In 50/50 situations (rare as they are) each parent should support the child when in their possession and there should be no child support to either. Money and material possessions won't buy any child's love.

"In 50/50 situations (rare as they are)"

I don't think they are that rare.

My Dh has 50-50 custody with his ex.

A friend of mine has two boys, 5 &2, and she and her ex-BF share 50-50 custody.

Our attorney told us that the *trend* these days is leaning towards joint phys. and legal custody.

lovehadley - as an attorney , I would have to disagree. Joint legal custody is almost a given. Joint phsyical custody is still pretty rare and I dont see a trend towards suh arrangments, at least not in the parts of the country that I have practiced.

Meant to say, SF earns next to nothing.

marie, my husband had 50/50 before BM moved away. We sat in a few court hearings while waiting for ours to be heard, and it's much more common than I expected to see. I also saw many father's with custody.

I don't know if it's a 'trend' but I hope it becomes the norm. It's best for kids to have two equally involved parents and the more time a parent spends with their child, the more likely they are to be willing to pay their support and provide for them. I think guys tend to relate paying support with how much they are allowed to see the child while women tend to think it's the man's job to provide financially, even if the mother is non custodial.

and how would I handle a SF that earns nothing while mom earns little and gets CS? The same way if it were the other way around... SF needs to get a job and pull his own weight. If a mom is going to support a loser BF/spouse on her child's support money, she isn't a very good parent. I don't think gender is relevant.

My SD's BM was sitting her lazy ass around with her BF working, paying for everything (including his support of his kids)... of course they have no kids living with them but she was living off child support she was getting for her older daughter while grandma has the expense. Personally, I think the BF was nuts to support her for nearly a year... she should have had to pull her own weight because all of the kids suffered from BM's laziness. BM's kids didn't get support from her (and her other daughter didn't get the support from her dad) and her BF's kids were entitled to guideline support but he only pays an agreed lower amount because his ex works full time. So, it's not really fair that BF is being allowed to pay a lower amount (because his ex is a nice person that wanted to help him out, make it easier for him to get back on his feet after the divorce and didn't want to nail him for guideline support for three kids... so she takes on the primary caregiver and primary financial support, while he moves in his lazy GF to do nothing... and to me, that equates to food out of his kids' mouths because if he can afford to support his GF, he should be paying guideline support first so it lessens the burden on his exW.) But, that's just my silly biased opinion.

KKNY, Ima is exactly right. DH and I are married and therefore have a joint bank account. My EX has his check garnished my the state which they in turn direct deposit to OUR account. DH pays his every week out of the same account with a smile on his face because that is what a good dad does. The same accout pays our water lights gas cable. It also is the same account that we bought the boys all new shoes out of and their yearbooks and fieldtrips and what ever else we did over the past year that we have been together. DH makes my whole week check in a day when he is working and while he is layed off his unemployment is STILL more then I make all week. DH goes to lunch with my kids at school. My youngest son sits on his shoulder and says it is the best seat in the house. None of any of the five kids ever do with out money or love.

I don't know that many divorced/never married parents with kids.

But offhand, I mentioned my friend and her ex, who share 50-50 custody. DH and his ex-GF share 50-50 custody.

There is a mom at DD's school who I am friendly with, and she has her kids 4 days a week, her ex-DH has them 3 nights. So that's pretty close to 50-50. Certainly more than EOW.

I cannot think of anyone else offhand, but I will say this--I do not know anyone with the EOW deal.

As for my own DD, I have sole physical and legal custody, which I think is pretty unusual these days.

I live in the midwest.

I think it gets difficult to do 50/50 when kids get older, unless you live very close to each other. Pre-teens and teens have their own lives, and I think adults ahve to recognzie that. The kids did not ask for divorce.

It seems to me that people here complain when stepchildren's mom uses CS for household expenses if she is single, but not so much if she is married. CS is for the kids, not the pot.

" seems to me that people here complain when stepchildren's mom uses CS for household expenses if she is single, but not so much if she is married. CS is for the kids, not the pot."

