Personally, I would not like either my folks or my husband's folks in the same house. Both are gone now for many years, but no house is big enough for 2 women. Instead of building/buying a place I suggest strongly looking for a good assisted living place. That gives them the freedom, does not tie you down, but you are avaiable if needed. This area has some excellent ones. Lots of activities, bus service to medical, and field trips. Expensive, yes, but much easier to deal with. All have excellent medical people on site, etc.
Just my opinion. (I do not mean a senior complex)

With more and more of the population aging I think you are going to find that reselling a place set up to care for elderly parents is going to become a hot property no matter which set up you use.
For my own taste I'd go with the master on each floor but I'd add a seperate sitting area for the parents too with a kitchenette....no oven.

(why do they need garage access

Right now my mil is healthy & active while fil is in beginning stages of Alzheimers. She does all the driving & still gets out. An assisted living would be great for fil, but would drive mil nuts. The day will probably come when he would need to be in a nursing home, but until then, she wants him at home. I just think she is going to need help.

And if he has to go to a home, or she outlives him, she wouldn't want to live alone. She is not the independent type at all.

My mil & I have a great relationship & I want to keep it that way. Dh has one brother & he lives here too, while the in-laws are 300 miles away with no nearby relatives. My mom is there, but they aren't close.

I'd do a MIL suite in a minute! If I;d found a house with one i;d have bought it but am adding one in my walkout basement instead. Go for it, and def add a kitchenette!

I don't think a kitchenette would be needed for them. Mil seldom cooks anymore. That's one thing I've seen in other houses that seems unused by older parents. At least with a downstairs master suite, we could move into it when they moved out. By then I probably wouldn't be climbing stairs well anyway.

Half off topic, but I am not sure that avoiding stair climbing when you are old is such a good idea. Even if it is strenous and hurts your bones a little.

Of my grandparents, the only one who is still alive is my grandmother (now 87), who is the only one of my grandparents who stayed active her whole life. She still has to climb several flights of stairs each day.

The other ones stopped being active with retirement and basically sat in front of the TV until they died of vascular disease.

Probably would be good, but my knees hurt now, I can imagine what they'll be like in 10 years. lol Maybe by then I'll have hip & knee replacement & be better than new.

It sounds like you really want to go with the first floor master suite. I'd try to set it up so that the separate entrance doesn't seem too out of place (maybe have a door that opens onto a small patio area?).

We have a wet bar area in our MBR for morning coffee and it's a very nice amenity.

I'd maybe plan for two entries into the MBR - one that would be the typical one that you would use and one from a mudroom or laundry near (but not directly off) the garage. You wouldn't have to put both doors in inititally, but keep the option in mind.

The duplex idea might be a good one too, but that really depends alot on your neighborhood and the price range you are going to end up in.

Same boat. Starting to thnk about options ourselves. Together, my parents are still in their own home. My Mom does the driving & very minor upkeep. I get on to her about doing too much, but have come to realize that staying active is probably what's keeping her active. If it's just my mom, she'd love a little tiny garden house with little upkeep. If it ends us being just my Dad, that's a tough one because he has some health issues.

If you're looking at land, you might be able to add a little "house" close to yours that could turn into a "shop" or hobby area later. You could build one of those Mueller metal buildings & finish it out for pretty reasonable $$. A bedroom with a bathroom with walk-in shower, a living area & a small kitchen area wouldn't have to be very big. You could put a nice porch on it to soften the look & have a place to sit outside on the 3 -4 days a year we get pleasant weather! I've seen some that are really fabulous - we have friends that live in one & it's great. It would be close, but still offer a feeling of independence.

Down side of moving them to the country is quick medical response time, but I think they'd enjoy the trees, the birds, the quiet & tranquility.

As far as in-laws - my FIL will never leave their farm. Period. My MIL says when she gets "old & senile" we can just tie her to a tree & check on her every now & then ----- haha! MIL will gladly go to Oklahoma & the Cherokee Reservation if she needs to - which she would enjoy like crazy!

My MIL just sold what was called an executive rancher that had 2 master suites on the main floor with another living area in what would be a walk out basement. Her house was built into a hill, the front is higher then the back. The house had a lot of potential to do various things with it due to the layout.

We walked a home in one development where the MIL lived with them. They had a 2 story house, kept the main master, then they gave her the other 1/2 of the upstairs complete with a door to her section of the house upstairs. If you go to this page view the plans for the Winston. The back stairs were taken out which gave more room upstairs to make a laundry area for the MIL. They either sold the house or took it off of the market.

Do you have a builder in mind? Do they have plans on their site?

I would not opt for the duplex arrangement. As time progresses, it's quite possible you'll want to be close enough to hear a fall or other problem. Also, your MIL would be more socially isolated from the family in a duplex.

Stairs are not a good idea, IMO. Sure, there are some people who can manage stairs their entire lives but most are not that fortunate for a large variety of reasons. So, I like the idea of a main floor master bedroom. I'm also uncertain if an independant kitchenette is necessary...probably, not.

