I wish, your daughter would have said:
Mom needs help this year, just try and fill her request.

Moni

We probably all make too much food on Thanksgiving - but that's part of the festivities. The dinner is a treat and the leftovers keep on giving. It's hard to say if you make too much without knowing what size casseroles you use. But if there are few leftovers then it's probably just the right amount. Are the casseroles your DILs making in addition to what you usually make or are they making them so you don't have to? I'm not sure why your DD mentioned this - will this cause some hurt feelings?

Your DD should tell DIL that that's the price of admission this year, period. Bring a dish or don't come.

Gah, I'm so sick of people being lazy or expecting the world on a platter.

And really, it'll only "be a help" to you if you cut back on what you prepare, Dink. Otherwise, it's just extra food and another dish to wash. If it's at your house, you should only make the meat and maybe one other thing, the 3 D's should bring the rest. That's what I would do.

Yes, Mingo has the better answer. :)

Moni

I think it's nice you put up with everybody! :0) Hang in there....

That's outrageous! With all the health problems you have, I am sure hosting Thanksgiving is exhausting. I agree, have your DD tell DIL a dish is the price for admission. She sounds selfish and lazy to me.

I agree with Mingo. In our family, the host provides the turkey and tells everyone else what to bring - potatoes, casseroles, dressing, rolls, dessert.

I'm sorry Dink, we have one like that too. If I catch her in time I make her help me clean up (evil grin - it's all hand washing for about 40 people - 'nother evil grin!).

Flamingo has the right answer, your DD is sweet to pick up the slack. Give her extra pie this year :D jk of course.

GEEZ Dinkers! Call them all back and tell them
you are suppling the Turkey! Holy carp! Yeah,
That's what I said! thell them you are suppling
the turkey and the home. They want anything else,
please feel free to bring it.

((((Dinkers))))

OMG! Considering the year you've had this family member should be insisting that you do nothing this year and the family will host you!! It amazes me that people can be so selfish and downright MEAN! I think I would have to pull her aside and smack her silly!

I agree with Flamey. In fact have your daughter call her back and say you now have no more room at the table, her seat was just filled by the dog!

Susan

Why don't you ask your son to do the cooking??? Makes more sense than asking someone who doesn't cook well. After all he's closer related to you than she is. That's what I'd do.

We all bring potluck in our family. Andy cooks for his family most of the time. I cook for mine. Easy.

Do what my mom and aunts did...One year they all banded together and told those of us in my generation that they were done hosting holiday meals because they had hosted plenty in the past. They clearly let us know that it was our turn and that future holiday meals would be hosted by my generation or they wouldn't happen at all. It worked.

That doesn't help you this year, but it might be worth thinking about for the future.

I am gratful my granddaughter are doing Thanksgiving second year in a row. Her hubby does alot of the cooking and of course my 2 greats 3 & 4 help.
Just tell you DIL and you are going out, or will supply the turkey and they bring everything else.
With all what you are going thru, it is called tough love as Dr. Dobsen used to say, and believe me I have used it more that once in or 57 years of marriage with his family.
Just say NO.
Do home you are on the way of feeling better.

Well I certainly know the type - that person that will come up with any excuse not to have to do any work. If you told her that her job was to help wash the dishes she would say 'oh, I think we should eat off of paper plates this year - wouldn't that be easier for everyone?' If you asked her to supply beverages she would suddenly be tap water's biggest fan.

If I were your daughter, I would play dumb and switch it back around onto her... Oh, you're right and so sweet to think of my mom... There is usually a lot of food and it's amazing how it's usually all gone. She does prepare a lot..I'll go ahead and let mom know that you requested to bring two dishes instead of just he one to help lighten her load... That's sweet of you to offer; What else did you want bring? It's nice of you to realize how hard hosting a dinner like this is on her... There are people in some families that only think of themselves and don't want to help at all... and I didn't want to say anything, but you know with her health condition, she probably shouldn't even be hosting it at all. So, what else did you want to bring?(Let your DIL worm her way out of that and/or try to explain that that's not what she meant by her comment-LOL).