I get what you are saying, KKNY, and it is true, people have said that before, that CS is not meant to be lived on. If a mom is trying to stretch $600, $700 or even $800/month to LIVE ON, well, no, that is not okay.

I think the difference here is in a situation like nikemama's, the c/s is going into a communal pot, but so is her DH's paycheck, as well as her own. Both those paychecks are used to support the kids, as well.

I think it is a question of what income is like and what the situation is. It sounds like all of nikemama's kids, steps and bios, are all getting their needs (and more) met, so to me--there is no problem.

If nikemama's kids were suffering because their child support money was being used to support the whole family, then that would be a problem. But who knows? It sounds like nikemama's DH might very well contribute MORE to the kids than their child support alone would.

Love, I meant it as a general statement, obviously I dont know anyone's monetary situation, that where there is a disparity of income between two parents, especially if both have kids, I think it is the CPs responsiblity to make certin CS is used responsibly. I have no issue with it being used for marginal cost of food/housing required because of child (i.e., two bedrooms instead of one). But just because all of a household's children are having their needs met, does not mean CS is being used responsibly. If some are having needs met ONLY because the CS which is for SOME of the children, that is an issue. I think when people say all one family, we all share, they are ignoring the purpose of CS. That is why I suggested some just be put in a college fund, if that is the only way to have family life pretty much teh same for all kids.

kkny, what could be more ridiculous than this: (I will use myself in this example)

I am a mother of three kids. My kids have different fathers. If one father pays $186 a month, the other father does not pay the $72 a month he is ordered to. I make barely enough to pay the living expenses... no money left over for extras.

Under your philosophy, would I spend the child support on the one child it's intended for and tell the other ones, "sorry your dad doesn't pay so you can't have anything extra" or would you deny extra's for all the kids and put the support money in a bank account for the one's college?

Are you kidding?

Let me tell you what I did. (and why)

Once, I found a little over $600 in checks in my mailbox from one father. I didn't get regular support EVER. I took that money (windfall for me at the time) and took ALL my kids on a little vacation to an amusement park.

Child support is meant to provide the NCP's contribution to the cost of raising the child(ren). If I had received it regularly, I might have been able to live in a nicer house, in a nicer neighborhood... and yes, my other kids would have benefited but so would the child it was intended for. But the reality is that I worked, supported and provided for my kids all their lives and any child support I received was 'reimbursement' for stuff I paid in the process of providing for them. I might have provided better if I had received it on a regular basis, but my kids were fed, clothed, and had their needs met... the support when I got it was MINE, not my kids'. When I got a lump payment of support on my son's dad, my son was 19 years old and it was reimbursement for being the sole support for 18 years.

If people can't 'share', then you end up with parents saying "this is MY child's support" and stepparents saying "They're not MY kids, I'm not contributing anything for them" and everyone keeps everything separate... leads to resentment, etc. If a stepdad makes twice the money mom does, but mom gets twice the support dad does... and they contribute to the same cause, to provide a better life for everyone... I don't see why it's a problem.

I'd see it becoming a problem when stepdad has a good job, so they live in a nicer home, and mom says.. that's MY kids money so it's going into a college fund. (Now, if mom makes more money and gets more support, she's already contributing more through her earnings and then extra support could be saved for college/nest egg, etc.) Every case is different of course.

Because CS is for the intended children. If mom just mixes it around, what is incentive for dad to pay? He shouldnt have to pay for kids not his.

"If a stepdad makes twice the money mom does, but mom gets twice the support dad does... and they contribute to the same cause, to provide a better life for everyone... I don't see why it's a problem." -- that may not be a problem -- but what about where MOM makes twice what SD does AND gets CS?

ima, I agree with you. I do not understand kkny's way of thinking about child support. Child support is not meant to pay only for the child's specific expenses. It is to assist with the expenses associated with rearing the child. Noncustodial parents get too hung up on whether or not each dollar of child support was spent on the child. What a custodial parent does with the child support so long as the child's needs are being met is none of the noncustodial parent's concern. That is not only my opinion, but the law. There is no accounting requirement with respect to child support. If the custodial parent is getting a signficant amount of money and the child is doing without things they should not, then there is probably a problem. If you look at child support his way, then there won't an issue with child support going into a communal pot in blended families.

