How about suggesting she actually go watch & cheer for oldest, then take them all after the game? Win-win for everyone...

I am not the best person to comment on this lol I activelly dislike school sports espcially if they take over one's life. I think kids can miss a game once in a while. Life is short.

We've had to break to BM two years in a row now that a mandatory clinic for SD fell on a weekend she had a trip planned (what are the odds?!) That wasn't fun the first time - it was the fodder for a whole post the second. But, it actually says in the parenting plan that SD's sports and activities preempt other plans - we knew BM would never take her if not as she views them all as an inconvenience.

It seems like Nicksmom's suggestion should be a no-brainer answer, huh? Unfortunately no - when the parent cares more about having 'their' time than sharing in their child's time it isn't that easy.

So, I would approach it like this: "Hi, BM - we have great news!! If SD's team pulls out another victory this weekend they will advance to the tournament the following weekend. Isn't that exciting for her? I know you'll want to be there to cheer her on, so we'll let you know what time the game(s) are. Would you like to take her there or perhaps take her afterward?"
To pi$$ and moan about it after that would only make her look bad. Hopefully she isn't THAT out of touch?

I personally think sports are very important for kids..
Why doesnt BM go to the games.

My DH'S ex doesnt make it to practices and at the games she sits in the car... She has never once cheered her son on in anything..

Tell BM that she has a game and it should be as important to her as it is to sd, and after the game she can spend some time with her.. If she doesnt like it oh well...

GOOD LUCK

I think it is also important to differentiate between times a child can miss and stay on the team, and times child cant. If my DDs team made playoffs and she missed (without acceptable reason) she likely would not be on team next year (and certainly wouldnt be captain). My DD and I are going to look at colleges this weekend and she first ASKED the coach could she miss. I agree with people who say sports are good (depends on child, they are good for my DD, and they help motivate her in school) and also that they shouldnt totally control her/my life.

This isn't directly related to the thread, but is on the same topic, and I need to express my sad/mad.

Last night at A__'s soccer game, another parent needed some information for the tournament roster. She said "I haven't talked to you guys about it yet" but we spotted A__'s name in BM's writing. The other mom said "Oh, so that's who that was... There was some woman I'd never seen before... So she's A__'s mom? Really?"
This is the first time in three years of soccer that BM has taken him to a practice (and she only did it because we were busy). *sigh*

It's not uncommon, Ceph. DH and I were often the only parents at DD's netball games. Usually I was the default scorer and even coach at times. Once even the team coach didn't turn up, DH ended up organising the girls and they had their first win of the season! I don't know why parents don't want to be involved with their kids' activities, but I do know that when those kids grow up their parents are going to wonder why they don't want to hang around with their parents at all.

I would do it just like JNM said but I may leave out the do you want to take her to the game (if you feel like she wont be responsible enough to handle it) and just leave it at this is the time and place blah blah you can take her after the game if you want.

And on the sports side I am one of those that like sports for my kids... and normally I would say that family comes first but in this case BM hasnt put her children first so why should sd turn her life upside down (and missing a tournament for a sport you have worked at all season is a pretty big deal) Plus, forcing her to miss would not do anything in the way of helping her already failing relationship with her bm.

If she pitches to big a fit I might be tempted to tell her it wasnt that big of a concern for her fo x number of years... why all the fuss now? Its not like she was around when sd wanted her to be ... now she is older and has her own life going on so why should she put it on hold because you show up and demand it.... But then that might not be productive ...that is more my "Why are people like this" anger getting out :-)

We are going to give her the option of taking sd after the tournament. But I just know she is going to pitch a fuss about it.

And I know that kids can miss games/tournaments on occasion. But the way I feel is that WE are the ones running to practices and games all the time so if sd is going to miss a game or practice "just because" it should be for us to rest once! Not for bm to have an easier time when she does NOTHING.

mom2emall

I agree with you, she can take it or leave it... BM has no right to pitch a fit, she should be there watching and cheering on her daughter just like you always do...

Good Luck