No problem here either.

Oldgardener -- that is the last line of a very old joke. Michelle was asking hypothetically.

I'd have no problem with it.

I would love them regardless.

Been there about 10 years ago. Someone very close to us came out at that time. I think it's just so sad that so many feel they have to 'hide' something that's just a part of them. As to being a surprise? I don't think most people are really that surprised--it's generally pretty obvious that the family member is struggling with trying to fit themselves into a life that just isn't for them.

DH and I are big supporters of gay rights and acceptance.

No issues here.

Dances.

I would be proud to raise a kid who was being true to himself/herself.

I wouldn't have any issues with it, but I think my DH would need time to accept it... especially if it were our DD.

DH and I received a call from our DS about 15 years ago....he said he was coming to visit and was it OK to bring a friend. Of course, we said it was fine.
Our DS has never been very communicative about his personal life so we didn't know if his friend was male or female.
No matter what, we didn't care as long as DS was happy.
He brought home his girlfriend. We have never told him about our conversation.
He is married now to a different woman and they have two children.
I am always happy for men and women who are able to know their hearts and aren't afraid to tell others.

It wouldn't be my first choice, but I would get over it. Don't think it is going to be an issue.

My daughter is gay; never was a surprise to me so when she told me when she was 16, it was fine. She and her partner are together now 22 years.

I find it so interesting that people are willing to call people "trailer trash" if they have a tattoo but won't 'fess up to how they would handle it if someone they love is gay. Let's hear it from someone on the other side.

BTW, Wildchild, that part is actually true! I don't know if he had planned it as an answer because he loved Jenny so much, but I hadn't heard it before she told me the story. And I want to tell you that you are one of the coolest people I have met on this forum.

I try to let people be who they are. Being 'gay' doesn't change who they are - as long as the person is happy, I'd be happy for him or her.

It wouldn't bother me. My brother mentioned to us not long ago that it wouldn't surprise him if his daughter is gay; just based on some comments that she has said.

But then again, she has a liking for some members of the basketball team.....so maybe she'll be bi-sexual? :)
I guess we'll only know for sure when she starts bringing some dates around.

A colleague of mine mentioned his "partner" recently. I asked if the partner was male or female. Some people in common-law relationships call their spouse, their partner.

Anyway, he said it's a man, and they've been together for 13 years. I'm thrilled for him.....he's such a sweetheart, and they've been together longer than a lot of heterosexual couples. And they are young, in their 30's.

Nothing to "handle" here.

There is someone in my extended family that I believe is gay, but NO ONE talks about it at all! (My family is good at not talking about issues)She is a lovely person, with a good job and nice home, but has never dated. She is a great aunt to her nieces and nephews and all around genuinely nice person. I don't know if she has someone in her life or not? But I would like her to be happy with whomever she chooses. It wouldn't bother me, but her parents are in their 80's, VERY conservative and from a tiny tiny town where everyone would know your business. I suspect they would be upset.

Honestly if it were my kids (who are only 3 and 6, so thought of dating anyone is far away!) Like someone said, it wouldn't be my first choice. I might be sad-more worried that people would judge them or try and hurt them because of it.

Michelle phhaz, you said "I find it so interesting that people are willing to call people "trailer trash" if they have a tattoo but won't 'fess up to how they would handle it if someone they love is gay."

Those things are worlds apart and cannot be compared. (By he way, your other post asked about how we feel about tatoos...not about the people. I might've missed it, but I don't recall seeing anyone call people trailer trash). Anyway, tatoos are voluntary indicate that the people with them made the conscious choice. Being gay isn't voluntary and gay people haven't made a choice to be so (IMO).

The reason I think people seem to be more accepting of being gay than of tats is because it's not a choice to be gay, yet it is a choice to have tattoos. I'm sure noone wishes when their kids are little that they grow up to be gay, but you love your kids and you accept them for who they are. At least most people do. There are many stories out there of people losing their families over their sexual orientation. And maybe that has happened to some on this board. But it's a painful thing if it has happened, and they probably don't want to post that for all the world to see.