In my case, even though ex pays a measly $320 per month, he thinks he has a right to tell me how to spend that money. Sorry, but how I spend it is none of his business. In truth, I use it pay for the loan on our second car. And that's my right. I could use it to go shopping every month if I wanted to. My shopping expenses are family expenses and I can use any money to do so. I don't need to segregate out child support. $320 per month barely covers piano lessons.

I never said it was meant for "specific" expenses, and I said it was Ok for it to be a share of food and housing. I never said anything about an accounting requirement, I said the CP has to spend it responsibly --

kkny, are you really a mom? Sometimes based on what you write, I seriously question that.

"If mom just mixes it around, what is incentive for dad to pay? He shouldnt have to pay for kids not his."

If a man thinks like that, then he shouldn't have kids. Its just that simple.

Yes, I am really a mom.

Marieal, you think it is OK for CS to be used for other kids in house?

Ima, of course if you fronted money, and then were paid in arears, its yours.

kkny, you completely missed the point. You are hung up on a dollar for dollar accounting, which is just nonsense. If I had 3 children by different fathers, which I dont, and received only the $320 for child support from one ex, I would put that $320 to the total amount available for our entire family. If that means that some of that $320 is being enjoyed by other children in the home, then so what? Like I said previously, all noncustodial parents should stop worrying about how each dollar of their CS is being spent so long as the child is being well taken care of. Its really that simple. I have no respect for any noncustodial parent, father (usually) or mother, who is so hung up on how the custodial parent spends CS when the child is properly cared for. Judges love when fathers bring up such arguments in court. Trust me when I say it goes over really well (note sarcasm).

I never said dollar for dollar accounting, I dont know why you keep throwing that at me, and trust me, as a 24/7/365 CP of a teen, I know how expensive they are. Maybe judges are upset at some dads for complaining where does there $320 go, when the judge knows how expensive kids are.

The next time someone here complains her DH is paying CS and mom is using it for gods know what, you should tell her not your conern.

CS is meant for the child.

I was always under the mind set that CS was to insure that the children lived as good as they would if their parents never divorced. That I am sure isn't the case for many. When I divorced I started renting a little smaller house then our old house but on the same street, not a huge change. When DH and I married we moved into this one and the kids all agree it is the biggest house we have ever lived in. The kids life is much better then they have ever had. We live in a very small town and my oldest is old enough to realize that he has it much better then most of his peers. We didn't buy him a BMW when he turned 16 but he has been allowed to pratice in my van and DH's Ranger. DH and I are both 3 and 4 years out of divorce so we are still repairing credit and looking to buy our first house together. If we kept money His, Mine and theirs lots of things would be different and getting all of us to be better place would take much longer. DH's kids rooms that they only sleep in twice a month would have flat screens plasma TV's and they would eat STEAK and SHRIMP when they come. Mine would have yard sale TV's with RABBIT EARS and Chicken Nuggets and Tater TOTS. The way it is we all share the good and the bad and are more in the good then bad. Everyone is free to love and respect each other without feeling they got the short end of the stick. When School started last year we took all 5 kids to the mall and they were all allowed to pick out any shoe they wanted. They all left happy and with what they wanted. I can remember as a girl going to the mall and watching my SB get new things and I had to do without. I don't want ANY of our kids to ever feel that way. The SKids rooms at BM is very simular to their rooms at our house. My kids room at BD is shared with Ex's GF's son. They hate it but Ex moved into the home she already had so be it. The way I see it nobody is suffering for on account of money because of the divorce. The future looks bright for all the kids and at some point DH and I will have a nice home that the kids will all be part of. Money is just money and right now we are doing the best we can with what we have. As for the future, all the kids will be left in good shape.

My BF pays a total of $4000/Mo ($3000 of that is alimony) plus 76% of all doctor bills (that are not paid by insurance that he also provides)dance, ball, tennis. He wants his kids well provided for and does not want thier quality of life to change just because he is not living in the same house with them anymore. Their mother works at the church and makes under 30K a year. But she does a trustfund for when the alimony runs out.

