There's a lot of info if you Google it,just put " major depressive disorder" in the search engine,lots of hits.HTH
Kathi

I just did a search and so much of it is so very clinical and seems like it is written for the providers. Not very personal.
I did find a link to a board that has a forum and you might be able to find support, peace and information from others that suffer from this.

Here is a discussion board, maybe this can lead you to more information. On the upper left hand corner you can click on forums if you are interested. the one directly below is also the one I linked
http://www.depressionforums.org/articles/1261/1/Major-Depressive-Disorder-MDD--Definition-Defined-Once-More-/Page1.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression

http://allpsych.com/disorders/mood/majordepression.html

http://fsumed-dl.slis.ua.edu/patientinfo/psychiatry/depression.htm

Here is a link that might be useful: depression forums

This comes from the National Library of Medicine's Medline Plus, a database targeted to the layperson. The information is informative and easily understood. It is a source from which I, as a medical librarian, obtain information for the layperson.

Here is a link that might be useful: Medline Plus

MDD is a catchall term for clinical depression and mood disorders lasting more than two weeks. As with other mental health issues there is a huge bell curve and a lot of variation in symptoms from one sufferer to the next.

Rather than focus on what they are calling your problem you need to focus on how your particular symptoms are affecting your life and those close to you and how to make it better. Rather than focus on the label, focus on your treatment.

There are many depression forums on line. If you suffer from depression it really doesn't matter if it's unipolar,bipolar,clinical or situational. Depression just is.

Forums can offer you support in dealing with your illness but beware that some people on these websites also may feed it.

You need proper treatment with proper medication and perhaps talk therapy.

For assistance in getting genuine support and services to assist you contact your local NAMI. Link below.

Here is a link that might be useful: NAMI

Marcy I just noticed you were the one who posted two threads on the medical use and legalization of marijuana.

If you are using pot and you have been depressed you may possibly be self-medicating. If you have any chemical imbalances causing your depression pot is not a way to fix it.

Also please tell your medical practitioner you are using (if in fact you are) so that it doesn't skew your diagnosis. If it turns out your are not just depressed anti-depressants can worsen things and could possibly send you into psychosis. Please be upfront with your doctor and also make sure the doctor you are seeing is well versed in the treatment of mental health issues or will refer you to one before throwing prescriptions for antidepressants at you.

WC is so correct. Hopefully, you have been upfront with your doctor(s), because substance use/abuse can interfere with the correct diagnosis of mental health disorders. I know this for a fact, as I refer clients to our psychologist routinely at work, and he tells me that he prefers to have these issues resolved before attempting an assessment wherever he can for that very reason.

Having said that, I want to say that I'm sorry you're in pain right now, and I hope you get good help with it, and feel better soon.

I don't have anything to offer except to say that you've been given some wonderful advice and help (above). Gotta love the love here!

This is a board with many different health issues that includes depression. I have used it for different things. The Admin is very picky about postings, which may be a good thing.I do agree with wildchild about forums feeding your diagnosis too so be careful.

http://www.healthboards.com

My goodness, I'm not used to asking for support and am surprised when I get it unsolicited!
leel, Medline Plus was very helpful. I had a cousin who'd had it and guess it helped her. She stays isolated. I also looked up Huntingtons Disease that my mother and 4 of her siblings died of. That's a whole nother can of worms.
Wildchild, your right I did ask about MM and legalizing it. I'm not using it as I explained in my former posts because I'll lose my health insurance for pain management, etc. I just got an appt with Mental Health on Nov 17. I had to go to the emergency room and talk to them to get my insurance to refer me!! I'm not yet elegable for Medicad and I've tried and tired to get them to see me and adjust all these meds they have me taking! It took my son from out of state to call 911 on Friday and say he was afraid I was going to hurt myself to get the cops and 2 mental health workers, 5 count them 5 stangers in my house, yesterday.
I'm just so angry and so tired of the pain, I'm not a danger to myself, unless I accidently overdose. I don't believe in suicide, chicken shite way out. I'm a force to reckon with, I know, I don't have red hair for nothing,and my family is franic and all out of town.
I'm very well loved and don't deserve it.
I've put all the other sites you sent, in my favorties and will look them all up. I don't remember the one you sent wildchild but it does look informative.

Thanks Susan and Chisue and anyone else I may have missed.

Marcy

It sounds like you have an exceptionally full plate to deal with Marcy.

I hope you are able to get the assistance and help you need.

I'm very well loved and don't deserve it.

Nobody doesn't deserve love. You may have done things that you are not proud of but a person can and should be loved.