If either of my kids were gay, I would love them no less. Even though they are adults, I would still sacrifice my life to save theirs, gay or straight.

michelle, maybe people don't think as bad as homosexuals because it's not something they choose, whereas with tattoos, it is something people choose. It's easier for me to be judgmental with people when they have made an active choice about something. There's a huge difference.

Although I would accept my child if he/she were gay, I wouldn't wish for it. There are still many people in society that would treat them differently. Not that it's right, but it's kind of almost akin to having a disability. Because homosexuals are not always accepted and don't get the same rights, etc..., I admit I would probably be upset for them, but not upset with them... if that makes sense.

I have had that experience three times...for the first two I felt like what ppl do behind closed doors is their business, not mine,,,,but when my wife informed me that she had a female lover you might well understand why she is now my ex.

It wouldn't bother me either.

My BFF is a gay male, he and his husband have been together for over 20 years. They, my husband and I and another gay couple are actively searching for a building to purchase and rehab into 3 loft/condo units in which to retire. None of us have children so we will all care for one another.

I agree, being gay is not a choice, neither is transgender. There is absolutely no comparison between this and tattoos, unless one is attempting to stir a pot.

The posters are so right, who are worried about how others would perceive them.

Gay marriage has been legal here for a few years, yet people are still reluctant to openly admit they are gay. It's especially tough for kids. Just last week a young man in high school committed suicide because he was so bullied and berated.

We have this in our family,and it has never made any difference to us. We love him. One of my BFs (male) is and I adore him and his partner. I don't see the problem.

I would feel happy and proud for my child or friend who could open up and share with me.

Any adult's love life is SO none-of-my-concern. Social/political biases on *private* matters ARE troublesome.

We have a nephew that is gay, it doesn't make one bit of difference to us, we love him!

I'd be very surprised, both of my daughters have boyfriends.

I think (I really don't know how I'd respond) that I would buck up and act happy but part of me would need time to adjust to the idea since it would be so new to me. That being said, there's no doubt in my mind that I would embrace my child and continue to support and adore him or her. Love is love and one's sexuality should make no difference in my world. My entire family has the same outlook, we've experienced it and every single person of our large tribe was accepting without judging. I'm lucky to be in such a family.

My son is gay, but more importantly, he is one of the most wonderful people I know, just a joy to be around. I could care less if someone is gay. I don't care what anyone does in their bedroom, gay or straight.
My son has several friends who are gay, and some of their parents didn't take the news so well, one young man was even told to find a different place to live. How sad. Who could do that to their own child. Some closed minded low life in my opinion.
My SO and I have lived together for 18 years, when my son came out to me I worried about telling SO, I thought he would be okay with it but you never know. When I told him, in my mind I was thinking, 'you better be cool with this, because if it is a you or him thing and I have to make that choice, my son will stay and you will leave'. I didn't need to worry, when I told SO, he said, 'okaaay, duh, you just now finding out?' Our whole family pretty much feels the same way. He is our gay and if you got something to say about it, you might have to fight all of us.

At my age, I trynot to be judgmental.But on the judgmental side though, I have found that it is usually bible thumpers or so called very religious that have problems with someone being Gay.

I once had a friend question coming to a backyard barbecue. She said, is so and so going to be there and I said, yes I hope so and she said....I don't want him around my kids....Long story short, she didn't like his looks....hair on the long side, beard and little "Lennon" style glasses. I asked if she knew him and she said No, but I just don't like his looks.....

Now it would be different if it was a Gay person with a tattoo

Just kidding..

Curlysue, what a wonderful story. I was hoping that someone who has this topic close to their heart would be able to speak about it.

I do know a number of gay people; all in relationships or legally married.They are mature, well-educated, and not idiots about it.

I DO have a problem when gay, Bi-sexual, Transexuals all want to make a public issue of it, and cry foul if "mis-treated". Just like the gay women who were making out in a local coffee shop.

I have many friends who are gay. I don't think twice about it, but I'm around gay people all the time. I grew up with my mom being very open about homosexuality, her best friend in high school was gay. I've never thought about it any differently than heterosexuality. You love who you love and you're attracted to who your attracted to and that's it. As long as it's consensual adults, whatever floats your boat is my motto.

What I think is sad is people living in closet for years and years being miserable because they are worried what someone else might think of them.

