Lilyfinch I'm west of Franklin so I don't think I'm very far from you. I'm somewhat new to this as well but I'm happy to share what I've figured out. Number one is that I avoid having roses in pots at all costs! Last year I bought bands in the spring and nursed them along all summer in pots, potting them up a couple times as they grew. I got the plants in the ground in Sept a little after the heat broke. With bitter, bitter cold hitting very early for us--early November--and returning multiple times over the winter I lost about half the roses that I got planted in the fall. I just don't think they were given enough time to establish themselves before the weather turned. This year when I got bands I potted them up to gallons and after about 6 weeks of growth put them in prepared beds. (Some in a permanent place and some in my vegetable garden for transfer later.) These planted roses are doing SO MUCH better than the bands from last year stuck in pots. More growth, less disease and tens time easier to keep watered and cared for! I've seen a real correlation between roses getting short changed on water from being in a pot (and depending on me to water daily and sometimes twice a day--a chore that I sometimes missed) and those same roses getting black spot. I have a climbing pinkie I don't spray. Just in the last couple of weeks for some reason the black spot pressure has seemed to spike a bit. It is normally clean. At the moment it has a few lower leaves that have spotted and turned yellow, but in general it doesn't seem to have a significant amount of defoliation. This plant was a gift from a friend who had it limping along in a pot for a couple years. When I put it in the ground and threw a shovel of horse manure on it and kept it reasonably well water it exploded in growth and made a 180 turn around in health. I also have a Mrs. Dudley. Last year's band was a casualty of winter and was replaced by a 3 gallon plant this spring. It is growing but slowly. I also pinch most (not all) buds hoping to focus energy on growth not blooming. In general my teas are clean of black spot with only a few old yellow leaves toward the bottom of the plant. The cleanest are Mrs. B R Cant, Madame Antoine Mari, Duchess du Brabant, Mons Tillier and Mrs. Dudley. I wouldn't tried to do pots here again without some sort of automatic watering set up because you miss a few waterings and the roses get diseased and start loosing their leaves in a heart beat.

"BM makes more money and says things like "I've already consulted an attorney"." Call her bluff... say "so have we" She may have consulted an attorney, but it is a tactic she is using to intimidate your DH into relenting and not going after his rights. For YEARS, BM told DH that she had called "J", her attorney that handled her divorce...(remember, the divorce she still hasn't had FINALIZED!) DH didn't have money for an attorney & didn't think a father would be heard... he envisioned himself getting to see his daughter every other weekend and paying a hefty child support to BM, while their agreement outside of court at the time was they shared 50/50 with no support... each paid for her expenses when she was with them. IF BM needed anything for SD, she'd tell DH and he would pay if he could. If he couldn't, she would threaten to call "J". It worked for years and when I met him, I told him what the law is.. that courts WANT both parents involved if they want to be and are good parents. He asked for an order after her last threat and she automatically asked for full custody and support. We were living in a house & SD had her own room, BM was living with her mom & sharing a room with both of her daughters... and having her boyfriend stay when he came to town. After a trial, the court gave DH his order to continue the 50/50 arrangement and ordered him to pay her a small amount of child support because he works & she doesn't. (I thought it was wrong, only because she was living with her mom & testified she paid no rent, utilities or groceries... and we bought SD's clothes & school stuff) But the point is that the court didn't care that she is the mother (that didn't get special consideration); but the court also didn't seem to care that she had men sleeping with her in front of her girls... the court stated that it was best for SD to have as much involvement by both parents. BTW, BM had tried to complain to the court about MY involvement with HER daughter and in his ruling, the Judge told her that she is lucky that her daughter has a SM like me.. and he went on to praise all I do for SD, which infuriated BM & she stormed out of the courtroom. DH was thrilled to have an order that BM couldn't threaten him with "J" ever again. [of course, she moved away three weeks later & left SD with us, but she still threatens to take him back to court.. now he tells her 'go ahead' but we are following the order until then] Courts only care about the CHILD'S best interest.. not how it makes the other parent FEEL... the other parent's FEARS are usually irrelevant unless they can show an actual threat to the CHILD. Such in an abused wife's fear he will mistreat the child without her there to protect the child. The court may recognize that a husband that may abuse his wife/ex, but not his children. The abuse against the wife is relevant if it is in front of the children or it can be proven that he also abuses the children. Of course, every state has their own laws and courts are sometimes allowed to use broad discretion.... so I am speaking in general.

It may have been mean ... but how many more years is she going to "complain" she got a raw deal... Whats that old saying poop or get off the pot. If my hubby and the x can go to court every 3 months I am sure others can too. It was meant basically for you KKNY ... since you love to criticize me for being a SAHM ... while you have a "au pair"(for a 15yr old)... I wish I could afford an au pair then I would be running out the door to work it would be easier than being home all day. Atleast "maybe" I could "possibly" have an adult conversation instead of being bored out of my mind. Waiting for mom to call to change her plans as I have said many times over there are days I feel like her ex-wife because she calls on me for everything related to the children. Who is their pediatrician? what size shoes do they wear? can ____ wear a size 12? I have said before and I'll say it again... putting 3 children in daycare would be comparable to my salary and when hubby and I got married we decided it would be better for me to be home because mom was such a flake and we couldn't count on her to be around when she was supposed to be never mind if there was an emergency. Second thought maybe we should put them in daycare and have that factored into the support order. Can I get a copy of that list for his ex to pay as well? Since she can sit home all day too.

Thanks for asking mom2emall. We are doing well! DH & I are in marriage counseling; I really love our counselor, she is GREAT. My friend recommended her---her older sister and her husband saw this woman 2 years ago and they claim she saved their marriage. So far, she has been great. She is very down to earth and gives good, practical solutions; she is great about teaching us to communicate and to nourish our marriage. DH has been great. This whole situation has really brought him to his knees in a lot of ways--it's like his eyes have been opened to so many things, and there is a real sense of change in him. He wrote me a letter and read it in counseling---and basically "made ammends" to me for all the ways he's hurt me, and all the things he's done or not done that have contributed to the demise of our relationship. It was good (although sad) to hear him acknowledge his mistakes. I appreciated that so much and I know it can't have been easy for him. At some point, I need to reciprocate. I am also seeing someone by myself, a psychiatrist. I've come to the conclusion---through myself, but also through the marriage counselor--that I have a lot of emotional pain over being the child of an alcoholic mother and emotional/verbal abuse I went through. I don't blame my parents or the things I went through, but I do recognize their impact on WHO I am now and HOW I carry it with me, and how it affects every relationship I have. I need to work through it so I can LET IT GO. So I am trying to do a lot of work on myself so I can be a better mother, wife and person. But marriage wise, we are doing better than ever. I feel very much recommitted to each other, almost like this is the start of things for us. We have a brand new idea of what marriage and family is. We have A LOT of work to do but it's a good start. :)