I have been trying to help my husband. He hasn't shown any grief since the day he had to see his father's body at the funeral home. At the funeral he was the only dry-eyed person. I have been doing everything around the house, and anything I can think of to make things easier on him. But I am about ready to snap. NOt at him but at the insensitivity of other people. It is crazy. First, the my FIL's sister (in her 50's) posted an invite to his funeral on facebook. It was supposed to be a private family graveside service because my husband's mother is in a very fragile state right now. It was such a shock and she is not doing well. So two days before the funeral it is found out that his family now has to get together enough food to feed about 50 ppl because my FIL's sister invited all these people to the service and get together afterward. They did NOT need the extra stress of having to do this!! And a simple thing- my parents decided to send flowers my MIL's house even though they really don't know her. My mother asked ME to send them (because I could pick out something she'd like I guess) so I called a local florist and asked that the flowers be delivered to the house on the day of the funeral. The florist calls me back the day of the funeral to say they couldn't get the flowers I wanted in that day so they would be delivered the next day. I didn't want to argue so I said ok. There are more important things. But then I get another call that evening saying the flowers wouldnt' be delivered until TWO days after the funeral. I spoke with the owner who was VERY rude. When I said the flowers were for a funeral he corrected me and said "No they are not for a funeral, they are being delivered to a home address." Yes, dumbass but they have a sympathy card with them. He then asked what the address was even though I'd already given it to the person who took the order previously. He went on to say it wasn't his fault (I wasn't even upset at this point) that his supplier was late and all he could do was have me select another arrangement and he "Might" be able to deliver it by the next day. I found another florist and called him back and asked him to cancel the order. He said he'd already made arrangements to get the flowers I needed (still two days late) and I told him I just wanted to cancel the order please and he said whatever and hung up on me!! Stupid, but I just broke down crying. And at the service, the strangest thing was that my MIL did not want to watch her husband's urn be buried in the dirt (her kids and grandkids wanted to watch) and I definately don't blame her. She is still thinking of him as a person who is alive or has characteristics of being alive and to see that would just kill me. She started bawling and told everyone she had to get out of there and NOT one of her kids escorted her away. MY FIL's sister who posted the thing on facebook took her away. It also seems that my MIL does not want to hear any good things about her husband from anyone. SHe is very angry toward him (probably for leaving her alone) and if anything nice is said she gets mad. So I say nothing. I just don't know what to do.

@parent of one Yep, its for real. Yeah, I feel pretty bad about the swearing, especially that last time. About the phone...it is my work mobile, so I can receive calls from anyone, but I am only meant to call out regarding work related matters. I just got in that habit, they are pretty strict about it actually. @incognitomom She is in college and works part-time for a telco. Actually I have met other parents who cannot believe the wife lets the boyfriend sleep over. I wouldn't allow it either but I have to watch what I say. @justmetoo No, I don't think I have been the horse's ****. Actually, although it might not sound like it, my wife is actually really quite conservative, like an aunty or grandmother type of personality, not the modern 'with-it' personality. I really love her. I believe she extracted promises from the daughter about the boyfriend, sort of like an honor system...you may have seen those wooden boards that were used about a hundred years ago so that a boyfriend could lay in bed with the girlfriend...well, sort of that kind of mentality. Hint: look up 'bundling' (tradition) in Wikipedia. @myfampg Pardon, but who is the whack job? Like, these things even the purported accident with the wife's former husband, are pretty much normal, I would say. Especially in her home country which has much larger disparity between rich and poor, and wealth was part of the problem, jealousy of wife's wealth being the reason her false friend contrived to ruin her marriage. At least in my home country we also have a huge problem with male suicide, which is ignored in the mainstream, don't know about the US tho'. And problems within step-families are par for the course, aren't they? In fact, I would suggest that only a whack job would suggest that step-families do not have their own unique set of problems. UPDATE: Well things have quieted down a little. SD is making arrangements to move out to near BF's place. SD has new pet rabbit. I have been keeping the swearing right down, thankfully.