My husband pays $800/month for his daughter who lives with his ex-wife. She is a special needs kid. My in-laws buy all SD's clothes. She doesn't eat much due to her disabilities, and what she does eat is cheap. I'm not sure what the money is going toward, other than the mortgage, which is fine, as we know SD needs a place to live.

My 13-year old step-son lives with us full time. My husband's ex-wife pays us nothing for him.

Itt rankles me somewhat that we pay for SD, yet cover ALL expenses for step-son. But that was the arrangement when we married, so I keep my lips zipped. ;)

kimberlyrkb,

It's possible that the support is because she's special needs. Usually when there are two children and each parent has one, the calculation would reflect that and if dad's income is much more than mom's, plus the special needs taken into consideration, that's likely why he pays that much. The courts don't usually take into consideration, gifts from relatives, etc. so when there is a grandparent paying for things, those are gifts that are not counted in calculating support.... because they can not be counted on and are not an obligation of the grandparent. Also, if the daughter is younger than her brother, when the brother becomes emancipated, it's possible (maybe even likely) the support for the younger child to be increased.

I have an 15 year son. His dad pays a total of 50.00 per week. It use to be 75.00 per week until he got married. I have never been to courrt this is just all agreed upon. He never buys him any clothes, school supplies, or health insurance. I just hate the thought of goiong to court and all the drama. We live in Georgia and they would probably say at least you are getting that. Not sure. We could really use extra money for his clothes and sports. It takes all that I make working three jobs and paying all the bills. We don't live above our means either. Your opinion.

I get $400/month for my son. I used to get any where from $500 to $1,500/month for my two older children.

My husband has paid as much as $2,500/month plus 100% of all out of pocket medical expenses for two children, and currently we are fighting for $1,400/month for two children or $1,000/month for one child. The oldest child has turned 18 and child support should stop because she has basically dropped out of school.

Child support is a percentage based on income and the number of children involved. Some states use the non-custodial parents income and other states combine the two incomes.

In Tx the non custodial's spouses income is not considered. Only the non custodial's income after taxes (net income) and it's 20% for the first child and 25% for 2. More children gets more complicated.

Currently I receive $500 bimonthly which is why I am able to put some away each month. I pay for DDs after school care and extra curricular activities -- I set aside $50/month into a medical fund -- it's a savings account but I have it 'nicknamed' medical -- and I put away $150 a month into a savings account for whatever. A car eventually, college... I can only do this because I receive so much and we dont really 'live' off of the entire amount. I could probably drive a nicer car or live in a nicer house but this income is not gauranteed if BD is ever laid off or takes a lower paying job... I have not always gotten that much so I try to take that increase that I received and put it aside.

BD is also to pay for health insurance 100% and 1/2 of medical bills. He had yet to ever submit payment to me for any out of pocket expenses that I have paid to medical and he doesn't always keep DD on insurance. He refuses to put her on his employers health insurance because it's 'too expensive' so he has a private policy for her that is inexpensive for him but extremely expensive for me out of pocket. So I have DD on my health insurance at work and I just file both. Twice I have tried to use his insurance and it was denied because it had been cancelled -- as soon as I tell him it was denied, he says, oh I have a new policy but did he ever think to 'inform' me of the change?? No! So I have to make sure she is atleast covered under me.

The reason for the medical savings is with our out of pocket being so much, I have often been caught with needing to pay the deductible and we don't have it ... So this is just a safety net in case something happens. When DD is older and going off to college, if that money isnt ever used or is just sitting accruing interest, it will help with college or whatever.

DD will never go without so if something ever changes -- then I would reevaluate what I am doing with the money. I know I am very lucky to get what I do get. But it really doesn't cover everything for a child. No way could I live off of it without my own income or DHs. I was only receiving $300 bimonthly when DD was in full day childcare and that didn't even pay all of monthly tuition. It got easier when she started school.

