Yes, the mom has paid support, not on time or in full most times but after they attached last years income tax, we are now up to date. It is a small amount, we pay for health insurance. She is responsible for very little. We had custody of the 3 children, 1 is moved out on her own, she is in her 20's, the other is going to college here but will transfer to the new state. So, the last one is the youngest minor. SD has not said alot about the move, it has been a well kept secret. She did say that she wants to experience life and see different places. SD is very well adjusted, well liked at school and a top honor student. But she is close to her mom and I would imagine that she feels very very torn about this. I would like DH to talk to her when it actually becomes a reality and tell her that 2 years will fly by and she can apply to colleges there. this may sound petty, but I hope their house doesn't sell before the fall so SD will not have to make a decision. She has made it very clear to us that if this does not happen in the next 5 months and the move happens during the summer, she will not move if she starts her junior year, she will finish her jr and sr year here. That would pretty much solve this whole mess. Bio's DH will not make more money, he will be closing the doors to his business and I guess find a job/business to go to. Bio mom will work 20 hrs a week I assume and attend this program. She has attended 3 schools in 5 years and has not gotten very far, she flunks many of her classes so I have no hopes that she will actually complete this process. I don't know, I am a rambling kind of mood today. I think this is a selfish decision to make at this point. This education could be attained here and she could wait until her youngest is 18 and go where ever she pleases, she is causing a tremendous amount of unhevel and there is no home, job, family she is going to... just the acceptance into a community college? Who does that? And don't drag your kids along, wait until you are settled yourself. Who is going to support them and my SD? Our child support? Beginning to look that way. We will subpeona her payroll records if this actually happens and our arguement will be that she is leaving a good paying job, so we should not have to pay more because of that.

OMG! What a nightmare. If I were you I'd do two things right off the bat. Find a good attorney and meet with him so that you know the right answers to the questions you've asked (or start at the web site mentioned above for a less-expensive route). THen, also find a counselor for your own marriage and family to help you get through it. I know that they cannot force you to move though, or to visit the child. It could end up being a financial obligation only. It looks like you live in CO (?) does she live in CO as well? If so, see the link provided. Child support and paternity laws will be based on the state SHE lives in. I see that in CO, paternity can be established up until the child is 18. So based on this, I guess she could legally go after you for child support plus arrears, but there is a chance that you could fight it. Especially since the girl already has a 'dad' and a 'step-dad'. Where I live, I think the courts would favor making 'dad', blood-dad or not, be responsible for supporting the child. Especially after 5 years of marriage. Have you had a DNA test? If not, you should insist on one. Also, where does this $500/mo figure come from? There is a formula that takes into account how many children you already have, what your income is and has been over the past 12 years, etc.. It also takes her income into consideration (see FAQ's on the link provided) Has she used such a formula to cite this amount, or is she just hoping for 500/mo ? You have the right to go to the court and question any court orders that are given to you. Make sure they do things right, don't just accept the amount they ask you to pay. Trust me, they will try to get away with asking you to give her whatever she has requested, in the hopes that you won't question it!! (Friend of the Court is often called "Friend of the Mother" ) Hope things work out for you... Here is a link that might be useful: CO child support info