Hi, We are having a similar situation with our 18 1/2 year old Son, except for the pot smoking. He got tired of school back in 2006, and it was fight to get him to go to his classes. He quit and we made him get his GED right away and told him that if he wasn't going to go to college then he would have to get a job. We didn't want him bumming around. Well, he has worked all of 4 months in the last 2 yrs. He is out all night, sleeps all day, and plays around like he's still a carefree kid. He is a very talented musician in a band (not making money yet) and he has alot of potential but NO motivation to get things on his own (work for them). His friends buy him cigarettes & food. His girlfriend drives him everywhere. He doesn't have a car, no license, and he refuses to walk or ride a bike to find work. Says all of his friends parents buy their kids cars, pays for their college, etc. We have dangled numerous carrots in front of him to try to motivate him (what we can afford-since we are poor), including finding him a job where I worked so he could drive with me. It lasted 2 weeks before he didn't like it anymore. We have tried the opposite too, by taking cancelling his cell phone and getting a land line for everyone instead (cheaper), but he always seems to adapt. He see's us work & he see's us share one old car and my Husband rides a bike & bus to work (for the last 3 years). He watches us struggle and he continues to act like he's entitled & selfish. We wouldn't mind him staying if he would grow up, contribute, and not be a mooch. I have been a bit more understanding (because of him being a musician & trying to support him on a creative level) but my Husband has been fed up for over a year. We both are now on the same page & decided to take a stand on it. This is the contract we came up with. We have all signed it. Mabye this will help someone else out. What do you think? I ____________ agree to do the following: 1) Find & Get a paid job (looking doesn't count-must be working by deadline). 2) Be respectful & courteous to others living under this roof. 3) Clean up completely after self & friends. 4) Keep back porch clear of cigarette butts, cups, food, soda cans, etc. 5) Keep own room & house clear of soda cans, cups, food, etc. 6) Follow rules of house. 7) Help without arguing or ignoring when asked to do things around the house, such as cleaning cat box, taking out trash, bringing up trash cans, etc. from time to time. 8) When paychecks start coming, give $25.00 a week to Mom & Dad to put in account to be held until we move or you move out. If you abide by the rules above all the money will be given back to you at that time above. If you do not abide by the rules at certain times then everytime a rule is broken and we have to clean up after you or listen to rudeness or disrespect then portions of the money will be deducted at our discretion. (example 1: you take Moms soda because you drank all of yours-you will be charged and the money will come out of the money saved) (example 2: you decide to make a mess & not clean up after yourself in your room, porch, livingroom, computer area, kitchen, etc. - I will charge a clean-up fee to be taken from the money saved) The amount you save will be up to you and your attitude. __________________________________ If the 8 requirements are met you will be on your way to gaining independence, earning respect, becoming mature, & saving money. __________________________________ On the other hand, if these 8 requirements are not met and kept up with by Saturday Oct 4th, 2008, you must pack your things up and move out. If there is an argument at that time we will move things out to the front yard & change locks if need be. Signed by ________________________ Date ____ Son Signed by ________________________ Date ____ Mom Signed by ________________________ Date ____ Dad

OMG! Ok - I was trying this forum out and YES, I did leave things obscure enough for some of you to be making these statements. I am not a bad mother. Background. My 2 oldest sons had graduated from H.S. when I came over here. They were already situated & ready for college. My 3rd son was in 3rd grade and is now in 7th. He is very attached to his father and so it was decided (mutually with my EX) that instead of uprooting the boys (whom didn't want to leave their own home & ranch to live in a NY cramped apt) they would stay in TX. The catch would be that my EX would move into our home so as not to have the boys move with him into his studio apt. As for my current husband's EX Wife; she calls and asks for him to call the Super from her apt bldg so as to voice complaints just because he's a Man and they listen more to a man. She calls to ask him to buy groceries because she doesn't want to carry the bags in the subway train she takes from work. She calls to have him discipline the boys (for which his kids are asking why he's always so mean to them and mommy isn't). She calls to have him run over to shovel snow that is stuck to her Explorer so that she can go to work (boys take school bus). She calls to whine about money issues and how she's not making it and then goes on to ask for a loan (she gets a very good amount $1K+). She calls to ask if she looks good in her cognac colored boots or the jet black boots. He works 2 jobs and she calls to have him get out of work to pick up the boys because she's tired from going out all weekend. As for his treating me differently . . his personality changes when they are here. I've tried everything possible to get along with these boys and there has been some progress. Enough so that they feel good to come to me to help them finish projects because mommy is tired. I've taken them in too many times to count for dinner, rides and washing their clothes without so much as expecting a Thank You from anyone. But my husband's personality is still visibly shifted and the answer for that is still unclear. He tends to buy very expensive games, electronic toys, etc., and he's put our finances in jeopardy. And their (the boys) attitude & tone of voice change when their dad is present. 1 minute they're ok with me and then they change with dad. No, I do not vie for his attention or try to take it away from them. I bow out on many things that I can safely consider a "guy" thing in order for dad & sons to have some alone time. MY sons are very good & progressing happily. Yes, of course they must miss mom (me) but anyone who's talked to them can see that they are very well balanced boys. As for the original plan in our marriage was that my husband was going to finish out 6 years in his place of business before we made concrete plans to move to my home state. I'm just wondering if it'll ever happen or if I'm wasting time. My stepsons aren't the major problem; it's the calls, the calls and the calls from his EX-wife and the way he just changes when the boys are around. NOW reply please.