I hate his ex

sandracis

My bf has a kid, cheated on me with the mother, as well as someone else from work. We have been together over 2 years and I find myself incredibly angry lately even though things are "over" and we have tried to move on and rebuild trust. In fact our relationship has been pretty good but I just can't or don't want to let go of my resentment. I hate that his ex still does things that I feel are inappropriate (asking him to dinner, flirting with him in front of me, etc.). He claims he "tells her to stop" but 1. I don't know that and 2. she keeps doing it. He always tells me that it's on me to not let her affect our relationship, which I find is a lot of pressure and unfair responsibility. HE cheated WITH her but now I just have to let it all go? So we can have a "healthy" relationship? I'm trying to analyze if I am being so stubborn about letting it go bc I really don't want this relationship even though I love him. I just don't want to share MY LIFE with this woman! I don't want her in my home, on the phone, ever ever ever. My question is, am I being self-destructive by refusing to let things roll off my back? Or am I right in protecting myself even though it leads to constant arguments? I don't know what to do or if I can/should handle another women up in my life for the rest of time. Thank you.

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suzieque

He's cheated on you twice (that you know of) and you've only been together for 2 years? Huh? And he has a child with one of the women he cheated with? Hate to tell you this, but that woman will be in your life forever if you stay with him, because she's the mother of his child!

Him saying that he tells her to stop is stupid. If he wanted her to stop he would do so in front of you as well as when you're not there. And he would do so in a way that she would stop.

What is it that is causing you to love someone who has treated you so badly and disrespected you to such a degree? Do you not have any self-respect? I would urge you to see someone professionally to see if that person can help you stop allowing someone to treat you so.

You're on thin ground.

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Amber3902

"He always tells me that it's on me to not let her affect our relationship,"

You see what he's doing here? He's making it your fault. Like Suzieque says, if he really wanted her to stop he would make her stop. But he likes the attention. So instead of owning his action or in this case inaction, he tries to make you feel guilty for daring to call him out on it.

"I really don't want this relationship even though I love him." I'm sorry, but what's there to love? He cheated on you twice but says you're the one with the problem. A REAL man would own his mistakes and do everything he can to show you he's not repeating them.

An alcoholic doesn't hang out in bars, he goes to AA meetings. He doesn't see how close he can get to alcohol without actually drinking it, he stays as far away from it as he possibly can.

The second BM asks him to dinner, he should say "I'm not going to dinner with you and never will. Never ask me that again." If she touches him, he needs to jerk his arm away and say "Don't ever do that again." Not make some weak a$$ excuse that you're the one with the issues.

You say you hate the ex, but I think deep down inside you know she isn't the one that deserves your hate. Google "displacement as a defense mechanism".

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imamommy

You don't trust him. You can hate her all you want but HE is the one that is placing the burden on your shoulders. His job is to protect you and shelter you from any drama from his past and he has not only failed to do that, HE has inflicted this distress on you and now tells you it's YOUR problem to deal with.

Move on and find someone else that respects you or stop complaining. His ex isn't the problem because perhaps she enjoys irritating you or maybe she wants him back but HE is doing nothing to protect you or your relationship.

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Shey02

'I hate his ex'........... If I were you, the title would be 'I hate my boyfriend'. Ditch this loser and get a proper life with a decent man. You will look back one day and wonder why you wasted two valuable, precious years that you can never get back with this cretin.

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