Turn her in if you want, but it will be a cold day in h*ll before hte IRS moves, trust me

If they agreed to a new amount, documented it and signed it, why do you think it's not legal? (I'm not a lawyer, but that sounds like a contract to me.) While it may not sound nice, I'd tell BioMom that if she goes for 'back' child support, you'll report her to the IRS and Medicaid system. 'Going forward' increases are up for negotiation, but arrears aren't.

I agree with sweeby.Maybe if you let her know you have a little "leverage" by knowing her personal info,she will stop trying to squeeze you for all your worth.

ask yourself ...If hubby was working a second job under the table would she want a piece of that too? if you answer yes then mention it if you go to court she can easily say ... oh they are going to issue me a 1099 at the end of the year. and if thats the case well then lets continue this till april 15th.

I watched a very interesting thing unfold in a courtroom just last week, while waiting our turn for DH and EX to modify their custody agreement.

There was a BM trying to petition for more CS. She was cleaning houses and collecting all of the income under the table while claiming, to the courts, that she was a SAHM with no income. The BF's attorney ultimately produced a stack of affidavits from her clients with the info about the amount of money she made. Apparently the company was in her sister's name, but she was really working it, blah, blah, blah, anyway....I thought the judge's head was going to explode....

SO-I would definitely point out to her that---while you are not threatening her---you WILL have all of the financials (from both sides) examined, and remind her that
you have the ability to put child #2 on your insurance (which will mess with her medicaid scam AND possibly offset the CS amount) and that you KNOW about her other income. I would go so far as to imply that you have the ability to prove it.

Like you said....you're dealing with a snake.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions! We have seen a lawyer, and even though we have a signed contract, and both parties agreed to the terms, the reality is that in Probate court, specifically when it come to CS, that document isn't worth the paper it's written on unless a judge has signed it. It's a loophole she found. It's sad, but true.
Also, her employer is in cahoots with her on the under the table payment. Our atty has issued subpoenas to the owner of the business, but he's not cooperating at all. (most likely becuase he'll get in deep trouble for paying her under the table). The only proof that we have that she works there, is eye witnesses, all of which will testify that she has been working there. Since the last court date, she has stopped working there, so we have no *active* proof she's still there. We were hoping to get a picture of her actually, but by the time we determined that she was being paid under the table, and it came out, it was too late. There is no documentation that she has been working there other than people who have seen her working.
We're going to let the atty leverage the information, but we won't win on the arrears situation. Our best hope is that he reduces the amount, reduces the support order,and then orders her to get a fulltime job and stop living off the government.

I really hate this for you....this is the kind of shady behavior that eats away at everyone involved...for pete's sake, what is she teaching the children!?!?!? Cheat the government, tell lies to people/the courts, renege on reasonable agreements, and on and on and on. She should be ashamed of herself.

Not to mention this is the stuff that screws up the children of divorce in regard to money and their feelings of worth! It situations like this, there is always one idiot, dragging out the money side, and the other parent stuck having to choose between being bled dry or defending themself!

BTW-I'm sure you're attorney will handle this part, but that agreement should be brought up, if for no other reason than your DH being acknowledged as NOT having amassed an arrearage out of irresponsibility. Who knows, the judge may even give him more reasonable repayment terms.

It a nutshell, one cannot make a civil agreement that supercedes a law. It is not a "loophole", it is the way laws work.

Signing a new agreement 'between the two of them' is not going to hold up in court. It is too bad your husband was so trusting and got bamboozled like that.

BTW, most prenuptual agreements aren't worth the paper they are written on in most states, especially community property states. Something many find out too late, when they are going through a divorce years down the road.

Even if it is noterized?

I'm with you on that mmommy!! It's disgraceful. We work very hard to keep the kids in the dark on this stuff since it would just create even more issues for them. The oldest sort of knows what's going on becuase we're pretty strapped financially right now, and can't do certain things for him that we normally would be able to do. We don't discuss this with with him, but my sense is that he knows something's up. It's really hard to instill moral values and work ethics when this is what's going on with their Mom. It's like they don't understand sometimes that their Dad and I have to work for a living.
Our lawyer is very confident that there will be no "willful contempt" found since he was paying support all along. He does plan on presenting the agreement to the court for documentation that she had agreed to the terms, and that she could have gone to court to change them at any time. And, you're right, most likely we will be able to pay it back in small amounts.
He's also going to request that the court order her to find fulltime employment since she's "under employed".
bud wi-
You are absolutely correct. There is nothing we can do, and my husband definately messed up in trusting her. At the time they did this, I suggested to him that he take the document to the court to get it approved (it is actually a form from the state's probate court website that they filled out) He thought he was covered, and didn't do it. So now he's paying for it.
How's this for a punchline...she was lying about her income, and working under the table to receive medicaid benefits which also enabled her to receive free legal support from the Woman's Bar association...Nice!
The sickness in this all is that she could be employed full time at her job, but won't do it because she'd get less CS, and is really just doing all this to be nasty.