You're asking some interesting questions, but the answers will not get you any closer to where you need to be - you're asking questions about him, rather than about yourself (as alluded to here already). It sounds as if you don't want the affair to end. It makes perfect sense that once the secret is busted, that your lover wants nothing to do with it. He's probably afraid his wife will find out, and he's probably had a bit of reality shaken into his fantasy. What do YOU want? What does your husband want? Are you interested in what's going on with your husband at all? It is normal to go through a withdrawl when an affair ends. That very fact is abhorrent to those watching - it hurts. But the feelings don't turn off automatically - you have to WORK to end those feelings. That means quitting your job, attending to your marriage, getting to a place where you understand what that affair was serving for you. It's work, work, work. That's the price you pay for your error, and to regain trust with your husband. If you even care to.

It sounds to me like you have done the right thing up until now. I don't mean to sound presumptious, but it almost sounds like you want to do the right thing, but part of you wants permission to not do the right thing. I can understand where you are coming from. I have been in a similar situation a long time ago. I will say that the only way you will be able to move on is to break clean of the whole situation. If you and your husband end up splitting up, with you moving away, you don't need him to blame this guy for what was not going to work anyway. And you need to be able to leave with a clean conscience. If his wife told her father that you want her husband, she is noticing something that you were trying to repress. You were clearly giving off signals that she could read even though you were trying to do what was right and still stay near the man you care about. My advice, go to your new job and try to make a life for yourself there, break clean from the other man, you can let him know where you are going, but you may find out that with you not there for temptation, his marriage might settle down. Let things go the natural course with your husband. If it works out, good, if not then you have done what you can. You cannot in with good intentions, lead this man away from his wife. His decisions are his and so are the consequences. Do not put your life on hold for him. You need to take care of you and your child first. The rest will fall into place. Good luck with you situation. I hope you can make the best of what you have,

Wondering...your Mom most likely feels close to her son...they share a home now...why should she want to see him homeless upon her death? If she buys his cigs and booze..he must be doing enough household duties to get those things..she may buy them whether he did or did not do anything for her....have you ever gone there to help out? Run errands, take her to dr....all those things that adult kids do for parents?? Maybe...your brother feels obligated to live there....be her housemate because he does not see anyone else stepping up to do the maintenance that she may need to run a house...I have seen this arrangement for years with men who live with parents... They give up certain life events such as dating, marrying and sometimes holding a good job because demands at home do not allow it...when my father was ill...I could not work....I had my own home but had to stay at home just to be able to care for my fathers transportation needs to drs ofc. My mother would not do it.... It sometimes appears as if the brother has a great time, but have you actually thought of the things he may have to deal with...maybe that is why the booze...is your concern having the will favor you some? I think your mom might see you as someone who she cannot depend on...I have a mother who made it public knowledge that she favored her boys over her daughters....she even said it as I was carting her a** around town running errands...while my oldest bro...her favorite did not lift a finger for her...ever..that I saw.... My middle bro owns the house...mother is not that crazy about him...but she will leave anything she has to my younger bro....older bro has his own money too....I do not go to my mothers house because when I did my brothers wete verbally hateful....you never knew what they would say....my mother basically kicked me to the curb 14 years ago when I started working full time....if I could not do things for her...she had no reason to talk to me..as she had done to all five of daughters....when my older sister passed away...she did not want to really talk to me after all that time...nephew passed away several months prior and I sat next to her after 12 yrs and she got up and left room. When my sister passed away she started speaking to me only to get a ride to funeral home...after that..nothing...about 2 yrs later after a conversation with another sister about problems in my marriage...my mother calls about a month or so later.....only to hear the details...thinking I would tell her anything...when I did not give her what she wanted...she stopped calling...my mother was just vacant emotionally to her daughters...not much better with sons but she treated them better.... If you are smart...you will let your brother be with this issue....some women thrive on seeing their kids fight..mine did....I have nothing to say to my mother that would mean anything at this point...she raised her kids half a**ed...but we all turned out good.....the girls all have had marital problems...and dependence on husbands because we were forced to leave home by the time we were sixteen....I did not go to clg till I was an adult and had no op to have a real career... I say all this because some women are just born to make trouble for their kids...they will play one off on the other....thats likely what she is doing now...her way of saying..."see what i did"...

Thank you all for all your well wishes... I so appreciate it.... We are living under the same roof.. but seperate rooms... He understands my stance on my Christian beliefs...and respects that... but he is getting mighty antsy...lol I am uploading photos to Photobucket that I will be sharing soon..Got a few more to take down in the meadow.. as we go along... It is hard to see all the 150 blueberry bushes cuz they are only a couple feet tall and baby bushes.. but I will do my best... My raised beds are now gone since Larry says he needs that space to build a tractor barn and he says I won't need them with all the veggies in the meadow anyway... sounds good to me.. lol I just wish I could get into the garden and get my hands dirty... but I can't until the neursurgeon gets done trying to get my back fixed.. I have an arthritis spur pushing on a nerve and my spinal cord some.. but I can ride the lawn tractor and even drive the front end loader though.. He is teaching me that stuff.. and I tee totally loving it... I am not a bona fide cougar.. just a cougette.. since Larry is only 3 years younger.. but he fills out a tee shirt real nice still... lol