Advice needed

21 years ago

I am a 29 year old stepmom who until two months ago got along wonderfully with my second stepson Steve. (Steve is my husbands son from a prior marriage.)Steve lived with the ex for most of his life with his money grubbing mother (who cheated on my husband during their 15 year marriage and forgets about her kids on their birthdays etc...)until he took a fire extinguisher to a school toilet and caused massage damage to the toilet and the surrounding walls. Conmsequently steve was expelled and shipped out to us. Two years later and 45 suspensions and expulsion for setting a kids hair on fire led to Steve's expulsion. Despite the hell that he put us through we tried to keep him in town, but the school system stated if he was to stay that he would need to go to a juvenile program. steve went out to

his mothers for the summer and came back a different child.

His actions were rude and his position was that at 16 he was the ruler of the house-not us. My husband was forced to leave town for the first week of school and I knew this was not going to be fun. After the first day-Steve promptly informed me that he would not be retuning to school and said there wasnt anything i could do about it. He proceeded to skip school the next day and gave me a hard time when i reprimanded him. I explained to him that he had run out of options and we werent putting up with his attitude-he told me to f off and became violent-screaming at me throwing things ponding on the walls etc..i was so scared at what he might do to himself or me that i called 911-they ended up booking him for assault even though he never touched me-i think my husband blames me but to be quite honest i dont feel sorry for standing uo to my stepson-no one has had the strength to teach him a lesson and i called his bluff. Now he wants to come back out to visit for Christmas and I am not ready-i have been trying to keep my marriage at an even keel as my husband treats the matter like he died. I am to the point that I am actually thinking of working on the holiday just to stay out of the house-am i wrong for feeling this way? has anyone been thu this or have any advice?? thank you for reading my story i hope someone can help shed some light-thanks :)

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Comments (3)

mom_2_4
21 years ago
How could you NOT be fearful and call the police when he went ballistic in your home? You did the right thing. How could you possibly know what he had in store for you that day, given his history of violence? You didn't give much info on your husband's role in this, only that he holds it against you that you protected yourself by dialing 911. I'm betting that Steve's behavior is due in part to lack of discipline and not being held accountable for his actions. Someone needs to stand up to him, as you tried to do, and make him realize that he is NOT an adult, NOT in charge and NOT free to call the shots.

Bravo to you for dialing 911 instead of cowering in fear and giving him his way. I hope that you do not back down from the charges. He needs to learn a hard lesson and be held accountable for his behavior.

As for your husband, if he blames you for this incident, he needs to take a long, critical look at himself. You did nothing wrong. If your husband believes you did do something wrong, that tells me that he minimizes his son's problems and enables him to continue acting this way. Don't you think he'd get it after 45 suspensions from school -- not to mention the other mischief, violence and valdalism? Long before now, he should have severly curtailed this kid's behavior instead of blaming other people. I'd also bet that drugs and alcohol are a BIG part of this kid's life.

Oh, and for the holidays -- if I were you, I'd advise my husband that this kid is only welcome if he comes with a totally different attitude. One of respect and non-violence. Otherwise, 911 will be dialed again. And stick to it. And let your husband know that if, for any reason, you feel threatened by this kid, you will find some place else to stay for the duration of his visit.
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tlescak
21 years ago
Good for you for standing up to the little bully. It sounds like he got a long overdue dose of discipline, something I am sure he has been lacking all of his life. Stand your ground and don't let your husband "cover for him".

If your husband doesn't like you taking extreme measures to protect yourself from a potentially violent situation, tell your husband his son may not stay in the house alone with you.
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JoeTypist
21 years ago
I think that I'd leave. It's one thing to buy into somebody else's financial troubles; it's another to set yourself up to get physicially hurt. IMHO, the kid has some real sanity probs, and needs to be locked up and/or medicated -- he's heading for a life of crime and violence, and I wouldn't want to buy into that if I wasn't genetically linked to him.
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Advice needed

Comments (3)

mom_2_4

tlescak

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