My daughter and husband fight constantly

debbie5162

I have two daughters in their twenties, my husband has a son and a daughter in their 30's.

We have dated for 15 years and decided 5 years ago that are kids were finally grown up and it was time to move on and get married. All four of our children are on their own and we have three grandchildren. My husband has two and my daughter just gave me my first.

There is a LOT of jealously between our three daughters and this is putting a strain on our marriage. Mostly because my husband feels that his daughter does no wrong and all the wrong is done by my two daughters. All we ague about is our kids. I am not sure if I can stay in this marriage any longer, even though I love this man very much.

My youngest daughter just gave me my first grandson and I am planning her wedding for this summer. She came to stay with me for a few day with the new baby so we could have her bridal shower. My husband was already upset because he beieves that we all need to be "one big happy family" and he confronted my daughter with some issues that have been bothering him. He says we ignore his grandchildren and I spend more time doting on my own grandson. To be fair, my grandson lives 400 mikes away and his kids 20 miles. I gave always treated my husbands children and grand children as my own and all I expect from him is the same respect .

When confronted by my husband, My daughter apologized immediatly for what he was complaining about, and I think he was surprised by her fast apology, so he decided to keep going. He has a bad habit of constantly throwing the past into people faces, well, It turned into a full blow out fight between the two of them. My daughter, my grandson and I were all hysterical. I was devasted, he threw them out of my home and she says she is never coming back with my grandson as long as my husband is there.

I have not stopped crying and I don't know what to do to make this nightmare go away. My husband realized what he did was wrong and asked what to do to make it right - he went to my daughter the next day and apologized. But, He doesn't understand the damage he has done and all he wants to do is say "sorry" and experts me to kiss and make up.

Initially, My daughter agreed they should try to get along for my sake . But now she tells me that she is done with him and will never come over - she says I am unhappy and lonely and wants me to divorce him. She says he is the cause of all my stress and the reason I had my heart attack last year.

I need help - I spoke to a therapist last year and she tried to help me thru these problems, but nothing was solved.

Please - I need to get my daughter and my husband on the same page. I don't expect a loving father daughter relationship, but I at least want them to get along for my sake. I love them both and don't want to choose.

I miss my grandson and need help making this right. What should I do?

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Comments (5)
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sylviatexas1

I'm so sorry you're going through this nightmare.

Really, you already know the answer;
it's right there in what you wrote.

Your husband is demanding, punishing, & obnoxious.

For me, as for your daughter, the final straw would have been when he threw her *& her newborn child* out of the house.

after having reduced them, & you, to hysterics.

There's no way to satisfy this man's rage, & it'll get worse.

I wish you the very best.

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debbie5162

Well, a few days have passed. My husband has been doing everything to change my mind about leaving him. I'm still here with him, so I guess I'm giving it a shot, I failed to mention in my first letter (I know it sounds like I'm sticking up for my husband, but it's really not that way), about the temper my daughter possesses. I know how to handle her, but others including my husband don't see her split personality. One minute she is a sweet little girl and the next she's on top of you screaming she is going to kill you in your sleep. That has happened to my husband just twice in the past 18 years. The first episode was 7 years ago and they haven't been close since. Things were getting good and now she lashes out at him again a few days ago, He has sworn to me that he never wants to see me cry like I did that night., nor does he ever want to bring out that hate in my daughter again.

My husband and daughter have made an agreement to move forward, but how long it will last I don't know. I'm going to visit my daughter next weekend alone and I will be cuddling my grandson the entire time. I hope I can talk her into coming back and trying it again.

Am I doing the right thing?

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Amber3902

There are always two sides to every story. In this situation I suspect that probably both parties, husband and daughter both are contributing to the problem.

There really is no need for your husband and daughter to "get on the same page", except to agree that they both love you. Other than that they really don't need to try and get along or spend lots of time together. It sounds like your husband and daughter are like oil and water and their personalities just rub each other wrong, so maybe the best thing is to limit the time the two of them have to spend with each other.

I think you should go visit your daughter by yourself, and when your daughter comes to visit you, she should stay in a motel instead of in your home.

After all, you did not get married until your kids were out of the home, so your husband and daughter do not have the same kind of relationship that you have with her. To expect them to understand and know either others' quirks at this point in the game is a little unrealistic.

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debbie5162

Thank you Amber3902' that is exactly the plan I have chosen. I am going alone and when she comes to town she says she will stay elsewhere. I so desperately wanted to have mygrandson here with me for a few days so I could spoil him, but I guess I'll have to wait and see how things go. Your post made me feel like there is hope, I appreciate your input.

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Amber3902

You're welcome. I'm not sure how old your grandson is, but when you daughter comes to visit, you could have GS spend the night with you a couple of the nights that they're in town.

Maybe they come over to the house while your husband takes a fishing trip. Not saying you kick your husband out of the house, but maybe there's something he can find to do in the garage/back yard for a couple of hours, KWIM?

Even if he is home when they come over, they don't have to say much more to each other than hello, nice to see you, then go on about their business. Husband doesn't have to be in the same room while you and your daughter and GS visit.

Maybe they can agree to a "truce" and say nothing more to each other than hello and hubby tries to find things to do outside the home when daughter and GS come over to visit. Or you could take daughter and GS shopping.

Really, there are ways to work this so that the time that husband and daughter have to spend in the same location is kept to a bare minimum.

They don't have to be "one big happy family", but they don't have to let their disagreements affect your ability to see your GS. Good luck.

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