I hate his ex

12 years ago

My bf has a kid, cheated on me with the mother, as well as someone else from work. We have been together over 2 years and I find myself incredibly angry lately even though things are "over" and we have tried to move on and rebuild trust. In fact our relationship has been pretty good but I just can't or don't want to let go of my resentment. I hate that his ex still does things that I feel are inappropriate (asking him to dinner, flirting with him in front of me, etc.). He claims he "tells her to stop" but 1. I don't know that and 2. she keeps doing it. He always tells me that it's on me to not let her affect our relationship, which I find is a lot of pressure and unfair responsibility. HE cheated WITH her but now I just have to let it all go? So we can have a "healthy" relationship? I'm trying to analyze if I am being so stubborn about letting it go bc I really don't want this relationship even though I love him. I just don't want to share MY LIFE with this woman! I don't want her in my home, on the phone, ever ever ever. My question is, am I being self-destructive by refusing to let things roll off my back? Or am I right in protecting myself even though it leads to constant arguments? I don't know what to do or if I can/should handle another women up in my life for the rest of time. Thank you.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (4)

suzieque
12 years ago
He's cheated on you twice (that you know of) and you've only been together for 2 years? Huh? And he has a child with one of the women he cheated with? Hate to tell you this, but that woman will be in your life forever if you stay with him, because she's the mother of his child!

Him saying that he tells her to stop is stupid. If he wanted her to stop he would do so in front of you as well as when you're not there. And he would do so in a way that she would stop.

What is it that is causing you to love someone who has treated you so badly and disrespected you to such a degree? Do you not have any self-respect? I would urge you to see someone professionally to see if that person can help you stop allowing someone to treat you so.

You're on thin ground.
Amber3902
12 years ago
"He always tells me that it's on me to not let her affect our relationship,"

You see what he's doing here? He's making it your fault. Like Suzieque says, if he really wanted her to stop he would make her stop. But he likes the attention. So instead of owning his action or in this case inaction, he tries to make you feel guilty for daring to call him out on it.

"I really don't want this relationship even though I love him." I'm sorry, but what's there to love? He cheated on you twice but says you're the one with the problem. A REAL man would own his mistakes and do everything he can to show you he's not repeating them.

An alcoholic doesn't hang out in bars, he goes to AA meetings. He doesn't see how close he can get to alcohol without actually drinking it, he stays as far away from it as he possibly can.

The second BM asks him to dinner, he should say "I'm not going to dinner with you and never will. Never ask me that again." If she touches him, he needs to jerk his arm away and say "Don't ever do that again." Not make some weak a$$ excuse that you're the one with the issues.

You say you hate the ex, but I think deep down inside you know she isn't the one that deserves your hate. Google "displacement as a defense mechanism".
Related Discussions
I hate bambi and all his ilk
Q
Comments (23)
When we moved here (Chatham county) 11 years ago we had a few deer nibble on a few choice plants - no big deal. But the closer Cary comes (1 1/2 miles now vs. 10 miles when we moved here), the worse our deer problem gets. I can't grow much of anything outside my fenced area anymore and they have even jumped my fence to get to some things. I always thought tomato plants were poisonous, but apparently not to deer. They completely destroyed those this year and even ate my castor bean plants. This was the first year they touched my hydrangeas and they ate some of those to the ground. We have tried everything short of fencing the entire 4+ acres and nothing has worked this year. I don't like deer much, but I like rampant development even less. We have also seen an explosion in the bunny population here. I don't know where that comes from. They are everywhere and this is the first year we have ever had a real problem with them. Dana
...See More
ex hated them, new man loves them
Q
Comments (5)
Now, Dana, don't rush into this too quickly. It's one thing to spend all your free time with this man, and introduce him to your family and friends as the love of your life, but quite another to actually consider sharing your WORMS with him! Be sure, very, very sure, before making such a commitment... Kelly S ::married 24 years to the man I fell in love with my first day of college, but who is still not allowed to feed my worms!::
...See More
Oh I hate, hate, hate kitchen mishaps!
Q
Comments (22)
Annie, I know tons of people who store pans in their oven. I also just do not get it. The biggest disaster (lately) that I have created is to try to make a batch of bread that makes two loaves in my breadmaker. (Annie's maple oatmeal bread). Well, I never gave it any thought, but when the cycle beeped and I went to get it out to shape and bake, there was yeasty dough all over the counter, the floor, in the bottom of the breadmaker...yikes! We had to take the breadmaker and use a spray hose from the kitchen faucet to clean it out. Didn't know if spraying that water in it would hurt it or not, but I managed to make bread in it yesterday and it worked just fine. But what a mess to clean up!
...See More
I'm tired of my Ex and his drama llama
Q
Comments (21)
Yes she has to call stepmom Mom. She does it so she won't get into trouble. She doesn't like it because it's awkward to her. Dad and I divorced when she was 4. Dad met stepmom during seperation. Dd met stepmom right after divorce. Dd called stepmom by her first name for the next 4 years but then all of a sudden, she has to start calling her Mom just in the past 8 months. It's so weird. Oh Dd asked me a weird question today. I had a lightbulb go off in my head and I wanted to tell y'all. She just out of the blue said, I think it's so weird that my dad has to pay you money but you have a car and he doesn't. I just paused for a minute not sure how to answer because I have never told Dd about child support. So I asked her to explain her concern further because I wasn't understanding her point. She said you and Stepdad work, Dad works but he makes more money than both of you and you still have a nicer car than he does, he doesn't even have his own car.. So many thoughts went through my head and later, my Dh and I brought it up to each other and we laughed that both of us had the same thoughts... 'well if stepmom would get a job then maybe your daddy could buy himself a new car! AND SM drives a car that cost what mine and DHs cars combined cost... But alas that wasn't my response. I just told her yes Dad pays what is called child support and it's court ordered. You live more time with me and so the state says that both parents have to equally provide for their kids and that means he gives us money to help pay for your clothes, shoes, toothpaste, roofing, heat, water, etc. AND daddy doesn't have a car of his own because he has a vehicle that is provided for him by his boss and so he doesn't need one of his own, right? She said OH that would be so silly for him to have two cars. Every morning he would have to flip a coin to see which one to drive! Why does this jerk think he has to share every detail with our daughter?? She does not need to know the ins and outs of family court... I do wish there was a way to prove all of this and put his butt back on supervised visits where he belongs!
...See More
imamommy
12 years ago
You don't trust him. You can hate her all you want but HE is the one that is placing the burden on your shoulders. His job is to protect you and shelter you from any drama from his past and he has not only failed to do that, HE has inflicted this distress on you and now tells you it's YOUR problem to deal with.

Move on and find someone else that respects you or stop complaining. His ex isn't the problem because perhaps she enjoys irritating you or maybe she wants him back but HE is doing nothing to protect you or your relationship.
Shey02
12 years ago
'I hate his ex'........... If I were you, the title would be 'I hate my boyfriend'. Ditch this loser and get a proper life with a decent man. You will look back one day and wonder why you wasted two valuable, precious years that you can never get back with this cretin.

I hate his ex

Comments (4)

suzieque

Amber3902

Related Discussions

imamommy

Shey02

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US