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new to parenthood and being a step-mom

16 years ago

Hello Everyone. I am new to this forum and it is wonderful. I have learned so much from all you guys already. I am new to parenthood and have some questions to ask. My step-son is 10 and has lived with us for a year. My husband and I have been married for 2 years. We have a daughter 6 months old together. The first 3 months was very trying and he would push his limits all the time. He got his own way with his mom and would not listen to anyone. He his a very bright child and can be quite defiant and sneaky at times. He also lies a lot and has his father believing he is a innocent little boy. He is good now most days with his dad but I am a different story, which I expect. When he is upset or just for fun, he has admitted to me that he does the following: He would hurt the cat, play with matches, or pick on me. (he used to pick on the kids at school but he was getting to many displinary notes). The cat hisses when he comes near him and we have found burnt matches on a couple of occasions, even though he has been told by his father not to do it. We have also found small things that he has taken from other people houses. If I try to enforce the rules he starts to pick on me. He does this verbally and it drives me crazy. I have tried to ignore it and not show that it bothers me but it is so disrespectful that I usually can't. After a few days of this I tell my husband, because he usually doesn't do it when he is around and he talks with him. It gets better for 4-7days and then the cycle continues. He is very jealous of any one who spends time with dad. He sits on him and holds him and keeps staying over and over' my daddy'. He has also told me with no emotion the following: That he has thought of killing the cat so we can get a dog. I asked him if he thought of getting rid of myself and my daughter so that he could have his father to himself. He said he did in the beginning. I asked him how and he told me how he would get rid of my daughter but never answered how he would get rid of me. I told his dad and he also told his dad the same thing. Four weeks later I asked him at dinner, what would happen if we had another daughter ...he said he would kill her. He said this with a normal tone and wasn't angry at the time. His father asked him why. He said that the girls would out number the boys. Is this normal jealous behaviour. Do kids says things and not mean it? I also asked him when we get rid of the cat who is he going to pick on? He said my daughter. He used to say me. Any advice out there? I think he is a real threat to my child and I want him to go back to his moms. My husband agreed finally to getting him assessed and wants to wait and see what they say. I am tied between wanting to help him, but he can get the help with his mom and protecting my little one.

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