Hi Mike,

I agree with you. I have been on both sides of this and it is disgusting how these courts rape men financially and it isn't right. I did not want to do this to my ex, I wanted him to get on with his life and peace for my children. My husbands ex on the other hand sits on her ass and always has her hand out. Despite a good income we are living almost at the poverty line, the kids are mess, she moved away and they lost their father, and she won't spend a dime on the kids (even when she was getting $2,500/month). BOTH parents are supposed to contribute and the custodial parent SHOULD pay for the lion's share. THEY have custody and are making all the decisions. My husband doesn't even get to see his kids and they are now complete strangers to him,thanks to his ex-wife. So much for fostering a relationship with both parents. My husband is nothing more than a paycheck to them, they act like they should be supported 100% by him, and that is ridiculous.

Wow Chicago ... I would rather say the courts rape the non custodial parent. Men vs Women is so 1980's ... More men have custody these days than ever before.

And I don't think they 'rape' anyone $2500/month? And poverty for the no. Custodial. I wonder what is his income is that makes his support so high? I wouldn't have to work if I got that much... Lol

myfampg: I am not sure what you are talking about 'men vs women is so 1980's'. Just stating the facts. My husband did make about $150,000 until he got laid off because of her harassment. And on that income, plus mine we have lived on the poverty line for over 8 years, while she had over 1/2 his income, her income, and her live-in's income. Let me lay it out for you.

At the time of the divorce husband had no savings because ex spent it all. In addition to spending it all she also spent over $150,000 in his 401K. He had no savings, no home equity, only $1,000 debt service to pay back from ex-wife's spending. Ex-wife got over $200,000 in his 401K at the time of the divorce, which meant he got nothing, due the the remainder he was paying back in a loan. She left him with no money but gave him custody. He did this because he is a nice guy, she said she was going to use it to go to nursing school. He wanted her to be able to start over. Needless to say, she traveled, spent the money in less than 18 months, and never went to nursing school.

Six months later she fights him for custody. She ends up with kids and $2,500/month child support ($30,000/year), plus he pays all out of pocket medical and other expenses for the children. My husband nets $58,000 ($50,000 taxes/ins, $30,000 cs, and $12,000 debt service from marriage-for 10 years). On top of this the court makes him pay almost all the GAL fees ($25,000) and her attorneys fees ($20,000). Spread over 10 years this is $4,500/year. She also spend over $40,000 in counseling services in less than 18 months. Not to mention we have been in almost constant litigation with her for 10 years and there have been many more additional costs assessed to him. So this is how one lives below the poverty line on $150,000/year. My husband works 60 hours a week, so it isn't like he could get a second job. She works 30 hours a week and refuses to work any more. We were fortunate to have $3,000 to scrape together to pay all our bills. This is not right. This is defrauding someone of their wages. She has been getting a total of over 70% of his income for 10 YEARS.

I was saying gender vs. Gender. It's more custodial vs non custodial these days. I don't know a lot of men that pay child support anymore. I know more men who receive support. That is all I am saying. Times have changed -- where women used to get custody based on the belief that children belong with their mother's now the belief is the child belongs with the parent that is in the child's best interest regardless of gender.

I think your husband is definitly paying too much in support and I do believe that there has to be something underlying that would cause his ex to get so much of his 401k and savings, etc. I got none of that. Couldn't even touch it. Couldn't touch the house either, and my ex had never been ordered to pay a dime of my attorneys fees even when he took me to court and then didn't have an attorney himself. So it's either the state, and/or the judge. Its definitly not fair what your husband pays but maybe he should get a new attorney. How did he lose custody in her battle after giving custody to him?

She told lies behind his back (to this day we don't even know all of them), she got the children to tell lies, and we had femi-nazi, activist judges, lawyers, and GAL looking to punish my husband.

Some of the lies she told (and got the girls to tell) were false accusations of visitation denial and false accusations of abuse. I think she also told them that he was having an affair with me and that is why the marriage broke up (when she was the one having an affair, not my husband).

Things seem to be straightening out a little bit. We have a more reasonable judge who seems to be seeing through her antics. My husband lost his job (which is making people less interesting in making trouble).

