[Ill post this here and in a new thread.]

Ladies,

The advice, insights and experience you shared in the "hindsight" thread was priceless last night! It helped confirm for me that I had made a good decision when I told my boyfriend early that morning that, while I truly love him and donÂt want to abandon him, I "donÂt see a future for us."

When I initially posted the "hindsight" thread, he had been staying with me after a job loss (his second in six months). Well, as of yesterday, he was still staying with me and it had been over two months. While he seemed to be growing as a person (helping me around the house with dishes Ân things and reading more, his situation didnÂt seem to be getting any better. Last week, he was at the point where he said he didnÂt have enough gas money to drive back and forth to see his son. This week, he was done to having, literally, nothing at all. Up to this point, I hadnÂt really had to provide him with money. I mean, I was paying all of the bills in my house, including groceries Ân things, but I hadnÂt had to provide him with gas or pocket cash because his temporary labor jobs had covered it.

Notwithstanding the money issues, I was able to get him to agree with me that we are two incompatible people, who just so happen to love each other. He seemed to think that love was enough. I think, however, that a life with someone with whom I donÂt share hardly any interests (besides movie-watching) isnÂt something to be excited about. Lately, the conversations between us werenÂt that interesting and one time last week, I said, "Geez, youÂre a party pooper!" A girlfriend of mine said, "Girl, he NEVER goes out?" Yes, we love each other, but it seemed like I might be giving up too much. (In fairness, I realize that some of his actions and inaction is based on him not having a job and not feeling so happy with life and God, etc. So, whoÂs Mr. Happy when heÂs not feeling good about himself?)

I guess the bottom line is that I couldnÂt imagine having to deal with being a step mother (and dealing with BM and ALL of the women in her family, because BM doesnÂt exactly handle herself as an independent grown woman), ON TOP of the compatibility issues we appeared to have in other areas of life. His money situation got even worse, and, honestly, if I felt that he were the man for me, it would have been easier to wait out the storm. But it felt like heÂd been going through the storm for awhile and that . . . at the rate he was going and with the attitude he had about it, he would be going through the storm for months and months and months to come. He told me that "other people" wouldnÂt have pressured him to leave "as long as he was looking for a job." This, coming from a man who has lived pretty comfortably in my place  having food in the fridge, cold Coronas on the weekends, clean clothes, cable television, and Internet service, all at no cost to him.

I was trying to hang in there because heÂs a good guy and, as someone mentioned, because I felt sorry for him for being in the tough situation he is in. It just got to a point where I felt like (1) I had done all that I could for him without losing my dignity in my own eyes and (2) with knowing that I didnÂt think we would make a good married couple, it didnÂt make sense to drag things out. At the rate he was going, it would just be too long before he could get on his feet.

So I gave him enough money to be able to fill up his car, eat for some days and to make it back to his familyÂs house with some money in his pocket. Without that money, he, literally, did not have enough gas to make it even twenty miles; he would have ended up on the side of the road. Because I love and care for him, I had to do at least that much.

Last night, when I got home after a long day at work, I read through the "hindsight" thread and found solace in what you ladies said. This is the kind of sharing of information and real experience that women (and people, in general) need.

Thank you.

Here's an excerpt from a support e-mail that my girlfriend sent to me:

You hung in there for an extensive period of time providing him with food, water, gasoline and shelter. You've already met your moral obligation. If you would have continued on with that, you would have been able to claim him as a dependent on your 2007 tax return. If he has family and friends, then he will be fine. You gave him a second and third chance to show ambition and promise when we both know it probably should have been a wrap back in May because nothing has really changed.

If that doesn't make you feel better, then think of it from a media and press perspective: "UVA Law Grad Financially Supports Handsome, but Unemployed Construction Worker Boyfriend, Who Says He Will Be Somebody One Day." New York Times. That was overly dramatic but hopefully you get the point.

Lol. I just love her!