You seem to be a fighter who is intelligent and wishes to educate herself and take proactive measures to both your physical and mental health. As you learn more about depression and related illnesses you will find that people who love you will learn to separate the illness as "the it" and you as the person they love. Sounds like you have that already.

The NAMI site has a lot of information not only for you but also for your friends and family who would wish to understand your illness better and know how to best help you.

I don't know your back story but I do know there is one and I commend you again for seeking help and being a fighter.

It's ok to be angry and frustrated. It's healthy really. Please come to the board and vent whenever you wish. There are a lot of caring people here. You will get tons of advice to sift through. Hopefully most of it will be helpful.

I'm the spouse of a bipolar DH. I had to educate myself in order to save my marriage. (actually to see if it was even worth saving after his diagnose). He was misdiagnosed with depression for years. It took a very scary manic episode to open the eyes of his doctors and get him on the right meds. The stages are the same as for any trauma......denial, rage and acceptance. Then you take it one day at a time. With the right treatment it does get better. Seems like it won't sometimes but it does.

Hang in there Marcy.

My cousin Patty had the shock treatment. My Mother was one of 5 children. My Uncle Jimmy didn't get it. My dad left my Mom when I was 11 years old. Took the car, the income and married his mistress.
Thank you for knowing I'm fightning for my life and I'm in for the long haul.

Marcy

(((Marcy)))

I agree, Ms Marion,

((((((Marcy))))))

ole joyful

Oh my, I had no idea cyper hugs could feel so good. Ole Joyful I've followed all your posts and feel honored you've joined mine. :O] I could sure use some of your money advice!
Wildchild, Ive been on that site, all morning, and wonder if I should part with the $35.00 to join? If I hadn't sent all my family and friends emails telling them how they've wronged me all my life, I'd send them this site. I'm sure their deleting me and waiting for me to get treatment before they dare open my emails. Did I say I don't forget a wrong, and the anger must be manic. It's SO powerful.
Love, Marcy

Marcy since your family tree seems to have quite a history of mental imbalance you might find the site below interesting reading also. Though it's geared for the family members of depressives and manic-depressives there are several people who are fighting their own battles with the illness posting there also.

Here is a link that might be useful: Depression Fallout

Wildchild, I'm Bi Polar just like your DH! He put me on generic Depakote "Divalproex EC 250 mg> twice a day for 1 week and then 2 a day twice a day. I've been doing research and people talk of losing their hair"I'm not going to lose my red hair!>and awful weight gain and always feeling hungrey. I've lost a lot of weight that I needed to lose and don't want to gain more than 7 lbs. I don't think I've ever been in a size 8 jean. Does anyone have some good sites on Bi Polar Disease? They say there's a lot of difference between Depakote and the generic. I wonder how much the Depakote cost?
Thanks you guys,
Marcy

I pretty much guessed that reading through the lines but since I'm no doctor.....lol. That is why I was a bit surprised at your doctor's label of MDD.

Don't stress yourself over the side effects. All drugs have side effects and you can make yourself crazy with all the overwhelming info out there.

If you do experience bad side effects tell your doctor. There are lots of treatments out there and some may work better for some than others.

DH takes a combo of drugs. One pill to keep the depression at bay and another to keep the mania down. These two drugs are adjusted as needed.

DH is lucky though if you can call anyone suffering this horrid illness lucky. He has always been highly functioning. In other words no alcoholism, always held a job,faked his way through life for almost fifty years.

Unfortunately stats show that most Bipolars are misdiagnosed as just being depressed by family doctors.

Just remember that Bi polar disease is a chemical brain imbalance and there is no one size fits all in the method of treatment. Everyone's brain chemistry is unique to them.

It is a tough journey but whatever you do don't give up and never quit your meds. If your meds are giving you a problem talk to your care provider.

Generic or not all meds work differently for each person. Don't fall into the trap of reading others peoples experiences with generic versus label. Remember they are in the midst of their own mental health battle.

I'm wishing you well Marcy. I've been through Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and the death of a Child.

Sending Positive Thoughts and Prayers your way.

Gayle

Hi friends, My hip hurts like a bad toothache and this medicene seems to make me tired. I've been craving homemade bread so pulled out my old Kitchen Aid and made enough dough for 4 loafs. Problem is I started so late in the day. It's 7:40 here and just got the first 2 loafs in pans and rising. Don't remember how long this will take as it's been years since I made bread. I punched the other 2 down and put them in the fridge, hope I can save them and bake them tomorrow. I can't wait for the smell of bread baking and Dave can't believe I'm actually making bread! I've never done it in tis house and we've been here 10 years! When we were raising the kids we baked all our own bread. Now if I can just remeber where the electric knife is!
I go in for another MRI on The 30th. The first one was for my hips and they saw just enough of my spine to warrent another one further up. I don't want back surgery!!
Thanks for being here for me.
Marcy

WC I've been waiting to hear from you on my new post about bi polar. I have an old friend supposed to join today, because of you. She'll be know as Maggiemay1 I THINK. You and her sound alike with your advice.

