this from the op wasn't "snarky"?

"Mush, you are right, the woman who bought all the eggs is doing it for some other reason: donating them to a local homeless shelter if you had paid attention."

maybe, mary_c, she got distracted by something/someone and missed that part?

"Sorry, but it annoys me when people judge or make negative comments about someone when they didn't bother to listen or pay attention to the whole story."

read my comment above & tell me this wasn't a "snarky" comment from the op.

pot > kettle > black!

I have come here every day since the '90s, and usually more than once a day. I don't post all that often, however. I also don't read all the posts, so I have missed most of the unkindness that you are referring to.

Sometimes I have spotted a comment that I took as harsh, and I just assume someone is having a bad day and taking it out on someone else. Kind of like kicking the dog.

Overall, I think most people here are nicer than the typical anonymous site, and I appreciate that. I also think that sometimes the written word comes across sounding harsher than is intended. The same statement spoken can be softened with the inflection and pacing of the words softening the message as intended.

"This forum would be incredibly dull if all people did was blow sunshine up everyone's skirts. Kumbaya, indeed."

That old saying is getting so tiresome and is simply an excuse to be rude and nasty. You can have differing opinions without being mean. At least some people can. Clearly it is not a skill that some people here possess.

I think sheilajoyce may have touched on the true issue in general with bulletin boards. I quote "Sometimes I have spotted a comment that I took as harsh, ..." We are all reading text and the intent is determined individually. I'm not saying there are or are not people with inappropriate posts. All I'm saying is it is difficult to ascertain the posters intent because we all read and interpret intent differently.

Unfortunately, as the written word has become more accessible via e-mail and message boards, there are a good many individuals who do not edit their content before hitting send/submit. There's a reason we should all review our words carefully before we post for all the world to see. Those words will be "out there" for a long time.

I've been on GW since 1997 (or 1996....a long time!). I do my best to avoid judging people by their posts or taking words personally. You all know me by my user name and that's all. I don't post much but am very much a lurker here. My only hope is to inject a few facts and maybe a little humor into someone's day.

Mush, I'm sorry you've been injured by people on this site and particularly this board. You know you will be welcome back by a lot of people when you decide to return.

Peace to all.

My reading of it ...

Mush made a judgemental observation about someone on a show she had seen. Michelle told her that, had she paid attention, she'd know that the observation was wrong. And frankly, I agree, given what was described. Perhaps you were just watching peripherally, though, Mush, and I understand that because I multitask a lot and only half listen to TV shows sometimes.

Michelle didn't word her post very politely - given. But the resulting reaction to it was far from what would've normally been warranted, IMO.

However, everyone has different tolerance levels and we shouldn't expect others' reactions to be what ours would be. Mush, yours is low in comparison to mine, and that's fine. Hopefully there is another forum out there that you'll feel at home in. I always miss checking in on KT and posting on occasion. Maybe you'll come back.

This and other forums have changed, but the world has changed also. I too have had my feelings hurt, and have dropped off for awhile, or do not post much. There are a very few I do not even respond to ---why? just don't. What I do miss is the casual chit-chat between some. Miss getting pictures from Carolyns blue birds, Nodak's babies (not babies now) the gal from Utah with all the horses, and the ranch problems, the gals from Canada, and many of the others. I think they just developed other interests.
I think all of us have been hurt, because we forget these are only people who we may never meet, and we feel like we can say anything we want to and not worry about it. But we should remember that whatever we say, it could be on the internet for many years. Just be postive and have a great day. Marilyn Sue is one of my favorites with such a great attitude.

Mush, sorry to see you leave. Hope you'll just take a hiatus and return soon.

I have seen a huge change in this board over the past couple years. I used to start a lot more posts... but after other posters have deemed me a terrible neighbor or an unfit parent by reading what they will into a single posting... I've slacked off. I still post the daily birthday greetings and have even been criticized for that. lol I still come here to read and make a comment on a occasional post... but it just isn't the same here at the table. JMO.

I've been knocked for a loop twice here; once several years ago and once more recently. A couple of weeks ago, not so aggressively, but no good feedback on the tough chuck roast; just lectures on commercial beef.

I guess I misstook this forum for a real kitchen table, where thoughts are exchanged without condemnation, and once in a great while, posters need a swift kick, not a "there, there, dear" affirmation. Some times you just have to suck up a bad situation.

Here's a thought. A lot of people have faced many challenges over the past couple years since the economic collapse. Do you think that has anything to do with increased "tension" people think has come about here over the past couple years? As I said, people may be having a bad day or may be having a difficult time in general. Maybe that is coming across in what is sometimes posted here.

