cost was within reach of the cash in my pocket. The clerk/piercing dude thought we were doing it together. Uh, no. My wobbly post natal navel shall remain intact. Ouchie. I remarked that a search party would have to be sent to recover it first. Thirty bucks, a wince, and a few drops of blood later my kid admired her bejeweled umbilicus in the full length mirror. "Oh, it's so pretty!" As I reflected later on this odd mother-daughter bonding moment I realized that after a fashion we paid homage to our connection. This bit of midriff sparkle adorns the point at which we were once joined. Aw, gee.

About a month or so ago, I came home from work to be pounced on my 14-y-o DD (8th grade) who said, "Mom, can we NEVER borrow money to buy a TV or anything?" I'm thinking, WHAT? They'd done an exercise in math class in which this guy goes to buy a big-screen TV for $1,400. The store talks him into buying it on credit, in order to get a $50 discount, and he pays the minimum, nothing more, for 5 years. When he's done, he has paid something like $3,000 for the TV (I don't remember all the numbers, but it was really dramatic). It made a HUGE impact on her; she still brings it up now and then. So we talked a bit about borrowing money, and when to do it, and how to pay it off, etc. *** They also taught them about compounding interest, but I think they used a way-dramatic and unrealistic interest rate (like, 12% or something). But it got her thinking. ***** And when he was about 4, my son told me "When I grow up, I'm afraid I'm going to have to sleep on the street." Again, WHAT?! (how many times don't kids make you say that!) "You told me that you and daddy have to pay money to live in our apartment" (we own our apt, but we'd recently explained maintenance and mortgages to them) "And I don't have any money." So I had to explain a JOB to him. AND I told him that, should he lose his job, or have trouble getting his first job, that he could probably live with me & dad for a little while, and maybe he could stay with another family member, but just for a little while. (trying to strike a balance between making a 4-y-o feel safe, and setting the stage for him to think other people have to take care of him)

Hi Digger - I have a 13 y.o. son on the autism spectrum (well, probably - you know how 'fuzzy' those dx's can be...) and he also has impulse control issues. His mostly cause him to say wildly inappropriate things without realizing how wildly inappropriate they are... So I have an idea of what you're going through, though certainly not as much experience. So, what have you tried so far? What specifically for this particular problem? What behavior-modification strategies have worked well for him in the past in general? What specifically do you think is motivating his actions? Curiosity? Wanting to make a connection? Wanting to take something? And how involved in the solution can you ask his co-workers and supervisors to be? My first inclination would be to have a frank discussion with the people at the work place and arrange to have him 'caught in action' with instant, direct, pre-planned consequences. An uncomfortable confrontation that spells out explicitly that his behavior was inappropriate, why it was wrong, illegal, etc. -- that it could land him in jail or cause him to lose his job. They need to make it very clear to him exactly what was wrong and what will happen if it happens again. (Or three strikes.) In addition to 'the stick', I always try to have a 'carrot' in there too. Maybe pack a few small surprises for him and if he works unsupervised for an hour (or whatever is challenging but achievable for him now), arrange to have his supervisor give him that surprise. Your idea about having him try an MMDD workshop might also be a good one. Not strictly as a punative measure, but more of an "If you can't follow the rules there, you'll need to work here instead." strategy. You never know -- he might even prefer it there. It might be much less stressful. Jail is one option I'd never consider. Sorry, but there's just no more natural target than an autistic for jailhouse bullies.

Instead of calling CPS, why not buy your friend a really good parenting book, that addresses some of the issues they have. Yes, it sounds as though your friend resents the child and probably the stepson moving in with her. But perhaps you could go to lunch with her and talk to her about how hard it must be for this boy to lose his mother, and the changes this child must be facing. See, through your friendship with this woman, if you can help her to feel compassion for this child. Tell her that you understand how hard this must be for her, and yet can she find it within herself to have compassion for a little boy who must be confused, hurting, and anxious. Encourage her to feed him what he is used to eating, and to slowly introduce new foods, and to give him a "child's" chewable vitamin for nutrition. The boys dad should take a parenting class for single fathers so that he has someone to ask questions from. Perhaps the YMCA has something. But I would think it is your friendship with the family that could help this little boy. Perhaps you could go shopping with your friend, and help her pick up a few toys and books for the child. If money is an issue, go to garage sales, and children's resale shops. See, through your positive encouragement, if you can help her to see this as a sweet blessing, instead of something to resent and be cross about.