Why would you plan social events after working two 15hr shifts? Why not leave the get-togethers for times when you are up to socializing? By over extending yourself, you may have sent the 'message' (without meaning to) that you're not interested and/or flat out dislike family events. While you're dead tired and in dire need of personal relaxing, they're seeing a lady who is half a sleep in the chair and one that seemed bothered and antisocial towards what should be a fun event.

These ladies are adults. They have homes of their own. They can invite Dad and you over occassionally and host events (they do the work) and you have the option of accepting invite or declining due to heavy work schedule. When you do the inviting and hosting, plan it on weekends that actually will be relaxing and enjoyable to you.

I actually think a different home is a reasonable suggestion by your partner. The ladies childhood home? The oldest is 30. These ladies naturally view you as the outsider in this long held house. If partner is finacially able to sell his home and desires to set up a new environment, let him. New house, new start. Partner and you are planning on beginning a future as man and wife...do you really want to start it in a house where you're the outsider. Go house hunting. Let husband gather up the items in his present home that he no longer needs and/or the two of you plan on using. Give the items of personal maaning to the ladies and sell the rest. New home, new beginnings. Leave the sentimental strings behind you.

'The Meeting' was a bad idea. Too confrontational. And remember, respect goes two ways. These are not children, they're adults. They desire as much respect as adult children of your partner and you do the respect due you as partner's new mate. Don't blame them their father took so many phone calls his business suffered. He's an adult. He can pick up the phone once and announce 'not a good time'. Instead he chose to take all the calls...don't excuse his role in the issue.

At 40 I'm going to assume you have held your own home until recently when you moved in with your partner. Do you still own it? You might consider spending time in your past home while your partner makes some serious decisions. Not a choice of 'you or them', but a workable solution as to how to blend all his ladies into his life. He needs to sit his daughters down and they (Dad/daughters) are the ones who should have been having that 'meeting'. He needs to come to an understanding with his daughters. He does not need their permission to select a partner. He does not need to be available to them 24/7 (he and they are all adults now). He loves them and he loves you...nothing you do is going to change his love for them and nothing they do (hissy fits and turning in keys) is going to change his love for you.

And yes, my mother had a SO for 22yrs. She never married him, kept all assests and financials apart, and she kept her own home. She never gave up her house and basically spent time in both houses. My mother's SO's daughter went out of her way to be controling and a grown up spoiled hateful brat. My mother chose not to be controled by this daughter, nor to let this daughter control mom's relationship with SO.

Thanks for your response, justmetoo - it's helpful to consider my situation from a variety of perspectives, and your reply helped me to do that.

As a follow-up to my previous post - my partner was visited last night by several members of his family who informed him
that because I've been so terrible to the four daughters (the daughters have been bad mouthing me all over the place ), I am no longer welcome in these family members' homes. I have decided
not to lead my life being endlessly miserable with this family, so have ended my relationship with my fianc�.

Not to judge, but I think the previous response i received for my post was a bit smug & definitely atypical of the step parenting experience - being a step parent of adult children sucks, with no chance of parole.

I agree that being a step parent of adult children is a difficult process, much more difficult than I ever dreamed. It doesnt go away, and it does build up barriers between you and your partner. I struggle with those relationships daily and have finally come to a point that we choose to not let them destroy us, their father knows that if it causes me to leave, he will be alone -his kids wont be there for him at all. I even have one daughter that has told all other family members she wont stop until she runs me off - we have chosen to push her out of ours instead and not let her ruin our marriage. She will come around when she finally understands I am not going anywhere.

Why do men let their daughters control them?

I agree!! What if they were sons? Would it be different? I think it would be. My three step daughters KNOW that they have their father and it doesn't matter to them that they make my life miserable. I'm mad at myself for giving them that POWER!!!! That's the worst. They shouldn't have that power over me. I guess because I fee like my husband isn't with me in this so I feel alone and totally powerless.

Pro, these girls are manipulative mean spirited jerks. You will never stand a chance. I agree that your initial response was from the perspective of a stepchild, who blamed you for not being perky enough, but that's what you are dealing with x four, so no surprise, right? You did the right thing. Move on and be glad. The mini wives have their husband back. Let the orgie begin.

I know this post is a little old but I hope you have moved on and moved out. Adult step daughters ARE NOT worth it. My husband does whatever she tells him to do. She needed more attention right after we got married so she got pregnant. Now she thinks it's everyone else's job to raise the kid while she continues to party - drugs alcohol jail time. The kid is dumped at our house every weekend. I do didn't sign up to babysit all the time