I'm a stepmom of 2 kids... an 11-year old boy and a 14-year old girl... who live with my husband and I about 80% of the time. I have to say that I'm blessed - they are kind, loving and very respectful kids who have always treated me well. Even given that, I have to admit that I STILL find being a stepmom very challenging. I think like most stepmoms, I came into this situation with the desire to create a happy, harmonious environment for me and the man I married and his children. I still do. I care about these kids, and I want them to be happy and set up to have a successful life, emotionally and in every other way. But over time... again, even though my stepkids are such good kids... I have STILL found myself surprised at the amount of resentment (and sometimes even anger) that has built up in me. It's the result of a few factors I think. A big one for me is that I resent the fact that their own mother doesn't do more. I shared with my husband a few months back that he and his ex need to split the driving duties and other parenting responsibilities 50/50, while I only help out occasionally, versus me doing 70% of all of the pickups and drop offs for school and other activities. (Just because I work from home and have a flexible work schedule doesn't mean that I'm an on-call chauffeur for the kids.) Another big one is that my husband is happy to have his kids around all the time (of course, he's their dad!) while I really need time away from them where it's just the two of us. No matter how nicely I may share with my lovely husband that I need more time with him (i.e. on the third week in a row that their mom wants us to take them during the weekend when she is supposed to have them) on some level he'll always hear it like I am rejecting his children. This has caused major friction in our marriage. His children, their mom's lack of care for them and him making me feel like I need to fill the gap (or I'm not being supportive) is really the only thing we fight about. Before you call me evil, let me explain: So much of being a stepmom is holding your tongue. I really care about the emotional well being of my stepkids, and I don't ever want to say or do anything that may cause them pain or make them feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in my home. I'm not a jerk or anything, I'm a pretty kind person I think. But the amount of stuff that you may want to say out loud that you don't... about the kids, their mom, whatever... it's a lot. On some level, I feel like I'm always monitoring what I do and say. It's tiring. I have to admit that it's nice when they go to their moms, so that I can "turn off" so to speak and just BE in my own home. So I look forward to that time. It also gives me a chance to miss them and appreciate them even more when they come back! I see so many comments attacking stepmoms, and I'm sure there are some majorly s***ty ones out there, but there's also a lot of well-meaning ladies that really do care for the kids in their care. But guys, I'd just ask you to remember that these ARE NOT our kids. Everything we do for them, we do out of love for you. And it can be very draining. A mom gets fed by the unconditional love that flows effortlessly between her and her biological child. A stepmom does not. She gives a lot and really doesn't get a lot back. Overtime, you can start to feel like the hired help, a guest in your own home, and the lowest person on the totem pole. My advice for the original poster? If you're not willing to change the kids' schedule, then offer an alternative that she can work with - hiring a nanny. Seriously. I don't say that to be an a-hole, but really, it sounds like your wife is stuck in what's called a "double bind." She wants to support you by helping you with your kids (she LOVES you, after all) but at the same time, she really doesn't want to be doing most of what she is doing... but by not doing it, she feels she would be letting you down. It's a lose lose. Add on top of that the pain of losing the baby, and she is growing to resent the lot of you. Take the burden off of her. Look into hiring a nanny to carry most of the load. Yes, it will cost you some money, but hiring a nanny is much less expensive than paying for a divorce. Also consider setting a date night for just the two of you once per week that you don't break (and when you do go out, don't talk about your kids!). Much love to you and your situation x

cdngirl: I just read back through canine's post "BF has child, I have none-help with nerves" and saw your message: > My BF is amazing, and I told him thatI didn't want to meet his son unless he was "ring-on-the-finger" serious. That was only 6 weeks ago, but then we are in our late 30's and both about to finalize divorces, so if he's sure..I know I am... Er...please don't be offended, but this sounds rather ill-advised. Both the not-meeting-the-kid, and the deciding-to-get-married-after-6-weeks. The thing is, this may sound kind of old fashioned but when you marry somebody, you're marrying their situation and you're marrying their whole family. Including the problems. Especially the problems. > this could be the big "test" though...what do you think? I think that's a contender for understatement of the year. The younger the kid is when a step parent waltzes on to the scene, the easier it is for the step. At 3 or 4, the kid's still young enough to be easily disciplined, and I've read that even up to age 5 or so children often bond very well with the step. At 1 or 2, the kid will probably see no diff between the step and the real parent -- depending on the specifics of the situation of course. My 3 year old SS was a cakewalk -- my 9 year old SD and 13 year old SS on the other hand were not cakewalks. My advice to you: * do background research on the web about the sorts of behaviors that you can expect from kids post-divorce, and entering into a step situation. * ask your SO what sorts of things his kid is interested in, and do research into that -- not necessarily to cram fun down his throat, but to have points of reference -- and to find out if his personality is drastically different than yours. If you think it doesn't matter, check out mom-2-4's posts. * Ask your SO ALL about his SS, particularly if he has any wacky kinds of personality traits -- gird your loins. Before somebody jumps down my throat, either my partner failed to mention it, or she did and I just plain forgot when I met her, but my SD tends to lie. Quite a lot. I can understand it, knowing the family situation she's in with her BD, but I wasn't aware of it when we met, which lead to...situations. * even with the 3 above points, try to give the kid the benefit of the doubt, because kids are perceptive and kids are smart. They just lack vocab, and social embarrasment/guilt. * DON'T GET MARRIED RIGHT AWAY. Kids in a step or divorce situation are on a slow timescale. I would personally give it 2 years of constant contact, before you really know where you stand, but don't do anything for at least 6 months. My advice, anyway. As far as what do 10 year olds like to do -- try Warhammer, D&D, playing catch (baseball & frisbee), amusement parks, miniature golf, having books recommended to them (Henry Reed, My Side of the Mountain, House with the Clock in its Walls, 3 Investigators), watching cartoons, watching shoot-em-up sci fi (best of all -- Aliens 2), playing video games, riding bikes, going hiking. Or at least, that's what *I* liked at 10.