My husband is mean to my little boy (his stepson)
16 years ago
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- 16 years ago
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Can't Accept My Stepson
Comments (79)I typed in "can't stand my stepson" and found all these postings. I too can't stand my SS. He is 11 yrs old, an only child and can do no wrong in his fathers eyes. I have 3 children of my own ages 5,9,12 (2 girls and 1 boy). I have been with my BF now for 2 years. When I came into the relationship my SS was sleeping in the same bed with his dad. He was 9 yrs old at the time. He is very spoiled(4wheelers,dirtbike, snowmobile and so on). His mother is in the picture and she has him everyother weekend and a few nites a week. Here is the problem....My SS is very jealous of me and my children. He lays on his dads lap and hugs and kisses him on the lips all the time. It is no exageration he does this all the time. It makes me and my kids uncomfortable. My SS is a bigger boy and he weighs about 165ibs. My BF allows this. My SS is also very mean to my children when my BF is not around. He is very sneaky and manipulative and my BF does not see this. I have tried so many times and many different ways to approach and talk about this to my BF but he gets so so so defensive and tells me that this isn't going to work and he chooses his son over me and my kids and I need to go and move out. So now I feel I can't talk to him so I hold everything inside and so do my kids. I have a fair amount of resentment towards my BF and my SS. Im angry and frustrated. My son is a year and half older than my SS and he is so frustrated with him. My son is outgoing. He is in all the sports and is one of the star players. He is also an honor roll student if not high honor. My BF came down on me so hard a few weeks ago saying that his son is coming to him complaining that my son gets to go skiing every weekend and do stuff for all his sports and its not fair. He told me that since me and my F____ng kids moved in his son has taken backseat. This killed me. Im so hurt. My son tried to help teach my SS how to ski and even snowboard but he didn't like it. He gave up very quickly. My son does go skiing most every weekend because it is good exercise, he likes it, and he is not in front of the tv, ipod or laptop. My son too is a bigger boy like my SS. When my son does all these things, i take my girls to the movies, go sliding, let them have a friend over and so on. I also do the same for my SS. My SS is so manipulative also. When its time for him to visit his mom and be with her, he cries to his dad and says he doesn't want to go so my BF lets him stay home. We have it set up so that all the kids go visit with their other parents on the same weekend so we have every other weekend to ourselves. We agreed that we needed this time to be togethter to make this blended family thing work. My SS will go in the bathroom and secretly call his dad and ask to come home from his moms. And most of the time he lets him. My children have a great relationship with their dad and so do I. I'm just so frustrated. He never says no to him. When my SS calls he asks what we are doing and my BF won't tell him the truth because he doesn't want to upset him so he lies to him and just tells him we are home doing nothing. I feel like a nothing. Im so mad and angry. Even my BF's friends don't like the way my SS treats and has treated their kids. They complain to me all the time and no one dares to say a thing to my BF. What do I do? I love my BF and have a fair amount of like for my SS. My children do love my BF and can do without the SS. I'm fed up and need a little advice. Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling so negative about my SS. I get a lot of anxienty around him and Im trying to help my kids too. I tell them to ignore him and point out that someday things will change. I believe very much that my BF's and SS relationship is a little unhealthy. My BF is treating him like a baby and not letting him grow up. I feel he is so needy of his son as his son is so needy of his dad. I always try to take my kids and leave them alone to be together because it was expressed to me several times by my BF that he wants a fair amount of time with his son alone. When I do leave and give them this time, I am treated poorly when i return. I just don't know. Please I will take some advice....See MoreHusband having problems with my kids after his 1st child is born
Comments (5)I can't say I have had the same situation exactly. I have 2 step sons(11 and 13) and then I have a 10 month old son. While the 11 and especially the 13 greatly annoy me at times(in fact I just posted on this), I would never even consider compromising their well being for the little one! I do admit that the relationship with the 2 step sons is definitely not the same as the relationship I have with my biological son. I didn't have the 2 older boys as babies and never got to hold and cuddle them like I do my own. But for your husband to treat them as if they are now in the way or in anyway cramping his style is really just wrong anyway you look at it. Something I try to be mindful of and you might bring up to your husband is the relationship between your older 2 boys and the little one. If he has a strained and difficult relationship with your older boys, how is that going to affect how they feel about their little sister? If your husband has changed the way he treats the boys because of the new baby he could be causing more issues than just a strain in his relationship with them. Does he really want to cause the older boys to resent her because he treated her better than he treats them? I am having issues with my oldest just getting on my nerves, but I take the responsibility for trying to fix the situation. I don't see how the solution could ever be to get the older 2 out of the house!!!Hope I didn't ramble on too much!!! Good luck with your situation....See MoreMy stepson