I can't imagine what losing one of my children or grandchildren whould be like. My cousin lost her only granddaughter to a rare kidney cancer at age 6 (she'd be 12 now)and I don't think she'll ever get over it. She even went to see John Edwards twice and did get a reading and was much comforted. She took care of her since the day she was born basically, what else can I say? Her name was Erica Dawn.

Marcy

marcy, pain is a terrible thing and if you're having problens (re mri) think of all the things including surgery as a means to an end. as for hair loss, it does come back..had chemo and have been bare since august...now i look like a fuzzy duck...

that bread sounds sooo good...and yes, you can refrig and finish up tomorrow...maybe make some for your relatives...

if you are as forth coming with them as you've been with the kt, they should understand. after all it's not you, but a condition that has been changing your life...

Hi Marcy,

Thank you for your words of appreciation.

As for the money end of things ... you've no doubt heard me say that money is a wonderful servant ... but when we allow it to become master, it can develop terrible results.

I think that we can consider money as something of a tool ... and we often think of how we can build things, or repair them, using tools, which is a positive thing.

But tools can sometimes be used, whether accidentally or by design, to produce some terrible, destructive results.

My friend was using a chain saw on a ladder some months ago and it got out of control, giving him some nasty gashes on the leg, causing a serious amount of bleeding, putting his life in some danger, I think. I'm not sure of just what was the immediate result, at the time. I asked his wife a while ago how things were going and she said that his leg looks like quite a mess - but that he has almost full use of it: he was hugely fortunate!

I think that similar things can be said of anger - while it can be useful as a servant, when it gets into control of us, frequently (almost always?) some drastic and undesireable results ensue. Sometimes, while things that we do or say can be forgiven, those dreadful words that we may choose to use can never be fully erased from the memories of our loved ones.

Another part of our life that can be useful in its place but hugely destructive when it gets out of control is fire ... and possibly it provides a better comparison with how anger works than the others that I referred to.

Sometimes it is almost beyond our capacity to control our anger, but when we consider the really bad things that can result from letting it get out of control, we can understand the great need to make a really strong attempt to do so.

I think that we need an alternative action to help dissipate our anger when it gets strong, as well.

I remember how, when we saw Dad, with a dark expression on his his face, start splitting wood for the kitchen stove/furnace with great gusto ...

... or Mom getting out the dust mop and going after the dust with great enthusiasm ...

... we felt that would be a good time for little gophers to scoot down whatever hole they could find in a hurry!

Some years ago when I was attending a seminar on dealing with our emotions, when I was having some blockage, the leader got me kneeling down in the middle of a circle of about 25 clergypersons from many parts of the U.S. and Canada, had several pillows placed in front of me, and told me to beat them with my fist.

I objected that such was silly, that I'd be embarrassed ... but was told to just do it.

Within a few seconds, I was pounding those pillows with great force ... and even got both fists into the act, with not just my arms getting into the action, but my back and torso, as well!

Some people find that running, or walking, is helpful when they get under substantial emotional pressure or upset.

I think that each of us can seek out methods (preferably non-destructive) to dissipate such emotional pressure and stress, bringing it down to more manageable proportions.

Some ideas that may be helpful as you consider various ways of getting more control over your various issues and concerns.

Good wishes as you proceed on this journey of dealing with those issues increasingly effectively.

ole joyful

(((((Hugs))))))and courage. Nanny

Ole Joyfull, boy did this hit home.
I think that similar things can be said of anger - while it can be useful as a servant, when it gets into control of us, frequently (almost always?) some drastic and undesireable results ensue. Sometimes, while things that we do or say can be forgiven, those dreadful words that we may choose to use can never be fully erased from the memories of our loved ones.
I seem to be the keeper of memories, I've lashed out at everybody and nobody remembers like I do! I was always the quiet one, never seeking attention. When my dad and stepmom got together she had 4 children he wasn't good to. Counting my two older sisters, that I didn't get to know until dad was dying, my brother and I and then the boy and girl they had togeher there was 10 of us. And we never bonded and became a family. I seem to have no happy memories. Dad left me at 11 years old to try and care for my sick mom and little brother. It was my resposiblily to put her in a nuring home when she was 42 and I was 24. I stayed in the house my dad built with my mom, got married twice, had 3 children and finally escaped when I was 25. I've lived with guilt and regret and sadness, it seems all my life. My Dave said it was his biggest mistake to bring me back here, that I've just been living in the past and finally exploded.
Sorry to vent so long, it just feels good to get it out. I guess I've earned my bipolar.