I commend your decision & believe that homes with in-law quarters will be in large demand over the next couple decades.

Wishing you fair winds & safe harbor,
Tricia

For resale, I think if you do a separate entrance you should do a kitchenette (or at least a space for that with plumbing & electrics). Beside aging population you could have many reasons for wanting a separate apt - nanny unit, rental or if this is your forever home, caretakers for you!You would want your unit to be avalaible to the broadest market, rather than just your current use.

BTW - I think it is teriffic! I don't have my mom around anymore, but if I had a suite like we're talking about she could have avoided an assisted living home - which she HATED!

I added a 600 sq ft room as an in-law. It has a small eating area, bed, day bed/couch, and TV viewing area. It is a few steps to my normal downstairs bathroom, and a few more steps to the kitchen.

I also plan on using it eventually, and will then basically close up the upstairsof the house.

It is the addition on the right.

{{!gwi}}

>>Half off topic, but I am not sure that avoiding stair climbing when you are old is such a good idea. Even if it is strenous and hurts your bones a little. Sometimes one doesn't have a choice in the matter. I fell on concrete stairs outside when I was 54 and did myself in with a compound fracture and dislocated ankle (and the bone density test results were fabulous, BTW, I have better bone density than many 25 yr olds!). There are only 4 steps to our front door and I could not manage them for almost two months. I slept on the living room sofa for 4 months before I could get downstairs to our ground-floor master bedroom suite again. I was lucky that the first floor bathroom BARELY fit the walker I was using.

It was an interesting and enlightening experience on what it is like to be disabled and/or old.

The MIL apartment could be a tremendous asset in resale. Around our San Francisco Bay Area there is a huge and rising demand for them. Almost all the houses here have stairs in and out, and the elderly end up selling their homes because they can't manage them after a while.

In our last house there was a small suite on the main floor that was intended either for a MIL or live-in Nanny or other household help. It was right next to the kitchen, laundry room, garage entrance, but had a nice view of the yard and it's own bath. That's where my MIL stayed whenever she visited since it was close to the door, the kitchen, and family room. She uses a walker and it was ideal.

This is the type of property my family has been searching for this past year. Our circumstances are somewhat different -- we inherited a home in Calif. that was in a location that was undesirable. But we wanted to have a family home again for holidays & vacations & we really missed the Calif. home once it sold.

We decided to buy a home in Colorado, because my son could maintain and live in it year round and my daughter and I would like to spend as much time there as possible.
We did have accepted offers on a home with a detached apartment and one with a apartment over the garage. Both deals fell through for various reasons.
Now we have an offer (which just might make it to close) on a home with a walkout basement. Basement has separate entrance and plenty of room with kitchenette and bathroom.

I'm glad that we ended up with the walkout basement because though retired, I'm working more part-tme hours which I love, so my time in Colorado will be less than I had origianlly hoped for. So that makes it much more economical without having to heat a separate apartment.
Also it looks as if it would be easy to make wheelchair accomodations when & if I will need them.

It took about a 6 months to finally find the property that seems to be best for us, becaue of wanting a location that is withing walking distance of downtown & recreation & the lack of inventory in this area.
Good luck
Susan

Just got this house in my emails today maybe it will give you some ideas. House w/ MIL suite / apartment

inlaw suite that has a livingroom, oversized bedroom, full bath and an entrance of its own

Looking at it, it looks like they used the garage, but the listing on Remax says it has a garage, which is probably a detached behind the house.

I'm glad that we ended up with the walkout basement because though retired, I'm working more part-tme hours which I love, so my time in Colorado will be less than I had origianlly hoped for. So that makes it much more economical without having to heat a separate apartment.
Also it looks as if it would be easy to make wheelchair accomodations when & if I will need them.

The house we just put an offer on has a walk out basement, which is a plus if one (or both) of the adult kids needs to live with us.

Here is a link that might be useful: realtor.com link

Marti, I just wanted to say I admire you for your choice in being so considerate of your in-laws and making their lives easier. It's a rarity these days where grown children take the responsibility for the people who raised THEM.

I feel very fortunate to know I have children who are willing to help me out if ever that time comes. It's a good feeling knowing your family loves you and can be depended on.

Being you're doing the right thing in taking on the responsibility of aging parents, you will be blessed in making your decision.

Well, that day is coming. Dh now wants to enclose our garage instead of building specifically for us & them. However, that means no garage for us, and no work area or office for dh.

I really don't know what to do, or even how I feel about having them move here. Well, I do know how I was feeling, and it wasn't that nice. I thought I'd search out this post & review the general consensus before I discussed it with dh again. Then I read patty_cakes post and feel like a low-life, selfish toad.

Your DH may want to reconsider.Walking on concrete is tough on old bones. Wooden floors with some give are much better. Covering concrete with a rug usually isn't enough to make a difference on bones.

my brother had the knee thing going from building on a concrete slab, but he says he was able to fix it by putting in "floating" Pergo.

