"Can I paint or gel stain laminate? " That all depends on what the material is that is used in the laminate. Painting is usually the best choice no matter what. If the laminate is wood on the top layer, the same paint can probably be used. If the top layer is plastic a different paint should be used for the plastic than would be used for the wood on the rest of the piece. Staining can't be done at all if the top layer of the laminate is plastic. If the top of the laminate is real wood the stain may take differently than the rest of the piece since it may be a different wood used for the laminate than the rest of the piece. When you go to look at the piece find out if the top layer of the laminate is plastic or wood and make your decision using that info. Here is a link that might be useful: What is Laminate?

I agree with postponing the wedding until these issues are settled. I promise you, it CAN get better, and that is up to your fiancee, but also up to you as well. Once he has addressed the issues with her, you will see a very dramatic turnaround in the behaviour of the child. Don't make that your issue because it's not. Your BM is behaving this way because a) she is being allowed to, and b) she is getting something out of it - satisfaction, attention, drama, pity - she is getting whatever reaction she wants and she is feeding off it. And you know what - your fiancee is getting something out of it as well. You both just need to figure out what that is. If your fiancee says only call once a day and then he answers the phone and argues with her several times a day, then he is teaching her that she doesn't have to take him seriously and she can do whatever she wants, regardless of what he says. HE is giving her permission to do this! I don't see a problem with you being the primary caretaker if your fiancee is working - don't worry about that - but he needs to give you a LOT more support. This is not your child, and you are not a glorified unpaid babysitter and nanny. What I would suggest is to get yourself in a place of absolute calm - take some time out and go for a long walk, have a massage, go get yourself an iced coffee or something - and just BE. Just sit and relax and clear your head. Don't sit and worry and stress about the situation. Don't even let yourself think about it. Just relax. Then when you are feeling in a more relaxed frame of mind, sit down with him and have a talk. No shouting, accusing, crying - NO DRAMA - and discuss it calmly with him. I assure you, I know how difficult this is, especially when tensions are running high - but the benefits are enormous. One point you need to make clear to him, in a loving way, is that if you leave then it's expected that sometime in the future he will meet someone else, and if these particular issues are not resolved, then that woman, and every other woman after her, will leave the same way. The one thing I said to my DH, a long long time ago, when I faced VERY similar problems that you are dealing with, was this, "If you are not able or not willing to address the disruptive and destructive behaviour that you are allowing to continue, through your ex wife and into OUR family, then you will always be alone. No woman - not me, not any other woman with any self-respect - will put up with it. That is your choice." Actually, I told him that he would never EVER have sex again unless he paid for it :) But don't try that unless you both have a very wicked and evil sense of humour like we have - he took it the right way and it gave us both a chuckle :D I said this out of love, and in understanding for the very difficult position that he was in with an ex wife who behaved like your BM. And it IS difficult for the man as well, trying to keep two women happy, for different reasons. One more thing - start taking a more logical approach over this situation. Men don't respond well to emotion, and the last thing he will want is drama from his ex and then drama from you as well. Where is his peace? His place of safety and security and comfort? Once I stopped fighting with my DH over this issue, and instead gave him a soft place to land after her erratic and aggressive behaviour and attacks, and once I LET GO OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP and helped him build up the self-esteem that she was working so hard to rip to shreds every day, and gave him the strength to believe he COULD have a more peaceful life by being more assertive with her, he started seeing it for himself, and he started changing things. NOT because I wanted him to (and of course I did!), but because I told him that his actions with BM were hurting me and hurting our marriage and family deeply, and I was going to put my faith in him and trust in him to protect us from that and to take care of the situation so that OUR family and marriage could be peaceful, loving and safe. Today, I can promise you, our BM is not an issue in our lives in any way. No tantrums, no threats, no aggression, no phone calls, no 20 text messages a day, no 10 emails a day, no fighting, no drama, no problems. HE is the one who has to do this, but YOU are the one who can make that happen for him. All the best x

-Prep sink. This may be useful in a multi-cook household or a huge kitchen, but I hardly ever used the one I had and it was just once more thing to clean. -Garbage disposal. My worms do a much better job, don't take up electricity and never smell or require cleaning. -Fancy multi-function toaster, oven, rotisserie, pizza, etc. Does nothing well. -Trash can with a motion sensor. Everyone I know who has one has them break in under a year. Mine only took 4 months to break. A foot pedal is much more reliable and a lot cheaper to replace. -Stainless steel sink. What a pain to clean. You can call it patina, butafter a while they don't look clean no matter what you do. (The one in my apartment right now looks positively foul no matter how much Barkeeper's Friend you use.) Of course cast iron will eventually chip and I don't know if the granite composite sinks will stand the test of time -Range-top grill. Only pay for these if you have a bodacious vent system and no way to have an outdoor grill. They are better than the George Foreman-like grills but not a patch on a decent outdoor gas grill or charcoal. ---- As for sink tip-outs... since discovering them I have knocked the front panel off every sink in every home I've rented or owned and installed these. In the bathroom they are perfect for the tweezers and nail files and such. In the kitchen, the sponges, scrubbers, stoppers and the toothbrush you use for cleaning around the faucet plate are neatly hidden away but close at hand. Love 'em!

Thanks everyone! I think the $7,000 difference also covered a few other changes we made...but some added some subtracted. However, the majority of it comes from the door change. I think about $1,000 came from postponing the 3 decorative doors on the side of the peninsula facing the DR + furniture base. By eliminating one of the single wall ovens (was going to be undercounter) and moving a MW drawer there, we actually added to the cost (~300) of that cabinet since it will now have at least one drawer + the MW. We also eliminated the breadbox (~400 savings there). Lastly, we postponed the Message Center on the end of the Pantry (~1,300). Over the next few years we plan to add the "postponed" items. One of the additional things we did to whittle away at the cost was to eliminate the backsplash. I've noticed that quite a few people put off the backsplash until later and, from what I've read here, it should be relatively easy to add later. I'm trusting all of you on that! Maybe I'll even try my hand at DIYing it (scares me though!) With the door & other cabinet changes made, postponing the backsplash, downgrading our appliances, and postponing other things (Vinnata faucet, new toilet, 2nd GD), we've managed to bring the cost down to something we think we can swing w/o going into debt...that's our goal, financially! Who knows...in a few years if I still want the Artesia door I can always buy them and replace the current doors! (After we "add back' the postponed items!) Again, thanks everyone for helping me feel better about this whole ordeal!