I can only imagine what you're feeling, but I'd urge you to think things through very carefully before taking any dramatic and rash steps.

Imagine your husband consents and you win custody of your son. You already know your husband doesn't love him and doesn't want him in your lives. How will he treat your son? Will that really be better for your son? And at what cost to you? What will day-to-day life be like? And will you have to walk on eggshells to buffer your husband from your son? If your son doesn't really want to move, what will happen if he misbehaves on purpose? If your ex decides to cause turmoil for you all? If your ex starts with the mind games?

Imagine your husband consents and the custody battle drags on for months and months (like most do), increasing the stress level in your home, draining "his money" (I put that in quotes because I imagine that's how he will see it) and taking your time and energy away from meeting his needs? Imagine his relief if you lose, and your resentment of his relief.

Now imagine your husband refuses your request. You say you have packed, but are you really ready to walk out dramatically? You have money? A job? A place to live? What about your daughter? Will she be better off if you leave? How's your marriage otherwise?

And will your son be any better off if you leave? How? Will you even be able to get custody of him without your husband's financial resources? A second divorce won't look very attractive to a family court judge. If he's still only visiting you, will he now be visiting you in a crappy apartment no better than his dad's?

Have you taken a close look at your children's behaviors? Many stepparents on this forum report that one or all of the stepkids are spoiled brats, treat them with disrespect, ignore them, etc. How does your son behave? And is there anything in his behavior that could cause or contribute to your husband's indifference? And does your son want to live with you now? Enough to change some behaviors?

I'm certainly not recommending you do nothing --- only that you do nothing in haste. Drama is good for daydreams, but for real life, it's traumatic and destructive. Walking out could mean ending your marriage, and it's unlikely to get you what you want --

Thank you for all of the suggestions, I know there is a lot more than what I am feeling right now.

My children are actually pretty well behaved, I demand that of them. My son is a little more difficult, but honestly, nothing out of the norm. Makes noise, runs down the stairs, sits sideways in his chair, and will talk back on occasion. I have always supported my current husband's discipline, I felt it would be necessary. However, taking into consideration the activity this child has witnessed, the instability in his life, and the lack of parental involvement on his father's part - I don't think he is that bad. I see worse in everyday families (used to own a child care center).

However, he is 10 years older than I, has a grown daughter whom he stopped speaking to because she was pregnant at 18 (he hasn't lived with her since she was 7). He has never introduced my daughter to any of his family members (we live 90 miles away from his entire blood line), and I have only met them once. I thought when you married, you became a family.

Our marraige would be good, but I don't feel like I have any control over anything. I used to work, but my husband prefers I stay home and tend to the house. I feel like a maid, cook, and personal servant. These were never my dreams in life.

As far as interaction with my children, including my daughter, it is rare. He will occasionally ask her how her day went, but aside from that, he is usually locked in our bedroom, watching TV.

In the eyes of the family court judge, I am just as much of abusive parent as my ex because we have failed to intervene. Unfortunately, I feel he is right. That's an awful cross to bare.

"Our marraige would be good, but I don't feel like I have any control over anything. I used to work, but my husband prefers I stay home and tend to the house. I feel like a maid, cook, and personal servant. These were never my dreams in life."

One of the very first things an abuser does is isolate his victim & make her dependent on him.

You know he's judgmental & unforgiving from the way he treats his daughter, & the fact that you've only met his family once gives me the willies.

A former roommate was swept off her feet by an older, more affluent man who "wanted only the best" for her.

At his insistance, she quit her job, traded in her Corolla on a Lincoln, which was in *his* name, sold her home, & moved into his house.

She never met any of his family, either, until later.

When she did meet them, she realized why he had kept her apart from them: They told her stuff that, had she known about it beforehand, would have scared her away.

He had been married, not 2 times, but 5 (!), & one of the wives had "passed away" under mysterious circumstance.
Please re-connect with your own life, get some income coming in, see an attorney, talk to someone at a woman's shelter.

Take care of yourself.