Backstabbing Adult Stepchildren
18 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (591)
- 6 years ago
- 6 years ago
Related Discussions
grown adult stepchildren
Comments (8)You have more than one 'issue' going on...best you deal with them as what they are. 1) The children's mother died. She did not divorce your husband, she died. Right up to the day this lady passed on she and your husband were a couple and the parents of these children...an intact family , if you will. Naturally these children loved their mother. They mourn their mother. They hold very fond and loving memories of their mother. It's not a slam nor a sign of disrespect to you. Fact, it's not about YOU at all. So what if they post pics of Mom? So what if they bring up Mom when occassionally speaking. She was their mother. Why would you expect them to pretend the lady did not exist now that she's died and their father has chosen to remarry? Again, it's not about YOU. 2) Of course your children would never dream of helping themselves to the home you live in. It's not their 'home'. It's a house owned by a gentleman their mother just married recently and moved into. Making a comparsion between the situation of the children's feeling of ease in this house is silly. 3) There is bound to be a lot of emotions tied to this current home your husband shared with his deceased wife and his children. Ever discuss with your husband that perhaps it is time to purchase a house together? One the two of you can claim and share as a new beginning for husband/yours relationship. One where none of the children overly feel attached to nor is filled of old memories. Are you next going to post this current house is still left exactly the way it was the day the deceased wife died? And then you sit and and wonder why you feel like the outsider being haunted by days gone by and overstepping children. Now, look at the other issue. The adult children enabling. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess these children are just doing what Mom and Dad always allowed them to do. Your correct in that these adult children should be earning their own way through life...but I'm going to bank their parents (yes Mom AND Dad) raised and enabled these 'kids' to be the self entitled dependents that they have turned out to be. Did your new husband and you discuss this issue before you said 'I do'? I guess I never quite understand how some ladies go into some of these relationships seeing how tings exactly are (or assuming things) and then get all outraged and shocked when they actually begin to wake up 'from the honeymoon' and find these issues are still very much present. The issues you find objectional didn't just poof because now you wear a ring. Sit your husband down (something you should have done before marriage) and discuss finances, household expectaions, go house hunting (who wants to live with a ghost so to say)and see where and what the two of you come up with. If you find yourself yards apart in your wants and expectations, you'll likely correct that there is not much of a future for your relationship. If you find you're both willing to work as a team to build a solid communicating, compromising future that works for both of you together then it's time to put the plan in motion and begin to work towards that future. This post was edited by justmetoo on Wed, Feb 20, 13 at 13:32...See MoreAdult Step-children
Comments (29)Of course it is a hostess' obligation to try to make her guests comfortable and tolerate any variations they cause to the normal day to day routine of the house. This should not be too onerous for the hostess - because it is also incumbent upon the houseguests to do their best to make sure that they are pleasant, as little trouble as possible, and hopefully even do small things to show their appreciation for the hostess, if they can. Where I used to live, when my brother would come to visit he'd sleep on my sleeper sofa in the living room. As hostess, and one who got up earlier than him, I'd try to keep quiet so that he could sleep. In such a small place generally that meant I'd have to leave and run errands! When I'd return from errands, as guest, my brother would have sleeper sofa made back up and his personal belongings reasonably tidied up. Having or being a houseguest can be a bit stressful but so long as both parties try to think of what they can do to make it easier for the other person generally all goes fairly well. But, the problem here is that it sounds like the adult skids are not doing their part to follow any etiquette, and if only one party is expected to behave well (DannieB, by being expected to be an accommodating hostess) without any reciprocal attempts by the skids to be good guests, it is natural that she'd begin to feel put-upon and used. She's the hostess - she's not a maid, and she's being taken advantage of (letting their dog on someone's furniture?! Really?!) What if you're at work, and periodically someone runs over to doughnut shop across the street to get breakfast? A colleague might ask if you'd mind getting them a doughnut too, and offers to pay you. You, of course, say yes to the request and no to the offer of payment - it's a doughnut, for heaven's sake! And normally one doesn't quibble over who owes pocket change to whom. Fine - but what happens when ten months later you realize that you are always buying doughnuts for this one person? That person has never reciprocated? Yes, it's just a doughnut - but ten months worth of daily doughnuts start to add up, and no one likes to feel used. Most people are going to not say