Marcy

Hi again Marcy,

Maybe, bouncing around as you have, and sometimes being called upon to make adult decisions when you were less than fully equipped, plus being part of a family that was sort of like a wheel with quite a mess of spokes ... which didn't all converge at any one centre, it may have been hard to build your house of life on a strong foundation.

I wonder whether, having travelled in a small boat through some turbulent waters, you've found it somewhat hard to build a substantial fund of self-esteem that quietly inhabits the core of your being.

Some years ago when I was member of a Parents Without Partners group, we hosted another group from a distant province for about ten days when they came on a visit, getting to know a different part of our country better.

We squired them around to various attractions, including Niagara Falls, and had some gatherings for them.

At one of them, several of us were sitting in a circle, talking, and the discussion turned to various aspects of life that we found difficult, including the break-ups of our marriages.

I don't recall what one young woman said or how she acted, but I reached out my hand to her, she took it in her hand, and I led her down the hall of the host's house to the bathroom, asked her to stand in front of the mirror, and asked her whether she liked the person that she saw there.

She found it hard to look at her image, and said that she didn't, very much.

I suggested that God doesn't make junk, and said that when I had such feelings, I figured that if God could put up with me, I could accept myself, and had gone on to accept myself, as I was, and build self-respect and affection.

I don't remember what she said ... but before they left to return to the East Coast, she thanked me and gave me a big smile and a hug.

If we don't find ways to love ourselves, we can't do much of a job of loving others, and it will be a stretch and stressful if we try.

Each of us, with our unique capabilities, skills, and experiences, plus family members and friends that we have developed over the years, have much more to achieve in our lives, and to offer to others as we go.

I've regretted not having had my Mom in my life after I was about 5, except for a few months, and when she died when I was 13, I was the one who got the message from the psych. hosp. When I saw her unmoving in that box, a couple of days later, with long, sort of stringy, rather graying hair, she looked, at age 39, rather like an oldish woman.

Now, I've lived for over twice that long, and have been fortunate to have had substantial education and a fairly wide variety of experiences, as you've heard me refer to if you've been reading my posts over a period.

I have a great deal for which to be thankful ... including, at present, good health, with my body seldom telling me, when I ask it to do something, "Wait a minutre, you darned old fool - I can't do that for you any more!".

Bless you, Marcy.

ole joyful

More (((HUGS))to you Marcy....and to OJ too. I so enjoy your words and your wisdom. You must have been an inspired minister/leader throughout your life. Thank you, Nanny

s

Old Joyful, you are a man after my own heart. You say to my dear friend Marcy some of the things I've known and told her all of our 47 year friendship. That she is God's child and that He made her for a reason and there is no other like her. No one else can do or be or give what He intends for her. I will add to that.
....That she has a warm and tender heart and loves her children, gardening, music, cooking, friends, family; that she is utterly unspoilable (so true! She shows equal joy over the tiniest gesture as well as that which might cost more; it's a joyful thing to experience) and her wit should be bottled and sold. She is Queen of the One Liners and comes up with whatever fits the situation which has contributed to the expression of the anger she is releasing at this time...believe me. I love her unconditionally so am there for the long haul till our dying breath; there is nothing she could say or do that means anything other than a drop in the bucket of our long friendhsip. It is a heartwrenching time for her. Her anger is the result of her splitting open...at last at last!...and ridding herself of all the injustices and unfairnesses, of perceived inadequacies, all the things she couldn't control over the years. It had to come out. The tragedy would have been if it hadn't. So I say Let it come. I say Let her doctor treat it as it happens, monitoring it and directing it. It takes her toward healing, toward the peace and love in her heart that have always been there. I always experienced that core of her so the rest has been camouflage and insulation. It worked till it couldn't. Now she is healing and I thank you all for being there for her. You are so healing for her and as in any circle of friendship, the healing works both ways. Everyone's better for what this forum is doing. You are nurturing and nourishing each other and so much good can come from this expression. My theme song in life has always been to draw a bigger circle...expanding it around any and every situation and refocusing. There is a poem that is my favorite. I don't know who wrote it. It goes:
"He drew a circle that shut me out,
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win
We drew a circle that took him in"

Illness isn't the person. The person is who the illness happens to and is not defined by it. This is true of any illness. Thank you for being there for my dear dear friend.