Comments (9)I know I can be a "mama bear" and it is sometimes hard for us to see our children's wrongdoings. However, it is even harder to teach them consequences when they are older and know how to be more manipulative ( I think all kids have that ability). We say frequently to our kids that what is good for one is good for all. We may also tell them that when they are doing something they hope to get away with that they are special but no more special than any of the other kids so therefore they will have consequences just like the other children would. Now that is all easier said than done especially when both parents disagree on the child's behavior or whether they want to take the time to discipline the child. In my first marriage ( I have only been married twice but I had three kids when I was young and unmarried, with the same man, and my first husband adopted them and then we had one together and dad one was never in the picture) but anyway, after we had the one child together, my ex started treating the older three who were not his biologically very bad. In fact, the youngest child NEVER did any wrong in my ex's eyes. The oldest three got blamed for everything by my ex and it was a continuous battle between us. The worst part of it was that the older three came to resent the youngest and the relationship that was once close because he was their baby brother was now very distant. They knew he was the favorite of their dads and to this day they are not close (he is now 12). He also has had alot of emotional problems due to many circumstances but I know part of it was because he never really fit in with his siblings. It is amazing how much damage an adult can do when they think they are being a good parent by not using proper discipline or by giving in all the time. Parents are meant to be the parents of children not their friends. My husband now and I work very hard to make the kids all feel as if they are treated equal (even though they don't always think so) but my ex didn't do my son any favors by playing favorites to the him. I think when it comes down to it that kids do feel loved when they get disciplined because they know their parents care enough about them to want what is best for them and making good choices is always in their best interest. Anyway, I was thinking that maybe you could approach your wife by pointing out that she may be playing favorites because he is her baby. Assure her that you don't want division between the children and that you most certainly don't want for any of them to feel picked on and that you consiously make the effort to make sure that what is good for one is good for all. I don't know exactly how sensitive she is to the topic of you "picking" on your SS but you can always tell her that you want to be on the same page as her and that you feel she is too lenient with him and that maybe when she feels that you are "picking" on him that she could talk to you privately later about it and the same goes for her when she is giving in. Tell her you can work on this together and provide a united front to your child....See MoreI Am Starting To Hate My Husband and his Son
Comments (18)Well honestly, no one ever said u had to like one another! It's nice for the kids if all the adults in their lives had one flowing ball of communication, but lets be realistic! BM probably hates u cause ur sleeping w a man she has a child by. Its one of those bitter situations of :we didnt work, so why will u: and shes gonna hate u for it. Ur SS resents u for along the same reasons, and wants to make his presence known. He wants a dog he goes to daddy and theirs nothing is stupid SM is gonna say about it, cause u are not HIS mother. Been there done that, trust me! My stepchildren were HORRORS when my DH first got together. Mind u he had already been divorced for two years, with two children: daughter 10 and son 5. And the daughter was THE WORST. Not to mention when my DH first married :at that time the children were 12 and 7: and my SD LOST IT. She and her BM were on a personal vendetta to make my life a living hell. And then fast forward to a year later when my DH and I had a daughter of our own and thats when the u know what REALLY hit the fan!! There were times then when I could say that I hated her, and she hated me I'm sure, but one day when she was at our house for the court mandated weekend, I caught her in the room w my DD. I was horrified at first, thinking, OMG is this kid gonna try and smother my child?! lol I caught her playing w the baby, and then she burst into tears. Sometimes when u hold malice towards someone u tend to get satisfaction out of their pain. Yeah, thats an ugly thing to say, but its true. However, when I saw SD crying I walked up to her and gave her a hug. I'm not saying it was like a lifetime movie after that and all, we still had our battles, and at times I had to try not to lose my mind and walk out, but here we are seven years later, two kids of my own, and two stepchildren, whom I love dearly and I know that sometimes, they love me too....lol Just stand ur ground, and understand its hard for a kid who feels like he has to compete with the new woman for some love. Sit down with him and explain to him that ur not trying to come between them, and that u want to try and share. Theres enough love for the both of u. As far as ur DH goes, though. U need to put ur foot down and let him know that u are not a chambermaid. Stop doing EVERYTHING around the house so hes stuck w chores. That'll really hit him where he lives!...See More- 16 years ago
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