Backstabbing Adult Stepchildren
I'm not at all sure what approach I should take with this. I don't even know if I'm just plain wrong to feel as I do or not.
I have four grown stepchildren. I've tried very hard for 10 years to encourage their father to stay in touch with them, be there for them, etc. I walk on egg shells in my own home because if I say or do anything that can be misconstrued....it is. They NEVER say anything to my face (or my husband's); but they pick apart everything I do.
If their Dad makes a decision they don't like it's because I brainwashed him. If I'm not available for them at their whim I'm terrible. (I fix their computers for nothing, give them computer components, make huge family meals every time we get together, etc.) The youngest (only girl) exaggerates things and I end up a bad guy. For example, she has a very bad rash around her mouth. It actually looks as thought it could scar it's so bad. She and her "like a sister" girlfriend stopped by and I asked her if she needs help paying for a doctor to get it looked at. I told her I was afraid she'd get infection or scar or worse. She said she had plenty of $ and the subject dropped. Two weeks later I find out that I "jumped all over her in front of people" and embarrassed her. I had no right because I'm not her mother. Blah, Blah, Blah. I raised this child from the time she was 8 years old because her mother is mentally ill. She's now 19 and all of a sudden I can't ask her if she needs our financial help for a medical condition.
None the less, I find out that (with the exception of one of the kids) this has been the status quo for years. Basically I'd better please them or I'm the worst person in the world.
What do you think? What should I do about these ungrateful, backstabbing brats?