Just thank God its almost over for this round!!! What ever happened to raising our kids so that they have roots and wings? Our 17 year old refuses to let me do anything for her. She's been this way since she was 10. (This can be just as irritating). She would rather make a mistake - but do it herself. Is there no middle ground? You would think that she'd learn a bit from being around your kids.

Maybe she is too scared to do anything for herself because Mom chastises her if she does. Very sad

Hey Rosie, I know what you mean, our 3 yr old (actually 3 1/2 now) wants to do EVERYTHING herself, to a fault! She climbs to wash her hands, opens the fridge and helps herself and drags stools over to get things out of the pantry. I have to watch her like a hawk -- she got a pair of scissors the other day and cut a chunk of her own hair. I told her she'd best leave the haircuts to the professionals!

My 17 year old recently started REALLY listening to my advice and letting me help her. Amen! Like your 17 year old, Rosie, I applaud my daughter's independence, but sometimes we can offer wisdom borne of our years. The real maturity, I think, is their ability to figure out when to act on their own and when to ask for help.

Many times I feel so helpless with my SD. I know it's not so, but I sometimes get so frustrated I feel like it's a hopeless cause. I'm not giving up, though!

And MIStepmom, I think you're right,too. I have believed for some time that SD is scared of her BM. Evidence of this, I believe, is in the fact that SD just LOVES to force my 3 yr old to call her "mommy" and she then proceeds to tell the little one "you do this, you wear this, you say this, you pretend that this ..." I see in that game SD's need to reclaim the power that she perceives her mother has over her. Incidentally, I didn't care much for that game and her bullying the baby, so I put a stop to it.

My SD (12) does the same thing to the little ones, needing to have control over any situation, any game they are playing, and I stopped it as well. She also trys to dicipline them, which is when I remind her that I AM THE PARENT, not her. That one gets annoying.

My 5 yr old climbs counters (heart failure) to get a bowl for her cerial, then opens the fridge and pours the milk, she'll get her own drinks, wants to do everything herself and hates it when I try to help her, or stop her from killing herself..lol....she also cut her own bangs, a huge chunk missing in the middle now...lol... no more sizzors for her! My 3 yr old is becoming the same way, wants to do everything himself...however my 12 yr old (SD)isn't independant at all. She has no personality of her own, it's like she becomes whoever she is around. She won't do anything unless being told to do so, even stupid things like getting a drink. I tell her if you want something, you know where it is, she's 12 I don't have to wait on her!! And no she doesn't just ask for a drink she wants me to get it for her. Apparently BM waits on her hand and foot. Not in my house!! LOL She won't just go play I have to tell her to, she's definately a follower, not a leader.... but I'm working on this!!

I think this is a stage that lots of kids go through. It has nothing to do with someone following her and making sure she does it. My mother has always told us to brush our teeth and things like that but my brother would always try to get away with not doing something. There wasn't really a reason as to why, he'd just not want to brush his teeth or wash his hair (he'd get it wet but not use shampoo!). Mom just had to keep up with him more than me to make sure he did what he was to do. It was around the age your SD is and I believe I've read other posts here at THS about kids this age doing this. They usually get better when they start caring more about how they look and things when puberty hits. DB now does what he's supposed to do just fine and he's 20.

As for the other stuff, I think maybe you sometimes get overannoyed at stuff because she's your SD. Lots of kids spill things or interupt and well, you don't have full custody of this girl so all you can do is try to teach her the best you can in the little time you have her. Hope you make a good impression and she carries this stuff with her to use later in life and with her own kids. That's the best you can do.

~Leslie~

Leslie, it's definitely MORE than the age thing. And I'm totally sure part of it is because she is my SD. Why? If she were MY child, she would *not* be so helpless. It's not the spills or simple things like that, it's much more than that.

For instance, last night SD spoke with BM on the phone. SD immediately launches into baby talk with her BM. Sorry, but baby talk is not spoken here. Never. Ever. There is no reason for it and it's not cute. If that makes me a wicked stepmother, oh well. But this is how SD's mother speaks to her. SD can talk to her mother like that, but save it for her mother's house. Not here. Please!

And no, I'm not blasting BM's. This is her child and she can handle things in her household however she sees fit. Only, I don't have to agree with her and do what she does. And I don't have to allow her techniques and philosophy to spill over into our home.

Mikkella, it seems that my SD and yours were cut from the same mold! My SD also constantly tries to correct our 3 yr old, even when the little one is doing nothing wrong. Worse yet, if I am correcting the baby, SD will chime in. Again, I think she's looking for some sort of power in her life that she knows she can't get at BM's. Her mother gives her no freedom, no choice. If kids aren't allowed to begin making small decisions in their life (clothes, what to order for dinner, what sport to play, etc.) how can they progress to the big important ones?

I guess I sound upset and bitter right now. I'm not, really. I'm just tired. She wears me out with her neediness, and when she's here it's difficult for me to work. And no, I don't let SD see my frustration. That's where you guys come in!

Hmmmm ... I guess I better pay the fees to stay here, huh? :-)