I am having the same problem , i know my husband for 7 years but married a year and half my son was 7 when we met, he decided to call him daddy but he was okay and he started treating my son badly, i left in 2019 for him to get help, he did and we got married in 2020 he was good to my son in the entire 2020 till our marriage in dec 2020 my son got on very well with him then we moved into a house he bought and then the nonsense started he shows no love and reprimands my son all the time and we have to walk on egg shells with him, he treats my son badly and says i dont shout at my son or reprimands him which i always do and give him the rope to discipline him, but nothing my son does or say is right in his eyes, i left in may 2022 and he still is picking on my son ,but even he did go for counselling but nothing has changed i cannot expose my son to this, because i choose my son all the time, and i will always, my son is 12 now, and he does not want to ever see my husband again and he said he will never ever call him dad he has damaged my child and therefore i will never go back, he is toxic and a narcissist, he has uprooted my son and my life so many times and i have had enough and i am done, i love my child too much to allow him to treat him this way, i love my husband as well, but at the end what is the sense in having a house but not a home.My son is my life and i will not allow anyone to treat him that way, i dont deny my son does things and is naughty as well, but to be treated like you always wrong is not on, my son talked about suicide as well, so that we can be happy and that pushed me over the edge,i wont lose my child to a man, i also have cancer and he is the one that is aggravating my cancer because i stress so much what is he doing to my son, we are emotionally abused by this man, he walked away from 2 marriages because of the children and by the way it way his own so there is no way he will tolerate mine. any advise for me

I typed in "can't stand my stepson" and found all these postings. I too can't stand my SS. He is 11 yrs old, an only child and can do no wrong in his fathers eyes. I have 3 children of my own ages 5,9,12 (2 girls and 1 boy). I have been with my BF now for 2 years. When I came into the relationship my SS was sleeping in the same bed with his dad. He was 9 yrs old at the time. He is very spoiled(4wheelers,dirtbike, snowmobile and so on). His mother is in the picture and she has him everyother weekend and a few nites a week. Here is the problem....My SS is very jealous of me and my children. He lays on his dads lap and hugs and kisses him on the lips all the time. It is no exageration he does this all the time. It makes me and my kids uncomfortable. My SS is a bigger boy and he weighs about 165ibs. My BF allows this. My SS is also very mean to my children when my BF is not around. He is very sneaky and manipulative and my BF does not see this. I have tried so many times and many different ways to approach and talk about this to my BF but he gets so so so defensive and tells me that this isn't going to work and he chooses his son over me and my kids and I need to go and move out. So now I feel I can't talk to him so I hold everything inside and so do my kids. I have a fair amount of resentment towards my BF and my SS. Im angry and frustrated. My son is a year and half older than my SS and he is so frustrated with him. My son is outgoing. He is in all the sports and is one of the star players. He is also an honor roll student if not high honor. My BF came down on me so hard a few weeks ago saying that his son is coming to him complaining that my son gets to go skiing every weekend and do stuff for all his sports and its not fair. He told me that since me and my F____ng kids moved in his son has taken backseat. This killed me. Im so hurt. My son tried to help teach my SS how to ski and even snowboard but he didn't like it. He gave up very quickly. My son does go skiing most every weekend because it is good exercise, he likes it, and he is not in front of the tv, ipod or laptop. My son too is a bigger boy like my SS. When my son does all these things, i take my girls to the movies, go sliding, let them have a friend over and so on. I also do the same for my SS. My SS is so manipulative also. When its time for him to visit his mom and be with her, he cries to his dad and says he doesn't want to go so my BF lets him stay home. We have it set up so that all the kids go visit with their other parents on the same weekend so we have every other weekend to ourselves. We agreed that we needed this time to be togethter to make this blended family thing work. My SS will go in the bathroom and secretly call his dad and ask to come home from his moms. And most of the time he lets him. My children have a great relationship with their dad and so do I. I'm just so frustrated. He never says no to him. When my SS calls he asks what we are doing and my BF won't tell him the truth because he doesn't want to upset him so he lies to him and just tells him we are home doing nothing. I feel like a nothing. Im so mad and angry. Even my BF's friends don't like the way my SS treats and has treated their kids. They complain to me all the time and no one dares to say a thing to my BF. What do I do? I love my BF and have a fair amount of like for my SS. My children do love my BF and can do without the SS. I'm fed up and need a little advice. Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling so negative about my SS. I get a lot of anxienty around him and Im trying to help my kids too. I tell them to ignore him and point out that someday things will change. I believe very much that my BF's and SS relationship is a little unhealthy. My BF is treating him like a baby and not letting him grow up. I feel he is so needy of his son as his son is so needy of his dad. I always try to take my kids and leave them alone to be together because it was expressed to me several times by my BF that he wants a fair amount of time with his son alone. When I do leave and give them this time, I am treated poorly when i return. I just don't know. Please I will take some advice.