I wonder what the posters would have said about
the Queen of Poland and her Peons? Those were fun times
with the bantering that went on.
Dolly

The KT has changed, but life has changed. It's still the best place around, IMO. I just ignore those who are not worthy of my time (i.e., those who start squabbles, get nasty, etc.). I've been here since 1998, and I'm staying right here until they turn out the lights, smash up the table and slam the door.

I do miss a lot of the old timers, and wish they would come back and stir the pot!

I totally agree with Wanda. But you all have to remember things are constantly changing, for the good or bad its just the times of our lives. New people coming in and old people getting older. I'm staying, if I don't like a post I just stay out of it. Enjoy the time we have left.

Marlen. The wonderful woman from Cuba was Marlen. I believe that was her name. She loved cooking and she loved America. We did have some great times.

wantoretire, I don't believe anyone needs a good swift kick.

LIFE IS TOOO SHORT AND PRECIOUS TO BE ARGUING OVER SOMETHING THAT IS NOT (IMPORTANT)...skip it not worth the affravation.

ellie45 - aue contrare. There are times when someone is mired in a bad relationship or bad credit, or whatever, and needs a reality check. If soft platitudes are given, there is not a "light bulb moment" that may make them think that there just might be another way out. Tough love in moderation.

Mush I've been at the KT since the beginning, it has changed. It really used to be a lot more fun, crazy fun even. As far as the people who respond in the manner you talk about, they've been around since then too. They don't stay forever, I figure I can outlast em. Oh the names change, but the attitudes remain the same. We've all, myself included felt the same way you do right now, but stuck it out. You would be sorely missed, and if you leave you might be replaced with two of the sour apples. So stay with us kiddo! Smooches

It ebbs and flows.

The first time I posted here I got a lot of snarky responses. Many came to my "rescue" or I probably would not have come back.

There is no need to be nicey-nice all the time but to reference someones comments as idiotic, etc. or to purposely stir the pot isn't necessary.

Mush, you posted on another topic that "you are out of here" then MUST make a whole new post to tell us you are out of here? And then people blow up her skirt trying to get her to stay? I wouldn't have even answered on this post until I realized it was because of me.

Grow thicker skin, Mush, you know you were wrong and got called out on it. And just because this is the internet doesn't mean I would have said it any other way in person. Like I said before, it used to be that we had the greatest in-depth conversations on here 12+ years ago, now people like Chi, Suzieque and MaryC (just to name a few) are the kind of people who have a healthy respect for that. If you get your feelings hurt because you were called out for something you said or did then you definitely need to find a new playground or kumbaya circle (love that!!!!).

Like me or don't, I don't mind, but I will speak my mind here. I always did before and I don't want to be the popular kid, I want to be the honest kid. Some of you might do well if you try it yourselves.

I'm brand new here and have just read all of the above.

Sitting here now ringing my hands and thinking...oh dear, now what should I do?...should I stay here or not.

Guess what?...I'm stayin'...let the fun begin!

This place should "rock" if Chi's the Chi I know...LOL!

Oh, mimi, I think you will like it here! Years ago this place had so much depth, people had opinions and spoke their minds and really enjoyed the company here, and those who got their feelings hurt or weren't that fun just left. I was gone for a while when I didn't have a laptop but now I am back and it seems like telling people the truth or giving a differing opinion is a bad thing for some of the "newbies" (I was here since day 1).

Please, grab a chair and join the fun!

Wantoretire, I'm a little puzzled that you interpreted the responses to your thread "Sticker shock on chuck beef" as "not good feedback". You spoke of spending a lot of money for a chuck roast that turned out tough, then concluded, "Just wondering if it's just me, or is meat deteriorating in quality...... "
The responders agreed that meat is getting expensive, that quality is deteriorating and one which I guess was your "lecture on commercial beef", described how beef for shops is produced which has resulted in a deterioration of quality.
What responses did you hope to get? Since the responses either agreed with the statements you made, or said that due to cost and poor quality the poster had either gone vegetarian or is now buying farm direct.

Colleen - Point taken :-)

This comes up every so often, doesn't it? Not sure what's going on because I'm way behind on my reading on here, but hopefully nothing too drastic.

At first thought, it appears that boards can change people, but I don't think that's necessarily true. I think it's very difficult to see more than one side of a person and Facebook has helped me to see this. You may wonder how someone can blast another person, yet admire their kitty in the next instance. But if you really know that person, it's easier to understand.

