I am wondering how old all of you are? just curious..I have two step sisters we are all in our early 30's. About 10 years ago my step dad had a retirement party where the younger step sister got very very drunk and made a scene. Our parents were gone. She was saying this like you and your mom are two peas in a pod..your mom likes you better than us and on and on and on. My mom had a conversation with her shortly after and she told my mom that it bothers her that we talk about our careers (since at the time she didnt have one)..The older step sister and I have never been really close because she is very snoody apearing but, now I realize very insecure. Their mother died when they were teenagers. Fast forward 10 years...she got married last year and asked me to stand up in her wedding. I was not really sure why she was asking me we were not close but, I did not tell her no because she is a very nice person. About 7 months ago I started dating their best friend and we are still together. Since we started seeing each other she now has to tells everyone at every family function how they are the favorite. Mind you we are in our 30 our parents in their 50's and my mom and step could care less about the favorite garbage. I find the whole thing so silly and it shows her insecurity. I have to wonder if it is because my mom is the only mom she has had since her mom died? Anyway, my point that I am trying to make is I think that there is always some competition with families. I know alot of families that have it among sibilings. I do not have this with my bio brother. If your step is the way you say she is..than you are not the only one to know this.. As I said I have 2 sisters. The older one plays these games with her younger sister. My younger sister will rant and rave about her sister. My response??? Why do you let her bother you? Why does your step keep this up? Because she can sense it is bothering you.. Forget about her girlfriend...Once you stop letting it bother you she will get bored... My step will call my mom, step dad and step sister and get them all going.. She never calls me...WHY?? because their is NO reaction here to the nonsense... Just try it for a little while. You will hold the ball in your court you just dont know it. I know you would rather smack her in the head lol...believe me I have been there...a smack is 2.3 seconds from start to finish. Not letting her bother you anymore...PRICELESS!! ok that didnt make sense but, it sounded familar. Please let us know what happens. good luck

Some people will have problems in family relationships whether they are steps or not. We have a cousin just like the one you described. She blames everything in her life on the past instead of accepting her culpability for her choices, etc. Don't get yourself into the middle of her problems. Treat her nicely without getting into her face about anything. You can't force a relationship. She may not want a closer relationship ... with ANYONE. Why do you have such a need to be closer to her and resolve issues? You have your own life. Why do you feel the need to retreat from the family? Sounds like that is some issue of your own that you need to deal with.

I was thinking that this all doesn't have to be family related. Is your step sister just this way with everyone in her life? She may just have a problem and can't relate to others or get along. It doesn't necessarily have to do with you or the fact that you're her step sister. Honestly, is she worth all your time and grief to get her to accept you? If she were your friend would you try to be friends with her or move on? Would you even try to be friends with her in your every day life if she wasn't your step sister? Sometimes we have to just try to be civil at family get togethers or whatever but can't be close to the person no matter what. I've tried to be close or a least civil with my one SIL but it doesn't happen...at least not for very long. She mostly is your friend when she needs something or to find out something she can run and share with others but most times this woman pretends I don't exist (to the point where she doesn't look at me or acknowledge I'm in the room so she'll cut me off or talk over me like I'm not even there). So it's easier to just avoid her and only be around her when I have to then to try to be friends. I've accepted this and really, my life is a lot more peaceful. Hope thing work out for you or you find some sort of peace in this issue. It's too bad that everyone in our lives can't be nice and willing to get along but there are just some people who won't and we have to accept that.

~Leslie~

thanks for the advice everyone. I don't know why her approval is important to me. I've asked myself that many times as well. We all had a very rocky road the first 4-5 years that our folks were married. This sister and I got close when our kids were born. I guess I just figured we had gotten past all the "stuff". We are in our 40's now.

She does have lots of friends. She is the kind of person that is always doing nice things for people. I believe the motivation is approval, but still it comes off like she's the best.

I really do love her and miss things about our relationship. On the other hand if she was not family I would not choose her as a friend because she refused to work things out, which is a quality I don't care for. If this had happened one time, it wouldn't be such a big deal, but this is the third time. The question about asking if I'd choose her for a friend was helpful, I'll hang onto that. I can be friendly without being close. I guess I'm going through grief of a sort and it just feels a little overwhelming to me right now.

thanks again, I'm glad I stumbled onto this board. I really needed you all this season!