Mehitabel & Brooke, Your descriptions of dogwood and redbud make me homesick for Little Rock and the nearby lake where people had rustic cabins. There were wild dogwoods in the woods there - even some with pink flowers - and cornflowers & honeysuckle all around. In town, there were redbuds (also in the woods), mimosa trees, and cultivated azaleas that stayed in the ground all year and got huge. Japonica, forsythia (sp?), wisteria, magnolia trees, hydrangeas, honeysuckle. And yes, the beautiful Japanese maple. Other places in Arkansas, there were fields of wild azaleas. Both my grandmothers and one grandfather had green thumbs and grew plants in the house and outside. Growing up, I was more into fish, birds, hamsters, frogs, lizards, snakes, and dogs than plants but in my early 20s, became fascinated with bonsai. In Mississippi, where I lived for several years, the squirrels got my treasures. Moved back to Arkansas and raised lots of interesting houseplants, using bonsai methods to keep them from taking over the place. No outside plants interested me much except pansies. In Minnesota, more houseplants. Always, orchids were the magical and the impossible - I'd never have the greenhouse it took to grow them, although I pored over greenhouse plans a lot. When DH and I moved into the house in the 'burbs about 4 years ago, somehow I picked up the book "Orchids Simplified: An indoor gardening guide," by Henry Jaworski. My mom, an excellent cook, always said if you could read, you could cook. I believed her and became a gourmet cook. Jaworski said if you can grow houseplants, you can grow orchids. I believed him and bought a Phal from a garden/craft chain. Sure enough, the Phal thrived and rebloomed as I followed Jaworski's instructions. One day, I was ga-ga over the orchids at a local garden center. One of the staff and I started talking. She said if I could grow Phals, there were lots of other orchids I could grow in the house, and she told me about Orchids Limited and AOS. I got chills and raced home. It was winter and pitch dark, but I checked MapQuest and headed straight to Orchids Limited, knowing they wouldn't be open that late. Have you ever seen a commercial orchid grower's greenhouses at night during a cold winter? A fairyland. In the middle of frozen Minnesota, there was a glowing oasis of light and life. The insides of the greenhouse windows were dripping with humidity, so the plants inside were out of focus, just like a dream. The next day, I left work early to get there before closing. Walking into that tropical paradise was indescribable - the warm, humid air, the fragrance of blossoms, the brilliant colors, all those lush green plants, the burble of a fountain. Outside, the air was so dry it hurt my nostrils. Inside, my eyes and lungs and nose and heart gave a big sigh of thanks. I went home and started reading about cultural conditions possible in the house. That was about 2.5 years ago. Over time, the houseplants went to other homes. The other day, I ran across 2 brand new books on houseplants that had never been taken out of the bag. Orchids must have taken over right about then. Every year, I think - gotta get some native plant gardens going outside, esp. because we have ducks, geese, herons, etc. in the pond just beyond the fence. So far, it hasn't happened. Maybe now that the lathe house for the orchids is finished... Calvin, thanks for asking. This brought back lovely memories. Whitecat8

I only wish I had the gift of gab that so many others here have, but..... "Will helping my son find his father be a good thing for him at this point in his life?" "Be a "good" thing?" That's a hard one to answer since no one can be sure what kind of influence he would be on your son... however, every child has the basic right to know their biological parent. How much exposure would be determined by bio-father's lifestyle. I would start with emails or phone calls. If necessary for contact visits, a liaison so you and his mother don't have to have contact. If the bio-father crushes this kids hopes of a relationship, then it's important to his self esteem that you explain the guy loves him but doesn't know how to be a father... or something along those lines. "How can I cope with the feelings that still boil in me when this man is even mentioned?" First and foremost, all of you need family counseling. It may be hard to get a 15 y/o to participate but you really should try. I'm sure it bothers him why he isn't important enough that his bio-father hasn't contacted him. "Can I trust my wife around this man, or will history repeat itself?" She really made some stupid mistakes in her young age, but don't we all? That's a pretty huge one, though. Did you believe the story that she was raped? If it were true that would be one reason to limit exposure to the bio. What you -should- be able to trust is your own ability to handle, and end, a relationship that would obviously be meaningless to her if she were to make the same mistakes. Have you ever had reason to distrust her since? "Am I wrong for not feeling like my son's dad since he mentioned finding his bio-dad?" Simply put, Yes. There aren't many kids that aren't interested in knowing their biological parents. That doesn't make you any the less important in his life. In fact, YOU are the one that your son will model his own parenting skills after. Just remember that one! :)

Love this. Here are two of mine. For some reason I have picked up the phrase, "dealie-do" for something I don't know that name of. Sort of a riff on "do dad." I have no idea where I got it or why I keep saying it when I don't even like to say it. But I say it so often my friends, family, co workers, students, etc. are picking it up and it is my signature phrase. The second one is a family code phrase. One year we went to the tulip festival in Holland and dad didn't think we needed overnight reservations at a hotel or motel, we could always "find a place." After scouring the entire west Michigan region, we finally ended up in Muskegon at the "Downtowner" which was a somewhat seedy hotel but the worst problem was that the heat was on and could not be turned off for some reason, and it wasn't particularly cold out that spring. Of course the window couldn't be opened very far either, to prevent break ins. It was not a fun night. And ever since, if my dad didn't want to make a reservation or someone said, "Don't worry, we don't need to (take this or that precaution)" we would say, "Remember the Downtowner" which became our "Remember the Alamo" inspirational phrase, albeit to inspire someone to plan ahead better.

As a southerner we have a history of telling stories and it was very much a part of my upbringing though trying to fit all those tales into some sort of coherent history is another matter. We practiced our own history with my mother starting "remember whens" My mother was a spoiled only child and most of her stories were about how special she was to her doting father. My father did not talk much about his childhood though I know they moved frequently as my grandfather was a mason and builder. I spent a good deal of time with my mothers step-mother-my Grannie- and learned as much about her life as I could. She was a child of the depression-something that for her on a prosperous farm in the south was just something they heard about happening elsewhere. Grow your own food and make your own clothes and you only need money for taxes and coffee and salt. I loved hearing about her life. she was one of a big family of girls and they had to work like boys. Their father did not want them to leave home so for each of them it was an adventure to leave. I don't have children and have always lived all the way across the country from my kin so I have had no one to pass on what I know nor about my own life but there you are. I love social history and yet historians will use the lives of the rich and famous thinking they are telling you how people lived in the past-the one tenth of the one percent.