My DD came out about 6 years ago,and i swear we never expected it.She had been married for more than 10 years,has 3 grown kids,and like i said we never saw it coming.

I was shocked and it took me several days to let it sink in,dh on the other hand took it harder than i did.I finally told her it was ok with me if she was sure that was the way she wanted to go.Since then she has been here several times with her GF and we accepted it,and made them feel at home.

Her 2 younger kids 26 and 27 are ok with it as well,the older one,not so much.Then again she didn't raise the older one,we did,so i guess he sees it from a different perspective.

Funny(not) thing is our sons weren't surprised,they said they always thought she was gay,where we just thought she was a tomboy,having 3 brothers,and she is the youngest of the 4.They've now come to terms with it though.

I told her she is still loved,no matter what!
Kathi

"I DO have a problem when gay, Bi-sexual, Transexuals all want to make a public issue of it, and cry foul if "mis-treated". Just like the gay women who were making out in a local coffee shop. "

Sherry, so do I. But I have a problem with any PDA other than a fast peck, some things should be kept private.

I am so glad to see so many people open to alternative lifestyles. It is not an easy life for many, and I think it is awful that some feel so alone that they take their own lives or remain hidden. Tolerance and kindness needs to be taught at an early age.

I wouldn't have an issue with any of my children being gay. I think I would have a little part of me that mourned the visions of marriage that I had for my children because I live in a state that doesn't acknowledge homosexual marriage. Of course, I think I would gain new visions and be accepting and open to them having relationships with whomever they choose.

I love what you're adding to the KT, Michelle. It's great to be able to share our opinions without disrespecting each other.

family first and always...

what's difficult is knowing the problems my dil's mom and partner might have to face, cause they're not married...what's sadder? her partner isn't welcome at her sister's home, and mom (90), to this day doesn't "know"??? thank heaven partner's family welcome them with open arms as we do...

I have a close relative who when we were younger I suspected was gay, and who eventually met a same-sex partner my relative has been together with for nearly as long as my DH and I have been together. Personally I think it's a shame they can't marry. I think same-sex marriages would not devalue the sanctity of marriage a whit, as opposed to people like the Kardashians who seem to treat marriage like a T-shirt, throw it away as soon as you decide you don't like it any more or find one you like better.
A dear friend who I have sadly lost touch with after she moved across the country to start a new life, started life as a boy. At about age 25 Steve told his friends that after much soul searching he had finally come to the realisation he was suffering from gender dysphoria and would be much happier as Stephanie. Sadly his parents and brother disowned him and so after beginning treatment for gender reassignment she cut off all ties and moved away. I still miss her. Interestingly I had never had a "guyish" mental image of Steve and while I had never thought to speculate, once s/he made her announcement I had one of those "aha" moments and thought, Well, that's why I'm not so surprised. I felt terrible that her parents disowned her, I think you love the person not the "bits" so sexual orientation is immaterial to me.
I think chisue put it well:
"Any adult's love life is SO none-of-my-concern."

Oh, this group has made me so proud! I noticed no one posted that they would have a problem with it (and I know many of you would have problems with it), I could touch on that subject but won't, I will leave you to your opinion in silence; silence speaks volumes.

Michelle, you have already touched on the subject when you said 'I will leave you to your opinion in silence; silence speaks volumes.'. That comes across as if everyone who did not respond to your post is anti-gay and would have huge problems with their child/grandchild if they were gay. That is not true. I love my kids and grandkids whether gay, straight, or whatever. I have gay friends. I did not feel compelled to respond to your post until now. Maybe I wasn't all that interested. Maybe I just didn't want to take the time to write the detailed response that I felt it would call for. I have passed on responding to a lot of the threads that you have started these last several days, although I find many of them interesting and wish that I was as good at thinking up 'conversation starters' as you are.

We tell people, on this forum, that if they don't like a topic, don't feel like responding, or whatever to SCROLL ON BY. Let's not now condemn those who chose to do so as anti-gay or gay haters or whatever you were saying when you said that 'silence speaks volumes'. And, for those who are strongly anti-gay or who are struggling with their feelings - they practiced restraint in not responding. Restraint is often a virtue to be admired.