Even though she got everything, she is a train wreck and the kids are a train wreck. Every horrible thing she has done is coming back to bite her in the butt.

I never want to take my sons father to court, but I feel as though it is heading there. I live in NJ right across the bridge in Philly. His father does not drive so I drop off and pick up. He is very involved & a loving father. Our son is almost 6 months old. Our son is on goats milk, which he pays for & is about 50 dollars a week. Soon, he will be buying less milk since our son is eating more food, obviously. He started off by giving me 60 dollars a week. With goats milk we have to supplement his vitamins ( Vitamin C (17.00) which he pays for) He dropped the support to 50 since the vitamins are pricey. Then he found a cheaper multi vitamin but for some reason now he only gives me 40 dollars a week. I am not working but looking for work now. He told me he doesn't want me to work but I need money to provide. With gas, tolls, clothes, diapers, wipes, etc. He has it in his brain that since he has the essentials at his place that he doesn't need to provide them here, where I live with my parents. Please any advice will help. I'm 23 yrs old and just so bothered by this.

Jecca, you need to get a court ordered plan in place. Child Support, visitation schedule ect. Support should be based on income, custody arrangement ect. If amount of what Daddy WANTS to pay was left entirely up to the noncustodial parent, unfortunately many children would be getting little or nothing.

It's in the child and the adults best interest to have a review and then court order in place. There will be many things coming up that the child will need and items will change from diapers, milk and vitamins to roofs over their head, health insurance, schooling, clothing blah blah blah...don't think of it as 'I dont want to take him to court', it's a given that these issues need resolved in a legal manner. Think of it as a necessary natural part of what parents must do to secure the well being of their child and to protect both parents rights. Even if you both work out what you both think is currently fair, remember things change and people are human...get the 'agreement' in a legally binding form and recorded.

What am I not getting about Jecca's situation? Biodad pays 40 bucks a week and he is requesting her NOT to work? Even if she is living with mommy and daddy....this is an insane request.

After reading thru a lot of the posts in this [old] thread....I am soooooo grateful that despite my ex's cheating ways, she has a good work ethic and has a great job and, and with the fact that I insisted upon 50/50 legal AND physical custody, I don't give her a penny for CS. I did for a while (1,500 a month...even with 50% custody), while I was still making significantly more than her, but then after about three years when were finally getting around to finishing the divorce paperwork, her salary had caught up to where she was only making about 20K less than me (originally it was 50K+ less than me), we just agreed upon a one-time buyout and that was it.

If I had to still pay 1,500 a month to her, no way would I have been able to buy a house so soon after divorcing....I'd be in renters hell for years....ugh!

I was amazed, though, when we went through the mediation process, there were no clear guidelines for CS when the couples agree to 50/50 custody (i.e. meaning there is no "custodial parent")....we were forced to just work out a number ourselves...that was very frustrating. I had no problem paying some money to her, even though I had 50% physical custody, since I made more than her and did want to to be able to keep the house, which she got in the divorce...but the fact that our state (NY) doesn't even have a set provision for how to calculate it is ridiculous?

Is it really that rare for parents to agree to true 50/50 custody? How is this not the most common / desired arrangement? I would think the courts should push for this whenever possible.....

hi . i need help wondering how much my dad needs to pay for child support. my mom and dad are divorced (not legally but its a long story) but my dad has like realle never been around when i was little . im fourteen now and my dad only payed child support for me for only a few months when i was THREE. and i have a little brother who is six going on seven and he doesnt pay for neither of us. my moms taking him to court on july 30 but i want to know how much he owes both of us. (hes an electrician and makes about $50,000 a year )

kitkat, it will all depend on your state's laws, mom, dad, the courts and whether or not there was ever a court order for child support prior to now. I'm sure your mother has a lawyer representing her so it's likely nothing you yourself need to worry over.

Child support, depending on your state's laws, would have been something your mother would have had to petition the courts for an order. It is possible if there never was a legal order that there is no arrears and a new order won't be retroactive (beyond the current petition date). If there was a long standing order of support and it was not followed then perhaps your father would have to make payments towards any arrears in addition to any admendments made to his current ordered support. Amounts would be based on the details of the past history, your father's current salary, possible so too your mother's income and a bunch of other assorted facts that will all be taken into consideration by the courts.

