Funkyart - that's so awesome - thanks! We like (and she loves) when she stays w/ us becuase DH loves to take her into the city to the museums (his uncle gives tours at one so she always gets to see things behind the scenes w/ him), libraries and such. She also then spends a day here and there w/ our adult cousin and his girlfriend (they both live and teach in the city) going to off beat little places and eateries, then she spends time w/ our aunt and uncle (who do not have grandchildren yet) exposing her to many other activities. jlc - I can't imagine her ever having a 'normal' relationship w/ her mom/ DS. I don't think that DS 'gets' that and always tried to force her into a little perfect family 'mold' and then would get angry when that didn't work. When she told me that all of the yrs. of counseling only involved DN I was floored. I told her that while counseling had to happen seperately for DN that I also felt that it was important for counseling to happen between the 2 of them and/or family. Couldn't believe that hadn't been happening all of those yrs. She got a irritated when I told her that it wasn't just DN w/ problems - it was also a relationship problem and relationships consist of more than 1 person. It hapened to be perfect timing w/ the RAD DX as DH and I had listened to a "This American Life" pod cast on RAD w/ 2 separate families w/ children w/ RAD and what they went through. One family had a breakthrough and the child remained in a family unit, the other family not as lucky. I should def. find the pod cast again and have DS, BIL, Grandma and Pop Pop listen to it. Eagle Ranch actually wouldn't take DN. They seem to have it together and really seriously tak a look at an entire situation before accepting a child. They told DS that this was an issue that stems between the 2 of them at the core and that ER would not be the situation to deal w/ that in the fact that taking her to live w/ strangers would be even more detrimental to her. Grandma and Pop Pop have a friend who is a social worker and has gotten her hooked up w/ things. Firstly health insurance and if she stays beyond the summer counseling will start again. One of the fortunate things is that DN has already lived w/ Grandma and Pop Pop at the end of the school year last year and attended school there already. They live very far out and the entire school only has 61 kids so she knows the teachers already (they loved her) and most of the kids. She alredy has some friends there from before. She has always spent a few wks. each Summer w/ Grandma and POp Pop and knows the area quite well. The previous counselors that she was seeiong in the state that she lives in were state appointed counselors and at times would cancel an appt. after DS had driven 2 hrs. to get there. That particular one didn't seem too terribly invested in the whole situation. My Mom (Grandma) told me that DN said that she didn't think that she would ever be happy in that house (her own home). Broke my heart! Right now she spends a lot of time fishing and talking w/ Pop Pop, gardening w/ Grandma and helping her in the shop (more talking), spending time doing water aerobics w/ Pop Pop at the Sr.s center and making friends w/ all of the Sr.'s there as well as time w/ friends.

This sounds like encouraging news for sure. I pray that she continues to get better and better each day. Thanks for the update. Shirley

happy new for the family, i'm sure...not to mention your niece...even so more gt & p for her...

I know a woman who is in a similar situation. Her daughter was murdered by her estranged husband who then committed suicide. The children were in the house at the time and were about ages 8 and 12. They have a grandmother who is probably in her late 70's and an aunt who is single, by choice, and who has no desire to rear children. They have hired a nanny, are sending them to summer camp, and will send them to boarding school when old enough to go. Frankly, I think it would have been better if they had been put up for adoption as they have to know they are not wanted. They've really had quite enough trauma in their young lives.