Just to add that Bf loves his DDs and is a very carrying dad. But even a carrying person has a limit how much he can take care of grown children!

I have heard, since college days, from people who get stressed during the holidays. I never experienced it until this Christmas. (My two adult stepdaughters are making drama of nothing, both wanting to be the center of our attention.) It made me not look forward to the family gathering on Christmas Eve.

However, they did not show up for the family party which made for one of the best family gatherings ever. Both my SDs have the same mental illness (bipolar) and have always been "sullen." We often feel they do this to get attention. No one in the family takes the bait.

The truth is that my SDs are no joy to be around, period. My neices seem to be well-adjusted though they too have been through the divorce of their mom and dad. These girls are the same age as my SD's. They are fun to be around and don't make drama where there is none. They have a great ability to laugh at themselves (that doesn't come from either their Mom or Dad or either step parents). My SDs cannot laugh at themselves at all, ever.

As I said, I have heard others complain about the impending holidays as if it were a dreaded event. I never understood that until this holiday. I am glad it turned out so well. And it made me realize it was because my SDs were not present.

In thinking about the other people in my past who dreaded the holidays -- I realize they were as sullen as my SDs. So maybe those who dread the holidays are the reason they dread the holidays. They make it miserable for themselves (and others).

Clearly, I don't think dreading the holidays is rational. This is a time for celebration and merriment. Perhaps it is also that I am an optimist not a pessimist? Or it could be because I was raised in Europe where Christmas is not the big deal it is here in USA AND gifts there are kept to a minimum and always MADE by hand. (Pastries, birdfeeders, paintings, pottery, drawings, knitted or crocheted scarves, hats, slippers, etc.) The emphasis is on faith, family, friends and food. In that order.

I think it is simply rational to enjoy the holidays. Anything else seems irrational to me. Other comments?

I totally agree. My family always enjoys the holidays. SO's DDs also enjoy the holidays but on other people's expense. I feel embarassed that I sometimes wished they don't come home for holidays. I feel very sorry when I feel this way. This year they went to their moms for Thanksgiving and SO and I spent it with my family. It was fun time, a lot of laughs, nice conversations and no depressive talks. It is never this way when they are around. This year for Christmas I and DD were with my family. SO had another dinner ruined because he spent it with SDs and they talked about their mom all the time.

Older SD (I'll call them this way for convenience I am not their SM) threw another hissy fit that dad does not buy new dresser for her room (pay attention- 26, lives in a different state and still demands to have her own room in daddy's house). He bought so much new furniture this year plus he pays for younger SD's college so he simply couldn't buy a dresser right now. She threw a hissy fit and told him to drive today to IKEA and get at least a cheap dresser.

It is heavy snowing today, very cold, SO has throat infection and went on antibiotics. IKEA is an hour drive from us. I mean my DD can be a pain as every kid can, but I have hard time watching 50-year-old man taking care of a grown woman in such fashion. Every time holidays are over SO takes a vacation so we can rest, go on a trip or simply rest. How can his children tire him up so much that he needs another vacation after he already had one!!!! Sorry i am venting...It upsets me.

BTW anne007, I was also raised in Europe.

These husbands/fathers *can* put a stop to this nonsense.

They don't *have* to wash, cook, clean, kiss hiney, etc.

Yeap. They sure "can" if they only stop parenting out of guilt.

SO's DD announced today that she is getting engaged (nobody saw a guy yet) in few weeks. She is here every single break and holiday (she is a teacher), she lives here with dad almost the whole summer break, how can she develop serious relationship to get engaged? I mean if you are getting engaged, do you go by yourself to dad's house, live there for a long time, make him cook and clean and shop for you? If he sits on the couch to catch a breath, she is right there next to him, if he goes to his bedroom, she knocks on the door: daddy come out, we want to go shopping, movies, etc The only time he is left alone if he is in a bathroom or smokes outside and even then DDs find something to do around him like admire Christmas lights outside the house. And we can never ever have conversation between us two. Is that normal?

I think it is normal and they probably have some jealousy of your relationship with him. It's very hard for girls to share their man (daddy) with another woman. (and maybe your DD too)

They may be looking for reassurance that they are still very important to him or that they haven't been replaced. It could also be that they haven't quite figured out how to have an adult father/daughter relationship and are able to go out in the world and be a teacher but come home and be daddy's little girl.

If they are doing it to annoy you for some reason, they will continue to do it if they know it bothers you. I wouldn't let it bother me. I would be nice and even encourage it more, which takes the wind out of that sail.

Eventually they should grow out of it, hopefully.

I don't mean if feeling jealous is normal, it is. I meant some extreme behaviors that happened way before I came to the picture (like demands for momey, expnsive gifts, no relationship with her mom, making dad to cook and clean for her etc).

I find it strange that at age 26 she has not one friend, she grew up in this state, went to college here and yet not one friend. She has no relationship with BM, GPs, aunts and uncles claiming that they all are not nice to her. At the same time she does not have one friend, she also does not have friends where she lives now. I mean not one person to give a call to. I have hard time believing that everyone is so evil to her. I don't think she can form healthy connections, her connection to her dad is not healthy. Younger daughter is a bit better, she does have some life.

I have to say that BM is manic depressive and is on and off medication, so maybe DD is effected by it too. I don't know. I also have hard time understanding engagenmnt story. If she is getting engaged why nobody knows the guy? Well actually she has been talking about getting engaged for a year now. Nobody saw a guy. Maybe it is call for attention. BF said she was saying she is getting engaged it before I came to the picture so it is not reaction to me. BF asked to see a guy, still nobody saw him.

As about them making dad to serve them hand and foot and not giving any privacy, they do it when i am not around way more than when i am there. They are more civil around others. They actually try to help him when somebody else is around, but when they are alone he has to do everything. I understand they want attention, but if my dad lies down with fever and throat infection I don't make him cook me dinners and drive me around town.