Mourned Loss of Father--not to death, but to Stepmother
sharonphiladelphia
17 years ago
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theotherside
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agosandstone
17 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Well...Its Starting Already!
Comments (150)Last night was the coldest yet! The all time cold record for this day was smashed by 10 degrees! I hit a low of 23.4 and it was below freezing for 11.5 hours. Inside my shelters bottomed out at 30.8 degrees at 7am. Haven't peeked into the shelters yet today. I peeked under the edges a bit yesterday afternoon, and my lychee that had some growth that hadn't hardened off took a bit more foliage damage. Damage on anything else wasn't apparent - they looked about the same. Here are a few pics at sunrise today. Crazy mist rising off the retention pond & my Veinte Cohol banana. Astoundingly between the lights, screen and proximity to water even its leaves still have a bit of green in places. And the trunk is definitely fine. Heavy frost on the lawn & all my shelters waiting for the sun to start hitting them: How'd everyone else do last night?...See MoreIn love and nervous
Comments (6)rspiegel, being a motherless daughter myself, I hope to be able to give some insight (I am now a step-mom as well but out of divorce). While I was more open to the idea of my father finding someone, my sister objected to EVERYONE no matter what by making EVERYONE'S life miserable (only now is she beginning to accept our step-mother), and my brother just steered clear of everything and everyone. I think what needs to be clear in the father's mind is that you will become the girl's mother only if she wants it, if not the best approach would be to simply be a female presence in her life. I know I greatly appreciated it... One mistake ALL but my step-mom made was to try to buy us. We got a ton of presents out of it (not that my dad was a dating machine, he was simply a widower for many years and women just seem to LOVE him); my sister rejected all the gifts while I accepted both mine and hers (shame on me)! Different reactions to a behavior we both saw through. The other thing that happens is that, if all was good pre-death, the image of the mother will get more and more perfect... so it might get difficult at times for dad's new love. The biggest thing that helped me as a child and that has helped me now with my step-children is open communication between me and the children but more importantly between me and my husband (as my dad was and is with his wife). Problems come up when things are not said and thus misinterpreted or just amplified. But that goes with any relationship, I suppose. I think having a step-parent can be a really good thing, especially after years of having one parent: sometimes, without a sounding-board/partner, they go for the deep end and don't quite know left from right; at least that was the case for my dad (no offense to single parents; I have much respect and admiration for the category)! I cherish and value my step-mom; as much as she may drive me crazy sometimes, I do go to her to make sure that my father hears something that I have already told him. She is a good friend to me... My husband wanted me to be the mom to his children in our family... but they already have a mom! Granted, I have taken on many of the responsibilities that would fall on a mother when the children are with us, but I also recognize that their "mom spot" in their heart is already occupied. Still, I am very happy that they have been able to create a "step-mom" spot for me! :o) Best of luck. I think dads are pretty cool guys to marry. :o) ...uhm, and by that, I mean unmarried dads!!!...See MoreYour perspectives please
Comments (22)My opinion 1. Dad remarried so he wouldnt' have the responsibility of taking care of his kids. Bad on his side just alone for that. OR he thought it would be better for them to have a mother figure and dad in the pic. BUT bad point again because he didn't let his children mourne the loss of their mother. Hence the rejection of the woman or any woman who would have been in the pic. Even if she wasn't TOW , this person would have been in a bind. And would still have problems with the older child. Being in the teen years and knowing how to express their feelings. 2. The other woman : is an idiot to not see this. There was no plans for a wedding before the biomom died so its quite obvious. SHe should have said we will wait on the marriage until you settle in with your children and they mourne the loss of their mother. From that perspective alone she should have also held back 3. THey are both to blame for rushing in. 4. THe teen although has a right to his or her feelings but there is a thing called respect. He or she is under the fathers house and lives there. He or she doesn't have to act disrespectful. He or she has to realize that is was the fathers decision to marry and that regardless of how he or she feels towards the SM, she is the adult, taking care of them and is human. I do understand where he feels she deserves no respect considering she was the other woman. If i was him or her...i would consider living at an aunts house or grandparents. Knowing full well who she is i would not live under this roof. BUt i would be civil towards her for the sake of my younger siblings. 5. The SM now has to realize all the kids are mourning and she will have to have the patience to deal with them all. She put herself in this situation and shouldn't whine about now. 6. THey need family counciling. My father moved in a woman after 3 months after my mothers death as well. He thought it was a mothers job and he needed to get one for us. WE turned around after 6 months and told him no one will replace our mother, find a woman who you will love and care for you. And who we can be friends with. After that family talk he moved the woman out with her kids and started to date other woman until he found the right one for him.Not for us....See Morestepmon no heart
Comments (4)I, too, am so, so sorry for your loss. Time only helps in that the body becomes used to the pain. You are in my prayers tonight. You are devastated, mourning, etc. But, it's time to get a lawyer and FAST. If your suspicions are correct, you need to have the law step in before it's too late. It's VERY hard to believe that your father, the day before his stroke, would have had this HUGE change of heart and left everything to this woman. I smell a rat. Was that will notarized? Was an atty present? Investigate it all and leave no stone unturned. I'm so sorry you have to deal w/ this in addition to your pain. Dana...See Moretheotherside
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