Why in the world is the "friend" who cheated with your fiance living in your house? Why is He still in contact with her and why on earth are you letting that slide?

I'm speechless. This is not an attack, but I wouldn't know where to begin on many of those issues. If it were me, and I didn't have kids (possibly even if I did), I would at the very least, be demanding MY house back. Unfortunately, you seem to be outnumbered here and in that case, I'd quietly slip out and leave that madness behind. (what a mess!!)

It's not your responsibility to take on a punk slob sister to save her from your dysfunctional family. How is your fiance bringing his one time fling/mistress home to live with her kid because she's "homeless" a functional situation?

I know your just venting and not asking for advice so I hope your situation gets better.

Well, again I am a doormat. She never apologized for cheating with him specifically, but she did apologize for acting like a "sh*thead", which I assumed to include the cheating thing. Plus, she just kind of showed up on our doorstep.

He's still friends with her because he likes her as an artist and a friend, and he basically says that him being friends with her is not the problem, which is true. Being in contact with someone you cheated with isn't necessarily the issue with cheating; it just tends to complicate things. I still saw it as disloyal (before she ever apologized at all) for him to continue the friendship, but I think he sees it as my problem, not his. I myself choose not to think about the whole thing, because despite my above-average intelligence, I still come out feeling stupid and confused. I just kind of let him continue his friendship without vocal complaint, and if it ever happens again, it's over. I think he understands that. If he doesn't, then he's the fool, not me.

I hope you can read what I say clearly and just as a concerned person. I dont know you but You are More than that. You are worth way more than the situations you are allowing yourself to be in.
No man is worth it. No man is respectful of you or your relationship to continue contacting someone he had an affair with period. If he respected you he wouldn't treat you in those ways. And if you respected yourself (you say you're a doormat) you'd see that you deserve better.

Like imamommy said, you came here to vent and may not be looking for advice. but i'm so stunned.

Well, my l'il sis never knew DF and L. cheated, so she and L. get along all right. Believe me, if you knew the family that l'il sis and I were spawned from, you'd understand that even this dysfunction is not quite so bad as the insanity of our family. She'd have the choice of living with Dad who would often put her down, Mom who would want to keep her at home until the age of forty-five and SDad who would also put her down, plus Mom's own brand of lunacy, or big bro who carries a stick up his behind and feels the need to insult people to relieve the pressure. Even though big sis is a little crazy herself and living in a crazy household, and even though big sis expects her to clean up after herself and keep her room neat, it still beats the alternatives.

Holy crap! He screwed around on you with this woman and she's living in your house. That wouldn't fly with me. I'd be pitching every fricken last one of them out, including fiance. He's still in contact with his mistake and then he lets her move into your house???? And you haven't beat him over the head with a lamp yet??!!!?? I'd probably castrate him for that alone, let alone letting her move into my house, but that's just me. :)

I hope your situation gets better!

Oh we understand insanity, a lot of us even understand dysfunctional families (I do at least), but take a second and step back and read your own post like it was posted by a total stranger.

Now tell me what you think someone else would see.

...what others might be seeing here. It's not exactly like I'm a perfect angel in this situation, though. I know I've put down his kids a lot. I just kind of hope that if DF and everyone else see everything that I do for them, they might understand that they'd be lucky to find anyone else that does the same and treat me accordingly. Once in awhile they do. Many times they don't.

I'm planning on going to England for a class next year, and I'll be gone for about a month. If the house falls apart during that time, hopefully they'll understand how it happened (I refuse to pay any bills except rent for the time I'm over there, and that's only because I want to eventually buy the house).

I don't want to offend you but I completely agree with keepitmovin. your biggest problem isn't the number of people in your house or how much they do or don't contribute. The problem is how you see yourself. I know how you feel because it's part of why I ended up with a couple of my kids. I didn't pick guys that appreciated me. and going to England for a month, if you are expecting them to appreciate you when you get back (and things have fallen apart) you are more likely to be blamed for everything falling apart.

This new person who is living with us now once let me have a place to stay, rent-free, for a few months when I was first going out with DF (that's how she and DF cheated...we were both living there, and at the same party that she was hosting). So I do feel that turning her away would be somewhat ungrateful (even though before she apologized, I had felt that she already got her payment, if you know what I mean). Plus, I'm using her computer to type this (I could use my own, but mine tends to get packed away when the next faster computer enters the household, like my sister's, and now L.'s.)

I had another detail to disclose here, but I forgot what it was.

I appreciate everyone's advice, and you guys are probably right, but I don't know right now. I just wanted to rant some. Thanks for listening.

You live in chaos! I'd go bananas! And, wow, I don't think I'd be up for someone my BF had smooched (or more) living in our home!

That said, if you want to have more fairness and structure around the place, I'd suggest calling some sort of meeting to have everyone get on track about the chores. "There's a lot of us in a small space right now, and we all have different personalities, schedules and needs. So, let's take those into account and devise a plan for who's doing what chores and when. 'Tammy' you like a clean bathroom, could you do a twice weekly bathroom clean? 'Mike' how about you run around with the vacuum twice a week? 'Lorraine' can you please make sure the kitchen floors and the counters are free of crumbs each day? I will do the grocery shopping to make sure that we use our fridge and cupboard space effectively. 'Tom', you're usually the last one to go to bed, so can you fold up the blankets in the living room each night and make sure all the lights are out and doors are locked? Everyone should pick up their own mess right away and do their own dishes. Parents of small children, please help your kids clean up their messes."
Present the simple fact that the cleaning must be done and that everyone should be contributing.

Stand your ground! Don't be a doormat! Be firm about not being a doormat! No baloney - you are officially off processed meat!! It will take awhile, but if you stick to it, they'll figure out you mean business.

You and DF might need to call a truce about your sister and his son to help keep the peace while your house is in uproar... These topics might need to be temporarily out of bounds - if you have to complain, maybe doing it to a friend is a solution? Agree to have a calm discussion once things settle down and there's less stress to deal with. I've done that with SOs/family/friends in the past and it's worked out well.

I don't think you owe the person who cheated with your fiance a d*** thing. Even if she had let you live in her house rent free for a hundred years, that still wouldn't make the cheating acceptable. Recovery from cheating is hard enough under any circumstances, but impossible if all members of the triangle are under one roof.

I agree with TOS. (Holy hell that's a first huh?)

You don't owe her a thing.