you are NOT wrong to feel this way!!!! don't guilt yourself into feeling like you have a problem! you are human, and any feelings you have are legitimate. you need to seriously discuss this with your husband and explain exactly how you feel. his late wife is part of his past, and of course he will still have feelings for her, if he was able to just forget entirely sharing a life with her, then chances are he wouldn't be the sort of man you'd want. BUT, the past is the past...her picture belongs in the PHOTO ALBUM, where he can open it up and look and remember when he needs to. if he insists on having it out in plain sight, make it a small picture and somewhere out of the way perhaps. if he has an office or desk in the home, then maybe it can go there. it should not be front and center in the home that you now share with him. he needs to be sensitive to YOUR feelings also, just as you are trying to be with his.

I know marriage is a precious thing and should not be casually tossed aside, but if this is not solved soon you need a trial separation. Your husband may decide in a hurry that your are more precious to him than mourning someone who is gone and will not be returning.

The conditions are different, but caused the same stress in my marriage. When I married my husband he was carrying a torch for the wife who divorced him for another man. Well, when the other man would not leave his family for her, she wanted her former husband...my husband back. She told him she was sorry, "it was just menopause". He filed for divorce after a few months of being married to me. I made him leave until it was settled in court, he had one date with his her, gone only 2 weeks, and called me with an apology and ask if I would take him back. I did because I understood what he was going through. Believe me two weeks is nothing out of our 30 years of marriage. He was carrying a picture of her in his wallet, plus I found a few things in the house that was hers, on his own he gave it all to his son. As far as his children are concerned..that is a whole nother story!!!!!

Thank you Jonesy and jiggreen for your replies. You are both SO right in saying that LW's picture belongs in the past. Her death anniversary is Sunday and I think this also prompted this. No one has handled this well and after six years I am the one dealing with her unchecked baggage that she left behind (talk about dysfunctional). I may sound heartless, but for many reasons I don't like this woman even though I never knew her! Anyway, we are still working this out in counseling (didn't come up yesterday), so when we get to it again I intend to say that she is part of the past, etc. I cannot live with a picture out in the open. No way. We are talking about the unresolved issues and "baggage" stuff left by her now, so hopefully...thanks and I'll keep you posted.

I am not suggesting I am right, I am as lost as anyone. But I would like to offer an experience that might help you. I came home one day to find an old photo of my SD with her mother who abandoned her at age 2, posted to the refrigerator. I was hurt at first, because it was just another attempt by SD to make a very open and loud choice for the mother who abandoned her over even a friendship with me.

She was eighteen at the time and was (and is today) very jealous of the relationship I have with her father. In her mind, he is hers alone and she is more important to him than anyone. I quickly reminded myself to choose my battles wisely. It helped that the ex wife looked less than attractive in the photo. :)

I simply left the photo up. People came over and raised eyebrows but I just told them SD had put it up and if it made her feel more secure, I could live with it. Suddenly a few people seemed to notice how "she is" from that action without me having to say a word.

You can always cut out little sticky mustaches out of post it notes and stick them to the overlaying glass when you are alone with it. :) Be sure to remember to take them off before everyone returns though.

Dear ccbay, I can relate to the picture thing. My DH would never put up a picture of the ex who left him for another man. However SS would. Yes, shortly after DH and I purchased our home together SS who lived with us(who was 17 y.o. at the time)came with a large high school graduation picture of bio mom. This had just been given to him by bio mom. SS displayed the picture near the main door of his bedroom for everyone to see as they walked by. DH's Mom (SS grandmother) and family came to visit and questioned why it was up. I just shrugged and said SS brought it and left it at that. The next time DH's Mom (my dear mother-in-law) came to visit she gave me DH large graduation picture and baby picture, which I display near the main door in my bedroom for all to see. I guess it is better to say nothing and pray that if one turns the other check only good things can happen to that person and others will see the real truth. I would be hurt by what your DH is doing. I know I was hurt by my SS actions, but then realized that bio mom had something to do with it. Also, SS was having mix emotions as stepkids do. Hang it there and talk with your DH on what your needs our, realize he is have some emotional problems, and say many prays. That is what I do. Good luck, louisedawn

I think having a picture of a deceased spouse in your home is a kind gesture. After all, the person is dead. It shows maturity and grace and acceptance of two families. I think the deceased's children would take great comfort knowing their departed parent is not forgotten and that the Stepmother is secure enough and has enough love in her own being not to feel threatened... No offense folks, just my feelings..:)

I have to agree with maureen!

Alicia

Funny, i'm dating a man who divorced his wife and 3 yrs later, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. They had an adopted 7 yr old daughter between them. After the mom died, he moved into the house and is taking over the care of his daughter. There's a beautiful portrait of his daughter and her mom prior to her being sick. If all goes accordingly, we plan on me moving in there within the next few months. I have to say, I have no problem with the picture in the family room overlooking the kitchen for the whole world to see. My boyfriend asked me if I was comfortable with it being there since it's been part of the house for so long and I said definitely not. However, I guess I feel that way, because they were divorced and there was no love loss. It's for his daughter that I feel it should be there.

I'm going to agree with Maureen also -- assuming it's a picture of her alone, or her with her children. If it's the two of them together, I'd have a tougher time.