I think your DD can address the immediate behavior of the guest children while in her home. That is, she can say "We dont' jump on the sofa in our house" and make them stop. She can settle roughness between the guest children and hers with "We don't push, tell Mary Jane you're sorry." It's her house, she should feel comfortable enforcing the same safety rules with guest children that she does her own. As far as their overall manners and her friends' parenting, I don't think she can, or should, say anything to address that unless the friends ask for her input. She will have to decide if it is a "deal breaker" situation in their friendship. She either keeps the friends and tolerates a lower standard from the friends' kids, or she decides not to tolerate the behavior and sacrafices the friendship. IMO. I have done a little of both over the years. Some friends are worth it, some are just not. But I'm assuming the hope here is to have a plan that will allow everyone to enjoy the visit without feeling abused or judged. I think the hardest part of spending time with friends' who have lower standards of behavior is maintaining the rules and manners with my own kids in the company of their unruly peers. It's contagious. ;o) You cannot raise other people's kids, some difference you just have to accept. But you have the right to protect your own children, you guests, yourself and your property. I'm not making excuses for extremely bad behavior, but I do have a point about boys. Jumping on furniture is unacceptable no matter what. But, in general, boys do not sit and color and play quietly. Compared to girls, in general, they express themselves more physically and need an outlet for that. I have 3 boys. When I've spent time with friends who only have daughters my boys' "normal" boy behavior freaks the moms out! LOL. Of course "boys will be boys" is not an excuse for just plain rude or dangerous behavior, or for parents not disciplining. I don't think this is entirely what is happening, but maybe your DD, with a girl, isn't accustomed to the physical play of boys. They don't play house, they play ball. So maybe a mix of 1)Defining her own limits in her house (i.e. unsafe and hurtful behavior) and being confident enough to enforce it. After a few times, the other mom will probably get the idea, too, of the expectations and try a little hard to please her hostess. 2) Tolerance of the things she cannot change b/c they are a difference in parenting style, i.e. ungracious acceptance of gifts, table manners. And 3) Understanding of "boy" behavior. The boys will not want to play what the girl is playing, they aren't mean, they're just boys. They will want, and need, to play in a more physical way that girls. Don't expect them to sit and color or put together puzzles for very long. Give them a foam ball and an acceptable place to play with it. Good gifts for them are paper or soft foam airplane kits, something they have to spend some time doing quietly, but then they are allowed to throw it! LOL.

boxerpups - such a sad situation for that young girl - and surely her sister too. it does sound like she is acting out and I do agree that you should contact the teacher. maybe someone can intervene with her. life is tuff enough for young people today and that girl has more than any one young person should have working against her. i don't think i'd go the court route (don't think you will either). in the end it could cause more trouble for your dd and your family than it's worth. i'm not saying the young girl isn't worth it or that we don't have the right to be upset when someone damages our property. but in the end, a fridge is a fridge and hopefully will be fixed w/o much expense. OTOH, I do think the young girl needs confronted about it. for her good! and i think it is something you could handle. holding someone to account is not mean, it is the more loving thing to do for them. short term upset for long term gain. it might not show in her in the near future, but it will be going around in her head that someone was more concerned about her future than a material thing. it sounds like she has been raised to think that things are more important than she is. until you decide how to fix the fridge door, i think i'd use it as a prayer reminder for that young girl. and a thank you for the blessings you and your family have in each other. and as for getting a new puppy after the loss of another very loved furbaby, my belief is that the best way to honor my precious gone to heaven furbaby is to find another furbaby in need of a loving home and lots of spoiling! i think that makes them very happy!

Tell her you love her and that you can explain when shes ready. Be very patient with her, no force or pressure! She's in a tough spot with her Mom pressuring her. If you pressure, she wont have a no pressure place to go. Her friends may help her to understand who the manipulater is. Yet she will still want to support her mom. Yet she must learn to let her fight her own battles. Give her time to grow. And let her sort out her feelings, with out you in the conflict in her heart. Your e-mails witll keep her informed of the baby and your love. Tell her enough about the house to keep her cognitive awareness real. Thank God for e-mail.

I highly suspect that either your daughters girlfriend or her friend has been or is being molested. I say this because I was in that situation. I was molested by my grandfather and initiated inappropriate games with my best friend at a very young age. Young children do not usually do these things spontaneously, at least in the manner you have described. That said, I think this is an opportunity for you to teach your daughter some very important lessons, about the sanctity of her body, her feelings, and that she can come to you about any situation that makes her feel uncomfortable. Ditto what seekingpeace said, there is a ton of shame around this behavior, even if she didn't initiate it. You might mention to the other parents to make sure their daughter is "safe", try to figure out where this behavior is originating without confronting anyone.