You'll have to leave the details to your parents and the courts. Hopefully a court will order at least support based on the current petition which would then be due your mother to assist in supporting you and your brother and would (according to what may be in the order) run until you reach age 18.

It's best you leave the worrying/wondering to the grown-ups and the court...they'll figure it out.

Hi everybody :)

I have a question and I hope some kind person out there can help me. I am so glad I found this blogg because I have not been able to find anybody to help me. I am from Denmark and I used to be married to a man from America. We have a daughter together and she is now 13. We were married for 10 years and got divorced in 2009, was seperated 2007 and that is when I moved back to Denmark with our daughter. I filed for divorce in 2008 and the reason it took so long for the divorce to be final was because he wouldnt reply to any of the Danish court letters which was sent to him in the US and he was basically a no-show. My daughter has been living with me here in Denmark since our seperation since my ex was a no-show for so many years, the court granted me the full custody when the divorce was final. I filed for divorce here in Denmark. Anyways, he was absent from our daughters life, and would only call maybe once or twice a year to talk to her. And most often she wouldn�t want to talk and I would have to "force" her to take the phone from my hand. She only had bad memories from her childhood with her father. He had alot of drinking problems and he hardly ever wanted to spend any time with our daughter when we were living togheter and while she was growing up.
He has remarried and takes care of his wifes son as his own and perhaps that has made him realise that he too has a biological child because last year he filed for shared custody and he couldnt get it because he lives in a nother country but he did get visitation rights twice a year. Every since the divorce was final, he has paid 176 dollars per month in childsupport and that is it. No medical (cause that is free for children under the age of 18 here in Denmark), no vacation, no gifts, no activities cost, no nothing. Just the 176 dollars per month. He is asked to pay that amount only because that is the standard amount here in Denmark. It is not like in the US where it is based on the income. I have several questions:
I have heard that I can get him to pay more because he makes so much money.

1. How do I do that? I have sent numerous emails to lawyers in the US but have not gotten any reply from any one of them about helping me.

2. My ex.h. is now an administrator as a private nursinghome and he makes way more now than he used to and recently even got promoted, and his wife is a nurse and she receives childsupport from her ex. What is the procentage of his income that he has to pay in childsupport according to the US laws?

3. When he got granted for visitation rights twice a year, he had "done his homework right" so he knew that in the law here in Denmark, the childs both parents share the travelcosts so I have to pay for half of her traveling expences to the US. The tickets are around 1200 US dollars and that is almost as much as he pays for her in childsupport a year. So as you can see, we (my daughter and I) are the ones that gets punnished here. And that times two trips per year, is like I am paying him to see his daughter. What can I do here?

4. How can I find a good lawyer who will be willing to help me for not that much of money?

5. How much does a lawyer in the US take for an international case like this?

6. We were married for 10 years and he was the main provider in our home. Now I have a very low income-job and can barely make it as it is. Is he obligated to pay any supausal support to me? (There no law here in Denmark for supausal support) But what about the fact that we lived in the US during our marriage?

7. I have heard that if he has to pay more in child support then he is also ablied to pay in back pay for the years which he was paying too little. Is that true?

8. I have so many more questions but I think I�ve written alot already :)

Please please please someone in the US help me!!!

Kind regards,
A desparete mother of a teenager :)