We bought our current house with the intention of my mother moving in with us. We have a one-story U-shaped floorplan with "her room" (we still have to remodel the former laundry room into a small bathroom) in one leg while the other three bedrooms and bathrooms are in the other leg and the kitchen, dining room and living room in the bottom part of the U. This arrangement gives everyone space and privacy but we are also close and my mother would not feel too isolated (which may be the case of a MIL apartment).

One reason we bought this house was it absolute absence of steps. My mother has been diagnosed with Parkinson's and she cannot walk up any steps without assistance. Although I don't have any major knee problems, my knees are also happy without any steps or stairs.

Having said all this, my mother has decided to remain in her retirement community. She has access to better social opportunities, on-premise medical care, incredibly cheap housekeeping costs and 24-hour emergency alert. So, our house is ready for her if she needs us but for now, she is independent.

Since marti8a is in TX it is most likely the whole house is a slab anyways so no different than in the house.

Now I don't like garage conversions very much and where would the bath be? Do you have a bath that can be made accessible with at least 36" wide aisles/doorways and walk-in shower?

How about looking for a house for sale that has an addition of a bigger master bath or something so it also has a MIL suite or plan. My old house had this and it is part of what sold me on the house back then and what made the buyers offer me 15K over asking to sell it to them before I even listed it.

I really don't want to stay in this house, and especially so if they move in. Our garage is detached and has an office & bath in it now, but doesn't have a covered entry. The bathroom door is 36" but the bathroom is too small for 2 people to use everyday. It is great for a quick shower for the dog or dh, but that's about it. And we would have to put in central heat & air, and a security system so we know when fil wanders out the door.

I told dh that we would be making the house too hard to resell & he said there wouldn't be anything we couldn't undo. Uh huh, central air? Putting in windows?

My in-laws are wonderful people, but we are different & I'm afraid if we don't have totally separate space, I will resent their being here and they will hate being here too, and none of us want that. They are very old fashioned about cleanliness and I'm borderline OCD. They are both on meds that make them cold all the time & I am menopausal and can barely stand 78 on the a/c. Fil is hard of hearing & has the news on from the time he gets up until he goes to bed, and so loud that it is impossible to talk over. And he is keeper of the remote so no one can turn it off or down even when he is asleep. Drives dh up the wall. There's more trivial stuff about them that get on my nerves after a long weekend with them, and who knows what I do that drive them nuts, but I drive me nuts, so I'm sure they have loads to pick from.

I guess I'm down about this now because dh just recently became convinced that we need to get the house finished & sell it after the kids are out of school. If in-laws move in, I'll be stuck here forever.

I hear you. My hat is off to anyone who is able to have aged parents move in with them, and share the family/TV room, kitchen, etc. but what you described in your last post is a recipe for life being h***. It's one thing (and a big thing) to take on the responsibility of having aged parents nearby and caring for them, but it's a whole nother step to have an older person in charge of the remote camped in your living room every evening of your life. I know you didn't ask for advice on the personal part of it, but your last post expressed some very understandable and very human trepidation about too much closeness. (My mom has alzheimer's so I do have some idea what is coming eventually as far as your FIL.) And maybe I'm reading too much between the lines, but it sounds as if you are facing a huge life change without completely being consulted or getting to vote....so you ought to have huge veto powers on the arrangements (just as, if you wanted to bring your mother into your home your hubby should have big veto powers over the exact arrangement.)

Meantime, your MIL is still in good health and active, and it sounds as if she would also be happier with her own space and privacy? As your FIL's condition deteriorates, and eventually your MIL's health (which might be a long time from now) you can still be near enough to help and there are alarms and buzzers that can be wired even into a separate cottage, apartment, or duplex (and some people cut a door between duplex units for this very thing, then put it back for resale.) In any case, don't let anyone make you feel bad for not wanting to share your kitchen and LR with your in-laws; chances are they will also be happier with their own space and as much independence as possible. To bring this back OT...I think resale for a nice duplex or separate apartment is pretty good in many areas. ;~)

Thank you briosafarm. I'm leaning toward a duplex too. If we both buy half, maybe we can put a door in a common wall - unless it is a firewall or somehow impossible.

MIL is good mentally, and still active, but she has heart problems from time to time, so it would be good for her to live near us. I know she will get worn out fast if she doesn't get some kind of help with fil, even if it's just home care a few hours every day or two.

Thank you briosafarm. I'm leaning toward a duplex too. If we both buy half, maybe we can put a door in a common wall - unless it is a firewall or somehow impossible.

MIL is good mentally, and still active, but she has heart problems from time to time, so it would be good for her to live near us. I know she will get worn out fast if she doesn't get some kind of help with fil, even if it's just home care a few hours every day or two. So far she calls one of the two kids and says she is exhausted & can they please come stay a couple of days so she can rest. My dh has been missing work, and he has a bad back so driving the 6 hours each way is hard on him. Something has to give, and I have to admit the easiest thing is for them to move here.

I just wish we had gotten this house ready to sell last year so we could just list it now & see if we can find something that would work better.