I'm not trying to start an argument. I'm just speaking up for myself and the many who did not respond.

Just because someone doesn't respond to your posts Michelle,you automatically think they are against what your posts are about.
That's pretty high-handed to assume.

Perhaps your posts don't interest *everybody* on the forum so they don't answer. What, that's not allowed? You take it as a personal affront, or someone who differs with you?

It makes me wonder if you have a "a gay, tatooed, pregnant daughter who smokes".

LOL @ Jassie!

Full of yourself, Michelle? The way folks were told they had closed minds due to the tattoos can you blame anyone for not speaking up? I sure don't. At first I thought that posting the link to the Hot Topics board was a bit over the top but if things are going to be confrontational for people NOT speaking up then that may have a good direction in which to point.

Your (sarcastic?) last post is strange and seemingly judgmental Michelle. The recent threads you've started on this forum typically don't interest me so I've chosen not to respond although I sometimes read them. Why would you state that "silence speaks volumes?" "Volumes" of what? Silence may well mean we're not interested enough in the topic of your many threads to post.

I was enjoying the discussion up until the point where Michelle made the remark about no one posting about having a problem with a friend or relative coming out as gay.

Perhaps, they didn't feel the need to post their feelings/opinion here. Also as others have pointed out they just might not find the subject interesting.

It makes me think maybe you want to start the kind of heated discussions they have over on the Hot topics forum.

This topic has come up quite a few times over the years and there have been plenty of those who have expressed heated opinions about the subject.

I enjoy rational, well thought out opinions, both positive and negative, but don't feel if folks don't comment they're for or against the subject.

You are all correct, and I am sorry. I shouldn't have gone that low, I am a better person than that and I am sorry if I offended anyone with that comment. It shouldn't have been said.

-Michelle

Congratulations, Michelle, on your last post. I admire people that can apologize.

Good grief. I hadn't even seen this discussion thread, much less read it until now, so I guess I'd better post.

I've been so busy at work (still am) on a major project that I barely have time to do a load of laundry so I'll have clean underwear, much less read many disussion threads here...

Anyway, to get to the discussion at hand --

When I was about 14 and my brother was about 7, I was in the breakfast nook one afternoon talking to my mother. My brother came in from the backyard, said something, then went back outside. I said something to the effect that it wouldn't suprise me at all if he grew up to be gay.

My mother replied, with shock in her voice, "How can you say that? He's just a little boy!" I said, "I don't know - it's just a feeling I have."

Our parents died when my brother was 14, and I became his legal guardian. We had always gotten along really well as kids, and I never felt "burdened" to be his guardian.

When he was 17, my brother came to me one day when I was in the family room and said that he needed to have a serious talk with me. I said, "Okay." He then said, "I'm gay." I replied, "Yes, I know." He said, "You know?!? You don't mind?!?" I hugged him and told him that I love him, that I'd always love him no matter what, and that of course I didn't "mind" that he was gay.

He said that he'd been so stressed and worried about telling me. I told him that I was so sorry that he'd been stressed and worried, and that everything was ok. He wondered what our parents would have thought, and I told him in all honesty that I knew they wouldn't have had a problem, either.

In February 1988 he found out that he was HIV+ and I promised him that he would not die alone, which was his greatest fear. In 1993, when he was living in San Francisco and Hubs and I in the Sacramento area, my brother converted to full-blown AIDS and was hospitalized, not expected to live through the night. He was in the hospital for over 9 weeks, 6 of which were in ICU, and I was with him the entire time with the exception of about three nights. When he was discharged my husband and I moved him in with us, and I was his caregiver. He died in my arms in 1994. He was, bar none, the bravest person I've ever known. I love him and miss him so very much.

If silence speaks volumes...I guess I've silently spoken!

I don't agree with the lifestyle, but I love and respect them as human beings. :)

Blessings,
Haley

I agree with Yayagal.
would take a minute to get used to the idea if it was my
son, but it would be no problem.

We have a very close family member who is gay. He is a decent, hard-working person, and a lot nicer and kinder than many heterosexuals. So based on personal experience, I really don't see why acceptance of sexual orientation should be a problem for anyone.