Her son is adjusting well. He helps her out more around the house too. And she is lucky she lives next to her mom and dad so they help her out too (like cleaning her cat box since she was told not too while she is going through chemo). She said she never realized how much her son loved her until she was going into surgery and he was holding her hand the entire way. Terry has a great sense of humor and a good attitude so I'm sure that helps in putting her son's mind at ease. She strikes me as the type of mom who would cry alone so as not to upset him. She is also a little overwhelmed with the cost of everything but she is thankful when insurance covers the cost of her wig/hair pieces and the clinic gives her samples of extremely expensive medications. Keep those prayers comin'!

About a month or so ago, I came home from work to be pounced on my 14-y-o DD (8th grade) who said, "Mom, can we NEVER borrow money to buy a TV or anything?" I'm thinking, WHAT? They'd done an exercise in math class in which this guy goes to buy a big-screen TV for $1,400. The store talks him into buying it on credit, in order to get a $50 discount, and he pays the minimum, nothing more, for 5 years. When he's done, he has paid something like $3,000 for the TV (I don't remember all the numbers, but it was really dramatic). It made a HUGE impact on her; she still brings it up now and then. So we talked a bit about borrowing money, and when to do it, and how to pay it off, etc. *** They also taught them about compounding interest, but I think they used a way-dramatic and unrealistic interest rate (like, 12% or something). But it got her thinking. ***** And when he was about 4, my son told me "When I grow up, I'm afraid I'm going to have to sleep on the street." Again, WHAT?! (how many times don't kids make you say that!) "You told me that you and daddy have to pay money to live in our apartment" (we own our apt, but we'd recently explained maintenance and mortgages to them) "And I don't have any money." So I had to explain a JOB to him. AND I told him that, should he lose his job, or have trouble getting his first job, that he could probably live with me & dad for a little while, and maybe he could stay with another family member, but just for a little while. (trying to strike a balance between making a 4-y-o feel safe, and setting the stage for him to think other people have to take care of him)

Thank you to bnicebekind, outinthecld, and amberjul for your response and insights. I want to say that first of all, I am protective of my son. I also worry sometimes that my son takes advantage of things and can be a bit manipulative. The day that I wrote my original post, my husband had gotten into one of his moods and there were a bad scene. This past weekend, however, while my husband was gone, I asked my son to do something (move some wood behind the garage) and he refused to do so. I should tell you that my son was in the store with me shopping one evening and he went to look at the baseball cards while I was in the grocery dept. When I went to look for him, I was paged. Going to find him, thinking he paged me, I found that he had been stopped for shoplifting--which was pretty confusing since neither of us had left the store and he had over $30 in his pocket that I had given him earlier. Anyway, the store made me pay $200.00 to them as they can charge the parent 10x what the kid is allegedly stealing. My husband and I agreed that he had to work it off. Actually, I was quite humiliated and upset and couldn't even speak. My husband actually surprised me and was the calm one and talked to my son. Since that time, even though it was agreed that my son had to work off the $200 with chores, he refuses to do them (usually when it is just me around) and this weekend when my husband was not home, my son got very angry with me, called me names, threw my kitchen chairs around, hit things, slammed the doors, etc. My son is getting to be a good size guy and truthfully, I am not sure I could live with him alone any more. AS for protecting my son, I do. When my husband went after my son once like he was going to hit him, I stopped him and I told him that he or anyone would ever put a hand to my son. I stood my ground and looked him in his face and he knows that I am dead serious about that. Yes, I do feel that some sort of counseling is needed so we can set some guidelines as to what our rights and responsibilities are. Such as, I would never spank one of stepgrandchildren and I don't expect my husband to spank mine...he sees it differently. I have again talked with my husband and I have taken the advice of a counselor in that if my husband loves me, I should be able to get him to see my reasoning. I think he does love me because I did stand up to him and say to him that I do not want to "castrate" him in our home and make him feel like he is not the man of the house, however; I cannot raise my son in fear. I told him that I do not like his temper; I cannot deal with people with bad tempers and if he did not learn to control his temper and learn to think a bit differently, that I would have to let this relationship go. I told him that I did love being married to him and I love the large family that we have together and I love the grandkids, but if that was the way that he raised his kids (I suspect it was and I suspect that was how he was raised, also), that he needed to think differently. I also came up with some compromises for my son and our rules, which he agreed to and I did let him know firmly that we needed to work on this and that I did think counseling was needed. His daughter told me that he had tried counseling before and it failed. I have been to counseling quite a long time for the depression, etc. of my first divorce, the relationship, tragedies, etc., so I do have insight into what needs to be done. I was a very self-sufficient, independent woman, yet now at my husband's request have lowered my income and work at home. This is all right as now I am here for my son when he gets home and I am here when he goes to school, too. I wonder if my husband doesn't have a hormone or chemical or sugar imbalance that brings on his moods as he gets very upset with himself when he gets upset. I am working on the rules and have talked with my son and asked him to work with me. My son knows I love him and I will try to look after his best interests. So, I do appreciate your comments and I wanted to let you know that I will not stick my head in the sand, I am workikng to resolve the issues, I am looking into counseling, and yes, I do protect my son. But, I simply needed to know if I was being one-sided towards my son as a mom and a stepchild myself, was I being unfair to my husband? The thing is, when you talk to someone, it can get you thinking...sometimes my son is in the wrong and sometimes my husband does overreact to things and goes way out of proportion. These are the issues that need to be worked on...now, just to find the right counselor to help with that. Thanks again

She's getting an awesome deal on the photographer, but sometimes you do get what you pay for. I know a few that would charge $4500 for wedding photography. It's an all day job (follow the bridal party all day, pre wedding, wedding, reception) then go home and process the pictures--it's a lot of work. I see no problem with family making meals for weddings. My husbands family does it quite often. My favourite wedding meal was pulled pork and oven roasted potatoes with home made dinner rolls. Saved the bride and groom a bundle of money. When I got married, we used a JP and got married at my mother in laws back yard. Only the bridal party and immediate family had dinner in a restaurant, and everyone met back at the house for a fire pit party. We got married for under $1000 (including the JP, our clothes for the day which included our kids and my wedding dress, and dinner out) and 24 years later, we're still married. I don't expect wedding favours (who does that anymore?). How much one spends on their wedding is up to them. I specifically asked for no gifts when we got married as I had been away from home for 13 years at that point and didn't need or want anything. People feel they have to give a gift anyway. I'm not a fan of e-vites. If you have a computer, print your own invites and RSVP note cards (there's a million templates online) and mail them out. I used my typewriter to do that 25 years ago. LOL It took FOREVER! All in all, it's her wedding. She can do as she likes. In the end it doesn't have to affect anyone else. Also, I can't remember ever going to a wedding where the guests didn't pay for their booze. Other than a bottle of wine on the table to toast the bride and groom, we've always paid for our drinks. ETA: also, the wedding is all about the bride and groom, and not what's in it for the guest. Just because you spend $ on a gift, doesn't mean they have to give you a gourmet dinner and a 'favour'. In my day, we went to weddings to be witnesses to a joyful event. We danced. We had fun. And we gave gifts. We didn't expect anything in return. This post was edited by debby_ab on Fri, Nov 7, 14 at 8:19