Once you show a side it's difficult to have others perceive you in another way. And it easy for that poster to keep using that persona, especially if they have backers. You can easily lose yourself so that's why I think it is a good idea to take a step back and go away for a while.

And I thoroughly agree with the person who stated that the internet world has changed due to more and more people joining in. We were much more free to post whatever, wherever on the net back in the 90s. Now just about anything you do comes back to haunt you.

I hope your leave isn't permanent because I enjoy your input.

Michelle, didn't you leave here a few years ago because you got upset at something that was happening? How is that different from anyone else taking a break from here?

It's so easy to say "grow a thicker skin" but it's a hard thing to actually do. Some people are just more sensitive than others and that isn't a bad thing, IMO. It seems like tact is out the window sometimes. A person can be honest and at the same time, kind and tactful. Honest and hurtful don't have to go hand-in-hand. I don't think anyone comes to the KT in order to get slapped upside the head.

I remember when Casey first invited me here. The KTers got me through a difficult time I was going through and I am forever grateful to them.

Sure there are posters who do nothing but stir up trouble but I think they just don't have a life. Let's face it..haven't we all caused a rift at one time by making an innocent comment? I know I have but they were always unintentional.

I love the KT and will always be here...posting about whatever comes to mind, questions, comments and concerns

SamKaren
your resident DJ

Flamingo, I left because we moved and I got extremely ill and didn't have a laptop. I peeked in now and again, I don't recall leaving because something pissed me off. If that was the reason it was probably because I was bedridden and usually high on a lot of meds and had no firm concept of a lot of things at that time. If that is why I left, it wasn't really me or my MO, and if I said something out of line I do sincerely apologize. I have been the same person most of my life, although surviving what I went through has made me stronger and made me hold people accountable for their actions. Interesting, I will have to think about that for a while!

Flamingo, you always were one of my favorite long-time posters, do you recall what it was over?

Maybe less offense would be taken in our comments if we prefaced our opinions with 'in my opinion' - those words seem to keep one's comments less controversial - just my opinion, of course.

LOL, Kay! But aren't ALL our posts "in our opinions"? I think that is a given, in my humble opinion, of course!

I hope you don't stay gone for long, Mush.

No, Michelle, I don't recall the exact reason, but I am sure I read a post from you saying you were leaving because you were unhappy about something that had happened here at the KT. And since you were gone for so many years, I figured it must have really ticked you off. I've seen you post now and then at other forums but not here, so I figured you were still mad about it.

I think you've missed a lot of what has been happening here, you must have, because otherwise you probably wouldn't say that about opinions. Some people don't pretend that their statement is only an opinion, they feel like they are right ALL the time and the rest of posters on a thread are just silly/dumb/stupid/wrong. (Which always makes me wonder- why on earth do they want to hang out with such dumb people? And then it hits me- so they can feel superior! So I guess we're doing them a service, too bad we can't charge for it!) LOL

Again, I think it's all about presentation.

I agree with Flamingo 100%. I am so happy I can git sum lernin' from the wise ones on this forum.

But on the other hand, I don't think this forum has changed since I've been posting since 03 or 04. In fact, I seem to recall a lot more rancor back then than now, but that's JMO, lol.

So by presentation, do you mean that if we put LOLs all over our thoughtful responses, it' s OK? That' s my opinion.

Oh. LOL.

Actually, I much prefer the threads with some substance to them to the silly ones. I like the good give and take.

Lol, Shermann, Lol, you are soooo funny, lol.

Thank you, sleeperblues!

But if we start adding a bunch LOLs some poor soul will take offense and say we are laughing at them. LOL LOL LOL

So perhaps we need to add WU to LOL so the more sensative amongst us understand we are LOL with them and not at them. Boy this could get complicated. LOL

Are we still chewing the rag over this?

o j

P.S. LOL - sorry, I guess that sould be "lol": shouting here ain't good manners, it seems.

o j

There are people who only post when they can say something negative or be snarky, people who only post when it's about "the good old days" but don't post or contribute to make the site more interesting and then there are the ones who keep it going. People come and people go and that's life on a forum.

What Flamingo said.

Thank you all for those responses! I am honest, and I call people out for saying something snarky as Mush did. I wasn't looking to piss anyone off, just stating a fact that was shown on national TV about what someone was doing for a homeless shelter, Mush publically accused the woman of having an ulterior motive and I didn't take that lightly. She only saw the woman put the eggs into her basket, she didn't listen to the woman saying what it was for. It is like someone reading the headlines and making a conclusion to what the story is without reading it, and then can't understand why anyone disagreed with her. Instead of her saying "I didn't see that part" and move along, she chose to make a huge deal out of her embarassment and play the victim by starting this thread, being a drama queen and making a very public exit. If you don't like it here, quietly walk out the door.