I thought that since my state has a cost of living around 100% of national ave. I should post what it costs to raise my eight year old. If the ave bedroom costs $10,000(added to the home value) and $5,000 for an additional bathroom, then with ave int. and taxes, you should add $80/mon for a place for the child to live. Not unreasonable for another bedroom in a rental as well. Then $200 for food. $35-70 for clothing. $50 is a reasonable est for gas and maint on a car to get them to and from school, child care, friends, activities. I did the math. I am "shrewed" as one person put it. $80 is my exact est for misc. expenses. $10-45 for school what-not. When I do this much-this much, I am considering all ages and actual expenses posted by the schools and the stores that sell supplies. $45 for utilities, based on how much they go up when the step-daughter visits. I think I got it all. Health ins. and child care is always added on after.. as are presents. So my son costs $475(I estimated high to appease ya'll). But then subtract the child tax credit, the deduction for the dependant, and you get about $150 knocked off by uncle Sam. That does not include any earned income credit. So he costs $325. His dad should only pay $163 in CS. But according to the state of Co, he's guideline support is $326 based off $36,000 a year, with another child he is paying for at $486/mon(ordered). Ridiculous. His $486 for his daughter was ordered when he was making less than $2000/mon with our two old and our then 2 yr/olds child care expenses ignored. Then she would threaten to increase it every 6 mons for little nonsense, like him paying half a $20 med expense late. She would threaten an increase with attorney fees over a measly $10 being late. Family court is BS. That $486 was only $23 health ins premiums added and no child care added to make it that high.

Well Sub, you just take your figures to the court, tell the judge he/she is full of BS and see how your husband comes out. While you're there, explain to the judge why 'the measly $10' is being paid late in the first place.

For all you custodial parents with an ex who is Inconsistent with visits and support--- my adult daughter knows who loved and supported her! I NEVER said a bad word about her BF, but she isn't stupid. He wouldn't send regular support, wouldn't show up for scheduled visits, you get the drift. He refused to assist with college. ( don't count on help from the courts, here in MO they were not helpful). She refuses to have anything to do with him-- she is an adult working a good job. So, he's the one who missed out. She knows who loves her!

We pay approximately $1,000/month for 1 child and 75% of all out of pocket medical. In Illinois, it is a percentage based on your salary.

And to marie always: I have been on both sides of the coin and you have to understand that there are incredible abuses going on with custodial mothers and how the CS gets spent. I didn't abuse it and it doesn't sound like you have, and I realize that many men are extremely obnoxious about CS; however, there is a case to be made here. My husbands ex-wife for a period of 5+ years received $2,500/month in CS for 2 children (as well as a a $200k+ settlement - not awarded by the court but by my generous husband) and the children were not be clothed or fed. Shelter was questionable as well. During this time the CM was going on trips and leaving the children behind. They were/are placed on free meal programs at school and are rarely fed breakfast before school. And yes we did pursue custody.

I am a non custodial father of a 9 year old boy and 7 year old girl. I pay 1012.00 a month child support in Texas and make 18.36 an hour currently. It's way too much for me to be able to live comfortably after cs, taxes and all other deductions but I have no clue how to get it lowered. I also drive 2 hours to get them and take them him every other weekend, keep them all summer, by all school supplies and clothes, Halloween costumes, pay for sports and dance, and and responsive for medical and dental. Thus, I'm always broke and work 60 hours a week

My husband pays $1100 for my 5 year old step-son which is pretty fair since we make over $150k a year

My husband pays $1100 for my 5 year old step-son which is pretty fair since we make over $150k a year

I have a question, Child support used to garnish my wages but now I only work 18 hours a week and they have not been taking anything is this because I wont have enough to live off of if they do take the money? Or should I be prepared to receive a zero check in the future? Please Help

I just left court in bucks county pa. On $25 an hour job with a mortgage and car payment i get to pay $638 a month and $7000 a year towards penn rynn a private school. A school that i never payed for or agreed to. So basically i will b paying $1400 a month. And the mother quit her job and has no income. And shes married to a disabled man. If your wondering how much to pay??? Could be more!

Stucky30 you are on military disability? Doesn't your child get any monies?

Because of your disability?

Josephene, Stucky30 posted in 2002.

HERE is a kicker my son in law who just married my daughter has 4 kids from his previous marriage and married in NJ, BIG MISTAKE! He wants to care for his kids, but 7,000 a month that is crazy!! He has a new child now and a new marriage and he has nothing left of paycheck to care for her, WHY is NJ all for the woman, when sometimes the x is not always the better parent, nor wants to get off her butt to work and help raise their kids, it is down right WRONG!!!

ddcarpenter -- since having his newest child, has he gone back to court to have his child support reduced?