If you don't like staight on confrontation, playing dumb and "misunderstanding" people works wonders with inconsiderate and not-so-smart people.

And, toni brings up a good point... I don't think the men should necessarily get off scott free. Maybe they should be expected to do some of the shopping, cooking or clean up too.

Dink, that's why I quit doing Holidays unless we are cooking outside. No body helps.

Maybe??? lol! Of course they should help:) Penis's don't make them too dumb to cook! Although they do alot of thinking with it.
I never understood the thought that only woman cook. Guess it doesn't help that I watch food channels on occasion.(lots of men) I'm not a natural cook, only do it cause I (we) get hungry. Thank goodness I don't have to be a brain surgen to cook. Dh has learned so much from my cooking,lol, probably that he should do it himself. I have cooked more in the last 2 weeks than in the last 3 months. 6 get togethers of friends/or family. Time to relax!

I think they all should help you.

I've never asked our kids to bring anything to a holiday dinner until one year I was working part time through Christmas. I worked up until one hour before the Christmas party. It was not a full blown Christmas dinner, just sandwiches and finger foods. I called my husband's kids and asked for help. I had a list of food we needed, they could pick and choose. Nothing that required a lot of work. They each said they would get back to me, no call backs at all. No big deal until they sat in my living room discussing all of the things they were fixing to take to their Mom's dinner. I looked at them and said: "and you wouldn't bring anything for me". You should have seen the look on their faces. Priceless.

LOL at Carla - what a great answer - I'm going to save that for future use.

I'm sorry that your daughter felt the need to share this, as it obviously (and understandably) upset you.
Next year, I suggest you make fewer of the dishes and have the guests bring more of the dishes. The year after that, a few less.
And, as mentioned above, why is it that the women are the responsible parties? I hope the guys are pitching in with clean up or some of the cooking too.

Put me in the "just cook the turkey and maybe one other special dish and have everyone else bring everything else" camp. We have done that for years in our families.
Even non-cooks can buy ready made dishes at the grocery store now a days.

What about your sons that your DILs are married to? Do they do anything to help or do they just plop down and want to eat?

If it's too much for you, why not ask each family to bring a dish and cut back on what you make.

I'm so sorry that you have hurt feelings over such a nice holiday.

Your DIL needs to learn some compassion and manners. She sounds a bit lazy to me.

We do all the hosting for my MIL, because she did it for many years. I would NEVER go a dinner without bringing along something.

Lack of gratitude really ticks me off. You betcha you can bring a dish, and I'll tell you what I need!! Sorry that happened to you, but it's ridiculous to expect one person to do it all. Nope!! In our family--it's team work.

The view from here ...

... is they should do the whole schmeer!

You're ill and need the time off.

Sick days, right?

ole joyful

My SIL complained I never had any green veggies at Christmas (DH will not eat green things but that is another topic). I suggested she could bring something as I did the cooking for many years for Christmas and no one else ever complained. She brought a small package of frozen Brussels sprouts to serve twenty people. It was the family joke for many years.

Why not make this the last year you do the hosting? Won't help this year though. It does sound like you make a lot so maybe you could just cut down this year.

I totally agree with happyladi. What about your sons?

It's a huge pet peeve of mine that it's usually the women who do the planning, shopping, cooking, and cleanup for holiday meals.

I also like happyladi's idea about having the "family" bring a dish, (or 2) not just the DIL's.

I would even go one step further and assign tasks to eveyone. Better still, write out the tasks on strips of paper and make everyone draw one. Sounds tacky, I know. But it's even tackier of them to let you do all the work.

Meanwhile, you take the couch and the tv converter and take back the day! They should be jumping through hoops for you and serving YOU dinner on a silver platter.

Can you tell that I am angry for you? lol

Good luck, I hope it all works out. Keep us posted!