Flamingo, I thank you so much for trying to remember, I know that I left at a time where my health was failing miserably and it is entirely possible that I got offended myself. Not an excuse, but they had me pretty doped up for the beginning of this long road to recovery, and found that I didn't have the energy or brain capability to hold a written conversation. You were always one of my favorite people here though, quick witted and funny. It is good to see you are still here!

My MO is so NOT to come in, make nasty comments and leave, I hope I am bringing something to the table with my threads. Like Sherrmann said, we need some good give and take here, those who prefer not to participate are just as welcome as those who do, but I think a lot of people here would prefer a forum with depth. It reflects more of the real world, not just a fantasy land where everyone is really "swell" and no one contradicts anything they say. I hope people will call me out if I am wrong about something I post, I have no problem with criticism and debate, but be sure you can back it up with facts!

Glad to be back, and looking forward to some good debates and insights!

Well, I do not get to come in here often as I am use the library computer when I get to come into town. Haven't seen much snarkiness but I read and post as quickly as I can so someone else can use this computer. I like the KT for the most part...my favorite are recipes, pics, and I have learned so much about products that I would not have known about otherwise. I think it is a great forum overall.

I have to disagree with the statement about Mush making a big scene, I didn't find this post to be hurtful or hysterical or "drama queen" material. I would prefer to read that someone is leaving for a while rather than worry about her sometime in the future. And she's right- this forum IS different, we've all pretty much agreed on that point.

I don't recall anyone insisting that we need to all agree about everything all the time, that would be an unreasonable expectation and unwanted, too. On the other hand, I don't think it's too much to ask for people to be polite or tactful, instead of rude or hurtful or tenacious to the point of obnoxiousness. That's my point about presentation. When Mom said "nobody likes a know-it-all", she was right.

But hey, this is just what I think. I know everyone is not the same and we don't all have the same temperament and feelings are going to be hurt occasionally. I would hope it would be accidentally, instead of on purpose, though.

What I find rather sad is that so often when a KT member decides to leave because they didn't like the replies they received is that they're also leaving behind many friends. In fact they're probably leaving behind more friends than the 1 or 2 posters who disagreed with them.

I've finally decided that it's really their loss.

When we're replying to what someone else has posted, I think that it's only fair to frame our replies in terms of what was said.

It seems to me rather unfair to paint a picture of the other person or of what they've said that's rather distorted and bent out of shape, something of a caricature.

If someone wants to be judgemewntal about what I've said or my viewpoint, fine - but don't put words into my mouth, please.

ole joyful

P.S. Google ad is, "How to stop your divorce".

o j

ole joyful, you hit the nail on the head perfectly!!!

Susie

Marie-Cate also said something that is so fitting.

Getting mad and leaving this (or any other forum) means you also leave behind a lot of friends.

Don't think I'll ever forgive myself for hurting anyone's feelings here...there's no excuse for that.

I'll always be thankful and grateful for each and everyone here who's supported me and added to my life in more ways than I can count.

Flamingo, I was referring to her response on the Extreme Couponing thread where I called her out for being snarky about some of the people on the show, then she flipped out when I told her she was wrong (and OJ: I very clearly outlined why she was wrong, there was no mistake about her saying something nasty about someone) and she said "Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me. I'm outta here!!!!". That to me is drama and that was all she needed to say, not start another thread on why she was leaving.

I agree to disagree and let this thread disappear, if I offended anyone I am sorry, but I call them as I see them. I will try to word things more softly, I see there are a lot of sensitive people here, but I won't stop being me, just as I wouldn't want any of you to change because of what one person says.

Granlan, it is good to see you here too!

This is what I think...calling someone "snarky" is about as rude as a person can get. It's no one's JOB to inform the board of who is or isn't in their opinion being snarky and then when you call someone snarky, they get mad(OF COURSE THEY DO!) being called a name and say something and OH BY GOLLY they are a terrible person. Would you go up to someone's face in real life and say "you are being snarky"? Doubt it highly.

DISCLAIMER: this is JMHO

For the most part, this forum has been a bunch of old biddies. Don't deny it..lol you know it's true. I'm no spring chicken myself. As we get older we get more opinionated. That doesn't make your opionion right! I count myself in on this.
And, as always, there are exceptions.