She was right: "Margaret, I think you are going to be compelled to answer this one"! And I am.

-Hi Maggie May,

Thank you for filling us in on various aspects of Marcy's life, capabilities and interests, and some issues, which we hadn't known earlier.

We are all such complex creatures, aren't we?

And some of us find it much easier to integrate those many parts of our life into a more or less coherent whole than do others.

I am pleased that Marcy has such a good friend who sticks with her through thick and thin: such friends are rare ... and priceless.

I hope that you can find a professional counsellor with whom you feel comfortable, Marcy.

Both the interplay of ideas with a skilled and empathetic professional, and warmth and understanding, can help us make positive improvements in the ways that we cope, and find not only more happiness, but a measure of greater stability and peace, as well.

ole joyful

Maggiemay

I've been ill(nothing serious) so haven't had the chance to respond to many posts recently but I am so glad to see that Marcy has a wise,caring friend in her life.

Marcy I wish you a peaceful heart and mind over the holiday.

Ahhh Margaret, I'm so happy you chose to respond to this on my thread rather than just to me. You couldn't understand why I would chose to put all this out there for thousands to read rather than my trusted old friends and family that are still talking to me. I told you I'm reaching out to others that have experienced this nightmare and understand what I've going through. Your always there, along with Gwen (friend of 49 years)but you've never experienced it even though you've both been there and loved me through all of my "episodes"! Now that winters here and the mountains are full of snow I can't get to you or you to me until spring thaw.
You only see the best in the me and others. Like Ole Joyful said your "Priceless"!

Marcy Pearl

I am so touched by this whole thread. Marcy for asking and listening and responding....the KT, good friends all, for the tenderness expressed in all of their ideas, experiences and thoughts. My goodness, wouldn't it be a wonderful world if people "at large" were so constantly caring about each other. I've always hoped that we were in an age of "enlightenment"...maybe. Hugs, Nanny

Good morning and Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Well, the heartwarming part goes both ways. To get on here and find your warm message Marcy, and your response Old Joyful and Wildchild...butter for the soul. No my dear friend, I don't know what it's like to be going through this. I think I can imagine but of course I can't. My role is different but what always remains is my willingness to hear, my desire to protect you from any and all, my unconditional love and also my wish to be a bridge between you and anyone who might not understand. What I do understand is that no one who has not walked in your shoes can judge the steps. Would they have done differently or better? We are really all the same with our fears, needs, desires, pleasures. These become evident in myriad differing circumstances but fear is fear, need is need, love love the world round.
I just want to walk with you as we go through our own and be a bridge as we go.

Nanny 98 your a sweetheart! Thanks so much for all the ((hugs))and kind words.

Marcy

Hi again Marcy,

I have a certain amount of reluctance to post here again just now, as I don't wish to intrude, or pressure you, but I've been wondering how you've been feeling, and whether you've had some further thoughts that you would feel like sharing, about the earlier discussion here, or another issue.

As I say, I don't wish to pressure you, but have been thinking of you and wondering how you've been doing, and felt that I would like to let you know that.

I hope that you've been finding some ways of operating that are turning out in a more satisfying way for you.

ole joyful

Thanks OJ. And more Hugs and healing thoughts and wishes (((Marcy))). There are never too many! Nanny

Hi again, especially Ole Joyful and Nanny! I thought about doing an update and wondered if I should as this post was pretty much buried.
I got the new MRI and see the surgeon on Wed. Dave has been giving me massages and the horrible pain in my hip is pretty much gone.
I saw the terapypist last Wed and told him the medicine wasn't working. He said the first meds took me out of the manic faze but was throwing me back into depression so he changed it and put me on Lamictal. I take 25 miligrams for 2 weeks, then 50 and end up taking 100. So far so good.
I'm having a hard time dealing with all I said and did when I was manic. Thanksgiving at my stepmoms was canceled, I guess they were afraid I would show up and cause a scene. My stepmom ended up eating pizza rather than the feast we always had.
I'm sure I told you my little sister had brain surgery and my family called security saying they worried I would hurt her with my cane! I was manic but I've never physically hurt anyone. I'd told them all the truth about my Dad and how he wasn't the wonderful man they think he was. (the younger ones, most us older ones remember) I haven't heard from my sister and worry I've ruined our relationship. She always wanted to grow up looking and acting like me.
I'm feeling better physically, and have been working on closets, etc. things I haven't done in a long time. Cleaning house has a whole new meaning.

Thanks for thinking of me, I do appreciate it, more than you could know.

Marcy