update to my 'old fashioned' post

16 years ago

Well, DD and the boys came back last night. Around 7, she acted like nothing had happened. I helped the boys with their bath and put on their new pajamas and read them a story, I had picked up books for them from the library. Today, I fixed them fruit smoothies for breakfast and took them outside to play early, we stayed out there for a couple of hours to let them play. I had a little talk with the boys about being gentle with the dogs. Then she took them to see her father-in-law, came back and we went to run some errands, and to ChickfilA so the boys could play at the play area. And she let them eat some french fries. She did make a point of asking them not to run in the house and corrected them when they got too loud. Tomorrow she and I both are attending a baby shower, and I told her to ask her motherinlaw to babysit, I did not want my husband to have to deal with them, the 2 year old is having some clinging issues. And tonight, she actually got their baths early, put pajamas on them (!) and took them to bed around 9:30, instead of sitting with them in the recliner until they fall asleep.

I know they are young, and I do understand there will be slip ups, I can handle food inadvertently carried into the family room, since that is what they are used to, at home.

I can ask them nicely, to walk walk walk, when they get excited and run. I told them about "inside voices" vs "outside voices" and we had a little demonstration. cute!

She has not been disrespectful today, so maybe I was on the right track to calmly tell her our 'rules' and acknowledge that the way she parents is not the way I parented, and to each his own, but that WE expect and appreciate that our concerns for safety and structure be adhered to in OUR home.

All in all, I have decided to not get so stressed over it, and try and redirect the excess energy of the children. My husband does not need any additional stress right now, and me getting upset gets him upset. As far as doing her laundry, she did leave clothes in the washer and dryer again today. I dried what was there, and left the unwashed stuff where she left it. I asked her to clean up behind them at breakfast and lunch. Also, we picked out a few things for vegan recipes at the store, and I got her to agree to sitting down at the table for dinner tomorrow night, all of us, to have a meal together.

So baby steps, we will get there.

Thank you all again, for your help.

Jenna

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Comments (7)

cynic
16 years ago
Glad to hear it went smoother. Perhaps it was just a bad day before? With luck, maybe that's the worst you'll ever see and this is more like how the future will be. I'd suggest another little talk with your daughter and maybe even the grandkids just to mention how great this visit was.

Good for you to not let the stress get to you. You have many more important things on your mind and don't need the distractions.

Really sounds like you have things under control. Good luck to you and all of yours!
carol_in_california
16 years ago
I am glad things are improving......I am sure the children love having grandparents who play with them and expect good behavior.
Keep us updated when you have time.
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Georgysmom
16 years ago
This post is so timely because I was having a similar discussion with friends at lunch on Thursday about raising children. Eventually your daughter is going to find out that discipline and rules will make her life easier in the long run and it will be a pleasure for her to go anywhere with the children.
wildchild
16 years ago
I'm so glad things are going better for you and the grands. I really believe that loving grandparents are a great benefit to children. If you and you DD continue to meet in the middle then everyone benefits.
marilyn_c
16 years ago
I think children don't mind rules at all...especially when given to them in a calm manner that they can understand. And it is never too young to teach children to treat animals in a kind way. The main thing is to be consistent always, and lots of praise for when they do a good job or behave well.

Glad things are looking up for you.
socks
16 years ago
This is really wonderful. I'm so happy for you. Keep it going! You'll tame those wild ones yet!

I agree with Marilyn that children like to have rules. It makes them feel safe, cared for.
JennaVaNowSC
Original Author
16 years ago
thank you all for the kind words. It has been less stressful. DD and I attended a baby shower (or Baby Sprinkle the invite said, whatever that means haha), and she had another set of g.parents babysit. Seems out of four sets of grandparents for these boys, two are very lenient, let'em run wild types, and my ex and his SO are a little more like me and DH. I so agree with socks and Marilyn... children need rules, it does make them feel safe. She is going back to her friends tomorrow, which will give us a break, what with the heart cath and whatever else in store for DH next week. As Georgysmom says, she will one of these days realize that discipline (which is different from harsh punishment) and rules will make HER life easier. I am hoping I can initiate some small things, like bedtime rituals, and meal times where the family sits together, and then maybe the children will come to expect that.
Sorry, I tend to ramble. Just wanted to thank you all. I so appreciate all the caring people here at KT.

update to my 'old fashioned' post

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cynic

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update to my 'old fashioned' post

Comments (7)

cynic

carol_in_california

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