anything, not cause a scene - but just start quietly slipping out for doughnuts so the colleague doesn't know beforehand, and thus can't ask for another freebie at someone else's expense. DannieB has been putting up with this for twenty years. Her husband won't say anything, the "kids" can't be bothered, she can't tell the kids to go stay at a hotel - there are only two options left for her (well, three if you count divorce and/or murdering the skids, but they're both a bit extreme, LOL!). One is to keep putting up with this, and I'm unaware of any rule of etiquette which says that anyone is obligated to repeatedly put themselves into a position in which they know that they will be taken advantage of, anymore than doughnut person is required to keep announcing intentions to get doughnuts and thus cornered by good manners into buying them, or two, to remove herself from this equation by going to a hotel herself....See Moreadult stepchildren manipulating
Comments (12)Serenity Now: "But that said, I think it's completely unfair to threaten to deny access to the grandchildren. The only exception would be in a case where there is credible threat of *physical* harm to the child. I would even go so far as saying that potential *mental or emotional* harm is not really an excuse (except in extreme cases) because the child's parent should be teaching the child how to deflect negative influences from difficult people s/he will inevitably have to face in the world (most people don't even have to venture outside the family to find 'em, and we all have to deal with family)." SylviaTexas: "You do not have a problem with this woman; you have a problem with your husband." You ladies said it all. Very well put, and I can't add anything more to this except I'm sorry you're going through a rough time Ann. Stand your ground as kindly as you can....See MoreAdult Stepchildren
Comments (10)These are not little children, nor are they really all grown up ready to be on their own as 'adults'. Sure, age wise might say they are, but reality shows the boys have been allowed (encouraged?) to more or less have things the way they like. I imagine living with Dad and/or dividing their time between Mom's home and Dad's home has been pretty much extremely enjoyable for the boys. Best of both worlds per a teens view: man cave with Dad and Mom herself never personally moving on...the boys have not had to adjust. No, they don't want or need you as a 'mother figure'. They have a mother. Nope, they aren't taking well to a lady now living in Dad's man cave either...pfff, here comes this lady raining on their parade. Dad has made numerous blunders. "Well yeah", pretty much sealed evil as forever being a part of stepmother for you. But it also clearly states that your husband is not perhaps entirely in agreement with you and the changes you desire and are attempting to make. More, he's willing to let you make some changes to please you...but he was pretty much happy the way his home was before you decided their should be expectations and rules. Buying a new home overall for husband and you to start out in and create 'your' home (you/DH) would have perhaps been better and easier for all. A house the boys are not as familar with and don't think of as 'their' house and you the outsider crashing their man cave. Is it too late to consider buying a house and starting the newly married couple home afresh? And no, sending a letter to Mom is bad idea. It will amount to striking a match and tossing another log onto her already burning fire. Don't give her more fuel. Husband needs to discuss whatever with Mom, and husband needs to be the one doing the communicating with her. If he's not willing to tell Mom that he's capable of running his own home, you've got another whole new problem. Whatever for whatever reason is between them needs to be dealt with between them. If he can't stand up to her, he either does not want to or is afraid to. He's got to learn (or grow the b*lls) to defend himself and stand as a man in control of his own life...you can't do that for him....See More- 6 years ago
- 6 years ago
- 6 years ago
- 6 years agolast modified: 6 years ago
- 6 years ago
- 6 years agolast modified: 6 years ago
- 6 years ago
- 6 years ago
- 6 years ago
- 6 years agolast modified: 6 years ago
- 6 years ago
- 6 years ago
- 6 years ago
- 6 years agolast modified: 6 years ago
- 5 years agolast modified: 5 years ago
- 5 years agolast modified: 5 years ago
- 5 years ago
- 5 years ago
- 5 years ago
- 5 years ago
- 5 years ago
- 5 years ago
- 5 years ago
- 5 years ago
- 5 years agolast modified: 5 years ago
- 4 years ago
- 3 years ago
- 3 years ago
- 3 years agolast modified: 3 years ago
- 3 years ago
- 3 years ago
- 2 years ago
- 2 years ago
- 2 years agolast modified: 2 years ago
- 2 years ago
- 2 years ago
- 2 years ago
- 2 years ago
- 2 years agolast modified: 2 years ago
- 2 years ago
- 2 years ago
- 2 years ago
- 2 years ago
- 2 years ago
- 2 years ago
- 2 years ago
- 2 years ago
- last year
Related Stories

MOST POPULARIs Open-Plan Living a Fad, or Here to Stay?
Architects, designers and Houzzers around the world have their say on this trend and predict how our homes might evolve
Full Story
HOUSEKEEPINGGot a Disastrously Messy Area? Try Triage
Get your priorities straight when it comes to housekeeping by applying an emergency response system
Full Story
REMODELING GUIDESYou Won't Believe What These Homeowners Found in Their Walls
From the banal to the downright bizarre, these uncovered artifacts may get you wondering what may be hidden in your own home
Full Story
southernsummer