possibly pregnant, totally lost


I've posted here before, but a quick intro: 26, 2.5 year relationship. He has a young child. For the first six months of our relationship, he lied and cheated on me with the mother of his child. Then, after we decided to try to make it work, and were living together for about 6 months, he cheated on me again with a girl we both worked with(we were working in the service industry). That led to me quitting and him moving out, but somehow we decided to try to make THAT work. After another 6 months of us casually hanging out, he moved back in. Now, we live together and his kid stays with us part time. Things go up and down with us. Lots of trust and insecurity issues, obviously. He got a new job at another bar, something I am none too happy about and the latest cause of our arguments. So, now I am suspecting I am pregnant, totally an accident. Not confirmed yet, but if so, I am so scared. Last night we got in an argument because every time he works, he ends up home 4 or 5 hours after the place closes. He says theres just a lot of side work and it's not that I don't believe him about that, but it's frustrating because he used to be far more sensitive to me asking questions about where he is and what he's doing. Now, he says I'm ridiculous and he dreads work because he dreads my questions about it. I understand that I chose to be in this relationship but he promised me he would not get angry over my insecurities because he is the cause of them. I was planning to tell him I might be pregnant last night, then we got in an argument and I just blurted it out. Today we argued again because he is still pissed about my questioning him, and He left with no kiss or hug. Then I sobbed for like an hour and couldn't stop. He says I'm mean to him and no longer sweet like I used to be. I have repeatedly told him that we are both responsible. My reactions drive his and his drive mine and so on. So I'm just really upset and scared and nervous and feel alone. If I am pregnant, I don't want an abortion but I also don't want to bring a child into an unstable home. Please help me. Thank you.

Comments (3)
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Sylvia, you're right. I apologize and have removed my post.

This post was edited by suzieque on Tue, May 20, 14 at 7:42

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Tmarie, I think you probably need more help than you can get on an internet forum & I would encourage you to make contact with your clergy of choice (be careful of the ones you *don't* know; there are people who go into the religious life so they can tell other people what to do, & it seems like they cluster in the service, counselling, or pastoral care careers).

Can you get help or input from your parents or other family?

One thing is sure:
this guy is *not* father material, he's not a 'family man', he's bad news, & if you tie yourself & your child to him, you'll have constant, unrelenting conflict for the rest of your life, & your child will suffer a miserable childhood, growing up in a chaotic, disfunctional environment.

You don't have to have an abortion if you don't want to, but if you wnat to raise this child, you *must* have the resources to do so (ie, money, income), because you'll never get a child support check without dragging this guy into court, & if you do that, he'll insist on visitation & will not treat the baby any better than he's treated you, maybe even worse, since he'll be able to blame the child for the drain on his paycheck.

& that's the kind of thing that leads to screaming, slapping, terrorizing, beating.

Adoption is another option, & it might be the best one, for you & for the baby, & it might be the 'right thing to do'.

Check with some reputable agencies, & maybe some lawyers or your clergy, & give it some long, deep, hardl thought.

I wish you the best.

This post was edited by sylviatexas on Tue, May 20, 14 at 11:20

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I agree with Slyvia, this guy is NOT father material. He's NOT husband material, he's NOT even boyfriend material.

I would never push someone into doing something they don't want to do, but bringing a child into a situation like this is just not responsible.

You've already made one mistake by getting pregnant by this guy, don't make another one by bringing a child into this messed up scenario.

Tmarie, do you have any family nearby? You need counseling, be it from church, a medical professional, family friend, SOMETHING. We are trying to help you but the help you need is more than can be found on the internet.

And please get birth control. Birth control pills are the best, but if you can't afford them or for some reason can't take them, then please use spermicide. At one time I used this birth control, I forget the name of it, but it was like a thin piece of film, that you folded up and put inside you before having sex. I used it for a while and didn't get pregnant. You can get it at the drug store and was less than $20. Condoms break, so I encourage you to use some kind of spermicide, it's pretty cheap and you don't have to worry about it breaking like a condom. But if I was you, I'd be using a condom in addition to the spermicide, since there's no guarantee your boyfriend is being faithful.

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