Oh, honey. Can't we fix up your SS and my SD and throw them to the curb??? I feel for you, but at least your husband is on your side. I have tried everything in my case and my DH is just burying his head in the sand. W/ us, I was taken advantage of so badly by his son, who lived w/ us for a couple of years at the end of H.S. and for breaks from college. Then, these SDs started crashing in on us during college, always w/ a crowd. Now, this older SD moved in for "3-4" months. It'll be 6 mo. in the end of the month and I'm just sick of it as it's very disruptive to my 3, almost 5, and 7 y.o. boys. Anyway, your situation stinks. Your SS CHOSE to be an adult when it was convenient for him to be an adult, but when it's easier for him to play the "poor son", he reverts back to being a child. I feel for this poor baby he fathered. I actually commend him for wanting to step up and be a father, but he needs to first recognize himself AS AN ADULT! My parents have had issues w/ my brother. My dad is calm all the time, but once just lost it and asked my mother how she'd have felt if he were in his 40's and still totally relying on his parents for food, money, etc. I would simply tell him that you're proud of the hands on father he is trying to be, but that the first step is for his child to respect him. Does he want the child to see him as an overgrown teen? (I have huge issues w/ so many of today's adult men who still view themselves as 16 y.o. boys!) Of course he should be able to see his baby whenever possible, but you and his father don't need to go through that stage again. Say you'd love to extend to them a standing invitation for Sunday dinner - tell him to come over early, let you both play w/ the baby, eat, then he can GO HOME! It's time. He's made adult decisions so it's time to be an adult. And, I'm w/ you - the technicality of being in school is a joke. Come on, being in school means you are taking enough classes that you are prevented from holding down a real job! He needs to grow up! Good luck, keep posting, Dana

Mother2008: I responded to your "Terrified Of Stepson" thread and I urged you to leave. Even though you didn't mention it in that post, I am glad that you DO NOT live in the same house with SS because it really sounds like a dangerous environment, especially for your disable D. I have been reading many of the archived threads posted in this forum and I have come to the conclusion that Step Families, for the most part, are challenging. Even intact families have their moments, but I think that the degree of difficulty increases when families merge or when an outsider who has no children enters the existing family unit. It's not always negative, but it's also not always easy. For most of the people posting on this site, it is downright stressful a fair amount of the time otherwise this forum wouldn't exist. Clearly most of us choose to stay with our Divorced Spouses/SO's and accept the stresses that comes along with these relationships because we really love that person, but I haven't read anyone state that they are "FRIGHTENED". Who knows why he won't understand? Maybe seeing his son in the manner which you describe makes DH feel like a failure as a parent. Perhaps he feels helpless and guilty or he doesn't know what to do. Maybe he is tired of dealing with all of his S's screw-ups. Maybe it's a pattern of enabling: SS mooches off of Grandparents; Grandparents allow it; Grandparents raised your DH; DH enables your SS. It could be so engrained in their family dymnamics that no one even sees it as a problem. It doesn't matter because you state that you are "FRIGHTENED" and not protected. These people are not going to change. You will have to change. I know it's hard to hear, but I really think that you should leave. Is staying in this marriage worth either you or your D being molested by SS? And don't forget the 300+ pound, gun wielding son-in-law that you mentioned in your initial post. This marriage probably took its toll on your self-esteem. Work on that with the counselor instead of trying to convince DH to see it your way. Perhaps when you value yourself more, you will realize that your instincts were right all along. STAY SAFE.