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Dad has moved on already?!

18 years ago

I am 24 years old and lost my 51 year old mother unexpectedly 3 months ago. I discovered that my dad started seeing someone approximately 10 days after her funeral.

My brother and I are sick over this, for many reasons. The first of which is that my dad wasn't always very nice to my mom--not out and out abusive, but not the man he should have been--and to see him play prince charming to someone else now feels like a slap in the face. Why didn't my mom deserve to be treated that way?

Second, when confronted, my dad insisted "What, should I have to be alone forever?" Maybe not, but 10 days?? We should also keep in mind that my father ranted for YEARS about how his sister-in-law began dating within a few weeks after his brother's death. He now denies ever thinking or saying that anything was wrong with that. I think it's just too soon. For all of us. And I have my suspicions about a woman who would date a man who's wife had just passed.

Third, my dad has basically stated that my mom did everything for him, household wise, and so he needs a replacement. Was my mother just a maid to him, so easily replaceable? And I'm sorry, but I just don't buy that a 52 year old man is helpless. He's not.

He says he's going to marry her sooner rather than later. I know how these things go. New wife moves in, and every last scrap of my mother's existence will be erased from the family home--nevermind being able to even talk about her anymore. This makes me utterly sick.

My dad and I got into a fight, because I told him that my brother and I were not going to spend the first set of holidays without mom with his new girlfriend. He told us we didn't need to bother to come home for the holidays then.

I feel very alone in the world, and like I've lost my dad as well as my mom. My friends assure me that my feelings are justified, but he's going to do what he wants and so I have to react accordingly. My not wanting to spend the holidays with this woman is not me standing on principle either--the thought of having this new person around literally makes me physically ill to think about. The first set of holidays were already going to be rough--now they will be nearly impossible.

I'm not sure what I need, advice or a shoulder to cry on or what. I just don't understand why he's doing this. He says he's lonely, but we're ALL lonely right now and that's part of the grief. I just am sick that my dad wants to have some kind of happily-ever-after come out of my mother's death.

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