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Normal relationship?

19 years ago

My name is Beth and up until now, I've felt fantastic about the step-family i've been a part of for over 6 years.

My step-dad is wonderful. I have a brilliant step-sister. And I have a step-brother. He and I are very close in age, and after graduating high school, I moved in with my mom's family to help with finances during college and my "brother" and I thought things would be great!

And they were, but, I started to change because I moved into a city where my job showed me how to grow up. I look like a nice, young adult now. Not a high school student anymore. They've shown me how to act more appropriately with different types of people, because in the city, you certainly have to deal with different types... and I started to notice my brother getting distant.

But it couldnt be all just me, I figured, because he was changing too. He got his first car, which allows you more freedom from the house obviously, he got a raise at his job, so he has more money to go out. I think it's great! But, we both knew things were different...

Although I appreciate the changes my work has to offer me, because I know I wasn't the most updated person in fashion or any lifestyle really.... I started to miss my friends back home. I missed having people to hang out with, people to see and just accept me for what I had already... and so, tonight.. my brother and I finally confronted each other about things.

He got home from work upset, and usually we talk until he feels better, but he stormed right out of the house and went to a 'friends' house. A little over an hour later, he returned and he wanted to know 'what was with me' and ultimately, i told him that it wasn't really worth explaining because he's my brother... not my best friend that i spill my guts too. and that was hard for me to say because... i consider him to be my best friend. more than even now because ever since the move, i have none.

and he says, we shouldnt be best friends. we're siblings by law and being friends is weird to him. then he brings up my other step-family on my dads side and says it was good that we hated each other because step-families, especially the kids, shouldnt be best friends, because even real siblings arnt. you just grow up together, but live your own lives.

it absolutely crushed me when he said this because he's felt like my best friend for years. and suddenly he's not? and he's not supposed to be either..?

so my question is... is it normal for step-siblings to be best friends? or should they just... live their lives? of course, they still might hang out, but just not to the extent that best friends would...?

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Comments (2)

sunnygardenerme
19 years ago
I think it would be great if step-siblings could be good friends. Like brother and sister good freinds. Hang in there things will get better with time. Thanks for posting.
vistajpdf
19 years ago
Well, first of all, you sound like a nice, young lady - open to suggestions from others and willing to change, but never forgetting from where you came. My hat's off to you!

With respect to your stepbrother, it sounds a little like he's jealous that you have somewhat of a new life. I think his running to a "friends" house was a bit of a tantrum. I would keep reaching out to him and assure him that we can all use more friends.

Should stepsiblings and siblings be best friends? Well, why not? The one thing I've learned in life is that you can never have too much unconditional love in the world. I think it's great that you've blended so well thus far.

He's going through some growing pains and probably doesn't know at the moment where he fits in - regarding life, the family, your life, etc. Give him time and he'll come around. Things do change and our former "best friends" can one day seem like strangers - conversations that once flowed freely are awkward and filled w/ gaps of silence. Try to keep the lines of communication open - seek his advice, vent about work-related problems, dating, etc. to him and he feel important.

Good luck!
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