BJ

I just read toni ne's post and had to come back to say roflol! Love it! :-)

My daughter has been doing soo much for me.She sees how hard it is just to get around,she decided the 2 daughternlaws are gonna bring a dish,so I dont have to do so much the one agreed but the one is clearly trying to cause a rift in the family I will not let it happen.
My 2 sons do help set table clean it off thats the extent of it.Hubbs mother use to get ice cream,pretzels etcon a Sunday nite we all ate then all the women got up and cleaned everything back to where it was.
Yes I see it comming to an end.McDonalds here we come....no joking.

As you say your Blessing over the Thanksgiving Table this year make it a point to be especailly grateful for those family members who have been so helpful to you, especially your dear daughter. Go on and on about her helping you in your time of need. She deserves a public pat on the back.

dinkie, I don't thint it's too late to send an email to everyone that you are just physically not up to making everything this year.
Tell them in the note you will make the turkey and the stuffing. Make a list of everything else and have them fill in their name next to the items(!) they want to bring and request they "reply to all"

Remind them, if someone doesn't bring it, it won't be served....

Oh and add a P.S. For a change of pace this year, all men will be in charge of cleaning up. (ladies will help put food away and return clean dishes to their proper places)

Salgal is right on.. E-mail everyone and just say you need help from EVERYONE this year. Tell them what you will be fixing and ask what they will bring... Like she said if they don't bring it it will not be served... Depending on how well it goes this year be prepared to tell all of them this is the last year you will be doing it. It is only one day out of the year and they can all help... If not then stop!!!!!!

I hope all goes well...

I don't think you should be doing anything this year! You need to rest and recuperate. I agree you should just tell everyone you are just not up to it. Let others do the cooking,or buy a thanksgiving dinner from one of your local grocery stores or restaurant(those are pretty good) or just go out to a restaurant for Thanksgiving and they can all pitch in on the cost.

I used to do Thanksgiving dinner for several years but over the past few years we have done all of the above and everyone enjoys whatever it is.

If you do host it use paper plates! That's what most of the people here in Hawaii do for parties.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving and relax and enjoy it.

This is easy to fix. Call her tell her to make the turkey.

Next year give her the menu, ask her what she prefers to be in charge of. We found Thanksgiving is one holiday that the daughters/DIL's could pass around the hosting of. Let them know this year, next year one of them get to host.

Hey, I dont even charge admission.
I just found you do all you can for people you dont always get appreciated for it.
Like yesterday I went to the grocery store ,I was so tired didnt feel well but thought
I have to,hubbys going hunting each takes a dish,wouldnt want the men to starveor anything now.So I went,this man parked his cart on sidewalk was walking to his car.It rolled off and a whole case of cranberryu sauce fell off cans everywhere.He came back,a few people looked but no one offered to help.I did in fact he liked it I picked 99% of them up myself.All he said was these were for food bank,no thank you no nothing.he didnt even acknowledge I helped.geeze..I said have a nice holiday.but the man that gets the carts,when I came out he said you get in the car Ill put these in the back.Imagine.He saw me helping the man,I guess in the rain.Decided to help me.I couldnt believe it.
Ive noticed lately a few times a man left a door shut on me ,I was in grocery store heading to a check out a man cut infront of me then looked like 'What'another time in store a man was comming to corner of isle I was too same time,he looks at me then cuts in front only to go around the corner and stop blocks isle uugghh sorry Im venting..

Bulldinkie, I am just shocked they expect you to do the whole meal. I am for what suzie and arcy says. It's a lot of work just getting the house ready for everyone to come over. At least only do the turkey and dressing and divide up the rest between the other families. There is absolutely no reason for you not to request that.

My mom usually has everyone over for Thanksgiving and me and my sisters have to tell mom will will bring the side dishes and such, she only does the turkey, she always wants to do it all herself...Maybe she doesn't like our cooking? We also take turns going early to help set up stuff for dinner.